If you've lost a parent

[kaybee85]

I really don't do anything on those days except call my mom and let her know I'm thinking about her. For whatever reason, most of those special days don't really upset me as much as random stuff.

This pregnancy has really revolved around stuff with my dad. My due date is 1/3 and his birthday was 1/9. Then I randomly got the anatomy scan scheduled for 8/13, which I remembered later was my parents' wedding anniversary. Thinking about him not being here to meet the baby really gets to me at times, and those days are really hard. Same with other big events that he missed/doesn't know about.

ETA: One thing I finally started doing was letting myself cry and feel upset about it when the moment came. I used to sort of beat myself up about needing to 'get over it,' but you never totally do, and I feel much better letting myself feel however I'm feeling. Others have already posted great traditions they have that seem really special.

[trixiedicksnatch]

I generally have a good cry. Talk/pray to them and listen to their favorite song. I also like to pull out their obits and pictures of them.

This is for my grandparents. I was really close with them. They died a month apart from each other and it was horrible for me.

[tacocat]

Jul 13, 2014 20:25:26 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

or someone else close to you, how do you acknowledge their birthday? Do you do anything on the day?

My dad passed away last month and his birthday is July 22. My parents also share a birthday so I'm sure it will be a weird day and I'm not sure how to handle it...

My FIL passed away a few days before his birthday. We all got together and made German food (he was from Germany) and just spent time together. 

I am so sorry for your loss

Are you planning on getting together for your mom's birthday? Maybe everyone can just say something about him before you eat?

[ooglie26]

My step-dad passed a few weeks before his birthday a couple of years ago. I went to his grave with flowers, and just spent some time with him that way. Then I spent time with mom that day too, to make sure she was okay.

[revolution]

My dad passed away 3.5 years ago. On his birthday, I take flowers to the cemetary, make his Mac and cheese recipe, and drink his favorite beer.

Since your parents share a birthday, that is tough. My dad passed away on my birthday. So on my birthday I try to celebrate him. It's tough. I take a beer to the cemetary and split it with him. I make DH take me to lunch sans kids. And I take the afternoon off of work to have some downtime. Then in the evening I put on my happy face so my kids can have cake with me. And a good cry in there sometime too.

[revolution]

Jul 13, 2014 20:25:26 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

or someone else close to you, how do you acknowledge their birthday? Do you do anything on the day?

My dad passed away last month and his birthday is July 22. My parents also share a birthday so I'm sure it will be a weird day and I'm not sure how to handle it...

As far as handling it, just do what feels right for you and get through the day. Cry, celebrate him, go out, stay in. You do what you need to do. 

[curtains]

I am so sorry for your loss.
Losing a parent is so hard.

My dad passed a few years ago. My dd and I do something he would have enjoyed that day. Kayaking, baking bread, going for a hike. I tell her stories about him and the things we would do together. The first year was awkward and felt insincere...even though I didn't mean it to be. I guess because I was still raw.

But in retrospect I'm glad we did it and continue to do it. Each year is easier and now my dd and I look forward to it. It is a nice way to keep him alive for my dd who was kind of young when he passed. Her memories of him would have been all she had but now she has mine too.

The first year is tough. It does get easier though. I promise. I am here to listen if you want to talk.

[whattheheck]

My mother's birthday is (was?) the day after Christmas so we always went out to dinner for her birthday and tried to make a big deal out of it since it was so close to Christmas. We still go out to dinner for her birthday and toast her and tell my kids funny stories about her.

[mellymel]

My dad's birthday is July 15 and he passed away almost 3 years ago. We actually just celebrated his birthday today. We go to church together as a family, make some of his favorite foods, and have a birthday cake in his honor.

I like that we do it. It's a nice time to remember him and celebrate his life.

[cinderbella]

My H and FIL share a birthday. The first few years after he passed away, it was a really bittersweet day for my H. Now, though, the girls make a big deal out of it and it's turned into a day of celebrating their dad instead of him missing his own dad. We try to visit FIL grave but that's about it since it's still a birthday for Mike.

[starlily]

I drink some merlot, which I don't really care for but was his favorite, and make a really nice meal for dinner. He really loved having a leisurely dinner over a bottle of wine with friends/family.

ETA: If I lived near where he's buried, I'd go visit too.

[bonquiqui]

He passed away April 8th and his 65th would have been May 28th. My mom brother and i just got together and had dinner i think. There was a church service that night too. Normally i never attend church, but i did for this.

[karmasabiotch]

I think it should be acknowledged in whatever way makes you feel comfortable.

I light a yortisite candle which is usually used on the anniversary if a death but I iuse it on my Moms birthday too. It syays lit for 24 hours hours.

Its a hard day so I just go with whatever I am feeling and don't really plan anything. My sister ignores it. There is no right way.

[Norticprincess]

My dad's is now my BFF's little girl's bday. We have a laugh about - if she was going to hit her dad's birthday, two of her siblings' birthdays, or mine. My mom, sister, and I will go out to lunch. We've only had one birthday of his to figure out so far

It will be the 5th birthday this year for my brother, as we shared a birthday it is still weird

[discogranny]

My father passed away in January 2008. His birthday is in April and we always eat at his favorite restaurant, which we frequented when he was alive. I order his favorite dish. Sometimes it makes me cry but mostly I just tell H fun stories about my dad and we laugh.

It never becomes not sad, but time does seem to make it easier to handle each year. Hugs to you.

[styme46]

We go release balloons and sing "Happy Birthday" to him. Then we cry and go have dinner.

[orangeblossom]

Nothing per se, though my mother's birthday was a major holiday. We sometimes will eat something we know she liked or do something she liked surrounding that date.

I will say for us, we've never rally stopped talking about my mother. It's just in the past tense. Not so much that it's crippling or we haven't moved on, but in the sense of hey, mother would have liked this. In the beginning that wax hard to say, but now it's not.

The "firsts" are hard, but I can say it has gotten easier.

Hugs.

[sonrisa]

We scattered my dad's ashes here:



We used to go up there for picnics as a family all the time. On his birthday, we go up there with a picnic and celebrate him.

[walterismydog]

I do things he liked. I eat Blue Bell ice cream. I go fishing. I BBQ. I garden.

[TemperanceBrennan]

For her birthday and the anniversary of her death I change my facebook profile picture to one with me and her or her and me and my sisters. Then it depends on what I want to do. Sometimes I eat something that she loved or I listen to music she liked. Maybe buy flowers that she liked. It just depends.

This last anniversary was 10 years. I bought pretty flowers put them in a vase and took them to my Weight Watchers meeting so that everyone's day could be brighter. They lasted for 2 weeks and they kept telling me how much everyone loved them. That made me feel good, especially since I didn't tell anyone the reason I brought them. (I was thisclose to crying just thinking about telling them the reason, so I just said I wanted to bring them to cheer everyone up.) I do the flower thing more often on the anniversary because when she was sick someone who she met in radiation brought flowers to her out of the blue. It really cheered my mom up and she told all of us about it. It makes me happy to try to honor that happiness that happened in all of the suckiness that was going on.

I think you just do what feels best to you. It's ok to change it each year if you want to or do the same thing each year. If you don't want to do something that is perfectly ok too.

ETA: Also a random thing I do is everytime I get a baby present for someone I buy them a copy of Harold and the Purple Crayon. It was her favorite children's book so I feel like I'm passing part of my mom on even though I'm the only one who knows. It makes me happy so I keep doing it.