I have a tiny bit of disappointment that we are likely having another boy. I'm thrilled that he's healthy and I love having a boy but this very well may be our last and I would have liked to know what it's like to have both a son and a daughter.
I got teary when I found out my second was a boy. It didn't last long though. It is totally normally to mourn the other vision in your head. It definitely doesn't mean you are a bad mom although it made me feel guilty. I have to say though... Brothers are wonderful. I definitely don't wish it was different now, and we may never have a third. Even if we have a third, and have a girl, I will still get sad. haha... Then, I will be sad because I will never have another boy. Emotions are crazy.
I recently got moved to part-time at my work (adjunct), and I have found 2 other adjunct jobs in the last month, BUT, irrationally, I am starting to stress about juggling all the different childcare/hours even though I will be working about the same amount of hours as I was when I was full-time. I wish I could be happy about actually making MORE money. I am such a creature of habit though.
I have a tiny bit of disappointment that we are likely having another boy. I'm thrilled that he's healthy and I love having a boy but this very well may be our last and I would have liked to know what it's like to have both a son and a daughter.
I've decided there's a downside unless you end up with 2 of each.
2 boys - you don't get to experience a girl 1 boy & 1 girl - they don't get a same gender sibling 2 girls - you don't get to experience a boy 2B/1G or 1B/2G - one child is missing out on a same gender sibling
Theoretically, I guess. But we're 2B/2G and my brothers can barely stand each other. And I called my brother yesterday when I thought I was in early labor, not my sister because she is easily excitable and would have called everyone else in my family. I think the whole "missing out on a same gender sibling" thing is overrated.
Not opining on anyone's individual gender disappointment, just not agreeing that there's a downside unless you have two of each.
Post by bananapancakes on Jul 25, 2014 17:20:41 GMT -5
I just thought of another one. I sold all of my prefolds and covers today. I just never got the hang of the folding and felt like I was failing origami class. I got a good price for them and used the money to buy all of this stuff! I got some great deals at Old Navy and H&M. I got all of this for less than $100. Dressing a boy can be just as fun as dressing a girl!
After DH painted the nursery (read: sitting room off our bedroom), we now have all of the furniture and the room is too small for all of it. I mean, the dresser we got is bigger than my own dresser. I can't fit a rocker/glider like I wanted either. Now onto convincing DH to paint the room we were going to use for the baby when she is older, and just having the PnP or a bassinet or something in the sitting room for the time being.
I am having a hard time following all of this. You're decorating two different rooms in your house for your baby?
Also my MIL has 3 grandsons already and I know she really wants a granddaughter. (When we told her I was PG her first response was "maybe we'll have a girl this time!") She's lovely and I don't want her to be disappointed, even though I know it's a bit assy of her to be so vocal about wanting a specific sex.
My mom and mil both wanted this one to be a boy. Same as you, first words were that they were hoping for a boy and at other times it was time for a boy, t needs a brother, etc. After the ultrasound they were happy for a healthy baby but I think their hearts dropped a bit when they found out it was another girl.
Breastfeeding is not going very well - she's gaining plenty of weight but it hurts a lot and I can't get her to latch properly. I've been pumping and bottle feeding at night because it's so hard to nurse when she's sleepy. I feel a little bad that I look forward to night feedings because I get a break from painful nursing.
Have you seen a lactation consultant? Hang in there it does get better, I promise!
Yes, I saw one on Tuesday and she gave me some good tips but our main issue is that the baby doesn't open her mouth very wide so we can't get a good latch. I'm hoping it will get better soon.
Post by narockshard on Jul 25, 2014 17:40:46 GMT -5
I also got sad seeing the breast feeding pictures thread. At 4 weeks, I'm still trying, but I just don't have enough milk for her because she's rarely satisfied at the breast and screams bloody murder until I give her formula. The whole continuing to BF every hour but yet still have to supplement is wearing me pretty thin and making me feel kind of trapped. But for some damn reason I still can't make peace with just going to formula, although I'm sure the stress would be SO much less. BFing for one year was something I wanted to do so, so bad; so now all talk of BFing stings pretty bad and I'm guessing it will for a looong time.
