I've been seeing this guy for a few months. He has been dating me exclusively, and I have not been dating him exclusively - he is 100% aware of the situation. He invited me on a long weekend out of town. We have no reason to go to this town except for a get-away/vacation. Last night, he sent me a list of the "romantic couple things" he wants to do while we're in the city and asked my opinion. I started checking out the links and reviews on the restaurants, hotels, activities.
HE has reviewed them all. 2 years ago. The whole itinerary, he's done before. And every review starts, "My fiancee and I..."
Would it bother you that he's seemingly recreating a trip he took with his ex fiancee?
Would you tell him what you discovered?
ETA: There are a million other "romantic couple things" to do in this city. It's massive with many options and caters to tourists.
Do you still want to go on a trip with him? If so, I would suggest an alternate location. If he asked why, I would be honest about it. There's a good chance that his motives are pure- maybe he just really wants to share it with you, but I'd rather go somewhere else.
Post by WinterIsComing on Jul 17, 2014 16:02:24 GMT -5
Definitely weird. I would be honest with him and suggest an alternative itinerary. Maybe he genuinely didn't really how weird it was and just wanted to show you things he enjoys - guys can be dense sometimes. Hopefully once you explain why he will understand and agree to other activities.
For clarification - he sent the links to the companies/vendors/places/restaurants to me. I'm the one who noticed his pic on a review, which meant falling down the rabbit hole of finding ALL the reviews.
I would say something to him. That's weird and would make me uncomfortable. But to give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he just really enjoyed all of those places and wants to visit them again. Still weird.
Well, first of all I do think it's weird. I don't really understand how he sent you the links without realizing you may come across his reviews. I'd be upset about it.
On the flip side, I think most of us have gone to places (whether it be vacation spots or restaurants etc) that we've gone to with other people. So I don't think it's an abnormal thing to do. But to actually wave it around in the persons face is an issue.
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Jul 17, 2014 21:49:06 GMT -5
A little weird, although I am terrible about taking dates to my favorite places, just because I am suck at dating and also because I like sharing my favorite places with people I like.
But I'd suggest someplace different, still. I feel like even if he didn't do this on purpose, I would feel like I was on this trip re-creation, and it would be hard for me to get past.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
He: Was defensive Felt violated Felt dumb (public reviews on yelp and tripadvisor are not hard to find, yo) Tried to spin this as doing something super nice and luxurious for me Told me these are all things I should *lovelovelove* doing!!! Told me I was being ridiculous to care about the repeat agenda Apologized for being an asshole for telling me how to feel about the situation Offered 3 other cities we could see Agreed to shut up about any trip until I bring it up in the future Agreed he needed to evaluate himself.
All I see is a sea of red flags. Thanks, but no thanks, dude. There's a reason you weren't someone I wanted as a serious partner.
There are plenty of places I take dates or places you go with past/future partners. It's not like I'm going to avoid Paris with someone new because I went there with my xH. I just won't go to ALL THE SAME DAMN PLACES next time.
He: Was defensive Felt violated Felt dumb (public reviews on yelp and tripadvisor are not hard to find, yo) Tried to spin this as doing something super nice and luxurious for me Told me these are all things I should *lovelovelove* doing!!! Told me I was being ridiculous to care about the repeat agenda Apologized for being an asshole for telling me how to feel about the situation Offered 3 other cities we could see Agreed to shut up about any trip until I bring it up in the future Agreed he needed to evaluate himself.
All I see is a sea of red flags. Thanks, but no thanks, dude. There's a reason you weren't someone I wanted as a serious partner.
There are plenty of places I take dates or places you go with past/future partners. It's not like I'm going to avoid Paris with someone new because I went there with my xH. I just won't go to ALL THE SAME DAMN PLACES next time.
Definitely a red flag if he got really defensive. I was hoping he was just oblivious but it sounds like he knew exactly what he was doing. At least you found out his crazy now rather than later!
He: Was defensive Felt violated Felt dumb (public reviews on yelp and tripadvisor are not hard to find, yo) Tried to spin this as doing something super nice and luxurious for me Told me these are all things I should *lovelovelove* doing!!! Told me I was being ridiculous to care about the repeat agenda Apologized for being an asshole for telling me how to feel about the situation Offered 3 other cities we could see Agreed to shut up about any trip until I bring it up in the future Agreed he needed to evaluate himself.
All I see is a sea of red flags. Thanks, but no thanks, dude. There's a reason you weren't someone I wanted as a serious partner.
There are plenty of places I take dates or places you go with past/future partners. It's not like I'm going to avoid Paris with someone new because I went there with my xH. I just won't go to ALL THE SAME DAMN PLACES next time.
I was hoping it was going to end with him saying he didn't realize he was repeating everything and that it is weird.
But feeling defensive and telling you how you should feel, not ok. Glad you are listening to your gut.
Glad you're trusting your gut and bravo for doing research and approaching the guy. There is nothing like being stuck on a trip with someone and finding out their true colors.