I drove my Mercedes to pick up food stamps

[Deleted]

This is very well written. My husband was laid off from his job of 14 years the month after I found out I was pregnant with our first. He found a job 2 weeks before his UI was going to end but it was a really, really bad time for us. And I would have held onto my Saab with all my might.

[illgetthere]

Does she not know there's a difference between food stamps and WIC, or is she using the term food stamps to get more of a reaction?

[Deleted]

Jul 10, 2014 8:37:02 GMT -5 illgetthere said:

Does she not know there's a difference between food stamps and WIC, or is she using the term food stamps to get more of a reaction?

You may have missed the point of the article.

[illgetthere]

Jul 10, 2014 8:44:09 GMT -5 @lorelaireadsagain said:

Jul 10, 2014 8:37:02 GMT -5 illgetthere said:

Does she not know there's a difference between food stamps and WIC, or is she using the term food stamps to get more of a reaction?

You may have missed the point of the article.

I get the point of it. Just concerned if she's telling lies in her story to get more of a reaction from people who don't know any different. Just like her going into how invasive the WIC office is. People who don't know different might think you have to have your blood drawn to receive FS when you do not. However, you do for WIC since it is a nutrition program. They want to know where you are medically and what you might need. They ask what your diet is like and only give you healthy food.

Edit: Because my toddler was underweight, they actually gave us vouchers for Pediasure along with the normal stuff. There's a reason they check the things.

[BAMFMrsB]

Jul 10, 2014 8:25:55 GMT -5 Stan said:

The part where the checkout girl stood up for her? I teared up.

No Skittle for Poor People makes me ragey. I have never heard anyone make a comment when someone is in the grocery line (unless someone is paying by CHECK - the horror!) but I would tear someone up if I did ever encounter it.

[karinothing]

Jul 10, 2014 8:49:23 GMT -5 illgetthere said:

Jul 10, 2014 8:44:09 GMT -5 @lorelaireadsagain said:

You may have missed the point of the article.

I get the point of it. Just concerned if she's telling lies in her story to get more of a reaction from people who don't know any different. Just like her going into how invasive the WIC office is. People who don't know different might think you have to have your blood drawn to receive FS when you do not. However, you do for WIC since it is a nutrition program. They want to know where you are medically and what you might need. They ask what your diet is like and only give you healthy food.

Edit: Because my toddler was underweight, they actually gave us vouchers for Pediasure along with the normal stuff. There's a reason they check the things.

I think this is a good point. If you want peopel to take your article seriously you need to also be credible.

[sometimesrunner]

Jul 10, 2014 8:55:27 GMT -5 BAMFMrsB said:

Jul 10, 2014 8:25:55 GMT -5 Stan said:

The part where the checkout girl stood up for her? I teared up.

No Skittle for Poor People makes me ragey. I have never heard anyone make a comment when someone is in the grocery line (unless someone is paying by CHECK - the horror!) but I would tear someone up if I did ever encounter it.

I would unleash my inner Gypsy if I heard something like that.

[Deleted]

Her use of the term food stamps when she really meant WIC was annoying and I think used for dramatic purposes. Great article though and a good reminder.

[Deleted]

Did she seriously write this:

"Mouths agape, the poverty-stricken mothers struggling with infant car seats, paperwork and their toddlers never took their eyes off me, the tall blond girl, walking with purpose on heels from her Mercedes to their grungy den."

Wow. Just, wow.

[simpsongal]

I read that in Wapo yesterday - I'm glad you posted it. It's scary to see how easy something like this could happen to someone (esp during the financial crisis). Sure, there's plenty of hindsight lessons about savings and babies, etc. - but I don't think there's anything shocking about the story that discredits her experience. I was glad to see that a good amount of the comments to the story were supportive (nevermind the uber conservative crazies or the trolls). Interesting too - I thought it would comment on the healthcare costs for the twins but the story didn't take that angle.

It's so scary how many people are one layoff or accident away from poverty.

[illgetthere]

Jul 10, 2014 9:10:42 GMT -5 @shoegal said:

Did she seriously write this:

"Mouths agape, the poverty-stricken mothers struggling with infant car seats, paperwork and their toddlers never took their eyes off me, the tall blond girl, walking with purpose on heels from her Mercedes to their grungy den."

Wow. Just, wow.

Yeah, she totally thinks she's levels above everyone else there and circumstance just happened to knock her down a little bit. ZOMG she's on FOODSTAMPS! And having to go into a nasty, dirty place and answer questions about herself while she's asking for them to feed her kids. 

