This parenting thing is hard!

[gibbylod]

Lately, I have been feeling like I am failing terribly in my parenting duties. I'm exhausted, I am starting to hate breastfeeding but can't manage to get DD to take the bottle, much less formula, no matter what I try. My house is a mess and DH has been criticizing my housekeeping (though we had a talk last night and he apologized... still, made me feel like a failure). I constantly get remarks like: "She's 8 months and still not STTN?!" "She is way too attached to you!" 
I know I just need to take a deep breath and remind myself that she is a healthy baby and I am doing the best I can!

... It's just been one of those days/weeks.

Please share your frustrations. Don't let me feel like I'm the only one who sucks at this.

[Deleted]

You don't suck at this. It's really hard and overwhelming sometimes. I'd abandon ship on the bottle - your kid is over 8 months old. Get some straw cups to try instead. I like the Rubbermaid Litterless juice boxes because I can squeeze and milk comes out - both my kids have instantly "got it". I did better on the housework front if I followed a schedule (like this: www.justmommies.com/articles/home-organization-plan.php). That way, I knew what to try to do every day and even if I missed some days, things got better.

As for sleep, my kids don't, so just tune out the haters. It's so hard to be tired AND getting shit for that. Both my kids had horrendous sleep regressions at 8 months.

[ssmjlm]

You're not failing. Months 7-9 were the roughest. Teeth, milestones, sleep regressions, etc.

And housekeeping, lol. It's a good night when all the toys get thrown into baskets after E goes to bed. And your DH can either help or STFU.

[lilac05]

You don't suck...or if you do, I do, too! (Except I refuse to think that.)

DS2 (almost a year) refuses a bottle and barely drinks anything from a sippy cup. At 8 months, he was still really attached to me & didn't consistently sleep through the night. In the grand scheme of things, this time is so, so short. Instead of worrying about DS2 being attached to me, I cherish the extra snuggles and know that I won't be carrying him into his senior year of HS. I encourage independence, but soak in the snuggles. He woke up many/most mornings at 4 AM to eat, then went back to sleep. I told myself (& others who felt the need to rudely comment) that as long as he got up, ate, and went back to sleep, I didn't mind. Again, this, too, shall pass.

Hang in there...and don't pay attention to what others are saying! (I often wake up in the middle of the night & love hugs from my mom, too!)

[simpsongal]

I'm sure you're doing fine. Eight months is a big time for attachment - plus, every baby is different. Some STTN, others don't. Ignore the casual comments, most people don't know what they're talking about. Even parents of young kids may be out to lunch b/c every baby is different.


I feel more guilty about being a lousy wife. I don't know when I'll find time to work out, but I want to look pretty again for my DH. I keep forgetting to order condoms. When I put a box of 36 in my Amazon cart, I caught myself thinking the following: "hmm, maybe that's too many...when do condoms expire?" and "well, it should last at least a year, maybe til the next kid."  :?

[Deleted]

Parenting is hard! You're doing the best you can. All you can do is take it day by day. Don't worry about the state of your house when you have a baby at home under one.

[dcn]

It is hard, but you are doing great! Whenever I am feeling overwhelemed by life I try to take some time for myself, even if I just go to starbucks for 30 min and sip my coffee and people watch.

And people who make sleep comments either have no memory, are jerks, or both. Ignore them.

[gibbylod]

Jul 18, 2014 10:14:34 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

You don't suck at this. It's really hard and overwhelming sometimes. I'd abandon ship on the bottle - your kid is over 8 months old. Get some straw cups to try instead. I like the Rubbermaid Litterless juice boxes because I can squeeze and milk comes out - both my kids have instantly "got it". I did better on the housework front if I followed a schedule (like this: www.justmommies.com/articles/home-organization-plan.php). That way, I knew what to try to do every day and even if I missed some days, things got better.

As for sleep, my kids don't, so just tune out the haters. It's so hard to be tired AND getting shit for that. Both my kids had horrendous sleep regressions at 8 months.

Thanks. I tried a bottle with a straw a few weeks ago with no luck, but maybe I'll try again. For now, I have used a zippy cup. She mostly just chews on it but I figure she swallows a little at least.

