Pretty sure we were married to the same person. I was 100% the doer in our relationship. I had an attorney draw up all the divorce papers because I knew he would never get around to it and if he did it would probably be done wrong. My attorney said that he barely even skimmed the documents that he signed yesterday. I'm still having to hand hold him a lot which is frustrating but I know it is the only way to get stuff done like him refinancing the condo he is keeping or dealing with the tenant that is currently in there. Pretty sure he is going to fail at being an adult once everything is finalized and he no longer has me to help with all of that.
My anniversary would have been September 25th. I'm debating maybe going to someplace I have always wanted to visit but have never been (NOLA, Austin, or Maine) or doing a relaxing beach weekend somewhere. Everyone I know seems to be busy that weekend so I think I might brave solo travel, eek!
You have a friend in Austin!
Austin is the vacation front runner right now! I'll let you know if I end up going!
WinterIsComing my anniversary is in September too. If you think about Chicago I'll join you down there for a day. We can "commiserate" together... I mean forget those assholes.
I am also expecting a crummy end of September - would have been 5 year anniversary. Stbx is being very slow with the paperwork - our waiting period is over, and we are on version two of the decree. In the end I think I am going to have to do it just to move the process along, I would sure rather have it done before the anniversary.
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I think 2015 is going to be both of our years At this time next year you and I will hopefully be celebrating how far we have come.
Is there something specific that he is holding it up over? Luckily for me STBXH was to stupid to really care - I doubt he even read what he signed - so I came out ahead.
I wish it would finalize before our anniversary (September 25th) but unfortunately I don't think that will happen. I feel like I need to plan a mini-trip or something for around that day to turn a crappy time into something positive.
I think 2015 is going to be both of our years At this time next year you and I will hopefully be celebrating how far we have come.
Is there something specific that he is holding it up over? Luckily for me STBXH was to stupid to really care - I doubt he even read what he signed - so I came out ahead.
I wish it would finalize before our anniversary (September 25th) but unfortunately I don't think that will happen. I feel like I need to plan a mini-trip or something for around that day to turn a crappy time into something positive.
He isn't actually fighting me on any of the terms - and I will come out ahead - he just isn't being proactive about finishing it. In our marriage I was definitely the doer...I researched things, made plans and because of that I originally wanted him to do the paperwork - a "you want it, you do it" mentality. It just isn't moving very fast which is starting to frustrate me. He is just trying to use standard templates and fill it out with our information. The lawyer I consulted told me that the way he is trying to deed the house to me won't work (hence the v2) - I think I am just going to have her write that section and I will send it to him. It bothers me that in the end I still will be supporting/helping him but I also will be helping myself get closure.
I also am thinking about trying to take a small trip around our anniversary (Sept 26th) - something not about him or us at all - but haven't made any progress figuring out what/where/who with yet.
I just want to third Indian for both of you. Our dynamic was the same. I was the doer. He initiated the divorce, but I was the one who had to file and do all of the legwork to find someone to help us (we used a paralegal instead of an attorney).
I am positive he didn't read anything in the asset declaration. One, because two of his assets were misspelled and I had to correct them. But, of course, I couldn't tell them to make corrections to his assets, HE had to. Did I mention that HE was the one who misspelled them in the first place?!
Also, when we first split, there was some disagreement about what to do with my rings. I told him that the wedding band was community property but the engagement ring was mine and he had no stake in what I did with it. Obviously, the ering was the pricier of them. He was pissed that I wouldn't agree to split anything I made off it, if I sold it. I told him that was the way CA law interprets wedding/engagement rings and then dropped it. I put this split into my asset declaration - that if I sold my rings, I would give him half of the value of the wedding band only (which is worth maybe $300); the engagement ring (with a 1ct. diamond) was 100% mine. No push back from XH. I'm positive he didn't even read it.
