Hi! New here, am I wrong?

[stephbfan]

Jul 19, 2012 11:06:30 GMT -5 confusion said:

Jul 19, 2012 11:02:05 GMT -5 omeomi said:

Wait, what?

First you were together 2.5 years, now you've only met him a couple of times and this is the first as his GF?

Because his son lives with his mom and she wasn't ok with it at all. She'd be ok and then when it would be time,wouldn't let him come out.. And the cycle just kept going.

Then you also have a BF problem here. I cannot believe that I could dictate who my ex can or cannot introduce to my daughter. I think, he would just laugh at such request.

[bowies]

I'm more confused now than when I read the OP.

Whoever said that you're immature and your friend is immature has it about right. Jesus. I'm on Team 8-Year-Old's Mom.

[omeomi]

Call me a pessimist, but have you ever thought that maybe he's yanking your chain about the ex not wanting him to say he's got a girlfriend?

Whose idea was it to basically have a group party the whole time. You said that he had a bunch of his friends around the whole time, friends that for 2.5 years you were never allowed to be known to as his GF. He was (assumingly) fine with the fact that you were bringing your friend along for the whole visit.

Do you two ever spend any time alone? Besides getting it on?

For some reason I'm smelling a player here that's just looking for some OOT nookie.

[Deleted]

Jul 19, 2012 11:13:46 GMT -5 omeomi said:

Jul 19, 2012 11:06:30 GMT -5 confusion said:

Because his son lives with his mom and she wasn't ok with it at all. She'd be ok and then when it would be time,wouldn't let him come out.. And the cycle just kept going.

His kid's mom shouldn't have any say in whether or not he can have a girlfriend and whether or not he's allowed to tell people or introduce her (you). If you've really been together for 2.5 years, and he's listening to his ex still about how he should run his life amongst his friends and relationships, then you've got a BF problem.

*disclaimer - the mother should have say if she legitimately feels that the father's actions and relationships would cause harm to the child. I hope that's not the case here.

I agree.. I will say for the first year it wasn't super serious.. We were only seeing each other but neither of us wanted to through his kid in the mix.. And the last 4 months been long distance.. So if she doesn't want to put their son on a plane/train/car she doesn't have too, just to make it more difficult.

[omeomi]

Jul 19, 2012 11:21:01 GMT -5 confusion said:

Jul 19, 2012 11:13:46 GMT -5 omeomi said:

His kid's mom shouldn't have any say in whether or not he can have a girlfriend and whether or not he's allowed to tell people or introduce her (you). If you've really been together for 2.5 years, and he's listening to his ex still about how he should run his life amongst his friends and relationships, then you've got a BF problem.

*disclaimer - the mother should have say if she legitimately feels that the father's actions and relationships would cause harm to the child. I hope that's not the case here.

I agree.. I will say for the first year it wasn't super serious.. We were only seeing each other but neither of us wanted to through his kid in the mix.. And the last 4 months been long distance.. So if she doesn't want to put their son on a plane/train/car she doesn't have too, just to make it more difficult.

He can visit you without bringing his kid along, you know.

[Deleted]

Jul 19, 2012 11:20:40 GMT -5 omeomi said:

Call me a pessimist, but have you ever thought that maybe he's yanking your chain about the ex not wanting him to say he's got a girlfriend?

Whose idea was it to basically have a group party the whole time. You said that he had a bunch of his friends around the whole time, friends that for 2.5 years you were never allowed to be known to as his GF. He was (assumingly) fine with the fact that you were bringing your friend along for the whole visit.

Do you two ever spend any time alone? Besides getting it on?

For some reason I'm smelling a player here that's just looking for some OOT nookie.

Hold up.. It wasnt a party.. I know all his friends.. I know his family. When we first got there his mom and some nieces where down there. His child mother is not the easiest.. She would message me on fb and tell me she's going to make my life hell.. That I'm never going to met there kid.

[Deleted]

Jul 19, 2012 11:22:55 GMT -5 omeomi said:

Jul 19, 2012 11:21:01 GMT -5 confusion said:

I agree.. I will say for the first year it wasn't super serious.. We were only seeing each other but neither of us wanted to through his kid in the mix.. And the last 4 months been long distance.. So if she doesn't want to put their son on a plane/train/car she doesn't have too, just to make it more difficult.

He can visit you without bringing his kid along, you know.