[bunnysmom]

Jul 10, 2014 9:10:42 GMT -5 @shoegal said:

Did she seriously write this:

"Mouths agape, the poverty-stricken mothers struggling with infant car seats, paperwork and their toddlers never took their eyes off me, the tall blond girl, walking with purpose on heels from her Mercedes to their grungy den."

Wow. Just, wow.

Yeah, I read this the other day and I didn't get why the author wrote this.

She says she wants to eliminate stereotypes, but this phrase is clearly not doing that...

[illgetthere]

Jul 10, 2014 9:14:24 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

I read that in Wapo yesterday - I'm glad you posted it. It's scary to see how easy something like this could happen to someone (esp during the financial crisis). Sure, there's plenty of hindsight lessons about savings and babies, etc. - but I don't think there's anything shocking about the story that discredits her experience. I was glad to see that a good amount of the comments to the story were supportive (nevermind the uber conservative crazies or the trolls). Interesting too - I thought it would comment on the healthcare costs for the twins but the story didn't take that angle.

It's so scary how many people are one layoff or accident away from poverty.

She applied for Medicaid. The healthcare costs for them are zero.

[protozoa]

I saw this posted on CEP. I was surprised by all the praise it received. I think the author sounds like an entitled asshole.

[Deleted]

Jul 10, 2014 9:10:42 GMT -5 @shoegal said:

Did she seriously write this:

"Mouths agape, the poverty-stricken mothers struggling with infant car seats, paperwork and their toddlers never took their eyes off me, the tall blond girl, walking with purpose on heels from her Mercedes to their grungy den."

Wow. Just, wow.

I'll admit I skimmed over that part. I find that much more distasteful than the WIC/ food stamps error.

[Deleted]

Jul 10, 2014 9:15:42 GMT -5 illgetthere said:

Jul 10, 2014 9:10:42 GMT -5 @shoegal said:

Did she seriously write this:

"Mouths agape, the poverty-stricken mothers struggling with infant car seats, paperwork and their toddlers never took their eyes off me, the tall blond girl, walking with purpose on heels from her Mercedes to their grungy den."

Wow. Just, wow.

Yeah, she totally thinks she's levels above everyone else there and circumstance just happened to knock her down a little bit. ZOMG she's on FOODSTAMPS! And having to go into a nasty, dirty place and answer questions about herself while she's asking for them to feed her kids. 

Super important that we know she is TALL, BLONDE, and in HEELS.

She sounds like a total asshole.  I'm glad she lost her nice comfy income.  (Yes, that's totally petty but I'm having a bad day so THERE.)

[orangeblossom]

Jul 10, 2014 9:32:40 GMT -5 @shoegal said:

Jul 10, 2014 9:15:42 GMT -5 illgetthere said:

Yeah, she totally thinks she's levels above everyone else there and circumstance just happened to knock her down a little bit. ZOMG she's on FOODSTAMPS! And having to go into a nasty, dirty place and answer questions about herself while she's asking for them to feed her kids. 

Super important that we know she is TALL, BLONDE, and in HEELS.

She sounds like a total asshole.  I'm glad she lost her nice comfy income.  (Yes, that's totally petty but I'm having a bad day so THERE.)

I'm surprised you would say that, but you're having a bad day, so whatever.

Now, what she wrote may not have come across the best, but I can absolutely see a situation where her going there, fellow mothers were giving her the side-eye.  I'm not really so sure why that's hard to believe, especially if the place where she was going was made up of a large minority population, and no, I'm not saying all minorities are racist to white people.

There's just a dynamic here that can be hard to explain.  Similar to when well-meaning groups or organizations may work in lower-income areas, and the people they're helping may be like "here come the white people coming to save the day and then go home to cushy houses" helping us again, and then to see a woman who appeaers to be better off than them, come and receive benefits could rub people the wrong way.

I'm not really articulating myself well, but yes, she may have tried to make herself more important in this piece and I definitely don't think they never took their eyes off of her, but I can almost guarantee you at least one mother in the room was wondering WTH SHE was doing there.  

[Deleted]

orangeblossom, I hear you. And yes, I'm having a really shitty day so I'm lashing out at this article a bit.

But, really is it so important that she has to point out how "grimy" this place is, and how she's got her heels on (hey I love me some heels but really!?), and she's so blondeeeee....it just really rubs me the wrong way if you can't tell.

[hopenotlost]

My husband was laid off, and we had to go on SNAP for a short time...this was about 5 years ago or so. I drove a very nice Saturn SC2 (more of a sports car type), and I went to the store and used the SNAP card for our stuff. The lady in line behind me saw me putting groceries in my car and she made a snide comment about me being on assistance when I had a nice car. I smarted off and said that it was PAID IN FULL and that sometimes shit happens in life. I also informed her that because of my husband's disability that he got when serving in the military, his job options can be limited. Stupid wench just stomped off.

