Tell me about your typical 6 year old child.

[karmasabiotch]

What do you expect from them around the house?

What do you do if they don't listen?

How long would you take an item away for?

How do you discipline them

Do you yell at them when they don't listen?

How many chances do you give them to follow a direction?

Etc.

I know all of this from a professional stand point.  What I don't know is all of this from a Mom point of view with a child who has some special needs and how much of his behavior I'm writing off because he has issues and how much I should hold him accountable for, please help me.

[madringal]

Jul 24, 2014 9:10:53 GMT -5 karmasabiotch said:

What do you expect from them around the house? She is expected to make her bed, put her dirty clothes in the hamper, put dishes in the sink, pick up her toys, put away anything she takes out, help me put away laundry, and help unload the dishwasher.

What do you do if they don't listen? My 6 yo is exceptionally well behaved, its bizarre.  But when she shows a little attitude, or isn't paying attention - a warning to do what she is told usually works

How long would you take an item away for? no more then 24 hours

How do you discipline them She usually gets sent to her room, or gets a toy taken away.  In the summer we play outside with the neighbors after dinner each night, so I have taken that away before also.

Do you yell at them when they don't listen? Raise my voice yes, actually yell at her - probably not.

How many chances do you give them to follow a direction? If I have to tell ehr more then twice, that usually leads to a warning.  Next time is the punishment - go to room, take away a toy, no playing outside after dinner, etc.

Etc.

I know all of this from a professional stand point.  What I don't know is all of this from a Mom point of view with a child who has some special needs and how much of his behavior I'm writing off because he has issues and how much I should hold him accountable for, please help me.

[EmilieMadison]

Sigh. This is like deja vu. If you wont take your own professional knowledge and use it with your child, why would you bother asking for anyone else's advice?

[illgetthere]

If you know how it "should" be, then do that. If someone has limited abilities, it should be taken into consideration. However, it shouldn't be a pass to not listen and do as they are told. He needs to be held accountable because the real world will require it (or should).

[eddy]

What do you expect from them around the house? He has chores (keeps room clean, cleans windows, cleans stairs, washes dog dishes) That he does each week. Also we expect him to clear his stuff from the table and assorted other tasks throughout the week.

What do you do if they don't listen? Privileges gone. Normally tv or a treat or something.

How long would you take an item away for? It depends. Most of the time it is short term like the afternoon or something. Rarely do I have to punish past the current day.

How do you discipline them. Go to your room if I need him to calm down. Take away stuff for everything else.

Do you yell at them when they don't listen? uhhhh.....yeah

How many chances do you give them to follow a direction? One? I don't know, it depends on the situation.

Read more: pandce.proboards.com/thread/350998/tell-typical-year-old-child#ixzz38OipyIBi

[hopecounts]

Your son is not neurotypical.
Dealing with discipline and chores/expectations for him is going to look different then for a NT child.
Use your knowledge and put together a good team to help him and you navigate these issues in a way that will be effective for him.

[laceylaplante]

What do you expect from them around the house? Picking up toys, dishes to the sink, dirty clothes in hamper, taking small trash bags to the garage, making his bed.

What do you do if they don't listen? A warning, then a time out, then things like tv time and dessert taken away.

How long would you take an item away for? Usually the rest of the day. A few times for a week.

How do you discipline them
Do you yell at them when they don't listen? I'm a yeller and need to stop. Time outs, taking toys not being played with appropriately, no dessert, ect. There hads been one time that he got sent to bed an hour early.

How many chances do you give them to follow a direction? I'll say something about needing to follow directions the first time if it's not happening and follow with a warning.

[renna]

What do you expect from them around the house? Put away things he has taken out (books, toys, etc.), clear the dishes after a meal - from dining room table to kitchen counter, put his clean, folded laundry away, make his bed and pick up his room, do the things we ask (like going to get papers off the printer upstairs for me).

What do you do if they don't listen? Say it again, sternly

How long would you take an item away for? Usually a day or two. I stick it on a shelf in my closet and usually we both forget about it. Neither of us is counting down the minutes.

How do you discipline them? Removal of something like watching something on the computer (he doesn't get to watch much, not even daily so it's a big thing), no treat, go lay on your bed till I come talk to you. It helps immensely that he is by nature a good kid.

Do you yell at them when they don't listen? I'm not much of a yeller, more of a Mom Look that means "You had better do what I say". He takes that seriously. I yell if it is big and foolish, though, like if he colored on the wall. I would yell for that. (He did that when he was 3 and just one time, thank goodness.)

How many chances do you give them to follow a direction? I try not to overload him with decorations and instead give him CLEARLY the instructions to do, say, 2-3 things and end it with "Come back when you've done those and I'll tell you more." I don't want to rattle off a list of 8 things, just do a couple and I will give you more when it's time.

