Post by trixiedicksnatch on Jul 13, 2014 20:24:24 GMT -5
So I sent ss's mom and my fi a group text to discuss some rules and expectations that we could all agree on together for the benefit of my ss
I thought a group text would be good so we could have open dialogue about what everyone thought was best and we could work together.
She texted me back privately and was like "don't you have this stuff already figured out"
Fuck you right in the face. Yes I do have rules and expectations and all of that but I tend to be more strict than either of them and I thought this would be good for us.
And, since you realize you tend to be a bit more on the strict side than either your fi or your soon to be stepson's mother, maybe you can figure out a way to ease up just a hair on the kid, because you're setting yourself up to be the bad guy here.
That is kind of why I wanted input I know I'm more strict and want a happy medium.
I can just work on it on my own fuck her.
And the fact you said cunt just took away all that blood boiling rage.
Wow, that is some bullshit. 'Hey, here's my kid, I can't deal with him'. 'What do you mean you haven't figured it all out one day later, after I surprised you by dropping him off'? I think you have handled this amazingly well, especially since your home alone with your own baby right now.
Thank you. I will admit that when I put my baby down last night I took a minute and had a little cry.
That is kind of why I wanted input I know I'm more strict and want a happy medium.
I can just work on it on my own fuck her.
And the fact you said cunt just took away all that blood boiling rage.
I don't think you need her input any more. lolÂ
You're good to be worried about this. Have you read any books on step parenting, or had any family counseling on how to integrate into a family? A few sessions would not hurt. Also, look for some books on parenting teens; they are a special challenge but it is (or can be) a lot of fun. I loved, and I mean loved, the teenage years with my kids.Â
I have not but we are doing a trip to Barnes and noble when I get broken care back to get him some books and some educational materials (he's been falling behind in school) so I will look for something for my self as well.
I have an apt with my counselor next week so her and I will talk about the situation and she does do group/family sessions as well so I could look into that.
She texted me back privately and was like "don't you have this stuff already figured out"
"Of course, not. How could I possibly? Which is why I started the group text. Please respond there."
Honestly I just responded that I did but wanted to make sure we were all on the same page.
My tactic with her is to always be pleasant and understanding. Because she can be a super notch to me and i refuse to play her little games.
For example she intentionally spells my name wrong always. That's small potatoes compared to some shit she's done but she just does things intentionally to rile me up.
Obviously not notch it should say bitch but notch makes me laugh
Take a screen shot, and when she bitches you out this summer sometime for something you did that she doesn't agree with, send her a copy of the screen shot.
Ok, speaking as a bio mom, if my kids' stepmom had sent me a message like that, I would've been thrilled. What kind of crap mom looks at a hand extended in kindness, with her own kid's best interests in mind, and just kicks it away?
Ok, speaking as a bio mom, if my kids' stepmom had sent me a message like that, I would've been thrilled. What kind of crap mom looks at a hand extended in kindness, with her own kid's best interests in mind, and just kicks it away?
She sounds like a jerk.
See that's a huge thing too. Step parents get a bad rap (bios do too I know) and I just know the best thing is for us all including her husband to have open conversations about the kids.
It's ineffective to have rules and expectations be totally different between the houses.
[e] See that's a huge thing too. Step parents get a bad rap (bios do too I know) and I just know the best thing is for us all including her husband to have open conversations about the kids.
It's ineffective to have rules and expectations be totally different between the houses. [/quote]
I see only positive things coming from all the parents coming to as much agreement as possible. (It's ok, though, that there are some differences between the houses-the kids adjust). I can't wrap my head around someone bring such a deliberate ass when you're so obviously trying to do your best for her kid. Sorry.
ETA: I have no idea how I screwed up the quote so badly.
The main reason that stepmothers get a bad rap is the very dynamic you're talking about here. Moms are often stricter than dads for day-to-day stuff, and it can fall on stepmoms to enforce house rules and do kid-related chores. Then the kid resents being bossed by a non-parent, the stepmom resents all the work she puts in (and resents the kid AND her husband) and then the husband is miserable because nobody is getting along. The only way to avoid this trap is to make the bio-parent the rule enforcer in front of the kid, and the lead parent on kid chores. You two decide on house rules in private, and then he has to enforce with the kid. If he doesn't hold up his end of the bargain, you talk it over in private. Unfortunately for me step parenting has involved a lot of letting things slide. H and I follow the guideline above but there's a lot of gray area (see: candy intake, whining) where if it were my kid I would be putting my foot down, but H parents differently and in this situation I have to respect that my preference doesn't always count. The big thing I pushed is that they need to start doing chores around the house and H supports me on that.
Bio-mom is a huge bitch. Fuck her. I can kinda relate. The kids' mom is really nice to me but she is only a mom when she feels like it. She very rarely has the kids on a weekend (sometimes Sunday after dinner she gets them to be fair) because she prefers to be out partying. She typically takes them a couple of weeknights because that's what's convenient for her, and she NEVER calls them when she's not with them. 12 yo SD gets upset about it, but 7 yo SS couldn't care less since it's been like this since he was 18 months old. I don't know which is more sad, TBH. It's hard for me bc I'm more than just a typical stepmom but not their mom either and I don't always know where the line is.