Inviting people to a house that isn't yours

[nerdicorn]

My MIL and FIL stayed at our house to watch our kid while H and I attended an out of state wedding. We left earlyish Saturday morning and got back at 2:30 today.

My MIL acted kind of weird when we got back. She had moved stuff around/rearranged things which I've come to expect but I chalked it up to that (I know this is weird and it drives me nuts but that's a whole other story). Then after they left, we noticed they packed out a LOT of beer and H noticed a lot of empty bottles in the recycling and quite a bit of his scotch had been drank. We had a laugh that maybe his dad went on a bender after they got the baby to bed because he was apparently super cranky last night.

Like an hour ago my BIL posted a picture of him holding P in our house on Facebook, and I can tell it was from yesterday (thanks to MIL rearranging our stuff after we left).

I'm not angry in the sense of "how dare you!" because I love BIL and don't mind that he was over, but I'm a little (well, a lot) WTF that they invited people to our house and didn't ask us let alone tell us after the fact. I have a feeling H is going to go absolutely apeshit when he finds out. Am I on crazy pills here, is family somehow excluded from the general rules on this sort of thing?

[pugz]

Um yeah that is bad

[sarahbear]

It's uncalled for. They should have asked, even if it was just BIL. I find it odd that they didn't even mention it.

[fuckyourcouch]

This is really weird. My parents have come over to watch/walk/let out our dogs when we've been out of town, and if they threw a party without telling us it would weird me out. And I would never dream of doing that at their house when we've done the same.
It's especially annoying they were all secretive about it.

[birdistheword]

I would be very annoyed. I wouldn't care if they asked, but it's weird that they didn't say anything about it.

[ramotional]

Yeah I would be upset

Even though it's family, blah blah blah
It's weird that they did it and made worse by not saying oh yes, BIL stopped by I hope you don't mind

Sorry

[livinitup]

That's super crazy.

[Deleted]

Wouldn't bug me. It's family, you love BIL so I'm not sure the issue.

I thought everyone was going to get upset they went on a bender while watching the baby. Lol.

[nerdicorn]

Right? Like if they thought it was ok why not be like "oh btw BIL swung by yesterday". Though I guess I shouldn't be surprised because last month we had dinner plans with BIL and his boyfriend and MIL was like "Oh please call SIL and see if she wants to come" and I was like Uhhhh it's not my house or dinner party to invite people to???


Maybe I'll buy her an Emily Post book for her birthday, lol!

[whitemerlot]

If it was only BIL I wouldn't care.

[sonrisa]

Jul 13, 2014 22:55:26 GMT -5 tators said:

They had just your BIL or more people too?

It is odd they didn't say anything after the fact. How I'd feel would depend on how many people visited, how long and who they were (my brother/SIL alone would be very different from a half dozen friends). 

[nerdicorn]

Jul 13, 2014 22:55:26 GMT -5 tators said:

They had just your BIL or more people too?

BIL, his boyfriend, and one of their old roommates are who we know of. It wasn't like a raging house party, haha

[nerdicorn]

Also I admit I'm feeling a little punchy because I stayed with them for a week leading up to this and MIL got on my ass if I didn't keep every item that belonged to me in the guest room, like if I hung my purse up or left a book on the coffee table. Meanwhile I come back to my home rearranged and apparently we had house guests while we were out!

[tacokick]

Jul 13, 2014 23:07:22 GMT -5 nerdicorn said:

Also I admit I'm feeling a little punchy because I stayed with them for a week leading up to this and MIL got on my ass if I didn't keep every item that belonged to me in the guest room, like if I hung my purse up or left a book on the coffee table. Meanwhile I come back to my home rearranged and apparently we had house guests while we were out!

That would drive me nuts. And I'd be annoyed about the scotch! That's not cheap! I don't think I could resist saying something.

[miss1180]

Eh... It's weird they didn't say anything, but wouldn't bug me TOO much since it was BIL/family.
My sister and her H stay at our house frequently to watch our dog when were on vacation. They don't have kids, and I know they throw parties in our basement bar. I don't mind- Its my sister. I trust them and their friends 100% and look at it as part of their "payment" lol as long as the house is clean and dog is alive, it's fine.

[jayded]

I don't think this would bother me, but I do think it's weird that it wasn't mentioned to you.

[nerdicorn]

Jul 13, 2014 23:03:33 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Jul 13, 2014 22:55:26 GMT -5 tators said:

They had just your BIL or more people too?

It is odd they didn't say anything after the fact. How I'd feel would depend on how many people visited, how long and who they were (my brother/SIL alone would be very different from a half dozen friends). 

Well I really do know H is going to be PISSED but I'm going to have to temper him because I don't want BIL to feel unwelcome. I am positive he's not aware that they didn't ask us and I know he'd be mortified if he found out.

