When did you start disciplining?

[Deleted]

And what books/aids have helped you?

[iamgrace]

Disciplining in what way? We have always redirected with success. Discipline in the form of losing a toy or whatever just happened naturally as Henry was better able to understand the consequences of his actions. I would say he started losing toys or activities he enjoyed as a result of his behaviour at 18 months or so. Up until then redirecting worked well for us.

Henry is a pretty chill kid, though.

[arch01]

18ish months

[Deleted]

DD is pretty chill, too, so we've been pretty successful with redirection as well, or telling her no. I'm sure this will change at some point, but for now it works. I bought Love & Logic, but I think she's a little too young for it still.

[wonderfezz]

Other than redirecting. I started other things at 18ish months. It's when he started to get things more, so it made more sense. Redirecting rarely works these days.

[livinitup]

DD is a kindergartener and I still consider it "teaching" more than discipline. We began Time Outs around 18 months that were very effective. But again it was more like teaching and reinforcing than discipline and punishment.

I read a lot on Positive Discipline and a little on Dr. Karp (toddler stage) that fit our family well.

[Deleted]

15 months. DS would.not.stop hitting and biting (me in particular), and throwing food. Redirection, "gentle hands", and "no, ow that hurts mommy!" didn't work at all. So we made those time-out offenses. It took a long time to sink in, 15-22 months was the worst with the peak being 18 months. But since about 22 months the mere threat of a TO stops all bad behavior 95% of the time. He only gets 1-2 timeouts a WEEK now. So I think it was very effective.

ETA: we didn't buy any books. We would never spank, and TOs were effective for us as children so we went with that. DH and I presented a united front on what behaviors result in a TO. We follow the "60 seconds for every year of age" rule.

[Sloane]

DD is a pretty eager to please personality so we really didn't need a ton of "discipline" I guess until she was well over a year and even then it was more of redirection than anything. Now (22 months) we remove the object or her immediately and tell her why she's lost it - she's big on throwing things. Basically I repeat myself all day.

[anaps28]

DS is 3 and probably a little before 2 we started time outs.Before that it was redirecting a ton but I didn't start taking away toys, a tv show he loved or an activity until 2.
2.5-3 was hell for us. Now he knows right away when he has done something wrong and will apologize quickly. Time outs are pretty rare for him now which I think is huge progress from where we were 6 months ago. 123 Magic is a good read.

[kdogg]

We started using 123 magic a little after DS turned 2. So far it's a good fit for us.

[Deleted]

We do Positive Discipline, which is just setting and enforcing limits kindly and firmly, without rewards or punishments. There is no real start date for discipline--asking a baby to stop pulling my hair and redirecting her to touch gently, or enforcing the limit of "we don't play with power cords" and redirecting to a toy... those things are both discipline IMO.

My two favorite PD books:

(for babies/toddlers) www.amazon.com/Positive-Discipline-Toddler-Laying-Foundation-Confident/dp/0307341593

(awesome PD overview) www.amazon.com/kids-are-worth-Barbara-Coloroso-ebook/dp/B0034EJL40/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1400177051&sr=1-1&keywords=kids+are+worth+it

[Deleted]

We started redirection early on, and even now at almost 3 I use it a lot. My kid is pretty chill and relaxed and only becomes naughty/acts out when it's time to change gears, so it works really well for us.

We start time outs about 18 months and I use those for hitting, back talk and whining.

I haven't read much other than here, I'm a teacher by trade and really used to kids so I just follow my gut a lot.

[drloretta]

Time-outs around 18 months. I didn't use any books or aids.

[DarcyLongfellow]

18 months or so for time outs. We did "time in" at first where I'd hold her in my lap (and face her away from me), then once she was old enough to stay on her own i would stand a few feet away.

I liked 1, 2, 3 Magic also.

