The British nanny article on FB

[natablue]

This hasn't made the rounds on my fb yet, I'd be interested to see it.

[Deleted]

It's all over my FB.
I think it's dumb. Just like most other articles making the rounds.
I feel like I do some of things because not everything is worth a damn battle. Want the blue cup. Fine.
It's probably not going to scar my kid for life.

[Deleted]

I feel like, just like everything, it depends on the kid. I have a give an inch, take a mile kid. The cup thing seems petty, but I would give him the red, and he would just want the blue again. It's all a challenge to him.

[hermione]

LOL at only dealing with that tantrum once. Does she live in Magic Toddler Land?

[beefjerky]

I haven't seen the article but in the cup situation, I would not change the cup for a different color after I've poured it. Nope. If I gave into everything all 3 wanted I'd never get anything done for the rest of my life.

[Ashley&Scott]

Here's the article.

www.huffingtonpost.com/emma-jenner/modern-day-parenting-in-c_b_5552527.html

[drloretta]

That article is bullshit, and those examples are ridiculous

[ilikedonuts]

I couldn't even finish that article because it was so terrible.

[ilikedonuts]

Am I the only one who takes pictures of my kid when she's freaking out about the wrong cup and then post them to FB? ETA: I'm the first person from my college group to have kids. I like to scare them with pictures

And yeah the "cup" tantrums happen no matter how many times I make her do/use what I originally told her to. its not like they happen once and ever again. She's crazy.

[irishbride2]

I would not change the cup. I don't consider myself a hard ass though. It just seems silly to change it. Bit so far I've been lucky. I might handle it differently if dd freaked out when I said no about switching. I usually just say "next time tell me first."

[Willis Jackson]

I don't change the cup, but I say she can have red one next time.

[bunch]

I don't change the cup. The article was way over simplified. I consider myself a parenting hardass.

[pinkdutchtulips]

i'll ask dd which cup she wants and once she makes her decision that's it .. no changes/no substitutions.

[Marmee]

I hadn't seen it. Honestly I pretty much agree with her. I was a completely different parent with DD1 than I am now with DD4. I was so guilty of being the parent she's criticizing. My expectations per age now are SO much higher. And I'm way less accommodating to their whims. I didn't have a clue what I was doing with DD1 & honestly she was a nightmare toddler/preschooler in a lot of ways (freaked out, always into stuff, did not mind me). I just don't tolerate that shit now & guess what, my 15mo old acts completely differently than DD1 did at that age. Each child I got to be more confident & less unsure/afraid and it makes a huge difference. Like I say having 4 is much easier than it was when I just had 2. In part it's because I just have shit mostly under control now...lol.

[anna7602]

I thought her line about babies needing to self-soothe instead of being put in a vibrating chair was CRAP. Utter and absolute crap. 

Don't take my bouncy chair/swing/other baby containment devices away from me!!! It's laughable that I should just expect my baby to "self soothe" when I need a break. 

As for everything else, I feel like she took one or two people/incidents and assumed that it's what absolutely everyone does absolutely all of the time. Sometimes when you are having lunch in a semi-nice place and you don't want everyone in the room to stare you down, you will give your 2-year-old the red cup to avoid a tantrum, even if that's not what you would do at home or in another situation. Consistency went out the window for me when I was out and about and trying to do "adult" things with a toddler in tow. DD is none the worse for it now. 

[dulcemariamar]

I read the article and I agree with her but she takes it a bit far. There is something to be said about picking your battles and knowing your kid.

And I agree with Anna. When I am out and about I try to remain consistent but I allow for some more wiggle room if we are enjoying dinner or some special event.

[Deleted]

I mostly agree with the article, but then again I used to be a nanny. I don't think she is saying that you cannot switch the cup for the kid but more remarking on the fear of the parent in that situation. Of course you pick your battles, but you shouldn't let the fear of an outburst be what makes the decisions for you. I've seen lots of parents that are so afraid of their toddlers tantrums that they do have that panicked look on their faces if their child demands something.

But the lady is a bit over the top with the babies self-soothing as Anna said. I am not sure what ages she is referring to though in the other points. Overall, I do think there are parents who are afraid of their kids, who are afraid to let the child play alone without being entertained by an adult or some technological thingy, and who think that all bad behaviour can be excused because it is just what children do. But in the end, parents all do whatever they need to survive the day and most children grow up just fine.

[Deleted]

Jul 11, 2014 6:54:08 GMT -5 @myblue said:

I mostly agree with the article, but then again I used to be a nanny. I don't think she is saying that you cannot switch the cup for the kid but more remarking on the fear of the parent in that situation. Of course you pick your battles, but you shouldn't let the fear of an outburst be what makes the decisions for you. I've seen lots of parents that are so afraid of their toddlers tantrums that they do have that panicked look on their faces if their child demands something.

But the lady is a bit over the top with the babies self-soothing as Anna said. I am not sure what ages she is referring to though in the other points. Overall, I do think there are parents who are afraid of their kids, who are afraid to let the child play alone without being entertained by an adult or some technological thingy, and who think that all bad behaviour can be excused because it is just what children do. But in the end, parents all do whatever they need to survive the day and most children grow up just fine.

I agree with you but it seems kind of pretentious of the nanny to assume that those of us who give in even just sometimes are scared of our children. I have no fear of my child. I just want to get back to my dinner in peace. Which it makes it all about me and putting me first which is what nanny wants us to do like 4 more points down.  

Therefore I think she makes no sense. 

Really though it's just the oversimplification that I didn't like...but such is the way of every article on the internet.

[Deleted]

Jul 10, 2014 16:04:19 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

I thought her line about babies needing to self-soothe instead of being put in a vibrating chair was CRAP. Utter and absolute crap. 

