It drives me NUTS when my DCP goes on and on about how A gets "mama's milk" when I pick her up and we start talking about the day and what she did (there are 2 other infants right around A's age and they are both formula fed). She keeps on attributing A's crawling/pulling up to "mama's milk". I feel so bad and really hope that she doesn't say anything about it around the other parents.
Just because BFing has continued to work out for us doesn't mean it's the best way to go, nor is it indicative of A being "ahead" on her gross motor skills. She's just a tiny, overachieving peanut.
This would make me cry if I overheard this. I tried BFing but it didn't work out. Sometimes I'm over it but other times, I feel guilty about it. Hearing that would bring that guilt out. Why does there have to be sides???
I don't want to BF. I don't even want to try. DH wants me to (breast is best, y'all) so I will try, but I hope I hate it or my milk doesn't come in. Still, I ordered a pump from my insurance and am looking at nursing bras. You know, the like 3 styles that come in my size.
I didn't read the rest of the thread, so sorry if I'm repeating what others say.
If you don't want to breastfeed, you don't have to. You don't have to even try if you don't want. Your DH wants you to, sure, but in general I disagree with the "breast is best" mentality, and instead believe feeding your baby, period, is best (which is possibly flameful here). Formula is perfectly acceptable, not the devil, won't make your kid stupid, etc. etc. Also, aside from that, they are your breasts. If you don't want to use them to breastfeed, you don't have to. I'm sorry if I sound pushy in any way; this subject hits close to home for me, because I knew after the first time I tried that I did not want to breastfeed, yet I kept pushing myself in the name of "breast is best", and it ended up causing me a great deal of anxiety and sadness, and then a ton of guilt - that lasted entirely too long - when I ultimately decided to switch to forumla feeding. I wish I had listened to myself and done what I'd wanted after the very first time I realized it was not for me - H was entirely supportive of however I wanted to feed her, but I stubbornly would not give myself the "it's OK" speech or listen to it from anyone else. FWIW, I don't feel as though bottle-feeding affected my bonding with DD in any way. In fact, forcing myself to BF, and then pump, did the opposite of make me feel like I was bonding with her, and it wasn't until we switched to formula that I felt like I could start to breathe and enjoy her.
Just a different perspective. I am not out to argue or talk you into anything, I just wanted to let you know that it's okay to not breastfeed if you try it and it's not for you. It's not a selfish act to feed your baby in a way that best suits your family and, more importantly IMO, your mental health.
I totally was convinced C was a boy, mostly to prepare myself for it. I want a boy, and I want one of each, but the idea of never having a little girl was very hard. Honestly, now I feel the same way about maybe not having a boy. I really want a son, too!
This is almost exactly how I feel. I had always, always wanted a girl, and really thought I'd be heartbroken if I never had one, so imagine my surprise when I felt just the tiniest flicker of disappointment when we found out that's what we were having. I will be delighted if our second is another girl, but I do hope it's a boy because I'd love to experience being a boy Mom.
I try not to let the fact that D isn't crawling yet not bother me, but some day it really does. I have friends who have kids who are up on walkers, pulling up, who are the same age as D, and D still doesn't crawl. I know this is one of those things that I have to start getting used to (not comparing my kid to other kids), but it's hard. And then I start to think that maybe he will have some serious issues from being a preemie, and I get to thinking that this is somehow my fault (even though logically, I know it isn't). Being a mom is hard, yo!
Same here - I think DD is only a week or two older than your DS and no crawling here either (not for lack of trying though, but she just can't figure it out!). I know babies walking at 10 months and here DD is, 10 months next week and not even close. Most of the time I'm okay with this and I know she'll get there eventually, but other times I'm all WTF when I read about other babies.
DD2 is a little over ten months but has only been crawling for about three weeks. It seems like I see all this stuff about the overachieving similarly aged walkers right now, but I think at least part of my perception is that people like me generally aren't posting videos on facebook or otherwise shouting from the rooftops that our kid isn't as fast. We're out there though!