I am a SAHM, he is 6 and an only child, I'm in my 40's and we work well together, if that makes any difference in how my answers are viewed.

[karmasabiotch]

I have a team in place. I have professionals. What I don't have is Mom's that have typical 6 year olds.

I waiver between expecting too much from him and not having a clear understanding of the line of what behaviors he can't control due to his dx. I wanted to hear from real Mom's and not fall back on a therapists view because as most people know that isn't always realistic.

Sometimes I need to hear it a few times. I understand ADHD/ADD. I'm newer to SPD and ODD. I didn't mean this to be flame worthy. If you would rather not answer because you have told me before I understand. I'm just a bit overwhelmed when I have a child who is everything to me and attacks me because he can't handle his anger and 10 minutes later he's crying because he feels bad and doesn't understand why he does it.

[EmilieMadison]

Karma, I understand that you want help. But you've been ask for help/advice for years and pretty much always ignore it. You can see how this is frustrating, yes?

I'm sure that your team has told you the importance of structure and consistency for your son. So believe them. Have high, but still reasonable, expectations for your son, accommodate him when you need to, and show him that you believe in him and remain consistent with expectations, boundaries, and consequences.

[karmasabiotch]

Jul 24, 2014 10:30:31 GMT -5 EmilieMadison said:

Karma, I understand that you want help. But you've been ask for help/advice for years and pretty much always ignore it. You can see how this is frustrating, yes?

I'm sure that your team has told you the importance of structure and consistency for your son. So believe them. Have high, but still reasonable, expectations for your son, accommodate him when you need to, and show him that you believe in him and remain consistent with expectations, boundaries, and consequences.

Thank you for your answer.

I don't ignore it anymore. I ignored it 3 years ago.  It can't be ignored anymore and hasn't been since I realized this went beyond my poor parenting choices and that I was dealing with real issues that weren't going to go away.

[bittybomb]

My son is a brand new 6 year old (his b day is July 9th).  I'm strict, and I expect a lot from my kids, so take this with a grain of salt.  My son also does not have any special needs, and I imagine I'd be more lenient if he did.

What do you expect from them around the house? He is to clean up his room every day, every time I ask (we do not have a play room and his toys are in his room).  He makes his own bed, and he helps me load and unload the dishwasher.  He also helps me sort the laundry and matches up socks.  But he loves to do all of these things (with the exception of picking up his room).  He will also help me whenever asked for anything else (ie Buddy, can you please go get me a diaper and the wipes so I can change your brother's diaper?), but I don't bark at him and I ask him nicely and with respect like I would any other person in the world.

What do you do if they don't listen?  He gets punished.  Depending on what he didn't listen to, he will either sit in his room for a bit on his bed, or have some privilege taken away from him.

How long would you take an item away for? Again, depends on what he does to warrant the punishment.  When he lashed out and pushed his sister to the ground, he was not allowed to play Skylanders (his very favorite thing in the world) for a week.  If he is not listening in general, I will start to take away activities from him (ie you may not play in the sprinkler this afternoon with your siblings because you were not a good listener).

How do you discipline them Sending him to his room to sit on his bed (or time out in a corner or on a step somewhere if we're not home), taking something away from him, or both. 

Do you yell at them when they don't listen? I generally try not to yell, but I rarely have to.  He knows the drill, and once he steps out of line, he knows it and doesn't fight me on the punishment.

How many chances do you give them to follow a direction?  For most things he still gets one warning.  But for something dangerous that he knows clearly not to do, no warning and we go straight to punishment.

[SpartanGirl]

What do you expect from them around the house? My son has a list of chores that hang on his door. He checks them off as he does them. He's expected to make his bed, keep his room clean, help clear the table, load the dishwasher, get his dirty clothes to the laundry room, put away clean clothes, help clean up the playroom or other areas that I ask, cleaning the counter/sink/mirror in the bathrooms, feed the pets, and bring in the trashcans. He rotates some of these chores with DD1.

What do you do if they don't listen? It depends what it is. Taking away screen time is a big punisher in our house. If he doesn't do chores he doesn't get his allowance. If he doesn't pick up his toys I toss them (I used to just take them and make him earn them back but I'm so overwhelmed by toys and crap that I just toss them straight into the donate bin now). If he's angry or yelling I make him go sit in his room until he's calmed down.

How long would you take an item away for? If we take away screen time it's usually for 3 days or less. Anything beyond that and I think it loses its effectiveness. Toys not cleaned up are gone for good these days.

How do you discipline them: It depends. Like I mentioned above, we take things away (like screen time or playing with friends) or have him sit in his room.

Do you yell at them when they don't listen? Yup. I wish I didn't, and I'm working on trying to stay calm but I do yell.

