I nearly got creamed by a semi hauling a trailer that ran a red light. I am still all shaken up but beyond that I am really angry about it- my H, me, and my baby were all in the car. That fucker could have taken us all out just like that at the speed he was going.
I'm really thankful that I have therapy tonight. I need it so badly.
I'm supposed to meet my parents on Saturday, I haven't spoken to them in two years. I have no idea how the conversation is going to go, but I have very low expectations and it most likely will not go well. I have no idea how to communicate with them or how to move forward. I want to forgive them for all of the shit they have done in the past, but I can't just start having a relationship with them without knowing that those issues have been resolved and have some sort of hope that the same bullshit will not continue on.
Can they change? They are 60 so... probably not, right?
I feel like I'm in a constant state of panic attack, tight chest, hard to breathe.
I shouldn't have contacted them to try this. I'm regretting it. But the ball is rolling, and worst case scenario is that they are still assholes and at least I tried?
I spent 70 minutes trying to deal with Sears customer service yesterday, was transferred to three different people. I kept my cool through being put on hold seven different times and being told they had no notes on promised refunds from the last three times I called or from emails.
I explained why I was calling and what was unacceptable until I was blue in the face, then was ultimately transferred to someone who started screamed at me, told me I had already been refunded for multiple things that everyone up to that point had no evidence about and said wouldn't happen, and which I haven't seen on my card after 21 days. She then implied I was trying to steal from Sears, and hung up on me. I nearly threw up at the end. We spent $4K with them and the customer service at this point has put that Comcast call to shame. It is unbelievable.
I've been going to a new hairdresser and while she does an excellent job on my hair, she does not say a word other than "hello" and "what are we doing with your hair". I get that she doesn't have to, but every stylist I've gone to in the past has made some conversation. I've tried to initiate some things, but it goes nowhere. I'm just being sensitive because I'm wondering if that is just how she is or if it's me... (huh)
I hate having to keep up a constant stream of chatter while getting my hair done. It takes 3 freaking hours. I don't have that much to say to a person I only see 4-5 times a year.
I spent 70 minutes trying to deal with Sears customer service yesterday, was transferred to three different people. I kept my cool through being put on hold seven different times and being told they had no notes on promised refunds from the last three times I called or from emails.
I explained why I was calling and what was unacceptable until I was blue in the face, then was ultimately transferred to someone who started screamed at me, told me I had already been refunded for multiple things that everyone up to that point had no evidence about and said wouldn't happen, and which I have it seen on my card after 21 days. She then implied I was trying to steal from Sears, and hung up on me. I nearly threw up at then end. We spent $4K with them and the customer service at this point has put that Comcast call to shame. It is unbelievable.
We gutted our kitchen a few years back and bought appliances at Sears. They are a f*cking NIGHTMARE to deal with. I hate that place so much!!! Their salesman wrote down the amount of rebate we should have gotten, but then they refused to pay it. Then they wouldn't install like they said they would. Then they wouldn't honor the warranty we purchased. I feel your pain! It's been five years and I still get fired up thinking about it. Jackasses.
I'm going to my best friends baby shower on Saturday and I have no idea what to get her. She is a lot more fancy than I am and I can't afford the crap on her registry ($400 infant car seat for 6 months of use?). I'm giving her an autographed copy of our favorite book. I don't know if I should give her baby books and make it a theme or if I should get her something useful. Like a crib sheet or something since that's pretty much all she has that I can afford at the moment. Jeeeeeez.
oceanspray Thanks. I did totally lose my shit on the person who started off by yelling at me and implying I was pulling a scam but I think at that point she had already hung up. The whole thing has been kafkaesque.
It's my Friday! Started the day off right but sleeping through my alarm and having to rush to work late. oops!
Tonight when I get home H & B are going fishing so i'll just be me & C for awhile, nice & quiet. Then hopefully tomorrow we are going blueberry picking before my gram show uo to go to the beach for the long weekend!
I'm going to my best friends baby shower on Saturday and I have no idea what to get her. She is a lot more fancy than I am and I can't afford the crap on her registry ($400 infant car seat for 6 months of use?). I'm giving her an autographed copy of our favorite book. I don't know if I should give her baby books and make it a theme or if I should get her something useful. Like a crib sheet or something since that's pretty much all she has that I can afford at the moment. Jeeeeeez.
Does she have a humidifer/vaporizor thing on her registry? My SIL got me one and said it'll definitely come in handy when the baby gets sick. I didn't think to register for it. Looks like Target has one for around $30. I think mine is the Vicks brand.
ETA: She also got me the stuff to put in it but that should only be another $5.
Yeah that was the other thing I was thinking about. DS has eczema and RAD, we use the hell out of it in the winter.
I was also thinking about a sound machine, she didn't register for one though, and maybe a collection of baby meds (gripe water, saline drops etc). Judging from how fanceh her stuff is I'm scared to go off registry but those things saved my life. Then again what if I dont get the saline drops that were made from melted glaciers in the arctic circle with a dash of angels tears?