I try not to let the fact that D isn't crawling yet not bother me, but some day it really does. I have friends who have kids who are up on walkers, pulling up, who are the same age as D, and D still doesn't crawl. I know this is one of those things that I have to start getting used to (not comparing my kid to other kids), but it's hard. And then I start to think that maybe he will have some serious issues from being a preemie, and I get to thinking that this is somehow my fault (even though logically, I know it isn't). Being a mom is hard, yo!
Same here - I think DD is only a week or two older than your DS and no crawling here either (not for lack of trying though, but she just can't figure it out!). I know babies walking at 10 months and here DD is, 10 months next week and not even close. Most of the time I'm okay with this and I know she'll get there eventually, but other times I'm all WTF when I read about other babies.
It drives me NUTS when my DCP goes on and on about how A gets "mama's milk" when I pick her up and we start talking about the day and what she did (there are 2 other infants right around A's age and they are both formula fed). She keeps on attributing A's crawling/pulling up to "mama's milk". I feel so bad and really hope that she doesn't say anything about it around the other parents.
Just because BFing has continued to work out for us doesn't mean it's the best way to go, nor is it indicative of A being "ahead" on her gross motor skills. She's just a tiny, overachieving peanut.
That would annoy me even as someone who exclusively breast fed. DD didn't crawl until 11 months, didn't pull up until 18 months and didn't walk until 20 months. Does that mean my breast milk was somehow insufficient in her mind?
I'm sure she means it in a positive, encouraging way, but ugh.
When they guessed at our NT scan that #2 was a boy I was slightly disappointed and kept thinking that maybe at my 20w scan they'd say "just kidding, it's a girl."
However, now I LOVE having two boys and it's totally awesome to see them play together and enjoy the same gender sterotyped toys we throw at them (haha).
But as we are getting ready to TTC#3 I'm kinda terrified of having a 3rd boy, even though I know it'll be fine. I mean totally MMM with all the clothes and stuff and I feel like I'm just a "mom of boys" now. But then I think about having a girl and slightly panic too. OMG, how do you change a girl diaper, dresses and diaper covers and leggings - WTH, how does all that work? You mean you don't just take the clippers to their heads every 6 weeks for their haircuts?
I feel like I can't win - lol. I guess that means (like we all really know) that it's going to be fine either way.
I don't want to BF. I don't even want to try. DH wants me to (breast is best, y'all) so I will try, but I hope I hate it or my milk doesn't come in. Still, I ordered a pump from my insurance and am looking at nursing bras. You know, the like 3 styles that come in my size.
I didn't read the rest of the thread, so sorry if I'm repeating what others say.
If you don't want to breastfeed, you don't have to. You don't have to even try if you don't want. Your DH wants you to, sure, but in general I disagree with the "breast is best" mentality, and instead believe feeding your baby, period, is best (which is possibly flameful here). Formula is perfectly acceptable, not the devil, won't make your kid stupid, etc. etc. Also, aside from that, they are your breasts. If you don't want to use them to breastfeed, you don't have to. I'm sorry if I sound pushy in any way; this subject hits close to home for me, because I knew after the first time I tried that I did not want to breastfeed, yet I kept pushing myself in the name of "breast is best", and it ended up causing me a great deal of anxiety and sadness, and then a ton of guilt - that lasted entirely too long - when I ultimately decided to switch to forumla feeding. I wish I had listened to myself and done what I'd wanted after the very first time I realized it was not for me - H was entirely supportive of however I wanted to feed her, but I stubbornly would not give myself the "it's OK" speech or listen to it from anyone else. FWIW, I don't feel as though bottle-feeding affected my bonding with DD in any way. In fact, forcing myself to BF, and then pump, did the opposite of make me feel like I was bonding with her, and it wasn't until we switched to formula that I felt like I could start to breathe and enjoy her.
Just a different perspective. I am not out to argue or talk you into anything, I just wanted to let you know that it's okay to not breastfeed if you try it and it's not for you. It's not a selfish act to feed your baby in a way that best suits your family and, more importantly IMO, your mental health.
Projecting over. lol.