No he does.. We spend time together.. Vacations.. Whenever we get off work.. Sleep overs unless he had his son..

[stephbfan]

Jul 19, 2012 11:23:30 GMT -5 confusion said:

Jul 19, 2012 11:20:40 GMT -5 omeomi said:

Call me a pessimist, but have you ever thought that maybe he's yanking your chain about the ex not wanting him to say he's got a girlfriend?

Whose idea was it to basically have a group party the whole time. You said that he had a bunch of his friends around the whole time, friends that for 2.5 years you were never allowed to be known to as his GF. He was (assumingly) fine with the fact that you were bringing your friend along for the whole visit.

Do you two ever spend any time alone? Besides getting it on?

For some reason I'm smelling a player here that's just looking for some OOT nookie.

Hold up.. It was a party.. I know all his friends.. I know his family. When we first got there his mom and some nieces where down there. His child mother is not the easiest.. She would message me on fb and tell me she's going to make my life hell.. That I'm never going to meEt theIR kid.

Again, you have a BF problem. If she is doing all that, you need to have your BF stand up for you.
Unfortunately, I also feel you are not going to listen to us and will continue making excuses.

[howardandbear]

2 1/2 yrs and you haven't met his kid as his gf.
10yr friendship and you haven't met anyone else important in your bff's life.

Andplusalso everything else= something doesn't add up and just screams red flag crazy cakes.

[Deleted]

Jul 19, 2012 11:28:21 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

Jul 19, 2012 11:23:30 GMT -5 confusion said:

Hold up.. It was a party.. I know all his friends.. I know his family. When we first got there his mom and some nieces where down there. His child mother is not the easiest.. She would message me on fb and tell me she's going to make my life hell.. That I'm never going to meEt theIR kid.

Again, you have a BF problem. If she is doing all that, you need to have your BF stand up for you.
Unfortunately, I also feel you are not going to listen to us and will continue making excuses.

So what do you suggest now? Because we can't go back and change the 2 plus years. I'm asking in seriousness not being smart

[jojoandleo]

I am so confused about all of this, partly because only half of what you type makes sense. STOP TYPING FAST AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR SPELLING/GRAMMAR! IT MATTERS!

Okay, so-you have been with this guy 2.5 years, have met his kid randomly a few times, but never as his GF because the BM would withhold his son from seeing his dad if you were around? She can't do that if visitation is in the divorce decree, it is contempt and your BF needs to man up and enforce the visitation. If there is no agreement, he needs to man up, get a lawyer, and get one in place.

Everyone else knows about you? His whole family and everyone? Has this been a long distance thing all 2.5 years? You see him often, have vacationed and everything, but not when he has his kid either because his ex was uncomfortable with it or she refused to send the kid for visitation (for which, see above). So, your relationship is a normal relationship EXCEPT for the fact that this is the first time (in 2.5 years, JFC) that you have been introduced to his kid as his girlfriend?

I think everyone in this scenario has some growing up to do. Your friend was a cry baby, your BF needs to grow a pair and enforce/get a visitation agreement, and you need to quit being such a doormat and making excuses for everything.

[Deleted]

Jul 19, 2012 11:31:31 GMT -5 howardandbear said:

2 1/2 yrs and you haven't met his kid as his gf.
10yr friendship and you haven't met anyone else important in your bff's life.

Andplusalso everything else= something doesn't add up and just screams red flag crazy cakes.

Are you saying im crazy? Because with all my other close friends it's very equal on both sides with meeting people, it's just hurt, nobody meets anybody.

[blackkitty]

Jul 19, 2012 11:35:41 GMT -5 confusion said:

Jul 19, 2012 11:31:31 GMT -5 howardandbear said:

2 1/2 yrs and you haven't met his kid as his gf.
10yr friendship and you haven't met anyone else important in your bff's life.

Andplusalso everything else= something doesn't add up and just screams red flag crazy cakes.

Are you saying im crazy? Because with all my other close friends it's very equal on both sides with meeting people, it's just hurt, nobody meets anybody.

What?

[Deleted]

Jul 19, 2012 11:34:28 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

I am so confused about all of this, partly because only half of what you type makes sense. STOP TYPING FAST AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR SPELLING/GRAMMAR! IT MATTERS!