How many chances do you give them to follow a direction? I usually give one warning.

[jinkies]

My son is six, and is going through an extraordinarily whiney and dramatic phase. We are working on it, but he gets sent to his room to cool off A LOT.

I generally don't take anything away for more than a day, but he did lose computer privileges for over a week once. (I forget the offense, but I seem to remember I made the threat thinking it would get him in line, and then I had to follow through).

I feel like I kind of suck at this parenting thing, especially reading these responses.

I guess I'm just commiserating with you. It's much easier to see the answer when you're not so close to the situation. Even with your professional training, I'm sure it's difficult to look at your son clinically.

[Deleted]

Jul 24, 2014 10:25:18 GMT -5 karmasabiotch said:

I have a team in place. I have professionals. What I don't have is Mom's that have typical 6 year olds.

I waiver between expecting too much from him and not having a clear understanding of the line of what behaviors he can't control due to his dx. I wanted to hear from real Mom's and not fall back on a therapists view because as most people know that isn't always realistic.

Sometimes I need to hear it a few times. I understand ADHD/ADD. I'm newer to SPD and ODD. I didn't mean this to be flame worthy. If you would rather not answer because you have told me before I understand. I'm just a bit overwhelmed when I have a child who is everything to me and attacks me because he can't handle his anger and 10 minutes later he's crying because he feels bad and doesn't understand why he does it.

Wouldn't it make more sense to ask the professionals who have evaluated your son and know what he's capable of/where he can be pushed a bit? I don't think hearing tons of moms going on about their NT 6 yo's will be much help to you. Their situations are different. I don't mean this to be snarky but genuine. The people on your team are the ones who are educated in, and experienced with, this topic.

[Gato]

What do you expect from them around the house?  So far, not much.  She has to pick up after herself in the house's common areas and in the yard.  She has to bring her dishes to the sink.  She dresses herself and keeps her room fairly neat.

What do you do if they don't listen? Usually means a consequence.  Like, whatever is so distracting her gets taken away.  I am more lax if she's not listening because she's telling a story, or if she's really upset about something else.  But I think I've "trained" her well so that on a normal day/mood, she goes right ahead and does as told.

How long would you take an item away for?  The rest of the day.

How do you discipline them? Well, it depends.  I try to do natural consequences if I can think of them fast enough. If not, the standard consequence is No Screen Time today.  Timeouts mean zero to her.  Effusive praise for good behavior works best.

Do you yell at them when they don't listen?  Oh sure, sometimes.  Most of the time I can keep my cool.  But DD1 can be reeeeaaallly irritating to me when she's feeling stubborn and argumentative.

How many chances do you give them to follow a direction?  One chance.  I want her to listen to me the first time.  If she's got a good excuse - but I was trying to save this puppy from walking into the street! - then I'll give her another chance.

[dowagercountess]

Jul 24, 2014 9:10:53 GMT -5 karmasabiotch said:

What do you expect from them around the house? P cleans her room, puts dishes away, helps fold laundry, and generally whatever else I ask her to do.

What do you do if they don't listen? Speak sharply. She's an unusual child, that's usually all it takes. 

How long would you take an item away for? She could give a shit about things being taken away from her, but if I had to, two days would probably do it. 

How do you discipline them I threaten to send her to her room. 

Do you yell at them when they don't listen? No. 

How many chances do you give them to follow a direction? One, and then speak sharply. 

Eta: My child is a freak. Generally very obedient, unless she decides she absolutely does not want to do something, and then moving heaven and earth isn't going to make it happen. She will just take the consequence. Luckily this doesn't happen often. 

Etc.

I know all of this from a professional stand point.  What I don't know is all of this from a Mom point of view with a child who has some special needs and how much of his behavior I'm writing off because he has issues and how much I should hold him accountable for, please help me.

[dowagercountess]

Oh, and ditto on the effusive praise for the behaviors I want to see.

[Gato]

Oh! Another thing I forgot that really, really works with my 6 year old is to make her work as a punishment. I often think maybe that's sending the wrong message (work is a punishment) but DD actually loves to help me around the house, so if she's feeling stubborn and lashing out at me, I have found it's really great to refocus that energy toward hard work (help me scrub that bathtub, help me clean the windows, etc.) and she's actually doing the work. This has the amazing side benefit of taking one of my least-liked chores off my hands.

Karma, my older DD is pretty easy, but my 2 year old sounds a bit like your son. She has been this way since birth; she cannot control her impulses, and they are often angry. Yesterday she was mad - I could NOT figure out about what - and I was as sweet as pie with her even as she dug her fingers into my arm repeatedly until they bled. I honestly don't know what to do with her other than ride it out. So I understand, sometimes kids are just super oppositional through no fault of your own. GL with your little guy!