Saw the orthopedist today. Everything is fine with my ankle. I'm on a round of antibiotics in case there is a superficial infection, but he didn't seem concerned at all. So--yay. But I'm a bit annoyed with H for how much he overreacted and made us drive an extra hour this morning to go to an appointment at the farthest possible clinic.
My vent of the day (LOL?) is that I don't know how much longer I can take my mom. I appreciate that she's been taking care of me, and she's been wonderful, but she's growing more and more agitated. She complains all the damn time and it's really wearing on me. Also, riding in the car with her is scary because she thinks that putting on a blinker makes all the traffic automatically clear out of her way. Maybe having the baby will pick up her mood, because I don't know how to deal with this. I need to figure out a way to get myself to work so that she can have some time to chill out. I also need to get H to pick up his game. I know he's been working a lot, but he does barely anything around the house and it's really not fair. I've got myself so worked up about this that I'm shaking. I would have never thought that I would even spend this much time with my mom as a grown adult. UGH.
Post by demandypants on Jul 24, 2014 9:40:52 GMT -5
I am so glad to hear your ankle is on the mend, and your H was being overly precautions! As for dealing with your mom, could you lighten her load a bit? Lower your standards or are you just having her help with the bare essentials around the house? Maybe ask your H to take care of specific things, like lugging around the laundry and then you can sit and fold it between loads? Or you write the grocery list and he gets up early on the weekend to get what you need for the week? Hang in there, it is all temporary.
So happy to hear this about your ankle. What a relief!
My mom gets on my nerves after an extended amount of time too. She helped after I had surgery and I just made sure she got out a bit on her own each day for both her sanity and mine!
Post by bluelikejazz on Jul 24, 2014 9:46:13 GMT -5
I think you are a saint for putting up with your mom for so long. I know lots of women get along great with their mom's (I did until I got pregnant, now it comes and goes), but I think as much time as you've spent with her would wear on anyone!
I am so glad to hear your ankle is on the mend, and your H was being overly precautions! As for dealing with your mom, could you lighten her load a bit? Lower your standards or are you just having her help with the bare essentials around the house? Maybe ask your H to take care of specific things, like lugging around the laundry and then you can sit and fold it between loads? Or you write the grocery list and he gets up early on the weekend to get what you need for the week? Hang in there, it is all temporary.
The problem is that with my ankle and my pregnancy, I have lots of doctor's appointments, and my mom has also been driving me to work every day (45 min. each way). I should have canceled my summer research project when I fell, but that seemed unfair to my research student who works one-on-one with me, and at the time my mom acted like she was happy to cart me around. I understand that this is wearing on her, but I'm not really sure what to do about it now.
My H definitely needs to do things like take the dog out, make dinner, etc. I feel bad nagging him, but these are things that I would love to do myself and can't. It's not fair to expect my mom to do all of it.
Oh, and another vent, apparently my mom has decided that she now has a right to boss me around, especially regarding medical things. She has been coming into my last three OB appointments--which I realize is weird, but when she drives me there, I don't have the heart to tell her to wait in the waiting room. Yesterday my OB asked if I would like a cervical check. Um...who likes cervical checks? Since he wasn't pushing it, I said no. My mom said "well, I'm planning to go out of town this weekend and would really like to know whether you're dilated so I can decide whether to cancel my trip." :-# The OB looked at me and I still said no.
She's also been freaking out about my ankle, telling me that the Ace wrap I had around it was too tight and was causing swelling (actually compression is good for swelling...).
Oh, and she's brought up three times that I MUST get on fluconazole with my antibiotic because she gets yeast infections when she takes antibiotics.
Can you teleconference or occasionally have the student come to you?
I wish. She does organic chemistry research, and my coworkers freak out if I let her work in the lab unsupervised. Like she's going to blow herself up or something.
Post by demandypants on Jul 24, 2014 9:54:14 GMT -5
would your H be sympathetic if you approached him with the angle that your mom is driving you crazy and while you appreciate her help and all you just can't take all the together time it is causing and if he could do xyz then it would really help the situation. So not naggy, but more like throwing up a white flag for help.