Pretty sure we were married to the same person. I was 100% the doer in our relationship. I had an attorney draw up all the divorce papers because I knew he would never get around to it and if he did it would probably be done wrong. My attorney said that he barely even skimmed the documents that he signed yesterday. I'm still having to hand hold him a lot which is frustrating but I know it is the only way to get stuff done like him refinancing the condo he is keeping or dealing with the tenant that is currently in there. Pretty sure he is going to fail at being an adult once everything is finalized and he no longer has me to help with all of that.
My anniversary would have been September 25th. I'm debating maybe going to someplace I have always wanted to visit but have never been (NOLA, Austin, or Maine) or doing a relaxing beach weekend somewhere. Everyone I know seems to be busy that weekend so I think I might brave solo travel, eek!
I have also been looking at solo travel - it seems to be a busy time for my friends as well. I have a work project that needs to finish before I am able to make any plans definite, so I think it will be relatively last minute plans for me. My thoughts were either California(SF to LA), Ashville NC, or going to Destin, FL/Gulf Coast beaches. BUT, if you do end up deciding on NOLA or Austin, let me know - they are short drives for me and we can distract ourselves together
WinterIsComing my anniversary is in September too. If you think about Chicago I'll join you down there for a day. We can "commiserate" together... I mean forget those assholes.
Probably won't make it there in September but I will sometime this year. My college BFF lives there so I will likely be there before the end of the year. I'll let you know when I come to town!
ETA: Realize how much better off we are without the assholes
I just want to third Indian for both of you. Our dynamic was the same. I was the doer. He initiated the divorce, but I was the one who had to file and do all of the legwork to find someone to help us (we used a paralegal instead of an attorney).
I am positive he didn't read anything in the asset declaration. One, because two of his assets were misspelled and I had to correct them. But, of course, I couldn't tell them to make corrections to his assets, HE had to. Did I mention that HE was the one who misspelled them in the first place?!
Also, when we first split, there was some disagreement about what to do with my rings. I told him that the wedding band was community property but the engagement ring was mine and he had no stake in what I did with it. Obviously, the ering was the pricier of them. He was pissed that I wouldn't agree to split anything I made off it, if I sold it. I told him that was the way CA law interprets wedding/engagement rings and then dropped it. I put this split into my asset declaration - that if I sold my rings, I would give him half of the value of the wedding band only (which is worth maybe $300); the engagement ring (with a 1ct. diamond) was 100% mine. No push back from XH. I'm positive he didn't even read it.
So much empathy with the bolded.
Sounds exactly like my STBXH! I had to tell my STBXH was assets we even had outside of the condo and house we owned. Luckily he didn't bring up my rings but he did try to fight me for the dog. No way was I letting her go!
Pretty sure we were married to the same person. I was 100% the doer in our relationship. I had an attorney draw up all the divorce papers because I knew he would never get around to it and if he did it would probably be done wrong. My attorney said that he barely even skimmed the documents that he signed yesterday. I'm still having to hand hold him a lot which is frustrating but I know it is the only way to get stuff done like him refinancing the condo he is keeping or dealing with the tenant that is currently in there. Pretty sure he is going to fail at being an adult once everything is finalized and he no longer has me to help with all of that.
My anniversary would have been September 25th. I'm debating maybe going to someplace I have always wanted to visit but have never been (NOLA, Austin, or Maine) or doing a relaxing beach weekend somewhere. Everyone I know seems to be busy that weekend so I think I might brave solo travel, eek!
I have also been looking at solo travel - it seems to be a busy time for my friends as well. I have a work project that needs to finish before I am able to make any plans definite, so I think it will be relatively last minute plans for me. My thoughts were either California(SF to LA), Ashville NC, or going to Destin, FL/Gulf Coast beaches. BUT, if you do end up deciding on NOLA or Austin, let me know - they are short drives for me and we can distract ourselves together
I may take you up on this! I'm going to be looking at flights later this week - yay for Skymiles and free plane tickets!