[gibbylod]

Jul 18, 2014 10:17:31 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

I feel more guilty about being a lousy wife. I don't know when I'll find time to work out, but I want to look pretty again for my DH. I keep forgetting to order condoms. When I put a box of 36 in my Amazon cart, I caught myself thinking the following: "hmm, maybe that's too many...when do condoms expire?" and "well, it should last at least a year, maybe til the next kid."  :?

Haha, we buy boxes of 3 and it's sad how long those last us! I told DH we need to start scheduling date nights.

[redheadk]

"She's not STTN?" "She's too attached?" People can fuck right off. KOKO, you are doing fine. It is normal for her to not STTN and she is supposed to be attached to you. She's also at the prime separation anxiety age.

[rugbywife]

I feel like it is killing me some days. I was fine with interrupted sleep...for the first 3 months. Now I actually hate going to sleep because I know I am just going to have to wake up anyways. I accidentally told DH that I felt resentful towards DD for it (I didn't really, I was just exhausted) and he wasn't impressed.

I also feel like a failure for my inability to bounce back from my baby weight like so many moms. I am still at 200lbs and I feel so overwhelmed by the amount of weight I have to lose. At my highest weight before pregnancy I was 196 and it took me 8 months to get to 150. That was in my 20s and without having to parent a kid and work at the same time. So when I hear stories and see pics of moms who lose it quickly and/or right away, it makes me want to cry. And that makes me want to eat, lol.

[catsarecute]

You are doing fine. It is hard but everything is a phase. You are good mom!!!

[Deleted]

So, so hard. I just have to tell my self over and over, that in the grand scheme of life, it's one short phase. "too attached" and "still doesn't sleep through the night" is something that will one day be a memory that I tell my kids to guilt them about.   

I look at DS1 and realize I can barely  remember that stage, and know that one day it will be like that with DS2. One day at a time!

[dulcemariamar]

Jul 18, 2014 10:50:07 GMT -5 rugbywife said:

I feel like it is killing me some days. I was fine with interrupted sleep...for the first 3 months. Now I actually hate going to sleep because I know I am just going to have to wake up anyways. I accidentally told DH that I felt resentful towards DD for it (I didn't really, I was just exhausted) and he wasn't impressed.

I also feel like a failure for my inability to bounce back from my baby weight like so many moms. I am still at 200lbs and I feel so overwhelmed by the amount of weight I have to lose. At my highest weight before pregnancy I was 196 and it took me 8 months to get to 150. That was in my 20s and without having to parent a kid and work at the same time. So when I hear stories and see pics of moms who lose it quickly and/or right away, it makes me want to cry. And that makes me want to eat, lol.

Oh, I always dreaded nights too. It was so hard to fall asleep because I knew I was just going to wakeup. I am the least breezy person about sleep. It is hard.

[shellbear09]

It is hard and I'm sure you are doing great. People suck for making those comments. I get comments too because my dd is clingy with me. Um yeah I'm her mom and she is attached to me so people can f off.

[dulcemariamar]

Parenting is so hard. But your LO is getting older every day and soon her sleep will get better and you will have more freedom on your hands.

This week my LO and I have been sick with horrible colds. She still wants to run around and destroy the house and I just want to lay in bed and watch movies. After 15 minutes she gets bored and walks away. Tomorrow has got to be better than this.

[Deleted]

Jul 18, 2014 10:50:07 GMT -5 rugbywife said:

I also feel like a failure for my inability to bounce back from my baby weight like so many moms. I am still at 200lbs and I feel so overwhelmed by the amount of weight I have to lose. At my highest weight before pregnancy I was 196 and it took me 8 months to get to 150. That was in my 20s and without having to parent a kid and work at the same time. So when I hear stories and see pics of moms who lose it quickly and/or right away, it makes me want to cry. And that makes me want to eat, lol.

I'm right here with you.

[catsarecute]

Jul 18, 2014 10:50:07 GMT -5 rugbywife said:

I feel like it is killing me some days. I was fine with interrupted sleep...for the first 3 months. Now I actually hate going to sleep because I know I am just going to have to wake up anyways. I accidentally told DH that I felt resentful towards DD for it (I didn't really, I was just exhausted) and he wasn't impressed.