I will never EVER judge anyone on assistance. Life happens. DH and I have worked our asses off for everything we have, and the job he had was eliminated. Things were tight, we made it work, and he got another job shortly afterwards.

[illgetthere]

For me, it's the "poverty stricken mothers" struggling while she saunters with a purpose. She has the same income. She'd struggle with two infant seats if she had her kids. She's no better. Also, I highly doubt everyone was looking at her with their mouths open in disbelief. They might have been thinking "that bitch" (because she comes across as one), but I doubt they were looking with any type of awe as she tries to perpetuate.

Edit: Also, you don't have to be in poverty to get WIC. There go her assumptions of people.

[orangeblossom]

Jul 10, 2014 9:49:15 GMT -5 @shoegal said:

orangeblossom, I hear you. And yes, I'm having a really shitty day so I'm lashing out at this article a bit.

But, really is it so important that she has to point out how "grimy" this place is, and how she's got her heels on (hey I love me some heels but really!?), and she's so blondeeeee....it just really rubs me the wrong way if you can't tell.

I'm sorry you're having a bad day.  Hope it gets better.

She could have left out the descriptors, and either not addressed it, or simply said, it was uncomfortable going to an unknown situation and it felt like everyone was looking at me or something like that.  I feel like people would relate more to that, han what she wrote.

[Deleted]

Jul 10, 2014 9:17:47 GMT -5 protozoa said:

I saw this posted on CEP. I was surprised by all the praise it received. I think the author sounds like an entitled asshole.

Yep. This was my take as well. I found the tone very off putting even though I couldn't quite explain why. I am sure I'm not going to say the next part quite right, but I seriously question whether she didn't also have a safety network too. When you come from poor family, you can't go to mom and dad and ask for help financially. Maybe she could, maybe she couldn't. But middle class status is about more than just your immediate balance sheet.

[Deleted]

To be clear though, I do think a drastic change in income is possible for anyone, and I think making that point is incredibly important. And I don't think for one second that my lifestyle makes me better than ANYONE. Clearly, the author feels differently. Or at least that was my take away.

[nessness]

She comes across very self-centered, and like she definitely thinks she's better than all the OTHER moms receiving aid.

And while I won't judge her for not selling the Mercedes, she doesn't seem to understand how selling things works if she thinks her only option is to end up with a "less reliable car with payments." She could have sold the Mercedes for, say, $25k, bought a reliable used car for $10k, and pocketed the difference (and lowered her fuel and maintenance costs). I'm not sure how she doesn't seem to get that this was an option.

[crashgizmo]

Jul 10, 2014 10:06:04 GMT -5 BirdGirl said:

Jul 10, 2014 9:17:47 GMT -5 protozoa said:

I saw this posted on CEP. I was surprised by all the praise it received. I think the author sounds like an entitled asshole.

Yep. This was my take as well. I found the tone very off putting even though I couldn't quite explain why. I am sure I'm not going to say the next part quite right, but I seriously question whether she didn't also have a safety network too. When you come from poor family, you can't go to mom and dad and ask for help financially. Maybe she could, maybe she couldn't. But middle class status is about more than just your immediate balance sheet.

I think this is a really excellent point. I have spent my career working in under served communities and that is very often the difference I see between my family and the families I work with. If DH and I both lost our jobs or became disabled or what have you, we have an extended family who have the means to lend a hand or provide support. It would likely be a long time before we would need the support many of these families have as their only option. 

I read this article yesterday and I took the good with the bad of it. On one hand, it painted a picture of the "what ifs" or "It could never happen to me" that I think many people don't think about. On the other hand, the writer didn't seem to really learn true empathy from her experience based on her insistence that she was so "different" from the other families. 

[kadams767]

Jul 10, 2014 10:13:11 GMT -5 nessness said:

She comes across very self-centered, and like she definitely thinks she's better than all the OTHER moms receiving aid.

And while I won't judge her for not selling the Mercedes, she doesn't seem to understand how selling things works if she thinks her only option is to end up with a "less reliable car with payments." She could have sold the Mercedes for, say, $25k, bought a reliable used car for $10k, and pocketed the difference (and lowered her fuel and maintenance costs). I'm not sure how she doesn't seem to get that this was an option.

This was sort of where I ended up on the thing.  I don't judge anyone on assistance of any kind, and I can absolutely understand and sympathize with exactly how otherwise fairly well-off people can end up in this situation relatively quickly.  And I also agree about weighing the pros and cons of selling a paid-off vehicle for something less reliable or taking on a payment. 

