What kind of activities are you looking for specifically? You can probably find a sport sampler and definitely swimming on the weekends at the Y. Dance lessons are often available on weekends as well. If you are looking for a team sport, see if you can carpool with another person.
What about weekends? I find it hard to understand how no activities are possible? Private lessons? Fwiw, I didn't do much growing up and turned out fine.
Post by hopecounts on Jul 22, 2014 17:29:09 GMT -5
I agree check the Rec and other options. I did dance on saturdays because both my parents worked and it was easier for them. It may be that a girl scout troop (if you have a daughter) meets on Saturday (I doubt you are the only parent that has trouble with week night meetings) or some kind of similar group. Little League may be out due to practices but there are likely other options for activities on the weekend if it's something you want them to do.
I'm sorry you feel guilty. Not the same reasons, but my family never had the $ for this, so I never did any sports or lessons or dance or any of that. There were a few occasions where I was jealous of friends who did, but it wasn't a big deal, really.
Post by hopecounts on Jul 22, 2014 17:36:17 GMT -5
Or other idea. My mom made friends with my brothers' classmates parents so when they started sports she made friends and arranged a carpool so she didn't have to do drop off and pick up and neither did the other parent. Do your kids not have any friends whose parents you could work something out with? Maybe they could drop off and you could pick up?
Our activities are done through daycare or on weekends for this reason. I wish we could do things during the week and often consider paying someone else to take them, but then I feel guilty about that, so there I sit on weekends at various activities. Blah. Sorry you are feeling bad about it.
ETA: I nannied in college and part of my duties were driving the kids around to all of the activities/practices their parents couldn't attend. Definitely look into that if it is an option for you.
Post by karmasabiotch on Jul 22, 2014 17:41:17 GMT -5
When they hit school age the schools seem to purposely schedule activities at the building right after school for this very reason. Then the kids can go to aftercare at the school following the activity.
Your local parks and rec should have weekend activities.
Post by trixiedicksnatch on Jul 22, 2014 17:41:25 GMT -5
What are you doing on weekends? You guys could do things together.
Imma be honest here
This is a work/life balance problem. If you can afford to put your child in activities but don't because your work schedule gets in the way you really should try to find ways to get her involved in things so she doesn't feel like you chose (not that you really are choosing) work over her.
Please try to get her in something. And please don't be mad I said this, I just feel like you may end up regretting not getting her involved in stuff.
Sports teach children so much and really help friendship building.
We moved/bought our house last month so we still don't know any neighbors and my kids will be new at their school starting next month. It doesn't help we moved an hour away from my family so we have no one in our new area. I will check into the girls scouts and hopefully they have late meetings or weekend meetings.
I still think reaching out to coaches to see if people would car pool with your kid is something you should look into. Being new to the school is all the more reason to get her in volved in stuff.
For the record I fucking loved Girl Scouts. And girls out camp was the best ever even though every year I got sap in my hair playing hide and seek
I was never able to put the teen in activities because her dickhead father refused to take her when it was his week. I even offered to bring her myself so he didn't have to, but he was so intent on not losing any of "his time" (which was usually while he was working anyway) None of the things she was interested in would allow her to miss every other week, so she got assed out.
All that to say, please find a way. Find something that works on weekends, even if it means driving a little further. Or make friends with fellow parents who might be willing to take your kid for you. I don't know, I guess I feel strongly about this because my kid is so full of regret now that she didn't get to do stuff like that when she was younger.
This is a work/life balance problem. If you can afford to put your child in activities but don't because your work schedule gets in the way you really should try to find ways to get her involved in things so she doesn't feel like you chose (not that you really are choosing) work over her.
Lofl. For real. As if most people have a goddamn choice.
That's why I said she doesn't have a choice but most kids don't see that. They see mom/dad won't let me do things because they have to work all the time. That will just end up to mom guilt a million times over.
My sks do sports in a city 4 hours away and it kills me that we can't make it to all the games. We try to make it to the ones we can and make sure to practice the sport with them while they are home with us.
My 15 year old DS watches my daughter after school until I get home and I take my youngest DS to my mom's house which is an hour away. We can't afford to hire out someone to do pickups and drop offs either. My oldest is a homebody so he was never interested in joining sports but my DD is the opposite, which is why I feel horrible telling her she can't. She then tells me I should quit my job :/ We do take them to the park on the weekends and in the summer after dinner we play outside until it gets dark.
When does drivers Ed start? Maybe once your oldest has a license he can do the activities? (We get our license at 15 here)
He actually starts his first semester so next month but here you have to be 16 to get a license. Thanks for all your suggestions. I really do want to find a way for her to join something as this has been bugging me real bad for awhile.
Are there any activities within walking distance or bike riding distance? Maybe your oldest son was willing to walk her there a few days a week. I used to take my sister to all her sports crap for more car privileges.
I hope you can find a way for your kid to do the activities she wants to do, but please do not feel guilty about having to work.
