Will DH leave you...?

[GotWine]

With DD he went home to shower and get a change of clothes once a day starting the day after my C-section. We only live 15 minutes from the hospital and it wasn't a big deal. I'm not sure if he'll go home to sleep this time or not, it will depend on how well DD is doing without us for that many nights in a row. If I had to labor he would not be leaving under any circumstances before the baby was born.

[pickel]

I'll be ok if he wants to go home and get some sleep AFTER the baby is born. But before that? Lol, no.

[cereal K]

Jul 26, 2014 14:06:24 GMT -5 @rumpshaker said:

Tell your MIL to stuff it. None of her business.

this is the most accurate piece of advise in the thread! 

i don't imagine H will leave the hospital between me being admitted and the baby being born. he may leave the room (food, a walk, whatever) depending on how long labor takes or what else is going on. 

i was in the hospital for two nights with C - H stayed both nights. but we don't have pets and we got a single room with a pull-out couch. he did go home the second day for a shower and change of clothes (he didn't pack a very good hospital bag!). 

this time, i imagine C will stay with grandma and grandpa, and H and i will do about the same as last time.

[anna7602]

I mostly labored at home the first time, so DH was present the whole time. (He went to get take-out at some point, but wasn't gone longer than 30 minutes or so.) 

He ended up staying in the hospital with me after I pushed DD out because they didn't have a room for me. I would have been fine with him going home at that point, but he felt compelled to stay and make sure they moved me to a regular room. 

Depending on care for DD this time around, he might have to leave me. We'll see. Ideally, he wouldn't. But I will have a doula with me, so I wouldn't ever be completely on my own. 

[sillygoosegirl]

Jul 26, 2014 14:06:24 GMT -5 @rumpshaker said:

Tell your MIL to stuff it. None of her business.

I don't remember what I said in response.  Though probably didn't tell her to stuff it, unfortunately.  I'm just so used to saying non-committal things when she says something annoying... But most of what she says isn't this ridiculous, even when it does upset me plenty.  

Anyhow, I wish DH had been there when she said it, because then he would have set her straight without me needing to look like the controlling daughter-in-law.  Actually, for whatever reason, it seems like she mostly only brings up her opinions about the baby, birth, and what I should/shouldn't be doing during pregnancy when DH is not around.  Probably because she knows he'd tell her to back off.  (When he brought this up with DH after she said it, he said, "I'm really glad you chose a facility that has great places for dad's to sleep, because I don't have any intention of leaving your side.")

When I'm almost a grandmother, someone remind me that no one should have to spend a whole visit with their ILs totally sober.  Heaven knows, everyone else is drinking.  That's probably the main reason this visit is being so much harder than usual for me.  

[blushing]

Our hospital does not allow Dad's to stay unless the mother is in active labour. Basically if I went in for an induction then DH would have to go home and they would phone him when I was in active labour (i.e. past 4cm) to come back. Unless it was between 9am and 9pm. Those are the dad's visiting hours. Same way he has to go home between 9pm and 9am if I am on the post natal ward.

With DS I went in at 9pm and was in active labour so DH could stay with me. DS was born at 11:pm, but they allowed DH to stay with me until 6am when he went home because I was still on the labour ward. I had some complications so they needed to monitor me carefully before transferring me to post natal.

[ringstrue]

Yes probably. Ideally not but it depends when and how I progress. He'll need to care for DD and atleast transfer her from school to whoever's house for the evening/night, and/or from their house back to school. Its also important to me that he still eats 3 regular meals and gets as much sleep as he can since one of us needs to be coherent!

After the baby is born he'll sleep at home with DD too. We live 3 blocks from the hospital though so he can sorta bop in and out during my stay if needed.

[Odonata]

Jul 26, 2014 20:08:14 GMT -5 sillygoosegirl said:

Jul 26, 2014 14:06:24 GMT -5 @rumpshaker said:

Actually, for whatever reason, it seems like she mostly only brings up her opinions about the baby, birth, and what I should/shouldn't be doing during pregnancy when DH is not around.  Probably because she knows he'd tell her to back off.  

So I have MAJOR issues with my MIL (she intentionally sets out to hurt me) and she only says/does things when H is not around or within ear shot.  He hears my complaints after the fact and then it becomes awkward for him to go back to her and say anything about it because the moment has passed.  We've decided that I would put her in her place when it happens again b/c I can't hope that H hears/sees her in the act of being a bitch.  Plus, we need her to know that I'M the mom now, not her.

Your MIL sounds manipulative in that she plans her cutting words when she knows she can get away with it.  I think as long as you and your H talk, and he's OK with whatever plan you guys have about the baby, just try and ignore her.  If she says something and you are not sure if you're being controlling or not, ask H what he feels about it.  "I would like you to stay with me the whole time I'm in labor, but I'm wondering if I'm asking too much?" and see what he says.  I know my H has no intention of leaving b/c he's afraid to miss the birth.

ETA:  For some reason I forgot the part where you said you brought it up to him - I think that's your best bet.  Ignore her, talk to him!

[mrspost08]

Your MIL is off her rocker. No way is DH leaving! He could miss the birth!

I don't really think DH will go home at all until all 3 of us go home.

[smm5623]

While I'm in labor? No.

After the baby is born? Potentially. If both myself and the baby are doing well, especially if the baby is born in the morning or early afternoon, he may as well go home and get some sleep and see M (my parents will come stay at our house with her). I'll have plenty of help with the nurses.

[undecidedowl]

DH will not leave, especially not during labor. It is a 45 min- 1 hour drive without traffic so easily 2+ hours round trip with traffic. I will pack snacks for during labor in addition to the hospital cafeteria and he can lay down on the pull out couch designed for that purpose as needed. After baby is born it will just depend on the circumstance, but he isn't likely to leave for extended periods of time.

[Deleted]

I have a feeling that I'm not going to be able to get rid of him once I'm in labor...he is such a trooper.

[demandypants]

DH went to grab lunch, after being in the hospital for 16 hours, with my ILs when I was in labor with DD. I had a Doula so I was ok with him stepping out and he had his cell and would have been a 5 minute walk to get back. I was more envious he was eating than angry he left. DD was born another 8 hours later. After I got moved to a room I sent him home to sleep and shower and I would see him in the morning.

[Deleted]

Your MIL=crazy. I was admitted to the hosiptal with DS at 6 in the am on Saturday mid-day I told DH to go home get my bag (long story) and grab some lunch since we knew it would be a while. He wasn't gone any longer then 2 hours with travel. NO way in hell would I have told him to go home and sleep, oh and DS was born at 3:00 am Sunday morning!

ETA: He did leave around 9:00 am on Sunday am to go get some sleep. He also didn't stay with me over night after the baby was born, I wasn't going to make him sleep on the pull out couch over night when he could go home.

[picksthemusic]

If DH left any time during my labor/delivery/postpartum hospital stay, he'd have hell to pay. Your MIL sounds like a douche stuck in the 50's.

[thatgirl2478]

Well, I'm having a scheduled C-section, so slightly different. 

With DD1 he stayed at the hospital overnight so that he could help with the baby since it was so hard for me to get in and out of bed.  I assume he'll do something similar for DD2.  He did go home to shower & change when my Mom came to the hospital to help out.

[formerlyllizzyb]

H didn't leave me once with #1. I had a c/s so I needed someone in the room with me anyways to help with lifting and such.

I'll have a repeat c/s with this one, and again I don't think H will leave me. Our parents will take care of DS and the dog. I might send him out during the day if I have one of our moms at the hospital with me, but I want him there overnight. The hospital doesn't have a well baby nursery, and with a c/s I need help rooming in.