Okay, so-you have been with this guy 2.5 years, have met his kid randomly a few times, but never as his GF because the BM would withhold his son from seeing his dad if you were around? She can't do that if visitation is in the divorce decree, it is contempt and your BF needs to man up and enforce the visitation. If there is no agreement, he needs to man up, get a lawyer, and get one in place.

Everyone else knows about you? His whole family and everyone? Has this been a long distance thing all 2.5 years? You see him often, have vacationed and everything, but not when he has his kid either because his ex was uncomfortable with it or she refused to send the kid for visitation (for which, see above). So, your relationship is a normal relationship EXCEPT for the fact that this is the first time (in 2.5 years, JFC) that you have been introduced to his kid as his girlfriend?

I think everyone in this scenario has some growing up to do. Your friend was a cry baby, your BF needs to grow a pair and enforce/get a visitation agreement, and you need to quit being such a doormat and making excuses for everything.

Thank you.. This is what I needed to hear.. They were never together, they just were fwbs and never went to court so your defiantly right, he needs to go to court. It's only been LD for 4 months, and we have a normal relationship. I'm the first girl to meet his child. So when he even brought it up to her about a year ago, she's been trying to make my life hell since then.

[Deleted]

Jul 19, 2012 11:41:31 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Jul 19, 2012 11:35:41 GMT -5 confusion said:

Are you saying im crazy? Because with all my other close friends it's very equal on both sides with meeting people, it's just hurt, nobody meets anybody.

What?

Just her*

[stephbfan]

Jul 19, 2012 11:35:41 GMT -5 confusion said:

Jul 19, 2012 11:31:31 GMT -5 howardandbear said:

2 1/2 yrs and you haven't met his kid as his gf.
10yr friendship and you haven't met anyone else important in your bff's life.

Andplusalso everything else= something doesn't add up and just screams red flag crazy cakes.

Are you saying im crazy? Because with all my other close friends it's very equal on both sides with meeting people, it's just hurt, nobody meets anybody.

Que?
Do you even read what you type? And I thought I was very bad at proofreading.

[stephbfan]

Jul 19, 2012 11:33:32 GMT -5 confusion said:

Jul 19, 2012 11:28:21 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

Again, you have a BF problem. If she is doing all that, you need to have your BF stand up for you.
Unfortunately, I also feel you are not going to listen to us and will continue making excuses.

So what do you suggest now? Because we can't go back and change the 2 plus years. I'm asking in seriousness not being smart

You need to reconsider being in a relationship where your BF is a doormat and doesn't fight for his rights as a father. A BF that lets his crazy ex treat you like shit and does not fight to solve the problem.

Think what you want for your life. If this is only the beginning, God forbid you end up marrying him, his ex will go BSC and he wont do anything about it.

[omeomi]

Jul 19, 2012 11:33:32 GMT -5 confusion said:

Jul 19, 2012 11:28:21 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

Again, you have a BF problem. If she is doing all that, you need to have your BF stand up for you.
Unfortunately, I also feel you are not going to listen to us and will continue making excuses.

So what do you suggest now? Because we can't go back and change the 2 plus years. I'm asking in seriousness not being smart

I mean this with all sincerity,

Tell the doucher to take a hike.

He has no spine if he's letting people in his life tell him to hide or not acknowledge a 2.5 year relationship. And also, that he's letting himself be railroaded by his kid's mom when it comes to when and how he's allowed to see his kid.

I assume he knows about the taunts the mother has sent you. If he truly cared for you, he'd say something to her about it.

He should have been to court 8 years ago to determine child custody agreements. The fact that he hasn't done that means he's willing to forgo opportunities with his own child just because the mother might feel like being a bitch at times.

You can't think that this is a healthy relationship. Yes, you've spent a couple of years hung up on this guy, but we've all (especially on this board) done that. Cut your losses and take it as a lesson learned in how not to be treated.

[naeljun]

Jul 19, 2012 11:03:14 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

Jul 19, 2012 10:55:03 GMT -5 interro said:

You (from your post) and your friend (her actions) both sound 12. Don't bring her on vacation to see your boyfriend/meet his son. Also, don't hang out with people who act like they're 12.

I'm sorry but this fight is ridiculously stupid. Grow up and stop talking to her if she is so much drama and is such a bad friend.

Also, you're=/ your.

Exactly! You both sound like you are in high school. Adults do not act this petty and childish. Well, at least they shouldn't.