mil vent

[marie3246]

I just need to get this out so I don't unload it on Dh. There is a lot of back story but my mil is super selfish and flakey but likes to portray herself and a wonderful person. She drives me insane but I do think its important for A to have a relationship with her.

We were planning her christening and planned it in sept for a weekend she said she was available to travel. We are now moving before the event so we needed to rent somewhere to stay and have the party. So after talking to her and her telling me that she and her parents were 100% in we found a beach house to rent. We ran it by her first to make sure she was OK with the cost and she was bc it was cheaper than a hotel. I'm sure you can see where this is going.

She isn't coming and either are her parents. So now we are stuck with the cost of a beach house with 2 more rooms than we need. No one else is coming or they are local so they won't need a place to stay. So now none of h's family is coming at all. I know he is bummed and it makes me so sad. This isn't unusual for his family. I keep telling myself it will be a better time without her there and that she would drive everyone nuts but Im also disappointed for h and A. H said we won't be able to ever tell A when grandma is coming until she arrives or she will always be disappointed.

[Deleted]

aww bummer. I'm sorry but hopefully you guys will have an awesome time anyways. A beach house sounds fabulous!

[Deleted]

That would irritate that hell out of me. I'm sorry she's such a flake.

[Deleted]

That's terrible. I'm sorry she's like that.

Is there any way at all you can cancel the beach house? Its still early enough for them to re-rent it out.

[ECB]

That sucks. I'm sorry.

My advice- stop planning things around her. You know how she is - work WITH it, not against it.

Also realize that every relationship is different. A may not have the relationship w/ your MIL that you and DH would like, but she will have "a" relationship- whatever it turns out to be.

[drloretta]

That sucks. I'm sorry

[Deleted]

I am sorry. I'd be irate too. WTH doesn't show up for their own grandchild's Christening esp. when there's great plans being made for them?

If you can at all afford it I'd make the best of it. Invite all the friend you know, get some great food, celebrate the christening and enjoy a few days on the beach. Screw her and don't let her get you down. She never will see why she's wrong, but you don't have to put up with it either.

And when she inevitably decides she is coming again....you can say, "No room in the Inn. YOU said YOU weren't coming and we moved on."

[ilikedonuts]

I'm sorry I would just make the best of it and throw a big party and try to have as much fun as possible.

And honestly, its not better for your kid to have a relationship with a flakey selfish grandparent. Kids recognize that shit way sooner than you'd think.

[mellimel19]

I'm sorry, I would be incredibly annoyed by this as well. Are you able to cancel the beach house? If not, I'd invite other family or friends to stay with you and the beach house and make a fun time of it. Regardless, it sounds like you will have a fabulous time at the beach! Going forward, I would no longer make plans specifically to accommodate her, since she is so flaky anyway. I'd do what was best for my own family- if she can make it, great. If not, oh well.

[mellymel]

I'm sorry. I would be so pissed!

But then I would try to make the most of it.

[nonsenseabound]

I understand. My MIL is like that as well. Partially due to health issues partially due to her own flakiness.

Our rule is we never tell the kids she is coming until she is on the road to our house, we never make plans that require her attendance and we never pay for anything where she could not show up and stick us with the bill.

My parents see our kids weekly. My in laws went 6 months without seeing either set of grandkids. They live within driving distance of both sets. I decided that it isn't worth it.

You will come to your own conclusions. I never prevent MIL from seeing the grandkids. I just don't go out of my way to include her.

[livinitup]

I bet she comes anyway. I think the "cancellation" was more about canceling her portion of the rent payment. When you have this big empty house and she moans that she 'wishes' she could come, your DH will say - "Come! Come! Its already paid for, mom."

[badgergrl]

If you can't cancel the house, I would have dh have a conversation with her about what she owes. ". We are really sorry your plans changed and you can't make it, but we booked these accommodations for you. I am sure you would want to pay your fair share, so here's what you owe us."

[marie3246]

Thanks everyone. Even if I could cancel the beach house we wouldn't be able to find a smaller one available for the weekend. Most stuff was booked since its labor day. Unfortunately this isn't the first time something like this has happened with her. We honestly never know if she is coming until she is on the plane. Once she booked southwest and changed her flight six times and then ended up losing the tickets bc she went over the year mark.

I keep telling myself we will have a better time without her and I know we will but it makes me sad. H and I both recently had a talk with her about her behavior and this particular event. We told her she didn't have to come but if she really wanted to we wanted to make it easiest for her. I really thought we got through but I guess not.

I would love to send her a bill but she already owes us money and would never pay it. She also is saying she never told us that date was good and a millon other excuses making it not seem like its a choice she is making. We booked with the understanding that she might flake but h was pretty sure she wouldn't this time.


She is now posting all over Facebook that she is coming to visit us in Oct so she can sownd more quality time with A. Yeah right.

[livinitup]

Jul 12, 2014 1:21:07 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

Thanks everyone. Even if I could cancel the beach house we wouldn't be able to find a smaller one available for the weekend. Most stuff was booked since its labor day. Unfortunately this isn't the first time something like this has happened with her. We honestly never know if she is coming until she is on the plane. Once she booked southwest and changed her flight six times and then ended up losing the tickets bc she went over the year mark.

I keep telling myself we will have a better time without her and I know we will but it makes me sad. H and I both recently had a talk with her about her behavior and this particular event. We told her she didn't have to come but if she really wanted to we wanted to make it easiest for her. I really thought we got through but I guess not.

I would love to send her a bill but she already owes us money and would never pay it. She also is saying she never told us that date was good and a millon other excuses making it not seem like its a choice she is making. We booked with the understanding that she might flake but h was pretty sure she wouldn't this time.


She is now posting all over Facebook that she is coming to visit us in Oct so she can sownd more quality time with A. Yeah right.

"Oh so sorry, not sorry, we are booked that month!"