crashgizmo and @shoegal You reminded me of how resentful I am of my BIL! I'd totally forgotten.
I really like BIL and SIL. Really, really like them and wish we could hang out. But we currently live 800 miles away. We've made the trip to see them 3 times in 5 years, twice with the dog in the car and once with the dog and a 6 month old in the car. The time we dragged the baby all the way out there to see them, BIL asked "So what are you in town for?" UM... to see you, fucker!
They've never reciprocated the effort. They're major DINKs (condo in downtown Seattle, paid for in cash), don't plan on having kids, travel for work and to Hawaii all the time. It's an easy flight to come see us for the weekend. Nothing. They were supposed to meet us at the lake for the 4th of July (my MIL and SFIL met us there- its about halfway). We were so excited! They were going to make an effort! Something! Then... they cancelled. But! BIL remembered to send me and H a text to remind us that it was SMIL's birthday and we should send a card.
Because a card totally makes up for not ever making an effort to see someone, or spend quality time with them.
Pom - you are a saint. Seriously. If it were my ILs, I would have told them to fuck right off ages ago.
I'm not really bitter at anything. I'm too tired and stressed to be bitter. I move Monday. The past few weekends have been booked solid with family and friend activities that, while awesome, have left us absolutely exhausted. The fact that I know movers are going to handle all the crap so I don't even need to pack has sapped what little willpower I had for the cleaning and purging that needs to happen.
Post by thatgirl2478 on Jul 8, 2014 17:33:14 GMT -5
My contract was cancelled as of 6/30. I'm currently pregnant so finding another job is going to be REALLY difficult. I'm kind of pissed at my ex boss. During EVERY SINGLE career development conversation we had over the past oh 5 years or so I've expressed to her that I do not enjoy management & don't have any desire to do supervision as my 'main' job. I was happy in my role as subject matter expert (where I did some supervision of the work being done by the other people on my team, but I wasn't responsible for them as a manager/supervisor) and told her that I would be happy to move to another subject area, but that I would be much happier staying at that level than moving up. This never seemed like a problem to her, since there were other people in our group who were happy to move up & take on managerial/supervisory roles.
Fast forward to this March. I get the phone call that I'll be brought back on after a small hiatus (company mandated across all contractors - unrelated to my job/performance) and that she wanted me to take on a 'supervisory' role across 5 teams of employees! Of course, all 5 teams meet at the same freakin' time (10am for one team meeting and 10pm for the other). There is no way I could be at all 5 meetings daily, so I have reports sent to me. However, I find out too frequently that what's being reported isn't *exactly* the same thing that's happening... Oh and did I mention that all the work that these 5 teams are doing is being done in India, so I couldn't actually talk to the people in person anyway.
SO, basically, I was put in a role that I never wanted and that was virtually impossible for one person in the US to handle anyway. And then they decided I wasn't doing it well enough, and that they wanted someone 'on site' to better drive results.
I am pissed because now I'm pregnant and out of work in a new-ish city where all the jobs in my industry are for people who also have development skills (which I don't have).
] I am feisty at my family right now, but in a different way. I am the only one in immediate family who left Michigan. My parents, siblings, and siblings so's hang out, do family dinners, and I feel like I am not an important family member anymore. I feel like they have sort of forgotten me.
I know this feeling all too well. I am also the only one who left home and I constantly hear all about what my sister did this weekend with my dad, the great weekend trips they take together, midweek lunches together. Drives me insane. Do you really think I want a text of you toasting margaritas at lunch on a Wednesday?!? But then I remember that my sisters are no where near settled in life and frankly, I wouldn't trade my girls or my job or my husband for all the lunchtime margaritas in the world! It's hard sometimes but I have everything I set out for, even if is 600 miles away. Hang in there! I know it's hard.
Pom. Hang in there. You and DH are doing a great thing for FIL and as hard as it is, it will make things easier in the long run. And I give you permission to stick him in a home and never go visit. Lol.
I would say that she spends all her time with them because they live in the same town as MIL, and we live about 20 miles away, but the thing is, when she rarely is around my kids, she never once takes a pic of them, and yet when she is with BIL's kids, her phone is out and she is snapping pictures constantly. You could look at her facebook and think she only has 3 grandkids.
I'm resentful of this, because my kids deserve better. My oldest is 7, and she asks me why her grandma doesn't spend time with her. What do I say to that? I just say I am not sure, and she says it hurts her feelings. My heart aches.
I am so so sorry, I could have written this. My ILs do everything with my SILs kids, moved to their town, vacation with them, volunteer in their school. They had promised for over a year that they were going to come to celebrate July 4th with us and of course didn't. They claim they hate to travel or it's too expensive, but they do travel and spend a lot of money on their hobbies. They are open with my DH financially.