[sonrisa]

Jul 13, 2014 23:07:22 GMT -5 nerdicorn said:

Also I admit I'm feeling a little punchy because I stayed with them for a week leading up to this and MIL got on my ass if I didn't keep every item that belonged to me in the guest room, like if I hung my purse up or left a book on the coffee table. Meanwhile I come back to my home rearranged and apparently we had house guests while we were out!

in that case, I'm on team nerdicorn

[dexteroni]

Jul 13, 2014 23:07:22 GMT -5 nerdicorn said:

I stayed with them for a week leading up to this and MIL got on my ass if I didn't keep every item that belonged to me in the guest room, like if I hung my purse up or left a book on the coffee table. Meanwhile I come back to my home rearranged and apparently we had house guests while we were out!

Hopefully your DH's version of going apeshit will be saying exactly this to his mom. After reading your OP I was going to say the guest part wouldn't bother me, but with the rearranging, the planned party, getting trashed while watching your LO, and the double standard? Yeah, fuck that shit.

[readyin07]

I am very pearl clutchy and this alone doesn't bother me in the least. If I have family in my home watching my kid, I expect that they are responsible enough to treat it as their own and I have no problem with them having over close family or even a close friend or two. Now I would definitely have a problem if they had a ton of people and people I didn't know, indiscriminately drank/ate and didn't replace it, etc. I do find it somewhat odd it wasn't mentioned to you b/c I think it's NBD.

We were out of town for a few nights some time ago and my dad stayed at my house to watch my dog and help do some handyman type stuff (because he's awesome) and he actually works closer to my house than his. My mom told me he had a friend that lives nearby over to watch a game - she thought I would be mad, but I didn't care at all. He cleaned up after them, brought his own food and drinks so it was no skin off my back. It was someone I knew though, I wouldn't like it if it was a stranger.

[readyin07]

Jul 13, 2014 23:10:01 GMT -5 tacokick said:

Jul 13, 2014 23:07:22 GMT -5 nerdicorn said:

Also I admit I'm feeling a little punchy because I stayed with them for a week leading up to this and MIL got on my ass if I didn't keep every item that belonged to me in the guest room, like if I hung my purse up or left a book on the coffee table. Meanwhile I come back to my home rearranged and apparently we had house guests while we were out!

That would drive me nuts. And I'd be annoyed about the scotch! That's not cheap! I don't think I could resist saying something.

I get that it's not cheap, but provided that they weren't compensated for their babysitting, I just don't think you can say anything if you ever want someone to watch your kid again

[nerdicorn]

Jul 13, 2014 23:17:42 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Jul 13, 2014 23:07:22 GMT -5 nerdicorn said:

I stayed with them for a week leading up to this and MIL got on my ass if I didn't keep every item that belonged to me in the guest room, like if I hung my purse up or left a book on the coffee table. Meanwhile I come back to my home rearranged and apparently we had house guests while we were out!

Hopefully your DH's version of going apeshit will be saying exactly this to his mom. After reading your OP I was going to say the guest part wouldn't bother me, but with the rearranging, the planned party, getting trashed while watching your LO, and the double standard? Yeah, fuck that shit.

She was sober the whole time, I've never seen her drink more than a beer in a single night, so that's a nonissue for us. BIL only drinks beer and doesn't get crazy. The bottles and missing scotch were "bender" levels for one person but totally reasonable for socializing among 5 people. I wouldn't be this calm if everyone who was supposed to be watching my son got shitfaced, I'd probably be in jail for assault, lol

[10outof9]

Man, that's not cool at all. If it were me, I'd be pretty pissed too. Maybe not so much that they had people over - after all, I'd trust my inlaws not to invite thugs into my home or anything. But that they didn't ask you or even tell you after the fact is super weird.

[eb777888]

I don't think this is weird or a big deal. At all. ??

[prettyinpink]

The fact that it sort of seems like they are hiding it is what would bother me. Our house sitter had someone over once but asked first so I didn't care.

[VillainV]

I think it's weird that they were secretive about it. The rearranging furniture and drinking our Scotch would bother me (unless we had previously told them to help themselves).

[redheadk]

The only weird part is that they're hiding it.

[eb777888]

I guess I'd feel like they are doing me a favor by house sitting and babysitting. If they want to help themselves to some alcohol and have my BIL over.....not a big deal. I don't see this as something they need to "clear" with me. Unless they're having a house party or something.

[TC]

I might go psycho levels of crazy over this, but I also can not imagine having family I trust this much so take that for what it's worth. It's sort of making my skin crawl thinking about it and I can't think of anything nice to say LOL!

/issues

Hopefully they respond pleasantly and it's not an issue again!

[eb777888]

Jul 14, 2014 0:15:58 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

Jul 14, 2014 0:09:22 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

I guess I'd feel like they are doing me a favor by house sitting and babysitting. If they want to help themselves to some alcohol and have my BIL over.....not a big deal. I don't see this as something they need to "clear" with me. Unless they're having a house party or something.

"BIL, his boyfriend, and one of their old roommates are who we know of."

unless i really knew these ppl, this wouldn't be ok with me. i know i'm prob overprotective but i like to know who is around my kid when i'm not there. even if his grandparents are on watch, it still would bug me.

Oh, I thought it was just the BIL. I missed that post.