is calling someone a "bully" at work a big deal?

[ijack]

I work with someone who is extremely rude and demeaning to me. I've hit a wall with it after he was rude today and I'm letting my managers know that I'm not okay with it any more. I originally referred to him as a "bully" in my email, but I'm wondering if using that word is a no-no and raises too many flags. Should I try to use a different word?

[pamela]

I don't see why it would be a problem if his behavior warrants it.

[Deleted]

It doesn't strike me as a particularly professional or mature accusation to put in a work email? It isn't a swear word or bigoted or anything so I don't think it goes in no-no/flag-raising territory. But I'd hesitate to put concerns like that in writing unless you choose your words very carefully. If this gets escalated, you want your paper trail to cast you in a positive (mature, professional, reasonable) light. "You're being a mean bully!" doesn't do that.

[lys]

Have you spoken with him directly about his inappropriate behavior?  Is he rude and demeaning to everyone or just you? Have you kept a record of the incidents and what you did about them?

[ijack]

Jul 23, 2014 14:53:50 GMT -5 v said:

It doesn't strike me as a particularly professional or mature accusation to put in a work email? It isn't a swear word or bigoted or anything so I don't think it goes in no-no/flag-raising territory. But I'd hesitate to put concerns like that in writing unless you choose your words very carefully. If this gets escalated, you want your paper trail to cast you in a positive (mature, professional, reasonable) light. "You're being a mean bully!" doesn't do that.

Is there a word you would use instead?

[daisypaloma]

What's wrong with just saying 'extremely rude and demeaning'? Or 'condescending'?

'Bully' sounds childish.

[ECB]

Jul 23, 2014 15:01:30 GMT -5 daisypaloma said:

What's wrong with just saying 'extremely rude and demeaning'? Or 'condescending'?

'Bully' sounds childish.

This is what I was coming to ask. I'm not sure why you need to "call" him a specific thing. Just describe how he's treating you.

[msmerymac]

I think there are two issues: 1) it makes you sound victimized (which might be entirely appropriate, but not something I'd want to highlight in a professional setting necessarily) and 2) bullying is a major issue with students currently in the news, and can include criminal investigations, so I think accusing someone of being a bully today is a much more serious accusation than it would have been 20 years ago and might raise some red flags for your supervisor.

So I think it depends on the context of your complaint and what you think needs to be done to resolve the issue. If you just want him to get some sensitivity training or approach his communication with you in a different way, it seems like an alarmist word to use. If you think he's engaged in some fireable offenses, then it might be appropriate.

[Deleted]

Jul 23, 2014 14:57:46 GMT -5 ijack said:

Jul 23, 2014 14:53:50 GMT -5 v said:

It doesn't strike me as a particularly professional or mature accusation to put in a work email? It isn't a swear word or bigoted or anything so I don't think it goes in no-no/flag-raising territory. But I'd hesitate to put concerns like that in writing unless you choose your words very carefully. If this gets escalated, you want your paper trail to cast you in a positive (mature, professional, reasonable) light. "You're being a mean bully!" doesn't do that.

Is there a word you would use instead?

 
Impossible to suggest without knowing the entire backstory, interaction, etc.  I'd imagine it would be better to not use "a word" -- name calling isn't really something that you should be doing at work.  It is fine to stand up for yourself,  but it should be more along the lines of "You are doing x, and I find it inappropriate."

[mbcdefg]

Jul 23, 2014 14:57:46 GMT -5 ijack said:

Jul 23, 2014 14:53:50 GMT -5 v said:

It doesn't strike me as a particularly professional or mature accusation to put in a work email? It isn't a swear word or bigoted or anything so I don't think it goes in no-no/flag-raising territory. But I'd hesitate to put concerns like that in writing unless you choose your words very carefully. If this gets escalated, you want your paper trail to cast you in a positive (mature, professional, reasonable) light. "You're being a mean bully!" doesn't do that.

Is there a word you would use instead?

Unprofessional?

[ijack]

thanks for the advice ladies

[bryantpark]

Aggressive?

[mellymel]

It may launch an investigation against him. When you make a claim like that, HR has an obligation to investigate (if your managers get HR involved).

[aurora]

Jul 23, 2014 15:56:44 GMT -5 @crackhabit said:

Describe the behavior, not the person.

This.

"On x date, coworker entered my cubicle, stood threateningly close to me, and shouted, 'you suck as a human being!'" is much stronger and more professional than "Coworker is a bully."

[purposelyvague]

is he a bully though? I found this website helpful when dealing with a coworker.
kickbully.com/master.html

[AAM2012]

Jul 23, 2014 16:58:29 GMT -5 aurora said:

Jul 23, 2014 15:56:44 GMT -5 @crackhabit said:

Describe the behavior, not the person.

This.

"On x date, coworker entered my cubicle, stood threateningly close to me, and shouted, 'you suck as a human being!'" is much stronger and more professional than "Coworker is a bully."

Yes I would focus on the facts ("he said xyz") versus your opinion. But I would also talk to my manager not email them...

[ijack]

Jul 23, 2014 17:04:15 GMT -5 purposelyvague said:

is he a bully though? I found this website helpful when dealing with a coworker.
kickbully.com/master.html

according to our policies, yes.

[purposelyvague]

What I meant was, I don't have a problem calling him a bully if he is one. Workplace or not.

[jena]

"Coworker X's actions create a hostile work environment"

[aMrsin09]

Interesting the US opinions on the word Bully.
Here we have laws against it in the workplace and HR Gov't posters about the place describing bulling and what to do if you see it or are subject to it. And yes, they use the words Bully and Bullying.