Wait, so your H demanded the his 40 week pregnant wife cook all weekend, dictated how you interact with your own parents, and then tried to prohibit you from doing something you want to do at a time when he won't even be with you? He sounds like he has some pretty major control issues, and the fact that your initial reaction was to go along with him by calling your parents to tell them you won't be eating out is concerning to me. As is the fact that your parents don't want to stay under the same roof with him. Unless this sort of behavior is very atypical for your H, I think it is something I would want to address in counseling.
And tell your H he can cook meals, pay for meals out himself, or accept your parents' generosity. He cannot demand that you cook all meals. WTF?
I agree with this...especially the part about questioning your initial reaction being to go along with him.
Oh man, this isn't a completely new problem, is it? Your parents get their feelings hurt over the paying thing? And you H has a history of being stubborn about it? pandce.proboards.com/thread/342784
New advice - if you aren't in labor this weekend, lock dad and H together in a room and tell them to come to an agreement while you and mom drink (virgin) fruity drinks on the back porch.
I know I shouldn't have said anything but I was super mad at DH
all the more reason to NOT involve your parents. you have to work these things out with your husband.
I'm sorry your parents changed their plans and are now staying in a hotel out of anger. I hope the visit is still enjoyable and you can all move past this glitch.
Post by IrishBelle on Jul 10, 2014 21:35:11 GMT -5
Um, no. Your DH wants to stay in then he gets to cook. And if he doesn't want to go out, he doesn't get a say in what you and your parents do.
My parents are generous as well. DH's are not. It used to make DH feel uncomfortable but now he just accepts it and we make sure to treat them occasionally.
Lesson learned about disclosing conversations between your H and you. He was and is suffering some self esteem issues. If he cannot let his ILs treat him to a meal it is his problem. He can get a separate check or sit his ass at home. Just because his family does things differently does not make your family wrong.
Call your parents, apologize and ask them to reconsider the hotel. Tell them YOU need them.
Ok, so your husband is ridiculous for wanting you to cook all weekend at the end of your pregnancy. And you are ridiculous for calling mommy and daddy to complain about husband ( because you should have declined their invite when it was extended if that was your real intent). And your Dad is ridiculous for going to stay at a hotel when he is coming to help with your dd's if you go into labor. What happens if you go into labor tonight while everyone is fighting?
I don't understand why you couldn't compromise with your husband and tell him that you guys would treat your parents for a change, or split the bill when it came? I hope you all get this sorted out before the baby comes or it's going to get really awkward.
I have all the books I could need, and what more could I need than books? I shall only engage in commerce if books are the coin. -- Catherynne M. Valente
Any chance your parents are staying in a hotel to avoid the situation where their presence is requiring (per your husband) their very pregnant daughter to cook for them?
Your dad and your dh are dicks. You and your mother should enjoy whatever meals out you want, and let those assholes fix their own food.
Why is her dad a dick? Because he got "super angry" upon being told that his son-in-law would not allow him to treat his own daughter to dinner? Fuck that. I would be angry if my child's partner was a controlling asshole. My parents would be furious if my H pulled this shit--and rightfully so, IMO.
(FWIW, I do agree that telling them in the time and manner the OP told them in was not the best move. I just don't find the fact that her dad got angry upon being told to reflect poorly on him.)
Because she's 40 weeks pregnant & the last thing that she needs is a father who can't suck it up enough to not cause the drama to escalate. My father would be furious if he saw DH treat me like that, but there's no way in hell that he would make my life harder by putting me in the middle of something because my H was being a dick.
OMFG, you are 40 wks pg and your husband wants you to cook all meals? When there are nice people willing and able to take you out? Does your husband WANT to get kicked in the balls?
This. However, given the other thread you made, I can't help but wonder if this is the most stupid MUD ever or if you are intentionally creating a rift between your dh and your parents. What a bizarre issue to have. If ita true, your dh is a totally a hole and I'm guessing this was more "the straw that broke,the camel's back" for your dad than anything else.
Why is her dad a dick? Because he got "super angry" upon being told that his son-in-law would not allow him to treat his own daughter to dinner? Fuck that. I would be angry if my child's partner was a controlling asshole. My parents would be furious if my H pulled this shit--and rightfully so, IMO.
(FWIW, I do agree that telling them in the time and manner the OP told them in was not the best move. I just don't find the fact that her dad got angry upon being told to reflect poorly on him.)
Because she's 40 weeks pregnant & the last thing that she needs is a father who can't suck it up enough to not cause the drama to escalate. My father would be furious if he saw DH treat me like that, but there's no way in hell that he would make my life harder by putting me in the middle of something because my H was being a dick.