You are doing your best to support your family, and working is a necessary part of that. Not everybody has the luxury of having a flexible schedule, and you are certainly not "choosing" to work over taking your children to activities. Your work is a necessity. You cannot leave in the middle of it to play chauffeur.
Your kids may or may not understand this now, but they will later, and they will appreciate how hard you worked to feed, clothe, and house them. These things come first. These things are musts.
That's why I said she doesn't have a choice but most kids don't see that. They see mom/dad won't let me do things because they have to work all the time. That will just end up to mom guilt a million times over.
My sks do sports in a city 4 hours away and it kills me that we can't make it to all the games. We try to make it to the ones we can and make sure to practice the sport with them while they are home with us.
"Helpful" comments from internet strangers don't alleviate the guilt.
Yes and I'm the only one who offered helpful comments
You don't like me never have I get it. But really, i didn't say anything that wasn't being said by others.
Our afterschool care program offers classes on site, and you don't have to be an afterschool care participant to do them. That's how my 5-year-old has gotten to do things like hip-hop, cooking class, martial arts, etc. See if something like that exists and might work at your new school, perhaps? It's usually an hour or so, so it wouldn't be too bad for your 15-year-old to wait around.
Oh, and I will add that I didn't really do anything beyond school hours until I got into junior high/high school, and I turned out relatively unscathed. My parents never had the money to put us in stuff like that.
I can't do weeknight a either, I feel you. I would keep looking for weekend stuff. We do swimming/skating/skiing/piano. All are on weekends (not all at once obviously). It is all individual sports which is what DD prefers. We did soccer two summers which killed me, but at least I have more flexible hours in the summer and can make it. During the school year it is impossible.
Yes and I'm the only one who offered helpful comments
You don't like me never have I get it. But really, really didn't say anything that wasn't being said by others.
Whatevs man.
Um ok? I don't recall this prior feud but you KOKO.
Lol at feud I'm just saying even back on old ml you were not my biggest fan. I'm not saying it was a sharks v. Jets type deal
And the whole point was why choose my post? Several people said similar things. Mom guilt is hard I get it, I also get that kids don't understand that most parents don't have a choice about whether their parents work. Op already pointed out that her dd wants her to quit her job so she can do activities. Kids don't understand.
Oh, and I will add that I didn't really do anything beyond school hours until I got into junior high/high school, and I turned out relatively unscathed. My parents never had the money to put us in stuff like that.
Lol at feud I'm just saying even back on old ml you were not my biggest fan. I'm not saying it was a sharks v. Jets type deal
And the whole point was why choose my post? Several people said similar things. Mom guilt is hard I get it, I also get that kids don't understand that most parents don't have a choice about whether their parents work. Op already pointed out that her dd wants her to quit her job so she can do activities. Kids don't understand.
Yours felt the assy-est.
And I honestly don't remember anything about you from the old board, save for Nestography. Sorry.
It was defiantly not meant assy. I was pointing out that she didnt have a choice and that her kids don't get that.
I get mom guilt over everything. So I get the feeling. And when we both worked I felt like the worst step parent ever if I couldn't be home for dinner or if fi had to go get the kids alone or I couldn't take them to the park or whatever. And I always got the "why can't you stay home with us today" sad puppy questions. It sucks.
It was defiantly not meant assy. I was pointing out that she didnt have a choice and that her kids don't get that.
I get mom guilt over everything. So I get the feeling. And when we both worked I felt like the worst step parent ever if I couldn't be home for dinner or if fi had to go get the kids alone or I couldn't take them to the park or whatever. And I always got the "why can't you stay home with us today" sad puppy questions. It sucks.
Well, I don't have a longstanding feud with you, and I think you should re read your posts and decide if what you said was designed to alleviate guilt. I don't think it was. You essentially said that these activities are paramount to the child's wellbeing and she must find a way. They aren't, and she doesn't. I feel bad that she came in here like we all do looking to not feel as shitty as we do, and potentially walked away feeling worse. I even did it, by making a suggestion that I assumed was financially feasible, forcing her to defend herself.
Ok. If what I said was/or came off assy that was not my intention. Obviously.
When I'm a dick on purpose you will know it and when I'm not, well sometimes I say shit. It happens. I'm never afraid to apologise if something I said upset someone.
I do think activities are important. Are her children going to grow up do be horrible people if they don't participate probably not (again my non activity sister grew up to be a bitch but I don't think that had anything to do with activities)
I do know I had an easier time making friends because I had a built group of people from sports. She struggled because our area is very sports driven. So this may skew my perception a bit
And again I'm sorry if I was a big ol bag of dicks because I didn't mean to be. Momming is hard.
Maybe you can explain to her that with the new house, school, and community, you can't make it work this season. But hopefully she will soon make friends and you will get to know other families who may be able to help you make that happen for her. It's true that it often takes a village to raise kids...but when you move, you lose your village and have to find a new one. You'll get there, it just takes time. The older she gets, the less of an ordeal it is to have another parent help with pick-up and drop-off. As a SAHM, I know that I'll be happy to (& plan to) help shuttle other kids to/from other activities to help families where both parents work...hopefully you can find the same.