[speckledfrog]

Distraction, redirection, and giving acceptable choices have been my go to for quite some time now. I feel like around 18 months be become more of a kid and less of a baby. Just recently I've had to start instituting consequences (If you can't be gentle with the truck I am going to take it away) because he has really started testing boundaries.

[dulcemariamar]

I guess pretty early. Maybe around 14 months. We also do time ins like the other poster. When she is a bit older (closer to two) we will do a more traditional TO. I also read 1 2 3 magic and will try it when she is closer to two.

But I have done for a long time now the if you throw a toy you lose it and if you make a mess then you have to help clean it up.

Time ins are only for major things and I do mostly redirection and keeping my expectations low.

[Deleted]

May 15, 2014 13:18:05 GMT -5 @this said:

DD's reaction to redirection:

DS's reaction to redirection:

[dulcemariamar]

May 15, 2014 13:51:31 GMT -5 @littlemoxie said:

May 15, 2014 13:43:51 GMT -5 dulcemariamar said:

I guess pretty early. Maybe around 14 months. We also do time ins like the other poster. When she is a bit older (closer to two) we will do a more traditional TO. I also read 1 2 3 magic and will try it when she is closer to two.

But I have done for a long time now the if you throw a toy you lose it and if you make a mess then you have to help clean it up.

Time ins are only for major things and I do mostly redirection and keeping my expectations low.

What does a 14 month old do that can be helpful in cleaning up a mess?  I mean, I get that the point is for them to get the consequence of "cleaning" up your own messes, but when I'm in a rush in the morning, I really don't have the time to make them "help" (ie, make a bigger mess), which then takes me even more time to fix.

So what type of obvious tasks am I missing?

This is more now at 16 months but at 14 months and now she helps clean up her room at the end of the day. Also if she threw her spoon or plate to the floor then she would pick it up after the meal. Sometimes we put her in the PnP and she throws her toys out of it, so she has to throw them back in when we take her out.

today for example, she threw her sippy cup full of milk to the ground. So I walked her over to the closet and she pulled down a towel. I walked her back to the mess and she wiped it up. That kind of things.

[bunch]

1 year. Dd2 is probably headed that way. She finds biting and pulling dd1's hair very amusing and also finds redirection a joke. There aren't enough sounds and flashing on any toy that I own.

[Deleted]

May 15, 2014 11:28:17 GMT -5 iamgrace said:

Disciplining in what way?

Lol, any way I guess? O is 10 months and I'm starting see how I need a real game plan in the not so far future. She has... preferences and I think I may need to lock it down early on the discipline train because she's pretty stubborn already, and I can't imagine when she actually starts thinking real thoughts. 

[mudslide]

I think 11 months was the real turning point for T. We've had a few timeouts (spending a couple minutes in the playpen or crib) for hitting the cat after encouraging her to be and demonstrating how to be gentle.

[cinco]

around 18 months. With DD1 and DS we used 1,2,3 Magic and time outs, and kept with it straight through pre-school. 

[lolo]

This is making me feel like an asshole.

DD is not even a year but I do 'logical consequences.' For example, she knows she isn't supposed to chew on books (she actually eats them), so if she does, the book goes up. If she throws a tantrum over something or bites me, she does not get whatever it is that she wanted until she has calmed down. I do not want her to learn that hurting someone means getting what you want (i.e. biting mom means I get a toy). We have redirected mostly since she started being mobile at 5.5 months.

I am happy to help her calm down, redirect her, or let her work through it on her own (usually what happens) and then be there to 'tell her story' (you want to play in the water, I know, and we couldn't do that today because of x. you were really upset. we can do y or z instead or play in the water another time etc) and give her hugs afterward.

[cinco]

May 15, 2014 16:16:09 GMT -5 lolo said:

This is making me feel like an asshole.

DD is not even a year but I do 'logical consequences.' For example, she knows she isn't supposed to chew on books (she actually eats them), so if she does, the book goes up. If she throws a tantrum over something or bites me, she does not get whatever it is that she wanted until she has calmed down. I do not want her to learn that hurting someone means getting what you want (i.e. biting mom means I get a toy). We have redirected mostly since she started being mobile at 5.5 months.