AND I can't shake the feeling that I haven't tried enough to make it work although I know I have and doing any more will not be healthy for me mentally and emotionally.
Also, I considered taking some BFing pictures while we're still doing it but I feel like a fake because I'm pretty convinced she barely gets anything from me...that's really negative thinking though so I should probably still do it :-P
My #1 concern is how, outside of DH, I will have basically no support from family about breastfeeding. My mom is quite vocally against it. I've posted on here before how she told me my cousin should just feed her (at the time) 4 mo formula already, bc all she wanted was the boob and that bfing for a year was "ridiculous". Cue my response that the WHO recommends 2 years! Lol, that was fun. My parents and ILs are relatively local, we're both only children and this is the first grandchild so the 4 of them will be up all in our business, out of excitement. I am hardly assertive when it comes to them (my ILs too) so telling them not to visit is impossible. Also I know I would not be comfortable BFing around my dad, even less so with FIL. FIL means well but his questions are a bit... intrusive... and I just don't want to deal. A lot of it is in an attempt to learn, like telling me all about a NYT article about placentas, but I picture him standing over me, examining the latch or something, and just... ick.
I feel like I need to say again that I'm not trying to tell you what to do, and I'm sorry for being all up in your business, but if I were you and the only thing holding me back from BFing is what my family and in-laws might think or how they might make me feel, I would more than likely give them a mental double middle finger and do what I wanted. When I was pregnant with L, my Mom gave me hell about getting up to date on her vaccinations, the DTaP especially, even though I told her our pediatrician strongly advised those who were going to be in close contact with the baby should get it (and my Mom is a nurse, so double important for her). It was really hard for me to stand up to her about that, but I did it because I knew that once L was on the outside, I was going to be advocating for her for the next eighteen or so years, and it wasn't always going to be easy or not-awkward/uncomfortable. If you want to breastfeed, breastfeed. If you don't, don't. But make sure you're doing it or not doing it for YOUR reasons, not anyone else's.
You're welcome! It took me so long to reach the point where I was like "well that was all kind of bullshit, huh?" in regards to what I put myself through because I believed I should, and while, like I said, I am not trying to sway anyone any way, I feel like I need to reassure anyone unsure that it is okay and not shameful to choose formula. My sister was "that person" for me and I couldn't be more grateful for the three thousand times she reassured me before I started to hear her!
My nieces were FF from birth and they are awesome. As are a number of other kids I know but that stupid "breast is best" got to me and I hated myself for considering using formula. Once the decision was made, I felt such a huge relief and actually enjoyed being a mom. But I hate how even now, 3 months later, I still get twinges of guilt and sadness that I couldn't BF long term.
Big hugs. I know exactly what you mean about the guilt. It was the hardest part for me, even though it was exclusively my decision to switch to formula. I am a huge advocate for doing what you have to do for your mental health, yet I was raised in a very "suck it up" kind of family, so part of me felt like I should have just pushed through the anxiety and kept at it. That thinking was so flawed, and it took me so long to see it that way. I really wish someone would have told me while I was pregnant how emotional the feeding issue can be. I really thought I was going to breastfeed; I was well-read and I was ready, and then I was totally blindsided by the anxiety and by how much I dreaded having to do it, and pumping was no better. No one tells you these things, though, and that felt very isolating in the early days. L is almost eight months now and I am so, so happy with the decision I made, and so happy that I took care of myself so I could take care of her. Hugs to you again, mama. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
I just want to offer you a huge hug because what you wrote was pretty much what I went through with DD1. And while my supply issues are currently even worse with DD2, one thing that did get better over time was my perspective on being unable to EBF. I'm almost 4 weeks out too and barely produce an ounce a day, but time (and seeing how awesome DD1 is!) allowed me to find peace in giving DD2 whatever bm I could without stressing myself out over it like I did last time.