Don't take my bouncy chair/swing/other baby containment devices away from me!!! It's laughable that I should just expect my baby to "self soothe" when I need a break. 

As for everything else, I feel like she took one or two people/incidents and assumed that it's what absolutely everyone does absolutely all of the time. Sometimes when you are having lunch in a semi-nice place and you don't want everyone in the room to stare you down, you will give your 2-year-old the red cup to avoid a tantrum, even if that's not what you would do at home or in another situation. Consistency went out the window for me when I was out and about and trying to do "adult" things with a toddler in tow. DD is none the worse for it now. 

You said it better and spot on. Everything is situational and sometimes that's okay. My toddler has learned early on life isn't cut and dried. It's a good skill to learn. I work with 30 year olds that haven't figured that out yet.

[karinothing]

I would never shrug my shoulders and say "that is the way it is" if DS misbehaves in public. Luckily he is an angel in public and only a toddler jerk at home lol.

I also don't care about others correcting my kid if he is being ridiculous. I think I probably correct other peoples kids a lot. We go to the pool and there is a wading pool (it is like the size of a hot tub) and sometimes other kids come in and start throwing stuff or stealing toys from little kids. For whatever reason there parents are never there so I usually tell them to stop ha ha. I am sure all the other parents hate me.

[VillainV]

Lol that being a "British Nanny" makes her an expert on all kids all the time.

[NothingWrongwithOhio]

I would not change the sippy cup. And I have zero problems with the article.

[CloudBee]

We went through this today, and it resulted in a discussion with DH about how we'll handle these instances in the future.

I handed DS a wagon wheel cracker as we were about to walk out the door. As I was closing the cabinet DS noticed the graham crackers, pointed, grunted/whined, and raised his hand to drop his wagon wheel. Not a chance, bud. You get what you're offered, and this morning I didn't lay out 2 items for you to choose from.

No way will I change cups. If and when he can vocalize what he wants in advance, and it's not out of line, then that's a different story. But I'm also not going to let him become obsessed with having the freedom to select his cup color, either. Because that's opening a can of worms.

[rondonalddo]

I'd probably change the cup. Once, not twice. I'm sure my kid is fine. To the OP, I don't think you're soft. Everyone has their limits for their own kids and their own parenting styles. Parenting culture is one big experiment, every generation's style has its pros and cons, blah blah blah. There are a million other things ruining the world that aren't parents.

[gibbinator]

Jul 10, 2014 16:04:19 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

As for everything else, I feel like she took one or two people/incidents and assumed that it's what absolutely everyone does absolutely all of the time. Sometimes when you are having lunch in a semi-nice place and you don't want everyone in the room to stare you down, you will give your 2-year-old the red cup to avoid a tantrum, even if that's not what you would do at home or in another situation. Consistency went out the window for me when I was out and about and trying to do "adult" things with a toddler in tow. DD is none the worse for it now. 

I agree. I'm a different parent when I have an audience. Both my mom and dad have commented to me that I shouldn't let ds do whatever he wants. Well, guys, when you're visiting, I want him in a good mood so I let him do whatever and give him anything reasonable he asks for. It's different when it's just me, dh and ds.

[catbus]

I also agree with it, for the most part. I especially agree that many parents underestimate what their kids are capable of and what they understand. Just the other day, a friend posted a picture on Facebook of her 2.5-year-old surrounded by a mess of toys with the comment, "Can't wait until he's old enough to clean this up himself." In my opinion, no doubt he is old enough to put away his own toys, but she assumes he's too young to understand the concept of having to put away what he takes out.

[amaristella]

I can't judge most of it until my kid is older, but the thing about babies self-soothing? Aha hahahaha. My kid has zero ability to do any such thing. I know because I've tried. She definitely doesn't strike me as a baby expert.

[aspentosh]

I actually agree with the article. But I believe in tough love parenting at times now that she's 2.5. I think it's helping to teach her cause and effect and boundaries.

But she sounded super smug, which I dislike.

[aspentosh]

Jul 11, 2014 13:21:20 GMT -5 catbus said:

I also agree with it, for the most part. I especially agree that many parents underestimate what their kids are capable of and what they understand. Just the other day, a friend posted a picture on Facebook of her 2.5-year-old surrounded by a mess of toys with the comment, "Can't wait until he's old enough to clean this up himself." In my opinion, no doubt he is old enough to put away his own toys, but she assumes he's too young to understand the concept of having to put away what he takes out.

Say whaaaat? 2.5 and not cleaning up after himself yet? DD has been picking up her toys since before 2, and now that she is 2.5 she does it on her own (without me asking) a lot of the time. My jaw seriously dropped at your post.

[catbus]

Jul 11, 2014 21:11:38 GMT -5 aspentosh said:

Jul 11, 2014 13:21:20 GMT -5 catbus said:

I also agree with it, for the most part. I especially agree that many parents underestimate what their kids are capable of and what they understand. Just the other day, a friend posted a picture on Facebook of her 2.5-year-old surrounded by a mess of toys with the comment, "Can't wait until he's old enough to clean this up himself." In my opinion, no doubt he is old enough to put away his own toys, but she assumes he's too young to understand the concept of having to put away what he takes out.

Say whaaaat? 2.5 and not cleaning up after himself yet? DD has been picking up her toys since before 2, and now that she is 2.5 she does it on her own (without me asking) a lot of the time. My jaw seriously dropped at your post.

Yeah, I thought it was weird. I bit my tongue, since we're not close anyway, but... I think it's going to be interesting when she decides he's old enough and she stops doing everything for him. At home and at daycare, cleaning up is a game for E, so *so far* he is very into helping.