I texted her cousin who is another friend of mine and who is also similar in the financial department to see what she's getting. Maybe we can do a joint gift?
calamity, good luck. You could always cancel if it is causing you that much stress and anxiety.
Some doors are meant to stay closed.
I am seriously considering cancelling.
I do feel that there is a societal pressure to have a relationship with your family. I mean, they did raise me and they aren't awful people. I do have some good memories of my childhood. I just hate the way that I feel around them. Like I'm second best (to my sister) and then add on top of all of the things they have done to betray my trust.
I start crying to even THINK about my kids not wanting to talk to me when they are adults. I think how my parents must be feeling pain with my absence, right? I guess not. My emails to them were in a cold tone, and their responses back were the same. I know I play a part in all of this, but I want to come off as strong and not bendable to take their shit. I've been clinging to my anger for "strength" but it's fucking exhausting. I just want peace... with lots and lots and lots of boundaries.
Maybe it's all just too far gone.
See... told you I reaaaaaally need that therapy tonight!
Weird weight thing this morning: I had something that didn't agree with me at lunch on Sunday and barely ate anything Sunday pm-Tuesday lunch.
Without going into TMI, let's just say I almost needed a pants person every time I ate something. As a result, I had lost 2kgs by Tuesday morning.
I felt better, so I ate lunch (a salad) and dinner (some pasta) yesterday. 2kgs were back this morning
Conclusion: I have 2kgs worth of crap in my body.
ETA: you're most welcome for this riveting information.
Or, more likely, you were dehydrated and thats mostly just water weight.
I wish! (sort of). I did feel pretty thirsty and must have had at least 3,5l of water every day (a bit more than what I normally have). Either way, booooo to the returning kgs!
We close at noon today for a local holiday! Woot! So dd and I are going on a mommy/daughter hair date!
I have no clue what to get ds for his birthday. And I should probably start planning his birthday party, but I don't want to! That means he's growing up and my kids are NOT allowed to grow up!
Do you think this is your one last opportunity, before you are able to have peace for yourself? Kind of like a "I did everything I could?" If you feel that you need this for closure, do it.
Yes, this is a huge motivation for me to do it. I'll know I did everything I could, communicated what I need and if they can't do that... then okay. I tried. I really did.
They aren't the type to accept any responsibility which is why my expectations are super low. I will fully accept that my rage filled letter (that had been building for 30 years) was NOT the best way to deal with it. But then I feel like again I'm the one trying to be the "bigger" person while it just gives them "ammo" to put me at blame again, to be the scapegoat.
Literally, I come from an alcoholic family and my role was the scapegoat, while my sister is the golden child.
How will that ever change if they don't? Is it selfish of me to expect them to change?
Fuck man, life is hard!
ETA thank you so much for the support and emotional dump to everyone. It helps to just get it out.
Do you think this is your one last opportunity, before you are able to have peace for yourself? Kind of like a "I did everything I could?" If you feel that you need this for closure, do it.
Yes, this is a huge motivation for me to do it. I'll know I did everything I could, communicated what I need and if they can't do that... then okay. I tried. I really did.
They aren't the type to accept any responsibility which is why my expectations are super low. I will fully accept that my rage filled letter (that had been building for 30 years) was NOT the best way to deal with it. But then I feel like again I'm the one trying to be the "bigger" person while it just gives them "ammo" to put me at blame again, to be the scapegoat.
Literally, I come from an alcoholic family and my role was the scapegoat, while my sister is the golden child.
How will that ever change if they don't? Is it selfish of me to expect them to change?
Fuck man, life is hard!
ETA thank you so much for the support and emotional dump to everyone. It helps to just get it out.
You can tell me to fuck off but I found the subreddit r/raisedbynarcissists over on reddit to be so helpful with support and resources when I went no contact with some family members. It is so hard and feels so unfair, and it's too easy to second guess yourself. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
Post by happyholiday on Jul 23, 2014 9:35:25 GMT -5
Today is our last day visiting my mom. I'm really eager to get back home and into our routine. The kids start swim lessons in a few days, but the activities post has me feeling way guilty that I didn't enroll DS1 in Lego building camp.
Post by aussiecrush on Jul 23, 2014 9:52:10 GMT -5
I'd take some good thoughts if you've got them to spare. Taking Ds1 for his allergist appointment to see if he's outgrown his egg allergy. With him starting school so soon it would be amazing to alleviate that fear.
We had a gift swap at work yesterday. I was the last to pick, but there were no gifts left. Because someone who didn't bring one took one anyway (the one I contributed).
It was very awkward so I left without a gift. But it was a small price limit so whatever.
Then I come in this morning and the gift I brought was sitting on a conf table up for grabs. After thinking about it, I took it back before someone else could.
Then this coworker came to my desk telling me he forgot it and saw it so I gave it back.
Wtf all around. Worst exchange ever!
It was a good one too - I did a movie night - candy/snacks/popcorn and red box rental.
I have a phone call tonight with this researcher from Georgia Tech who's doing his thesis on how social media is related to health and wellness. So that should be interesting.
My H is working a 14 hour day today. Poor dude
I'd be very curious to read that thesis.
I'm hoping that I will get to since I am participating.