Your mom reminds me of my mom. She is just looking out for your best interests, but I understand that it is driving you mad. Do you moan about it to your DH at all? That would be my first place to go, moaning at DH that mom is driving me mad because she is doing so much for me. And then mention it would be helpful if he could do some of the stuff so mom can have a break.
would your H be sympathetic if you approached him with the angle that your mom is driving you crazy and while you appreciate her help and all you just can't take all the together time it is causing and if he could do xyz then it would really help the situation. So not naggy, but more like throwing up a white flag for help.
Yeah, I think this is the angle I need to take. (Though I'm afraid his solution will be to send my mom home and hire help when the baby is born, which would hurt my mom's feelings a lot.) Every time I bring up this issue, he says "I'll do anything you need me to!" or "I had no idea you were feeling so overwhelmed." I think he's so wrapped up in his own stuff (he works a lot of hours and has started interviewing for jobs) that he has no idea what my mom is doing on a daily basis.
would your H be sympathetic if you approached him with the angle that your mom is driving you crazy and while you appreciate her help and all you just can't take all the together time it is causing and if he could do xyz then it would really help the situation. So not naggy, but more like throwing up a white flag for help.
Yeah, I think this is the angle I need to take. (Though I'm afraid his solution will be to send my mom home and hire help when the baby is born, which would hurt my mom's feelings a lot.) Every time I bring up this issue, he says "I'll do anything you need me to!" or "I had no idea you were feeling so overwhelmed." I think he's so wrapped up in his own stuff (he works a lot of hours and has started interviewing for jobs) that he has no idea what my mom is doing on a daily basis.
I think it is time to be specific with your suggestions on how he can help then. And maybe just taking some of the load off of your mom will reduce her stress in the whole thing too. I am sure it isn't easy for her to be suddenly spending so much time with you two either!
Yeah, I think this is the angle I need to take. (Though I'm afraid his solution will be to send my mom home and hire help when the baby is born, which would hurt my mom's feelings a lot.) Every time I bring up this issue, he says "I'll do anything you need me to!" or "I had no idea you were feeling so overwhelmed." I think he's so wrapped up in his own stuff (he works a lot of hours and has started interviewing for jobs) that he has no idea what my mom is doing on a daily basis.
I think it is time to be specific with your suggestions on how he can help then. And maybe just taking some of the load off of your mom will reduce her stress in the whole thing too. I am sure it isn't easy for her to be suddenly spending so much time with you two either!
Glad to see this update! I can relate on the overreacting. My dad has done so a few times during this pregnancy, and my H has banned me from asking him for medical advice. I think they just worry. I am in awe that you are still working through all of this.
Yeah, I think this is the angle I need to take. (Though I'm afraid his solution will be to send my mom home and hire help when the baby is born, which would hurt my mom's feelings a lot.) Every time I bring up this issue, he says "I'll do anything you need me to!" or "I had no idea you were feeling so overwhelmed." I think he's so wrapped up in his own stuff (he works a lot of hours and has started interviewing for jobs) that he has no idea what my mom is doing on a daily basis.
Great! Time to start making lists for him. Daily tasks as well as one-offs. You are in a bit of an extraordinary situation right now and you have lots of time after baby is born, your ankle is healed and things are settled down for you to make it up to him - and to your mom!
God I hope so. I feel like everyone is going to hate me by the time this is all over.
I just want to give you one of these :beer: :drink:. My pregnancy has been one of my most trying times with my mom and I certainly don't have her staying with me! I know she means well but I have a tendency to take everything she says as criticism. To have her constantly around, trying to help me (whether I legitimately need it or not, which I know you do), and getting annoyed herself would drive me BANANAS.
I just want to give you one of these . My pregnancy has been one of my most trying times with my mom and I certainly don't have her staying with me! I know she means well but I have a tendency to take everything she says as criticism. To have her constantly around, trying to help me (whether I legitimately need it or not, which I know you do), and getting annoyed herself would drive me BANANAS.
I just want to give you one of these . My pregnancy has been one of my most trying times with my mom and I certainly don't have her staying with me! I know she means well but I have a tendency to take everything she says as criticism. To have her constantly around, trying to help me (whether I legitimately need it or not, which I know you do), and getting annoyed herself would drive me BANANAS.
Yeah, I'm not sure why I ever agreed to this.
Well, what else would you have done?
