i need opinions and/or a kick in the butt (long and whiny)

[mushmouse]

I'd tell him that sounds like a great idea. And on the other day he can spend it with both boys in the morning, or afternoon, or whatever time YOU choose to have to yourself.

[bittybomb]

I would definitely suggest a rotation of DS1, then DS2, then both, then family. And would it really be all day? I mean my husband takes my oldest son fishing with him sometimes just the two of them, but its like 3 hours max and they leave pretty early.

I totally get your frustration and for what its worth, I do not think you're a selfish hosebag. And I'm not even a sahm. Parenting is hard! And everyone deserves a break.

Good luck.

[lauren170]

Can't the one on one time with each boy be limited to say an hour? Like a board game or bike riding? I don't think a whole day is necessary for some bonding. My dad used to do "turns" when he got home from work for 45 minutes with each of us. I played battleship, monopoly, or UNO

[eb777888]

I would tell him he needs to take both kids. Every week. It just seems better all the way around.

[Deleted]

I think he should take both boys and give you a break.

I'm kind of sensitive to this because I'm with both kids ALL THE TIME. Lol.

[sparkythelawyer]

These are the posts that make me wonder if your husband needs a side eye.

[sandytoes]

Maybe he could do the one on one thing every now and then as opposed to every Saturday. My kids would not be happy if we separated them every week. I think they would feel left out and they love playing together.

[sewpinkgal]

Maybe I'm a selfish SAHM, but dude, I'd have been hot at his suggestion. I mean, I get what he is saying, I do, but you need a break (a REAL break), too. Will the kids going back to school help with you having some down time? If so, then maybe go with this plan for the rest of summer or ask that it's one kid-one kid - both kids. If school starting isn't going to give you a break, then I'd ask that he take both boys on Saturdays. Again, I'm coming from the perspective of having really little ones so when I'm home with him/them, there isn't a real school break built in.

I'm sorry the transition is tougher than you expected. I hope you guys are able to find a good solution soon.

[livinitup]

Be honest.

You're trying to project an image, that you want DH and everyone (including you) to believe. You're acting afraid of the truth and because of what it *might* mean If you were honest.

That's no good, sista. No good.

[cleo29]

1) he needs to take them both. Does the idea of this freak him out? How does he react when he has them alone now? Does that happen?

2) I think you just need to speak calmly, but honestly with him. You have supported him through so many things from the moves for his job to his daughter. You deserve a day that is just you, you NEED a day that is just you. And if he doesn't get that, you are now only an hour from me so I can give him some Cleo tough love. I can be fierce when I need to be.

[missmaddie]

I think you should ask about options for both boys, as well as all 4 of you. I don't hear much time for the two of you either, but maybe you guys have more evivgs together once the boys are asleep, etc. that just wasn't mentioned.

[glynn]

Take both kids and do fun stuff. I love when DH takes DD2 and it is just me. With the older kids I had them all time time and never got a break but they where close in age and could do the same things. DD2 is so much younger than them that it does not work like that for her.

[Muddled]

Tell him to take both. The boys want quality time with Dad every week.

I would suggest regular date nights as well, because the two of you need quality time together too.

[flamingeaux]

Can you suggest that he take them both on sat from like 10til2, and then alternate which one he spends 1 on 1 time with from 2 til5, every week.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using proboards

[bananapancakes]

Could he take DS1 for a few hours in the morning, come home for lunch as a family, then take both boys for the afternoon? He could then take DS2 the next week.

[iamgrace]

Tell him you need him to take both boys for something every Saturday. You need this.

[sewpinkgal]

frkls - With that update, I stand by him needing to take both boys on Saturdays. You need some dedicated time off, especially with all of the changes and the crazy schedule he is keeping right now. I hope you can get your thoughts/words together about it and have a good talk with him soon. I probably would have bit my tongue in the moment, too, but he needs to hear why this is not a good idea right now.

[muppetinma]

Saturday has a LOT of hours in it. He can take one boy out in the morning, then take both of them out in the afternoon. On Mondays, you can reciprocate and take the boys out for a few hours so he can catch a break. I'm a big fan of being upfront about what you need from him. He'll likely not think of it on his own, and you'll just harbor resentment. Sit down, talk it out, figure out something that will work for both of you, and stick to it. If it's still not working, talk it out and figure something else out.

[DotAndBuzz]

He takes both boys on the weekend. For sure. Hell, he doesn't even have to TAKE them anywhere. He can play with them at home while you go and sit in Panera and read a magazine for 2 hours, and then go for a walk, or whatever. It doesn't have to be a grand event for it to be solid father-son time. And that can carry over to evenings. 30-60 minutes (no phones, no computers, no tv/video games) spent playing a board game, or doing a puzzle, or throwing a baseball after dinner with one of the boys can be PLENTY of quality one-on-one time. We try to do that with the girls and it is actually really fun and helps each of us kind of re-set.

A break for you from kids is not an insane request. He may be weird about it at first if he's not used to doing stuff with both of them at once (mine hemmed and hawed about taking them out the first time because THERE WAS SURE TO BE A DISASTER OF SOME SORT, lol), but oh well! You've figured it out, so can he.

[wrathofkuus]

Maybe you should skip ss every week, too, in addition to him taking both boys on his day off.

[wrathofkuus]

Okay, is there anything else you can skip? Because I think you deserve more than just maybe one day a week to yourself.

[nsuhomer]

We took our schedule from a blog I follow. We try to do the first Saturday of each month. Basically, one day DH does something with just one kiddo. Following month, DH and other kiddo. Next month, me and one kiddo. Then, me and other kiddo. Repeat. Does that make any sense? I sleepy today...

[papie]

Jul 23, 2014 16:16:37 GMT -5 cjoy said:

I would tell him he was going to take both damn kids or risk being murdered in his sleep.

Yep
Doing something one on one once a month or so is ok, and even that sounds like too much IMO.

[mushmouse]

Jul 23, 2014 17:10:21 GMT -5 nsuhomer said:

We took our schedule from a blog I follow. We try to do the first Saturday of each month. Basically, one day DH does something with just one kiddo. Following month, DH and other kiddo. Next month, me and one kiddo. Then, me and other kiddo. Repeat. Does that make any sense? I sleepy today...

That sounds like a good plan.  I only have one child but I do think it's a good idea for each child to get some alone time with their parents.  Once a week is probably overkill!  But I think it could be great to have one on one time.  And 3rd grade and preschool really doesn't sound that close in age to me.

I'm also so tired of this whole martyr thing.  You're a martyr for saying something, you're a martyr for not saying something.  You should be able to hash out your feelings about things without being accused of martyring just because you have children.

[cville]

Your sanity is more important, right now, than one on one bonding time with your children. Your husband can sack up and just hang out with them both.

[lilac05]

What if he takes both boys for breakfast on Saturdays? Alone time for you, bonding time for them, then family time the rest of the day (or a break for whoever needs it that day).

[EmilieMadison]

I agree that he needs to take both boys every week.

And also, maybe there needs to be a talk about him putting his foot down and getting his days off. I realize that his work is not an office job, that things come up, and that it's very non-traditional as far as jobs go. But he needs to set a precedent of not just letting things get scheduled when he is supposed to have a day off.

I realize that he's just starting in this location, things are crazy, etc. But unless he takes a stand now with this, it will never stop and you'll be resentful and you'll both be stressed out constantly. I know he doesn't have 100% control of his life, but I think he probably has more control over the life/work balance than he uses.