Take that nursing photo; you aren't a fraud. Take a photo of bottle feeding while you're at it. You are a good mom, because you are feeding your child. Period.
After DH painted the nursery (read: sitting room off our bedroom), we now have all of the furniture and the room is too small for all of it. I mean, the dresser we got is bigger than my own dresser. I can't fit a rocker/glider like I wanted either. Now onto convincing DH to paint the room we were going to use for the baby when she is older, and just having the PnP or a bassinet or something in the sitting room for the time being.
I am having a hard time following all of this. You're decorating two different rooms in your house for your baby?
The "nursery" is not a legit bedroom, just an 8x10ish offshoot of our bedroom. We have another room that we planned to have as the baby's "big girl" room. It's just that the room we planned to use in the interim is too small for the furniture we have.
@mrsspunky- why can't the furniture just go directly in the normal-sized room? I may still not be following, but, for example, the baby is sleeping in our room for the first 3-6 months. But the changing table, crib, rocking chair, etc. are going in another room from the beginning.
It drives me NUTS when my DCP goes on and on about how A gets "mama's milk" when I pick her up and we start talking about the day and what she did (there are 2 other infants right around A's age and they are both formula fed). She keeps on attributing A's crawling/pulling up to "mama's milk". I feel so bad and really hope that she doesn't say anything about it around the other parents.
Just because BFing has continued to work out for us doesn't mean it's the best way to go, nor is it indicative of A being "ahead" on her gross motor skills. She's just a tiny, overachieving peanut.
That would annoy me even as someone who exclusively breast fed. DD didn't crawl until 11 months, didn't pull up until 18 months and didn't walk until 20 months. Does that mean my breast milk was somehow insufficient in her mind?
I'm sure she means it in a positive, encouraging way, but ugh.
Exactly! Milestones have nothing to do with what you're feeding a kid.
Adding to the gender piece. I really wanted aboy first, and at my anatomy scan the nurse told me it was a girl and I just kind of said ooo great. I was so sure it was a boy I was def sad and unsure of how I could be so wrong. When the nurse left the room my mom kept saying how great that was since I have two nieces also. Then the dr came in and did her part of the scan- asked me if I knew the gende which I said yes I knew it was a girl to which she responded this is definitely not a girl, it's a boy. Cue very excited response, and I knind. Of felt bad of the huge difference in reactions
I'm having a shitty day. Unexpected semi-crisis at the worst possible time. I'm sure it will all be fine but I'm an anxious person married to a catastophizer!
Headed to Vermont after work. Hopefully we can manage to have some fun despite the worrying.
OMG that sounds just like us. I hope everything works out for you. Have fun in VT.
Post by thebreakfastclub on Jul 25, 2014 18:28:28 GMT -5
I feel compelled to chime in on the BF post, since my baby could not successfully latch one single time, despite the best efforts of what seemed like a small army. I had intentions of only BF a few weeks, but it still does kind of sting that it was a 100% failure. It was also immediately following my C/S - another example of my body "failing" to do what it was supposed to do.
Anyway, it sucks when things don't work out how you wanted them to and especially when you can't control it, since we've spent most of our lives controlling how things turn out. And we believe that with hard work, we will meet the goals we have set. Not so much with parenting.
I would love to post a photo of me bottle feeding my son, but whoops...never took one. I can say that I was emotional with that last bottle and losing the cuddles we used to have. I will always cherish the memories of bottle feeding, and I hope everyone else in that boat does too.
I've been holding onto this one for MONTHS and the ML thread totally reminded me!
My induction at 39 weeks was (gasp) ELECTIVE!!! I had borderline BP so my ob said they'd do it at 39 weeks, but I definitely didn't have to. And I chose to do it! I was also not really a great candidate for induction (fingertip dialated, high cervix), but at that time I would rather have had a c/s than spent one more day pregnant.
