Wow, this is pretty cool

[pantsparty]

So an acquaintance of mine on Facebook is getting a divorce. She and her ex are actually renting duplexes next to each other, so they will still be able to co-parent and see their son without carting him back and forth. I know some people who seem to get along well with their exes, but my mind is totally blown at this scenario.

[sofamonkey]

That sounds great in theory.  We will see how things are in 6-12 months. 

[Deleted]

Wow, that is amazing that they get along well enough and are mature enough for a situation like that. The cynic in me does wonder if that will continue when one of them starts dating/bringing a SO home.

[nannersp]

Oh, that's an interesting approach!

Our best married friends are divorcing right now, and it's so strange to see how they're dividing things up, dealing with co-parenting, new girlfriends, etc.

[pantsparty]

Jul 23, 2014 18:00:15 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

That sounds great in theory.  We will see how things are in 6-12 months. 

Yes, I am definitely not going to rain on her parade, but that was my first thought. I don't think I'd want an ex that close to me.

[sofamonkey]

Jul 23, 2014 18:01:56 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

Jul 23, 2014 18:00:15 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

That sounds great in theory.  We will see how things are in 6-12 months. 

Yes, I am definitely not going to rain on her parade, but that was my first thought. I don't think I'd want an ex that close to me.

I actually rented a house with my XH.  We had other roommates too, it was a big house.  Things were fine until I brought a date home.  Whoops!  Not at all breezy. 

[meganew]

My uncles parents did this and it worked out really well for their family!

Seriously, no sarcasm!

[elleblue]

Jul 23, 2014 18:01:56 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

Jul 23, 2014 18:00:15 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

That sounds great in theory.  We will see how things are in 6-12 months. 

Yes, I am definitely not going to rain on her parade, but that was my first thought. I don't think I'd want an ex that close to me.

At least they're renting so if it doesn't work out they aren't stuck, so to speak. 

[Deleted]

I could not do this. There are some things I DONT need to know.

Good luck to them!

[ZoeHart]

My aunt and uncle did something similar. They got houses in the same neighborhood, a street apart so the kids could just walk back and forth between the houses. It worked out great for them.

[spankswife]

I saw something like this once and they knocked down the dividing wall in the daughters bedroom so she could get to it from either side, and had a huge room!

[spankswife]

candysdirt.com/2013/06/12/living-together-after-divorce-edmonton-exes-build-custom-duplex-keeping-family-together-but-separate/

This is a little different, but similar.

[circa1978]

I've joked about doing this with H. No divorce, I just like my space.

[CurlyQ284]

I hope the bedrooms aren't next to each other. Weird to hear the bed knocking on the wall.

Yeahhhhhh as a step mom, I would run away. Far far away from this.

[isabel]

My dad is super cheap, so he chose to live in an RV for quite a while during my childhood. However, if he hadn't been so cheap, I could totally see my parents doing this. They got along great and never seemed to mind each other dating. Their SOs would come to our sporting events and what not and things always felt very civil.

Good on them for giving this a try!

[karinothing]

My coworker and his wife are doing this (well they live next door to each other not in duplexes). They still hate each other but at least they don't have to drive far.

On the other hand, my friend in law school her parents were divorced and remarried and on holidays the entire family would get together. They were all very close. It had been this way since she was a kid.

[shopgirl07]

I would have loved to do this, but not right away. Maybe after a year or two when things have calmed down and feelings aren't so raw.

[dowagercountess]

As we all know, I've had my ex stay with me off and on. We could do the duplex thing.

[rosiebear]

We tried, for the first few months of separation, to have an apartment and to keep the family home. The kids always stayed in the home, we parents rotated between the apartment and home stays.

Good in theory. Then ex's gloves came off when he realized after a few months that the separation wasn't just a temporary thing that would end when I "came to my senses."

[azurely]

I saw an episode of Katie recently where the parents did this. They had a hallway connecting the two sides of the duplex, and the kids' bedrooms were in that hallway. The parent who had the kids that week would open their end of the hallway, while the other parent kept theirs locked. They only opened those doors when the kids switched custody, but the kids could go through the other parent's front door to visit them whenever they wanted to.

I like the idea of it, but it would require a very amicable divorce and great communication.

[Captain Serious]

Jul 23, 2014 18:03:33 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

Jul 23, 2014 18:01:56 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

Yes, I am definitely not going to rain on her parade, but that was my first thought. I don't think I'd want an ex that close to me.

I actually rented a house with my XH.  We had other roommates too, it was a big house.  Things were fine until I brought a date home.  Whoops!  Not at all breezy. 

This is exactly what I was thinking.  How messy a "good" thing would get once one of them starts dating and the other isn't ready for that yet.

[missmaddie]

I know of a family where the parents live in neighbouring buildings in the same apartment complex. Their DD has special needs and the similarities of the buildings seem to benefit her. I would think they could reasonably avoid each other and any future partners most days. They trade off custody EO week.

[Deleted]

Jul 23, 2014 19:46:07 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

I've joked about doing this with H. No divorce, I just like my space.

Yes, when the house next door was for sale I told H we should buy it so we could have 'his' and 'hers' houses.  Close enough to see each other when we wanted to but still able to have our own space.  We didn't go for it.  Apparently he likes me more then I like him

[papie]

BIL and his ex live one street apart for that reason. They have been doing it for like 13 years (they split when she was pregnant with their twins). They also follow the 3-2-2-3 schedule.

[Deleted]

Jul 23, 2014 19:46:07 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

I've joked about doing this with H. No divorce, I just like my space.

Like Tim Burton and Helena!

[underwaterrhymes]

This would not have worked for my parents.

But I think it's awesome if it works for them!

[lilybug]

I think I could do this with my ex. It would be so convenient for the kids, we're both sick of carting them across town. Plus we've already run the gauntlet of emotions/arguments/insecurities with dating other people. The only problem I could for see is that he would ALWAYS want to borrow shit, because I have nicer stuff than he does.

I'd be very hesitant to jump straight to a duplex situation without living totally separate for a while.

[pantsparty]

Huh, so I'm not sure if this is at all related, but she put a link on her Facebook page to her tumblr, where she talks about polyamory. Obviously she is not going into detail but I'm curious how/if that is still continuing through the divorce. She and her H were married for 8 years, and had an open relationship for 5.

Also, she notes in her tumblr that they told their PARENTS they were polyamorous. Holy shit.

[sonrisa]

My aunt and her husband decided they were through about 30 years ago, but didn't want to split the stuff. So the divided up the house and neither ever moved (no formal division or walls, just a line down the middle). Yeah, don't do that.

[aprilsails]

My friend's parents are still married but have been separated for over 20 years. They had a bungalow with a full walk out basement. The Dad built a full apartment in the basement and they closed up the stairs. She grew up in the same house but had rooms upstairs and downstairs and would switch off as convenient for the parents.

They never divorced because her Dad has longstanding medical issues and is highly dependant on the Mom's benefits. He would be destitute without her help. I thought this was a very civilized arrangement. They both have pretty serious relationships.

My parents divorced but continued to work for the same company in the same office for 13 years. They get along quite well which made it much easier for us kids. My Mom would not have continued to live beside my dad though. That would have been way weird.