:Y: Yes. yes. yes. Especially the bolded part. This is EXACTLY what happened to me. What a relief to read this. Thanks for sharing this, BaliHai
Yes. yes. yes. Especially the bolded part. This is EXACTLY what happened to me. What a relief to read this. Thanks for sharing this, BaliHai
You're welcome! It took me so long to reach the point where I was like "well that was all kind of bullshit, huh?" in regards to what I put myself through because I believed I should, and while, like I said, I am not trying to sway anyone any way, I feel like I need to reassure anyone unsure that it is okay and not shameful to choose formula. My sister was "that person" for me and I couldn't be more grateful for the three thousand times she reassured me before I started to hear her!
I have a tiny bit of disappointment that we are likely having another boy. I'm thrilled that he's healthy and I love having a boy but this very well may be our last and I would have liked to know what it's like to have both a son and a daughter.
This is one of the reasons we are team green. We debate three but I think we will stop at two. I've always wanted one of each and I know I won't care after labor, but I was worried if we found out I'd be disappointed.
Yes. yes. yes. Especially the bolded part. This is EXACTLY what happened to me. What a relief to read this. Thanks for sharing this, BaliHai
You're welcome! It took me so long to reach the point where I was like "well that was all kind of bullshit, huh?" in regards to what I put myself through because I believed I should, and while, like I said, I am not trying to sway anyone any way, I feel like I need to reassure anyone unsure that it is okay and not shameful to choose formula. My sister was "that person" for me and I couldn't be more grateful for the three thousand times she reassured me before I started to hear her!
My nieces were FF from birth and they are awesome. As are a number of other kids I know but that stupid "breast is best" got to me and I hated myself for considering using formula. Once the decision was made, I felt such a huge relief and actually enjoyed being a mom. But I hate how even now, 3 months later, I still get twinges of guilt and sadness that I couldn't BF long term.
Post by teatimefor2 on Jul 25, 2014 15:53:56 GMT -5
My sister's visiting today and we went to lunch and we are at the pool now. But when DS napped, she said u don't mind if you go nap. I haven't seen her a lot lately, but I went an napped for 1.5 hours. After yesterday and not sleeping well, I'm beat. Not a good host here.
I had my NT scan today and the tech was very confident it's another boy. Like, she didn't hesitate when we a asked her at all.
I guess I don't even feel disappointed about the sex of the baby, it's kind of how I'd feel no matter what happened. I feel like even if they said girl I'd feel sad because then C might never have a brother, KWIM? I fully admit I'm being ridiculous about this. I actually get really excited thinking about another baby boy.
@mrsspunky, I agree with PPs, if you don't want to breast feed, don't. Your baby will be absolutely fine. And because this struck a nerve with me, you DON'T want your milk not to come in. Mine didn't for over a week and I never got very much, and my baby screamed and screamed because he was starving, which we didn't know until his follow up appointment on the 5th day. So anyway, your happiness in those first days/months/whatever is, IMO, most important.
I had my NT scan today and the tech was very confident it's another boy. Like, she didn't hesitate when we a asked her at all.
I guess I don't even feel disappointed about the sex of the baby, it's kind of how I'd feel no matter what happened. I feel like even if they said girl I'd feel sad because then C might never have a brother, KWIM? I fully admit I'm being ridiculous about this. I actually get really excited thinking about another baby boy.
You're not being ridiculous. I would feel the same way.
At this point M might not ever have sibling because DH & I don't agree. It makes me sad so I try not to think about it.
Also my MIL has 3 grandsons already and I know she really wants a granddaughter. (When we told her I was PG her first response was "maybe we'll have a girl this time!") She's lovely and I don't want her to be disappointed, even though I know it's a bit assy of her to be so vocal about wanting a specific sex.
Post by bananapancakes on Jul 25, 2014 16:06:32 GMT -5
My well.ca order arrived today and it's contents include: a bathing suit and sun hat for L, some EMAB butt cream, a 5 pack of wipes, and a vibrator for me! I'm sure the order packer was all . A bunch of baby stuff and an "adult" product. I don't even care one bit. H is coming home in one week and I need to get my groove back a little bit. I want to have sex with him but I don't even feel like a sexual being right now. I just feel like a mom! We did have sex twice before he left but I was only 6 weeks pp so it wasn't good sex. I have high hopes for next weekend but I'm a little scared too.