WHEW. I've been dancing around that one for a year here. *spins in free circles*
My only hope is that this brings great fodder for a Friday afternoon.
My 39 week elective induction was one of my best decisions ever. I've already considered whether it'll be in poor taste to ask my dr about another one at my first appt the next time I'm pregnant.
My confession of sorts- I just avoided my mother for an entire month because I could tel that she was fuming about something. I finally found out today that it was because I didn't personally thank her for some shirts she got the girls. Just thanked my dad, because he physically gave them to me. I don't know why I even bother worrying about this shit :/
We had the baby baptized this weekend and like always my ILs (FIL, MIL, BIL and two SIL) show up hours early to sit around and not help. (I tried delegating! They wouldn't do anything!) Anyway, I'm rushing around in those last two hours before a party panic and they are all over the baby in his face, grabbing him away from my friend who had been watching him while I got stuff done. He freaks out and is crying and they still are all up in his face totally overwhelming him.
I took him in our room and nursed him to calm him down then put him in the playpen with a bunch of his toys and shut the door. Told all the ILs he was napping. My H and I got to get the rest of the stuff done and every time I peeked in at the baby he'd grin at me. I think if he had the motor skills to give me a thumbs up he would have.
@mrsspunky- why can't the furniture just go directly in the normal-sized room? I may still not be following, but, for example, the baby is sleeping in our room for the first 3-6 months. But the changing table, crib, rocking chair, etc. are going in another room from the beginning.
I suppose it could, but we were going to leave this room set up as a nursery for #2 and #3, if we decide on 3. It just isn't what I expected at all.
I have a tiny bit of disappointment that we are likely having another boy. I'm thrilled that he's healthy and I love having a boy but this very well may be our last and I would have liked to know what it's like to have both a son and a daughter.
I go back and forth with feeling the same way. We are 99.9% done and the closer I get to my due date, the sadder I am that I won't have a girl. But on the other hand I am super excited that my boys will have each other.
I took 2 pictures on DD's last day in the NICU/Intermediate nursery of her at my breast. I felt I needed them when I got home to remember how the LC showed me to hold her.
I confess I deleted those. Mostly because I never knew who might grab my laptop to look at photos but also because once I went to bottles, I didn't need to remember that difficult time. I don't miss them. I have lots of bottle feeding pictures and this thread reminded me I need to take some more.
And all this talk about multiple kids of the same gender. There were 2 Mormon guys I went to grad school with. One has 4 girls (there were 3 while we were in school) and posted on FB how excited they were that the 5th one was going to be a boy. The other one has 5 boys (there were 4 boys when we were in school). We always joked they should've just traded a few kids. Kidding, kidding, at the time we were a stupid and childless peanut gallery.
Post by gibbinator on Jul 25, 2014 20:14:29 GMT -5
When I was visiting my mom a week ago for a few nights I ate a lot of unpasteurized cheese and milk from a farm she co-owns. Never even thought twice about it. Whoops.
I had my NT scan today and the tech was very confident it's another boy. Like, she didn't hesitate when we a asked her at all.
I guess I don't even feel disappointed about the sex of the baby, it's kind of how I'd feel no matter what happened. I feel like even if they said girl I'd feel sad because then C might never have a brother, KWIM? I fully admit I'm being ridiculous about this. I actually get really excited thinking about another baby boy.
That's exactly how I feel about future #2. I would love a sister for DD but I'd also love to have a son. Either way, I will mourn the loss of the what I will not experience while being simultaneously thrilled for what I will get to experience.
I wanted a second boy and had a feeling this one was a boy but even so when they told me I had a bit of.....not regret really, but more just a realization that I might never have a daughter, which is sad to me in a way, but it doesn't mean I'm sad about a second son per se. And hearing DS talk about "his baby brother" is so cute.
We are on the fence for #3 but I'll only go for it if I am completely okay with three boys and right now I'm not sure I am.