I also feel like a failure for my inability to bounce back from my baby weight like so many moms. I am still at 200lbs and I feel so overwhelmed by the amount of weight I have to lose. At my highest weight before pregnancy I was 196 and it took me 8 months to get to 150. That was in my 20s and without having to parent a kid and work at the same time. So when I hear stories and see pics of moms who lose it quickly and/or right away, it makes me want to cry. And that makes me want to eat, lol.

I got down to 15 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight 3.5 weeks PP.....and then I started getting out of the house. And eating all of the fast food and candy, etc. on our daily outings and gained back 10 pounds. I haven't even weighed myself because it is so depressing. I really should lose 40 pounds to be at a comfortable weight but at this point, I just want to get down to what I weighed a year ago, when I found out I was pregnant. I just struggle with eating healthy and I don't have the time to exercise like I want. It is annoying.

[Deleted]

You are doing great! No one is perfect and those people who make comments on other babies' sleep can go fuck off. Either they don't know wtf they are talking about or they were just lucky with a good sleeper and need to stfu.

[gibbylod]

Jul 18, 2014 10:50:07 GMT -5 rugbywife said:

I also feel like a failure for my inability to bounce back from my baby weight like so many moms. I am still at 200lbs and I feel so overwhelmed by the amount of weight I have to lose. At my highest weight before pregnancy I was 196 and it took me 8 months to get to 150. That was in my 20s and without having to parent a kid and work at the same time. So when I hear stories and see pics of moms who lose it quickly and/or right away, it makes me want to cry. And that makes me want to eat, lol.

Definitely not a failure for not losing the weight in just 3 months. I used to beat myself up about not getting around to working out, but then I figure she'll be walking soon so I'll get lots of free exercise from running after her. 

[Deleted]

You aren't failing! People like to ask questions that make new moms squirm. I had people asking me if the baby slept through the night when she was only a week old. I really wanted to kick them in the shins for asking a question they already knew the answer to. No my freaking 1 week old baby is not sleeping through the night. Yes I am as tired as I look. Please stop asking dumb questions. Not all 8 month olds sleep through the night and it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your parenting, more likely something to do with the way the baby is wired.

[satsuma]

Lack of sleep is the worst. It's next to impossible to function in any other area of life when you're sleep deprived. The first few years are survival mode. If I ever forget that and say something so unsupportive to a new mom, feel free to smack me.

[gibbylod]

Jul 18, 2014 11:03:49 GMT -5 dulcemariamar said:

Parenting is so hard. But your LO is getting older every day and soon her sleep will get better and you will have more freedom on your hands.

This week my LO and I have been sick with horrible colds. She still wants to run around and destroy the house and I just want to lay in bed and watch movies. After 15 minutes she gets bored and walks away. Tomorrow has got to be better than this.

I hope you feel better soon!

I am terrified of getting sick or DD getting sick, I don't know if I'd make it. So I'm obsessed about germs. If I hear someone cough within 100 meters of DD, I quickly get away and avoid the person like the plague! 

[gibbinator]

I found the whole first year really tough. Ds also didn't take a bottle, so I couldn't get more than a 3 hour break, including driving time. It sucked. He also didn't sttn until 16 months, which, btw haters, is developmentally normal! I'd have punched anyone who blamed us for him not sleeping. It's not like we didn't try everything we were comfortable with!

Plus at that 8-9 month age it's really common for separation anxiety and stranger danger to kick in. I remember I used to have ds in my arms almost constantly (and he wouldn't tolerate being worn) and I was so touched out from that and constant nursing.

I Ditto pp's who suggest abandoning bottle attempts and trying straws - especially a sippy that is squeezable so you can show them milk comes out.

Hang in there. Everything is a phase. Someday you will sleep all night (hopefully sooner rather than later) and your child will play independently.

[gibbylod]

Jul 18, 2014 11:01:51 GMT -5 shellbear09 said:

It is hard and I'm sure you are doing great. People suck for making those comments. I get comments too because my dd is clingy with me. Um yeah I'm her mom and she is attached to me so people can f off.

