Would you say anything?

[xokell2]

Or myob? I'll dd the details

Thanks for the advice, much appreciated

[lime]

Your brother is an adult who can see the outcome of his action, no?

It's also his wedding (well and his STBW).

MYOB, here. Your sister can say something to him or not, but neither you or your mom should.

[jackie011]

What did your mom say to him? Is there a particular reason this child is being excluded, beyond the "not in the bridal party" reason?

[jerseyjaybird]

I'd leave this between your brother and sister. I don't like being in the middle of huge things.

[IrishBelle]

The decision to have children there resides with your bother and his fiance. You should stay out of it.

[rageragerage]

I wouldn't get involved, but it does seem odd of him to just exclude her.

[orangeblossom]

I think this is not going to end well whether anybody says anything or not. You or your mother definitely don't need to say anything.

I know every family dynamic is different, but I'm guessing not allowing your niece to come, especially if other children will be there (yes, they'll be in the wedding party) isn't going to go over well, and your sister may very well decide not to come, and that's a decision they'll both have to be okay with.

[VillainV]

I think it's entirely possible that your brother has no idea how hurt your sister might be, or is choosing not to think about it. Or he knows and doesn't care. Does he have some kind of history with your sister that you're not sharing here?

[orangeblossom]

Jul 9, 2014 22:21:42 GMT -5 VillainV said:

I think it's entirely possible that your brother has no idea how hurt your sister might be, or is choosing not to think about it. Or he knows and doesn't care. Does he have some kind of history with your sister that you're not sharing here?

I thought this too.  He honestly, may not even be thinking about your niece when he made that statement.  He just made it as a blanket statement, without thinking about it.

[h]

I would say something to my brother--along the lines of "hey, you guys are obviously free to invite or not invite whoever you want, but I just wanted to give you a heads up that Twin will probably be upset that Baby is not invited. I just don't want her reaction to catch you guys by surprise."

My brother and his wife are kind of clueless about family dynamics sometimes, so I can see them just not thinking something like this through. They are generally pretty receptive to a well-intentioned heads up about this sort of thing.

[VillainV]

Jul 9, 2014 23:44:57 GMT -5 h said:

I would say something to my brother--along the lines of "hey, you guys are obviously free to invite or not invite whoever you want, but I just wanted to give you a heads up that Twin will probably be upset that Baby is not invited. I just don't want her reaction to catch you guys by surprise."

My brother and his wife are kind of clueless about family dynamics sometimes, so I can see them just not thinking something like this through. They are generally pretty receptive to a well-intentioned heads up about this sort of thing.

This.  I also think a lot of childless people don't really understand that not allowing the baby might mean that the parents can't attend.  Not everyone is cool with leaving a kid that young with a sitter, and when it's a family member of the bride or groom, it's not like they can just leave the baby with family, because the rest of the family is going to the wedding!   It's possible that the "no children" rule isn't meant to be a slight, but is just an oversight.  

[lilac05]

How many nieces and nephews does the bride have? If she is from a big family or has older/married siblings, it may be the difference between one extra kid and 10 extra kids. At that point, you might as well just include all kids.

I'd probably stay out of it, but encourage my mom to say something (assuming she may be involved in the guest list discussions anyway).

ETA:  Nevermind.  Reading fail.  Guess I'm more tired than I thought.

[xokell2]

Thanks for the input. My bro and sister are just as close as he and I are. No fights or anything. I'm leaning towards minding my own business but I also think my brother is just clueless sometimes.

[livinitup]

This isn't the kind of thing you can head off.

[ECB]

How old are the kids who are in the wedding? While i can see why your sister would be upset, there is also a difference between a 16 month old and kids old enough to participate in the ceremony. That might also be behind this.

[bryantpark]

I would have your mom say something casual before your sis gets wind of it. Maybe she won't want to bring him so it will be a non issue. Or maybe your mom could phrase the conversation "like have you thought about what twin will do with her son?" And then if they really pushback maybe the son could come for pictures and then be taken back wherever he's being babysat. If it were me, I would want my girls in the formal pictures but I would want no part of having a 16-month-old at a wedding especially if I was going to be involved in formal activities stretching an entire day.

Edit- Sorry daughter.

[doobeedoo]

I might mention it but I am surprised anyone would expect or want a baby to be invited anyway. No way would I invite babies to my wedding and would not expect to have my babies invited. And if I were invited to bring my baby, I would not do so because I would want to actually have fun. Her DH can stay home if they don't have sitter options, no?

[Deleted]

I'd let my sister tell my brother if her feelings were hurt. No need for a middleman, you know?

[shell403b]

I think sis w/ baby will def let him know if she's not comfortable w/ attending a wedding, even for an immediate family member, w/o a young baby--not that 16 months is a wee one, but you get the idea (is she bfing?). You don't have to get involved at all.

[Deleted]

I think the hard thing is that if they aren't inviting kids, they can't invite kids. I assume there are other extended family members or friends with young children that will be excluded, right? If they were to invite your twin's son, and not all the other kids, the other kids' parents are going to be offended. If they make a rule and stick to it (no kids except in the wedding party), your sister may be offended but she doesn't really have a right to be since they are just following the established rule.

That said, I am not a fan of the "no kids" concept and if you do have a no kids rule, I don't think children should be involved in the wedding either. For this exact reason.

[saywhatnow]

I'd MYOB. However, that's coming from someone who doesn't bring my kids to weddings even if they ARE invited. Weddings are for grown-ups to have fun, socialize, drink, etc. The last thing I want to do in my nice dress is chase my 3 and 5 year old across the dance floor to make sure they don't knock the cake over.

[countthestars]

Jul 10, 2014 10:58:35 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

I think the hard thing is that if they aren't inviting kids, they can't invite kids. I assume there are other extended family members or friends with young children that will be excluded, right? If they were to invite your twin's son, and not all the other kids, the other kids' parents are going to be offended. If they make a rule and stick to it (no kids except in the wedding party), your sister may be offended but she doesn't really have a right to be since they are just following the established rule.

That said, I am not a fan of the "no kids" concept and if you do have a no kids rule, I don't think children should be involved in the wedding either. For this exact reason.

I disagree. I think 95% of parents would understand if the siblings of the bride and groom's kids were there but no one else's kids were. I actually would think it was really strange if some nieces and nephews were invited but others weren't - like in the OP.

OP, I would probably do as h suggested.