We had a play date at the children's museum today and were there for FOUR hours today. Usually when we go on our own, we're only there for two hours tops. But I couldn't think of a natural way to end things early. Then I had to take the kids on the bike ride around the neighborhood that I had promised them. Oh my god I am so tired. I'm letting Disney Jr. babysit right now and don't feel the littlest bit guilty. I'm also planning to pretend to have a headache to get out of Friday night sex, lol.
I've decided there's a downside unless you end up with 2 of each.
2 boys - you don't get to experience a girl 1 boy & 1 girl - they don't get a same gender sibling 2 girls - you don't get to experience a boy 2B/1G or 1B/2G - one child is missing out on a same gender sibling
I agree!! This is why I've always dreamed of 4 - 2B/2G. DH says absolutely not.
Lol, I keep telling DH that if there were some way to guarantee a girl, I'd do it in a hot second I think I might want to anyway. I figure my little "jokes" needling him are preparing the way for my full out campaign on the subject.
Post by disappointedkittens on Jul 25, 2014 16:32:29 GMT -5
I am pissed that neither sets of parents helps me with the baby. I know they don't "owe" me anything, but I'm pissed anyways. My parents practically raise my sister's kids, and my IL's go move in and help with SILs kids even though she lives 8 hours away. My parents don't help because my sister "needs" it more and I have ILs, and ILs don't help me because grandparents are only for fun, except with SIL because she lives OOT and has no one to help. I wish someone would just take him for an hour sometimes so I could have a nap. Or paint my nails, or even just have no one touching me for a bit.
Post by disappointedkittens on Jul 25, 2014 16:36:35 GMT -5
Ooh, also (flameful?) I don't like to use the word breastfeeding. It all stems from a super confrontational relative of mine who is obsessed with breastfeeding and calls it BREASTfeeding and is always yelling everywhere about how no one had better tell her not to BREASTfeed in public, or use a cover, and got all mad at me for using a cover because I wasn't fighting for the cause or some stupid shit. Me feeding my baby isn't a cause, and you feeding yours shouldn't be either. She also breastfed her second until he was over 2 and is always making posts about how she doesn't know what kind of person would take away that beautiful bonding experience from an innocent child. But she quit nursing her first at 5 months......
Post by oregonpachey on Jul 25, 2014 16:45:13 GMT -5
My confession is that DH just left to go camping for the weekend. Weeeeeee! That means the house will be QUIET after the kids go to bed. I can watch what I want on tv, eat whatever crap I want, etc.
I plan on wearing these kiddos out. Tonight it's Target and then Ikea for dinner (it's right next door to Target and they LOVE eating at restaurants). Tomorrow morning is the indoor playground. Sunday it's likely grocery shopping and then the park.
My #1 concern is how, outside of DH, I will have basically no support from family about breastfeeding. My mom is quite vocally against it. I've posted on here before how she told me my cousin should just feed her (at the time) 4 mo formula already, bc all she wanted was the boob and that bfing for a year was "ridiculous". Cue my response that the WHO recommends 2 years! Lol, that was fun. My parents and ILs are relatively local, we're both only children and this is the first grandchild so the 4 of them will be up all in our business, out of excitement. I am hardly assertive when it comes to them (my ILs too) so telling them not to visit is impossible. Also I know I would not be comfortable BFing around my dad, even less so with FIL. FIL means well but his questions are a bit... intrusive... and I just don't want to deal. A lot of it is in an attempt to learn, like telling me all about a NYT article about placentas, but I picture him standing over me, examining the latch or something, and just... ick.
I am pissed that neither sets of parents helps me with the baby. I know they don't "owe" me anything, but I'm pissed anyways. My parents practically raise my sister's kids, and my IL's go move in and help with SILs kids even though she lives 8 hours away. My parents don't help because my sister "needs" it more and I have ILs, and ILs don't help me because grandparents are only for fun, except with SIL because she lives OOT and has no one to help. I wish someone would just take him for an hour sometimes so I could have a nap. Or paint my nails, or even just have no one touching me for a bit.
Honestly? I would be pissed too. If you lived near me I would offer to help (not a creeper) because it sucks when you just need an hour and don't have anyone to rely on.