Unless he gave it to you on a holiday, it's considered his property and it isn't stealing in my state. My ex did that exact thing and I could only get one back legally because he gave it to me on Christmas AM and I could prove it. I hope you have legal recourse.
Yes, sorry it took me so long to update! And sorry if this gets a little long.
I figured that I would wait till Monday to talk to my lawyer but STBXH's cousin (with whom he is extremely close) called me on Saturday afternoon. I told her what was happening and that I was going to pursue a lawsuit if needed. She was worried about him getting in trouble since she knew what he did was really shitty and a court would likely rule that the rings were my property. She ended up convincing him to give them back to me. He called and left me a voicemail saying he would give them back on Tuesday if I never spoke to him or any of his family members again, and he also gave a nice little rant about how I was ruining his life - you know because it's totally my fault he cheated and left :?.
I changed the locks on Sunday! I feel sooooo much better knowing he can't get in ever again. I told him to put the rings and the paperwork for them that he took in the mailbox on Tuesday so they better be there when I get home tomorrow night.
Everyone kept asking me if he was desperate for money and that's why he did it. I kept saying no since I knew he took about 18K in cash when separated our finances in May and he make more than enough money to support a nice lifestyle. I'm sure I'll get flamed for this next part but I don't even care. His bank statement showed up on Sunday (I don't think he even knows he gets paper statements) so I opened it. I know I shouldn't have but I couldn't resist. Starting balance 17K, ending balance 12K - so he spend a ton of money in addition to the 3-4K he took home that month, eek. No big purchases, just eating out 5-6 nights a week, lots of shopping at clothing stores, etc. Based on what the OW's now ex-husband has said about her, this is pretty typical and the reason they were always broke. She makes very little but has a big spending/shopping problem. I guess this explains why he may be starting to feel desperate for money.
The more I find out, the easier it is getting to move on.
Unless he gave it to you on a holiday, it's considered his property and it isn't stealing in my state. My ex did that exact thing and I could only get one back legally because he gave it to me on Christmas AM and I could prove it. I hope you have legal recourse.
Wait, is this right? I assumed wedding rings remained with the individual who wore them. I guess it's good I was proposed to on Christmas!
Unless he gave it to you on a holiday, it's considered his property and it isn't stealing in my state. My ex did that exact thing and I could only get one back legally because he gave it to me on Christmas AM and I could prove it. I hope you have legal recourse.
Wait, is this right? I assumed wedding rings remained with the individual who wore them. I guess it's good I was proposed to on Christmas!
I don't think this is right. A gift is a gift no matter when it was given - why would Christmas be any different than your birthday??? Legally from everything I read, an engagement ring is considered to be a conditional gift - so it's given with the promise that you will get married. If the marriage goes through, then the ring/gift belongs to the person it was given too. If the wedding was called off then states differ if it has to be returned.
Wait, is this right? I assumed wedding rings remained with the individual who wore them. I guess it's good I was proposed to on Christmas!
I don't think this is right. A gift is a gift no matter when it was given - why would Christmas be any different than your birthday??? Legally from everything I read, an engagement ring is considered to be a conditional gift - so it's given with the promise that you will get married. If the marriage goes through, then the ring/gift belongs to the person it was given too. If the wedding was called off then states differ if it has to be returned.
Glad you are getting them back! Are you sure the location you mention is the safest for him to drop them? What if someone steals them? Honestly, I'd remove that from this post just in case someone who knows where you live is interested in getting something valuable left in an unsecured location. Yes, that's paranoid but you don't know who might be lurking....
Yes, sorry it took me so long to update! And sorry if this gets a little long. ...
The more I find out, the easier it is getting to move on.
Glad he is returning them. Is your mailbox secure? Could someone see him putting he rings in there? I worry they could be stolen? Can he give them to the cousin you spoke to and you can meet her?
Glad you are getting them back! Are you sure the location you mention is the safest for him to drop them? What if someone steals them? Honestly, I'd remove that from this post just in case someone who knows where you live is interested in getting something valuable left in an unsecured location. Yes, that's paranoid but you don't know who might be lurking....
It's a big secured, locking mailbox so I think they are pretty safe once put them in. I might actually just work from home tomorrow so I will hear when he deposits then and I can go out and get them right away. Thanks!
And yikes about his spending. He sounds like my Stbx, who completely overspending and is always broke regardless of making a ridiculous income.
I know right! I was always the person in charge of finances but he was never like that when we were together (thank god!) but that's obviously completely changed in the last couple months. At this rate he will be broke in no time which kind of makes me smile even though I know that is really mean.
Post by 1confused1 on Jul 28, 2014 21:21:48 GMT -5
I assume you and him have separate finances now? I only bring this up because xh ran up a ton of debt on our joint credit cards (not to mention drained our bank account) and I was still on the hook for it because I was the primary card holder.
I assume you and him have separate finances now? I only bring this up because xh ran up a ton of debt on our joint credit cards (not to mention drained our bank account) and I was still on the hook for it because I was the primary card holder.
Completely separated finances. I was the primary on all of the credit cards with him as an authorized user / second card. I cancelled them all the night I found out he was cheating. Protected myself and pissed him off when he kept getting declined - win win!