People here actually have a word for it, they say the baby has "mamitis," they make it sound like it's a disease! I give people an evil look every time they tell me DD has mamitis. Yes, I'm her mom, I care for her 24/7, yes she likes me better than you!

[sporklemotion]

gibbylod, I would ignore anyone who is surprised that your 8 month old isn't STTN or is too attached to you, especially of they don't have young kids. I think people forget how long it takes and, in their heads, think that 8 months old is a lot older than it is. And rugbywife, I get it. Today, when I went to drop DD off at day care, another mother commented on how small she is and then told me that her daughter was small at birth, too. Oh, and BTW, she gained only 13 pounds during her pregnancy. I was like, that was not me. I gained way more than recommended (I stopped looking at the scale at about 34 weeks), and then had a 6.5 pound baby.
I can truly relate to lots of this. I cried last night when I saw that my freezer stash was down to 5 ounces. I resent pumping, but can't quite give it up. We do supplement already, but I feel like if I start giving more formula, I will stop BFing altogether. I am aware that this is irrational, but I can't let go of it.
My other "failures":
-- DD is not really sitting independently at 7.5 months. She can hold herself that way for a bit but is uninterested in staying that way.
-- my house is full of clutter and is not even close to childproofed
-- my treadmill sits untouched in DD's room, even though I have planned to move it for months
-- I barely ever cook and am living off take out
-- I still wear maternity pants about half of the time (at 7.5 months PP).

But I am sure we all have successes, too:
-- my DD is always excited to see me
-- she is generally in a good mood
-- she will probably sit up eventually
-- knock on wood, she is usually up only once or (rarely) not at all in the night, and she hasn't gone on a nursing strike yet. I am aware that these things may not be permanent and I don't mean to rub it in.  

So hang in there!

[dulcemariamar]

If straw cups dont work, just try a small regular cup. We started with that around 7 months. LO took a bottle for like a month and then refused it by the time she was eight months old,

[bananahannah]

I don't post much but your post struck a chord with me. You are doing a great job and you are a great mom. Take it as a compliment that your baby is so attached to you. Not STTN is perfectly normal at this age, especially when you are breastfeeding, but it is so exhausting.

[cricketwife]

Well, I'm a "failure" because my FF fed baby STILL eats every 1.5-2 hrs while awake. Everybody (well except the pedi, but including daycare where he will be starting in a few weeks) hints/states/implies that I'm overfeeding him because I must not recognize the different types of cries because don't you know that babies this old, ESPECIALLY FF babies, don't eat that often?

And weight loss, yeah. Hopeless. I've actually been exercising all summer 2-3x/week and have seen NO CHANGE. Dammit. So that just makes me eat ice cream.

Oh, and if you saw my other post, I'm not even sure of my ability to parent if I can't put my kiddo in a jumperoo, so yeah, you are doing great. KOKO!

[lg28]

Jul 18, 2014 10:50:07 GMT -5 rugbywife said:

I feel like it is killing me some days. I was fine with interrupted sleep...for the first 3 months. Now I actually hate going to sleep because I know I am just going to have to wake up anyways. I accidentally told DH that I felt resentful towards DD for it (I didn't really, I was just exhausted) and he wasn't impressed.

I also feel like a failure for my inability to bounce back from my baby weight like so many moms. I am still at 200lbs and I feel so overwhelmed by the amount of weight I have to lose. At my highest weight before pregnancy I was 196 and it took me 8 months to get to 150. That was in my 20s and without having to parent a kid and work at the same time. So when I hear stories and see pics of moms who lose it quickly and/or right away, it makes me want to cry. And that makes me want to eat, lol.

I lost my baby weight with DS quickly. This time, I have only lost about 15lbs (30lbs to go) and people are commenting I'm not losing it as fast. Assholes.

Honestly,, your hormones are wonky / for some women they lose weight easier after they stop breastfeeding, so that may happen too. I'm currently 183lbs and look terrible (150 is my ideal weight) so I totally get it. Totally.

I'm not resentful towards DD for being up at night but I so get resentful of DH because he gets to sleep and not breastfeed.