See, I think there might be more drama if they did stay with her. Her parents probably see it as staying out of the way and avoiding any awkwardness. Because, damn, would that be an awkward visit!!
1. How old are you? 2. I haven't cooked a meal since St. Patrick's Day. Anyone who told me that I had to cook every meal when I had guests over would have to eat what I did last night for dinner: Pierre Marcolini chocolates, French fries, and watermelon.
H: "Hubby, I am upset that my parents aren't staying with us, and do not plan on cooking a bunch of meals for the 4 of us this weekend during their visit. I'll be calling them this morning to clear the air and will absolutely be eating out with them during the visit should they treat. We should talk about this at some point, as this issue continues to plague us - but for now, I plan to be grateful for parents that would come visit and spoil me during this important visit."
Parents: "I am so excited to see you, please do join us for the rest of your visit. H and I went a little crazy last night, and you can completely ignore what I shared....we will work that out, but for now I would love to spend as much time as possible with you both!"
Note that at some point, there is a more serious discussion you should have with H, which involves the fact that he was placing some pretty controlling / 1950s expectations on YOU because HE doesn't like being treated to meals. He needs to put away his bullshit chauvinism and realize that, with parents, sometimes there IS such think as a free lunch / dinner and you know what that is lovely and really generous. They are not buying his soul when they pay for your Panera!!
Good luck girl, and get those parents back in your home. If you cook anything I am going to reach through the Internet and shame you!! No cooking for YOU.
Your DH needs to get his head out of his ass and realize that his/his family's way isn't the only way. And that where he feels "uncomfortable", he's being rude to others.
Oh, and the whole YOU cooking bit? No words. Dick doesn't even begin to cover it. YOUR comfort should matter more than his.
sounds like your dh wants you to be barefoot and pregnant AND serve everyone!
I agree with others that you shouldn't have called your mom and filled her in on this, but demanding that you not go out - ..when he is at work he doesn't want you to go out to lunch? With YOUR parents? What an Ass.
What's really sad about this and says a lot about the dynamic in your marriage- your DH made this ruling and what did you do? Basically complied. Called your parents, told them so that they would comply, and now you're upset about the "drama".
It's just sad that you sat back and basically said "yes honey" instead of standing up for yourself. It's sad and it concerns me. What else does your DH dictate that you just blindly follow along with?
Maybe there is more behind your parents anger than JUST this issue.
Post by sunnysideup488 on Jul 11, 2014 8:27:49 GMT -5
Yeah. No. I would not have told my parents. And I would have told my H that if he wanted meals cooked every night, he could tell them, and do the cooking.
If parents visit and stay with us, they take us out as a thank you for saving them hotel money. No cooking dinner or doing dishes for a week? I'd tell my H to enjoy ramen at home while I have dinner out with the girls and my parents.
Post by curbsideprophet on Jul 11, 2014 8:29:09 GMT -5
I would be asking DH if he had a doctor's appt scheduled if he told me all that. He would obviously be ill or had just completely lost his mind. there is no logical explanation for insisting you stay home and cook, especially when he is not even there. I was annoyed at the situation before you said you were 40 weeks pregnant. Add that in and just no.
I would have told him he is welcome to shop/cook dinner if he did not want to go out.
. Anyone who told me that I had to cook every meal when I had guests over would have to eat what I did last night for dinner: Pierre Marcolini chocolates, French fries, and watermelon.
This actually sounds delicious. Can we add champagne since it's a weekend? If so, I'll be right over with my demands.
I want to know what the H said exactly. Maybe it was something along the lines of "honey, I don't like for your parents to be paying for all the meals when they come over. They are really generous offering to watch DD so we shouldn't be taking advantage of them, what do you think about cooking the meals at home?"
And then OP overreacted and told the story completely out of context to her parents, who like the drama as well.
I got this vibe because one of my sisters is exactly like that and she loves to call and create drama.
I want to know what the H said exactly. Maybe it was something along the lines of "honey, I don't like for your parents to be paying for all the meals when they come over. They are really generous offering to watch DD so we shouldn't be taking advantage of them, what do you think about cooking the meals at home?"
And then OP overreacted and told the story completely out of context to her parents, who like the drama as well.
I got this vibe because one of my sisters is exactly like that and she loves to call and create drama.
He said "Let your parents know that I don't want them taking us out to lunch or dinner or order take out when they visit. I don't want them paying for us and I don't want to have to pay for all of us or split the bill with them. I want you to cook all meals when they visit so plan what you are making ahead of time."
This is why I got upset. Because of the way he said it. It would have been different if he had presented it the way you thought he did.