But she was driving a fully-paid off, at the most, 6 year old Mercedes.  This is not exactly the equivalent of keeping a paid off, reliable vehicle because it makes the most sense.  This is keeping a Mercedes because you want to drive a Mercedes and not a Honda Civic. 

[illgetthere]

Jul 10, 2014 10:13:11 GMT -5 nessness said:

She comes across very self-centered, and like she definitely thinks she's better than all the OTHER moms receiving aid.

And while I won't judge her for not selling the Mercedes, she doesn't seem to understand how selling things works if she thinks her only option is to end up with a "less reliable car with payments." She could have sold the Mercedes for, say, $25k, bought a reliable used car for $10k, and pocketed the difference (and lowered her fuel and maintenance costs). I'm not sure how she doesn't seem to get that this was an option.

The maintenance costs is huge for me and the reason I wouldn't own a "luxury" vehicle. Even if it was an older Mercedes and she only got 13k or so for it, she could get an Accord for the same price that would have been newer with less miles and the maintenance costs would be cheaper since it doesn't have the name. I'm sure insurance would go down as well.

[kadams767]

Jul 10, 2014 9:58:27 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

Jul 10, 2014 9:49:15 GMT -5 @shoegal said:

orangeblossom, I hear you. And yes, I'm having a really shitty day so I'm lashing out at this article a bit.

But, really is it so important that she has to point out how "grimy" this place is, and how she's got her heels on (hey I love me some heels but really!?), and she's so blondeeeee....it just really rubs me the wrong way if you can't tell.

Why?  She was trying to show that even people who "look" like they shouldn't need WIC or food stamps sometimes do.  That just because you see somebody in a nice car or nice clothes or who doesn't fulfill the stereotype of who "should" be getting these things it doesn't mean that they are somehow gaming the system, or don't deserve it or don't need it.

Because let's be honest, when you talk about somebody on food stamps the last thing that comes to anybody's mind is a tall blonde in heels with a Mercedes.

My issue with her descriptors, actually, is that she herself is continuing to perpetuate the stereotypes and stigmas associated with assistance.  There are a lot of people in this country eligible for assistance but pride or lack of knowledge or fear prevents them from seeking it out. 

By her basically saying that she was the only person who looked like her, by her description making it sound like she was walking down to the gates of Mordor, how many people is she helping?  Who is she convincing that it's OK to need help sometimes and ask for it? 

[Deleted]

Jul 10, 2014 10:13:11 GMT -5 nessness said:

She comes across very self-centered, and like she definitely thinks she's better than all the OTHER moms receiving aid.

And while I won't judge her for not selling the Mercedes, she doesn't seem to understand how selling things works if she thinks her only option is to end up with a "less reliable car with payments." She could have sold the Mercedes for, say, $25k, bought a reliable used car for $10k, and pocketed the difference (and lowered her fuel and maintenance costs). I'm not sure how she doesn't seem to get that this was an option.

I thought that too about selling the car, but she also pointed out that losing your income is also a huge psychological blow and having a remnant of her old life helped.

What I took away from the article is that poverty can happen to anyone at anytime and it's nothing to be ashamed of if you do need help. That none of us should be thinking, "That will never be me."

[msmerymac]

Jul 10, 2014 10:34:53 GMT -5 kadams767 said:

Jul 10, 2014 9:58:27 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

Why?  She was trying to show that even people who "look" like they shouldn't need WIC or food stamps sometimes do.  That just because you see somebody in a nice car or nice clothes or who doesn't fulfill the stereotype of who "should" be getting these things it doesn't mean that they are somehow gaming the system, or don't deserve it or don't need it.

Because let's be honest, when you talk about somebody on food stamps the last thing that comes to anybody's mind is a tall blonde in heels with a Mercedes.

My issue with her descriptors, actually, is that she herself is continuing to perpetuate the stereotypes and stigmas associated with assistance.  There are a lot of people in this country eligible for assistance but pride or lack of knowledge or fear prevents them from seeking it out. 

By her basically saying that she was the only person who looked like her, by her description making it sound like she was walking down to the gates of Mordor, how many people is she helping?  Who is she convincing that it's OK to need help sometimes and ask for it? 

She's also perpetuating the stereotype that the vast majority of people on welfare are Other. THEY are people who are trapped in a cycle of poverty and are here every week. SHE is someone who temporarily lost her income and had to rely on food stamps, and it's great that they are available, but it's not her NORMAL circumstance. So it reinforces the view that most people who use social welfare services don't try hard, aren't educated, are unemployed, and are on welfare for life, when in reality, the vast majority of people using food stamps ARE like her.