I assume you and him have separate finances now? I only bring this up because xh ran up a ton of debt on our joint credit cards (not to mention drained our bank account) and I was still on the hook for it because I was the primary card holder.
Completely separated finances. I was the primary on all of the credit cards with him as an authorized user / second card. I cancelled them all the night I found out he was cheating. Protected myself and pissed him off when he kept getting declined - win win!
Awesome! And I'm glad you're getting your rings back.
Unless he gave it to you on a holiday, it's considered his property and it isn't stealing in my state. My ex did that exact thing and I could only get one back legally because he gave it to me on Christmas AM and I could prove it. I hope you have legal recourse.
This is not true in the state of Indiana. Once marriage occurs, the engagement and wedding rings become the property of the spouse it was given to. Before marriage, the court upheld that the engagement ring is an implied condition and if the engagement ends for whatever reason, the ring should be returned. My bff ended her engagement and her mom is an attorney and explained this rather in depth to us in regard to Indiana laws.
So in other words, it will vary from state to state.
Great moves on your part and great outcome. You won't get a ton for your rings but it's the principal. Update once they're dropped! GL to him with the shopper!
They deserve each other! They'll be two broke cheaters!
Wait, is this right? I assumed wedding rings remained with the individual who wore them. I guess it's good I was proposed to on Christmas!
I don't think this is right. A gift is a gift no matter when it was given - why would Christmas be any different than your birthday??? Legally from everything I read, an engagement ring is considered to be a conditional gift - so it's given with the promise that you will get married. If the marriage goes through, then the ring/gift belongs to the person it was given too. If the wedding was called off then states differ if it has to be returned.
This is the rule in CA too. I looked it up when XH wanted to claim half of anything I made on selling them (which I still haven't done).
The wedding band(s, in my case) are trickier since they are sometimes bought with joint finances, after the wedding. That makes them joint property. This would absolutely be the case for me since I lost my original wedding band (but not the more expensive engagement solitaire, thank god) and when we replaced it, we also added an anniversary band. Both of them together are worth maybe $200 though. Hah.
Wait, is this right? I assumed wedding rings remained with the individual who wore them. I guess it's good I was proposed to on Christmas!
I don't think this is right. A gift is a gift no matter when it was given - why would Christmas be any different than your birthday??? Legally from everything I read, an engagement ring is considered to be a conditional gift - so it's given with the promise that you will get married. If the marriage goes through, then the ring/gift belongs to the person it was given too. If the wedding was called off then states differ if it has to be returned.
I don't think this is right. A gift is a gift no matter when it was given - why would Christmas be any different than your birthday??? Legally from everything I read, an engagement ring is considered to be a conditional gift - so it's given with the promise that you will get married. If the marriage goes through, then the ring/gift belongs to the person it was given too. If the wedding was called off then states differ if it has to be returned.
In Louisiana if it's given on a holiday, it's yours. If at any other time, it's his. True story.
not entirely true engagement ring is not community property = wife gets to keep wedding is community property = husband and wife split at no time is it automatically the property of the husband
Post by riverpestie on Jul 29, 2014 9:24:25 GMT -5
I glad you're getting it back! I hope it's in your mailbox today!
In Texas, if you don't follow through with the marriage, the e-ring goes back to the person who bought it. If there is a marriage, the receiver keeps it.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Jul 29, 2014 11:41:36 GMT -5
I filed a police report when stbxh took my keys AND my car and disappeared for 5-6 hrs. when he returned shortly before the police arrived to take my statement, the police searched him and handed me my jewelry tin containing my wedding rings that he had swiped wo my knowledge.
to this day, he STILL doesn't view it as stealing bc I got them back. umm yeah I got them back bc the police searched you !!! if they hadn't, I don't think I would have ever seen those rings again !
Post by WinterIsComing on Jul 29, 2014 12:31:43 GMT -5
SECOND UPDATE
The rings have been returned!!! He dropped them in the mailbox this morning, yay!!
I told him that the locks were changed and I didn't want to see or speak with him again. What a jackass - I have never been so happy to be getting divorced as I am now.
I filed a police report when stbxh took my keys AND my car and disappeared for 5-6 hrs. when he returned shortly before the police arrived to take my statement, the police searched him and handed me my jewelry tin containing my wedding rings that he had swiped wo my knowledge.
to this day, he STILL doesn't view it as stealing bc I got them back. umm yeah I got them back bc the police searched you !!! if they hadn't, I don't think I would have ever seen those rings again !
He told me it wasn't stealing also. That he deserved to take it since I hadn't paid him the $500ish I owed him for some play tickets.
Post by onedayatatime on Jul 30, 2014 0:23:18 GMT -5
Glad you got them back - what a childish response on his part "it's not stealing...". Seeing his overspending has to feel like some of his mistakes are catching up to him
Glad you got them back - what a childish response on his part "it's not stealing...". Seeing his overspending has to feel like some of his mistakes are catching up to him
Completely childish. At least all of this crap he is pulling is making it that much easier to get over him and realize I will be better off in the end.
Post by callunafirefly on Jul 30, 2014 13:21:46 GMT -5
I think I would have let him keep them...oh you want them? Fine - the replacement value is $xxxx (probably stated on your paperwork), you can just give me that. And then fight for that amount in court. But fighting is expensive and exhausting and probably easier just to get them back now then worry about the money later.