What would SO do

[kanga1]

Both STBX and I want the house. If we end up going to trial both of our lawyers agree I would likely get it because of my non marital interest in it and a few other reasons I don't want to explain. We don't have any liquid assets so the only way I could receive my settlement is through a QDRO of STBX's 401k. I feel like I would be getting screwed going that route because of the taxes they would take out. The amount he would owe me is too much for him to refinance and get my settlement as part of his refinance. STBX told me if I got the house he would buy the one a few doors down. I don't know if I should take my chances and if he does then I could turn around and sell our house and move or if I should just cut my losses and use his QDRO as a down payment on a different house. He is psycho and I just can't tell if he is bluffing me or not. I would hate to live that close to him but I hate to get so screwed financially.

[MauMau]

How is the housing market if you had to sell?

[kanga1]

The housing market is pretty decent in my area...we have done so much to that house (with MY non-marital money!!!) that I would think it would sell in a few months.

[Deleted]

I would sell it and be done with it.

[DirtySouth]

1.  I don't know where you live or the laws of your state, but it's possible the judge would order the house be sold and both of you receive a certain portion of the proceeds.  Would you be okay with that result?  I know plenty of judges who think they have done their job best if both parties walk away unhappy, and they don't like having a clear winning and losing party.
2.  Attorneys fees are expensive.  If you litigate this issue, will it cost you as much as or more in attorneys fees than you would lose by paying taxes from withdrawing your portion of the settlement from the 401(k)? 
3.  Has your lawyer discussed with his lawyer the possibility of giving you a greater portion of the 401(k) to offset the tax liability?  Then your ex can keep the house, you get the appropriate amount of cash, but he takes the tax hit.
4.  Would he agree to just sell it, reimburse you for your non-marital contributions, and then split the rest of the proceeds equally?  If so, this is the option I'd take (or #3 above).  You have to step back, take the emotions out of it, and look at it as a business transaction.  This way you get the amount of money to which you are entitled without the stress and cost of litigation.

[MauMau]

I think I would try and get it in settlement. Wait it out and see what you stbx actually does. Or immediately put it on the market.

[kanga1]

Jul 9, 2014 12:37:34 GMT -5 DirtySouth said:

1.  I don't know where you live or the laws of your state, but it's possible the judge would order the house be sold and both of you receive a certain portion of the proceeds.  Would you be okay with that result?  I know plenty of judges who think they have done their job best if both parties walk away unhappy, and they don't like having a clear winning and losing party.
2.  Attorneys fees are expensive.  If you litigate this issue, will it cost you as much as or more in attorneys fees than you would lose by paying taxes from withdrawing your portion of the settlement from the 401(k)? 
3.  Has your lawyer discussed with his lawyer the possibility of giving you a greater portion of the 401(k) to offset the tax liability?  Then your ex can keep the house, you get the appropriate amount of cash, but he takes the tax hit.
4.  Would he agree to just sell it, reimburse you for your non-marital contributions, and then split the rest of the proceeds equally?  If so, this is the option I'd take (or #3 above).  You have to step back, take the emotions out of it, and look at it as a business transaction.  This way you get the amount of money to which you are entitled without the stress and cost of litigation.

I would totally be okay with us selling but STBX won't agree to that. We tried #3 but STBX and his lawyer won't agree to that at all. Dealing with STBX is a nightmare, his only answer to everything when it comes to assets or custody is "let's just stay married" He truly believes that since I am the one who wanted this divorce I should walk away with nothing.

[DirtySouth]

Jul 9, 2014 12:55:06 GMT -5 kanga1 said:

Jul 9, 2014 12:37:34 GMT -5 DirtySouth said:

1.  I don't know where you live or the laws of your state, but it's possible the judge would order the house be sold and both of you receive a certain portion of the proceeds.  Would you be okay with that result?  I know plenty of judges who think they have done their job best if both parties walk away unhappy, and they don't like having a clear winning and losing party.
2.  Attorneys fees are expensive.  If you litigate this issue, will it cost you as much as or more in attorneys fees than you would lose by paying taxes from withdrawing your portion of the settlement from the 401(k)? 
3.  Has your lawyer discussed with his lawyer the possibility of giving you a greater portion of the 401(k) to offset the tax liability?  Then your ex can keep the house, you get the appropriate amount of cash, but he takes the tax hit.
4.  Would he agree to just sell it, reimburse you for your non-marital contributions, and then split the rest of the proceeds equally?  If so, this is the option I'd take (or #3 above).  You have to step back, take the emotions out of it, and look at it as a business transaction.  This way you get the amount of money to which you are entitled without the stress and cost of litigation.

I would totally be okay with us selling but STBX won't agree to that. We tried #3 but STBX and his lawyer won't agree to that at all. Dealing with STBX is a nightmare, his only answer to everything when it comes to assets or custody is "let's just stay married" He truly believes that since I am the one who wanted this divorce I should walk away with nothing.

Good thing you are divorcing him because he sounds like a piece of work.  I'd just look at the numbers and do what makes the most financial sense.  Look at how much it costs to litigate the issue vs. how much you will lose if you cash out retirement funds, and go with whichever leaves you with the most money.  If settling for $$ from his QDRO doesn't leave you with significantly less, then consider if the difference is worth the time and stress of litigation.  I wouldn't want to go through a trial to gain a couple grand, but would for a significant amount of money.  

[kanga1]

Jul 9, 2014 13:08:15 GMT -5 DirtySouth said:

Jul 9, 2014 12:55:06 GMT -5 kanga1 said:

I would totally be okay with us selling but STBX won't agree to that. We tried #3 but STBX and his lawyer won't agree to that at all. Dealing with STBX is a nightmare, his only answer to everything when it comes to assets or custody is "let's just stay married" He truly believes that since I am the one who wanted this divorce I should walk away with nothing.

Good think you are divorcing him because he sounds like a piece of work.  I'd just look at the numbers and do what makes the most financial sense.  Look at how much it costs to litigate the issue vs. how much you will lose if you cash out retirement funds, and go with whichever leaves you with the most money.  If settling for $$ from his QDRO doesn't leave you with significantly less, then consider if the difference is worth the time and stress of litigation.  I wouldn't want to go through a trial to gain a couple grand, but would for a significant amount of money.  

I agree that he is a piece of work! You really don't know someone until you divorce them LOL. Thanks for the input, I am totally looking at the bottom dollar, I am not going to spend $3000 to save $2500 but the amounts are substantial enough that I won't back down. Plus I don't think STBX wants or can spend the money for trial so I don't think it would actually go that far.

[onedayatatime]

If he can't buy you out, would he be able to afford to buy the house down the street?

I agree with pandora, keep if you can or request judge order a sale


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