They went away with SIL's family, posted about it on FB and emailed us photos. I'm beyond hurt and thankfully my 22 month old has no idea, but I do and I'm worried about the future.
my gripe is that I find it annoying to play parent at the age of 24.
my sister needs a cosigner for her college loans, and I don't think my dad's credit or my mom's salary will make the cut. we're going to sit down next week and figure it out. we're also fronting brocom the money for his first/last month's rent and security deposit this week. we also pay for everything every time our family gets together (our fault for setting this expectation), and it gets old quickly.
the idea of taking care of my siblings in my 20s, my own kids in my 30s, my parents in my 40s+ is frustrating. I want to be a SCRU.
How frustrating I am 99.9% sure you know this, but I hope you can avoid consigning. Suze has a lot of horror stories about this. I have also lived through it via my now H, and it caused resentment for years (and of course we have yet to see a dime from the other person). Good luck!
I am feisty at my family right now, but in a different way. I am the only one in immediate family who left Michigan. My parents, siblings, and siblings so's hang out, do family dinners, and I feel like I am not an important family member anymore. I feel like they have sort of forgotten me.
Awww, I know how you feel. I don't think my family has forgotten me, necessarily, but I am left out of a lot of things just because I'm not around. I think my extended family has probably forgotten me more than my parents/sisters.
TBH, though, sometimes I'd rather not be invited and have to say "no". I'm only a few hours away so I CAN go home for stuff, but it's not ideal to do more than every 6-8 weeks or so because I lose my entire weekend and it stresses me out if I do that too frequently. I hate hearing about the stuff they do together so I'd almost rather not know about it.
Post by vanillacourage on Jul 8, 2014 20:26:55 GMT -5
Pom, honestly....fuck that guilt*. Your FIL was a nasty man throughout his life and now he's experiencing what happens when you drive everyone else away. All you can do is make sure he's in a living situation (NOT WITH YOU) that is safe and as comfortable as is feasible. Everything else is just gravy, and you being nicer than you strictly have to be. Good luck, we're in your corner.
Pom, you are an angel. Your H is lucky to have such an amazing wife. I hope that very good things happen to you in the future!
I am resentful of my broken ankle. I am pretty much helpless. My sweet mom has been staying with us for the past three weeks to help me. I don't know what I would do without her. But I really hate relying on her or my H for *everything*. ("Can you bring me a glass of water?" "Can you bring my walker upstairs?" "Can you drive me to the doctor?") but what upsets me the most is that I won't be able to walk for the first month of my baby's life.
Sorry as always, Pom (and tacom), this shit is no fun. Pom, I hope that once he is moved into his new place, that most of FIL-management can go on autopilot. You definitely deserve a break from this stuff once he's a bit settled.
It feels like all I do these days is be resentful & pissed off about my job. Getting anything done requires buy-in from eleventy people. The stuff I'm working on has senior VP level scrutiny, and I don't know when it will end. But it's not like more scrutiny means more resources. To make things worse, said senior VP is an asshole. Most (all?) of the people I liked working with have left. I swear everyone in the office has ADHD -- including me, but some of my CWs have it so much worse! Oh, except for the one really senior guy who is a terrible communicator and no one knows how to deal with.
Poor msniq has been listening to me hem and haw about the right timing for finding a new job for the past two months as I pine for The Job That Will Solve All My Problems. I keep telling myself that I'm sticking around for career reasons (currently on track for a promotion early next year, also trying to avoid a big hole in my resume), but I don't know if that's even worth it. Meh.
rbp, I missed that you broke your ankle!!! You are so lucky to have your mommy around to help out, what a huge bummer for you, though, at this time in your life.
I know I shouldn't be jealous but it's hard seeing friends do well in jobs that I feel they lucked out on (I don't want to say they don't deserve), they're the epitome of "it's who you know". They have jobs that don't have anything to so with their degree, and they get paid well and have great perks like WFH, and I'm working 3 PT jobs until something better comes along.
My ILs:
- asking when we will have kids, buy a house or get a dog - giving relationship advice from those unmarried/never in a long term relationship
Maybe you just need to hang with their circle a little more?
Wow, Catlawdy, that's...wow. Your niece is so lucky to have you and your H.
There are good peeps on this board. And hugs to so many of you.
Thanks, she's a good kid.
In my family, we are the anti-family value heathens b/c we're gay marriage supporting non practicing Christians. But we're ones that have provided structure, set up services for her, and paid her tuition when she couldn't get financial aid b/c her dad hadn't filed his taxes for the previous year (we eventually managed to get a financial aid override for last year).
I'm pretty sure we were also one of the few in the family that benefited from recent tax cuts in our state (we saw a couple extra hundred a month from it) but are the only ones that didn't support the cut. B/c we're tax and spend liberals and all.
What a wonderful thing you are doing for your niece. That is awesome