Cancelled your summer research student? Stayed at home every day b/c you can't drive? How would you get to appointments with your H's hours? I certainly think it was the best, most appropriate decision at the time, and I would have done the same thing in your position, but it doesn't really make it suck any less. (hug)
Cancelled your summer research student? Stayed at home every day b/c you can't drive? How would you get to appointments with your H's hours? I certainly think it was the best, most appropriate decision at the time, and I would have done the same thing in your position, but it doesn't really make it suck any less. (hug)
I know. I'm just really in a funk today, and I feel terrible that my mom's life is on hold too.
I do feel like I could have figured out a way to get around (it's my left ankle that's injured) had I been more motivated. But after I fell on crutches trying to get myself down the steps, I got really scared to do anything by myself.
Cancelled your summer research student? Stayed at home every day b/c you can't drive? How would you get to appointments with your H's hours? I certainly think it was the best, most appropriate decision at the time, and I would have done the same thing in your position, but it doesn't really make it suck any less. (hug)
I know. I'm just really in a funk today, and I feel terrible that my mom's life is on hold too.
I do feel like I could have figured out a way to get around (it's my left ankle that's injured) had I been more motivated. But after I fell on crutches trying to get myself down the steps, I got really scared to do anything by myself.
there is no shame in bum scooting down the stairs.
I know. I'm just really in a funk today, and I feel terrible that my mom's life is on hold too.
I do feel like I could have figured out a way to get around (it's my left ankle that's injured) had I been more motivated. But after I fell on crutches trying to get myself down the steps, I got really scared to do anything by myself.
there is no shame in bum scooting down the stairs.
Ha! That's what I've been doing ever since. Only trouble is that I can't bum scoot my scooter down the steps too, and there are eight steps up to our front door.
Great! Time to start making lists for him. Daily tasks as well as one-offs. You are in a bit of an extraordinary situation right now and you have lots of time after baby is born, your ankle is healed and things are settled down for you to make it up to him - and to your mom!
God I hope so. I feel like everyone is going to hate me by the time this is all over.
I get feeling that way, but with your mom and ESPECIALLY your husband, you are a team. And unfortunately there's not an option for you and H to sit down and decide which of you will carry the baby -- that's your job, and it's not always easy. It doesn't always involve visible/active WORK, but "labor" isn't the only labor you're doing. Don't feel bad about asking for extra help! I know it's easier said than done, bt ya gotta do what ya gotta do!
Ok, I'm feeling a little better. H called to ask me a very specific question and I was like "do you have a minute?" then proceeded to unload on him. Basically he's been doing that thing where he says he'll do anything I want, but then he doesn't do it because he "didn't know it needed to be done." I told him that I need him to: take the dog out, make dinner, do laundry, and go grocery shopping. He said, "ok, when?" I was like "whenever it needs to be done." Sigh. But if giving specific instructions is what I need to do to make the next few weeks bearable, then that's what I'll do. As long as he doesn't accuse me of nagging.
The thing that's so nice about my mom is that she is a nurturer by nature who anticipates my needs so that I don't feel like I always have to ask her to do stuff: she's always bringing me ice for my ankle, a glass of water, or a snack. But this is clearly wearing on her, so on to Plan B.
Aww ((hugs)) RBP. That's the last thing you need right now. You need positive energy around you. How long will your mom stay after the baby is born?
Maybe mom can go take a day to herself just to recharge if she is feeling overwhelmed.
She is going OOT this weekend for a family reunion that she always enjoys. I really hope that helps her recharge. While I'm unhappy about the situation from a selfish perspective (how it affects me), I also feel terrible that she doesn't have a lot of outlets for fun lately.
I don't know how long she'll be here after baby is born, but I would guess at least until early September unless one of us kills the other in the meantime.
Post by flamingeaux on Jul 24, 2014 14:07:57 GMT -5
Can you hire someone for just one or two days a week? Try care.com, and explain the situation as a temporary thing, but you're looking for someone who can drive you to and from work/ or dr appointments if they happen to be on either of those days, and do a little light housework, in between drop off and pick up.
Can a coworker pick you up 1-2 days a week to give your mom a break? I know you live far from work so that may not work. Maybe meet someone half way so your mom isn't driving quite as far?