I am happy to help her calm down, redirect her, or let her work through it on her own (usually what happens) and then be there to 'tell her story' (you want to play in the water, I know, and we couldn't do that today because of x. you were really upset. we can do y or z instead or play in the water another time etc) and give her hugs afterward.

I'm not sure why this is making you feel like an asshole? I don't really think of what you are referring to as discipline, but more common sense. I sure as heck didn't mean I gave in to all my child's demands until she turned 18 months.  

[noodleskooze]

We redirect mostly. We have already started the "drop it once, you get it back; drop it again, it goes away" thing because mama don't play that game. Obviously we only do that if it's clear he's testing limits. We do give him a firm "No sir" if he is doing something bad but not necessarily harmful (like messing with things he shouldn't/ we don't want him to).

[lolo]

May 15, 2014 16:31:44 GMT -5 cinco said:

May 15, 2014 16:16:09 GMT -5 lolo said:

This is making me feel like an asshole.

DD is not even a year but I do 'logical consequences.' For example, she knows she isn't supposed to chew on books (she actually eats them), so if she does, the book goes up. If she throws a tantrum over something or bites me, she does not get whatever it is that she wanted until she has calmed down. I do not want her to learn that hurting someone means getting what you want (i.e. biting mom means I get a toy). We have redirected mostly since she started being mobile at 5.5 months.

I am happy to help her calm down, redirect her, or let her work through it on her own (usually what happens) and then be there to 'tell her story' (you want to play in the water, I know, and we couldn't do that today because of x. you were really upset. we can do y or z instead or play in the water another time etc) and give her hugs afterward.

I'm not sure why this is making you feel like an asshole? I don't really think of what you are referring to as discipline, but more common sense. I sure as heck didn't mean I gave in to all my child's demands until she turned 18 months.  

Because everyone is saying they didn't start until later.

Anyway, maybe we are just defining discipline differently. It's one of those terms that isn't so in vogue right now so who knows.

[catbus]

May 15, 2014 16:39:05 GMT -5 lolo said:

May 15, 2014 16:31:44 GMT -5 cinco said:

I'm not sure why this is making you feel like an asshole? I don't really think of what you are referring to as discipline, but more common sense. I sure as heck didn't mean I gave in to all my child's demands until she turned 18 months.  

Because everyone is saying they didn't start until later.

Anyway, maybe we are just defining discipline differently. It's one of those terms that isn't so in vogue right now so who knows.

People often think "discipline" is synonymous with "punish," but it's not. I'm with you, and would say we've "disciplined" E from an early age, in age-appropriate ways. For example, it was reasonable to teach him gentle touches as an infant. 

We also follow Positive Discipline principles, like @carmensandiego does, and I'm happy with how it works for our family. My mom recently complimented me on how H and I are so "calm but firm" with DS. We don't let him "get away" with things he shouldn't do, but we do not shame him. We aim for teaching and cooperation. 

[dcn]

We've just recently started doing time outs for ds for throwing things. He does it on purpose and it drives me crazy. Redirection etc has not worked so far for that. Up until now we've been redirecting, showing and telling him what we do want him to do etc.

[lolo]

catbus, I aim for the calm but firm, but I definitely need to work on not being frustrated with her. Sometimes I know my frustration really shows, which is not ideal. It's especially hard when she has just bit me.

And, OP, I also liked Positive Discipline, the book, for 0-3.

[Deleted]

lolo, you're not an asshole. I took a PD class once where the teacher mentioned breaking a bad latch on a newborn as a form of discipline. As I mentioned before, in my lexicon discipline JUST means setting and enforcing limits so it can be confusing when people think discipline is synonymous with punishing or handing out consequences. IMO there is really no minimum age for enforcing a limit and stopping an unacceptable behavior pattern. I do it all the live long day with dd2, lol.