Post by starfish79 on Jul 27, 2014 18:35:47 GMT -5
My mom and brother and I had a big blow-out fight this morning, the type that has you hyperventilating with tears and has stress hormones continuing to surge in your body for hours afterwards. I'm very angry with them for basically attacking me-- not physically-- but a big emotional confrontation. I can't believe they would do that to a pregnant woman who has enough stress in her life.
What it boils down to is that my mom wants to fly out from 2,000 miles away to attend the baby shower that two of my friends are hosting for us. She's a drama queen and narcissistic (that doesn't entirely define her personality, she's also a caring, generous person-- she's complicated like everyone is) and just like when we got married, it was all about her being the "mother of the bride" then and now it's "grandma to be." I get it, it's her first grandchild, she's excited and well within her rights to be excited. She demanded to know when the shower would be (before there was even talk of a shower) and to fly in for it. And it's not that I want to be the star of the show, it's just that she's SO LOUD personality-wise, I feel exhausted around her and often embarrassed. She also doesn't drive herself and doesn't like to do much of anything besides sit around. Having her visit is always stressful.
So, I bought her a ticket to fly out on a Friday afternoon, shower is Saturday, and fly home Sunday afternoon (we have birthing class Sunday afternoon). We both work on Friday, so in spite of her wanting to fly in earlier, it doesn't make any sense because she'd just be sitting in her hotel room alone (she doesn't drive herself nor will she walk anywhere and we can't have her in our house b/c 1. it's 1000 sf and DH works from home, 2. there's no air conditioning and she'd be hot as hell sitting in our living room all day while he worked in second bedroom, 3. our dogs have ringworm and we don't know if the fungal infection will be under control then so no guests in house). So she'd be paying $200/night to sit alone. We aren't well-to-do where that's nothing.
Well my brother called to gang up on me this morning and basically tell me it's a done-deal, they've decided they're changing her ticket and booking her to fly Thursday night so she has a day to be here and "relax" before the shower. It's not like she's going to go do anything Friday-- like a normal person might get a massage or manicure or use the hotel gym or take a walk or a cab to go to the mall or anything. Then brother starts accusing us of using our vacation time for selfish purposes and not spend a vacation day w mom when she's in town (yes I'm being stingy w vaca days to bank for baby!). And he actually had nerve to question whether DH is actually "working" that day or not (freelance).
Anyway, it was wayyyyy dramatic with screaming, crying, cussing, etc. Ugly fight. I feel so distant from my family and now want to feel even more so, cut this drama BS out of my life but I know that's wrong to punish people who love you with silence and distance. And I reacted with a lot of anger when he approached me with this because I felt it was passive aggressive and bullying for her to not say anything for weeks after I bought the ticket, then have him call me to tell me what's what.
I'm sorry you're so stressed. That is frustrating that she didn't just talk to you about it, instead of making a big deal of it with your brother and creating a big confrontation between the three of you.
And really, if she gets in on Thursday and is bored and complaining that you have to work on Friday, she has no one to blame but herself (and your brother I suppose).
When is your shower? Is it far enough away that things will blow over by then or will it still be awkward?
Hope you can relax tonight. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to stress about it. What's done is done, and hopefully you can all discuss it calmly at some point, but until then, take care of yourself and your babe.
I'm really sorry. I had a semi-blowout with my mother 10 days ago when she called my in-laws to imply I was in labor (I WASN'T!). I haven't really spoken to her since because every time I try, she insists she is within her rights to get everyone worked up about me having a baby. Gaaaaaa.
I hope your mom & brother back the heck off and that you have other people in your life who can be positive and supportive!
I'm really sorry. I had a semi-blowout with my mother 10 days ago when she called my in-laws to imply I was in labor (I WASN'T!). I haven't really spoken to her since because every time I try, she insists she is within her rights to get everyone worked up about me having a baby. Gaaaaaa.
I hope your mom & brother back the heck off and that you have other people in your life who can be positive and supportive!
Whoa! That's awful-- to have her imply you were in labor! You must be further along than me, so I can't even imagine the stress you were under!
Ughhh, yep, my mom insists it's her right to be the way she's being! She's now "the grandma" and has a right to be a drama queen she says.
Thanks for listening, all. I did housework and took a cool shower with lavander salt scrub.. aromatherapy right? Finally spoke to DH to relay the conversation and it helped to talk to him. He's so level-headed. I'm lucky.
Be well.. and good luck to all of you who have drama-seeking families.
Post by flamingeaux on Jul 27, 2014 20:42:34 GMT -5
Oof. That sucks. I get you regarding the loud personality thing. My mom is that way sometimes. Do you want to spend time with her? Maybe you could do something either before the shower, or before you drop her off at the airport.
I'm sorry your brother is being an ass. It's well over the line to dictate how you spend your vacation days, especially with a baby on the way. They are making all of this about themselves. It's almost like he's forcing her onto you!
I'm glad you were able to relax a bit and talk it out with your H. Let me just say I totally feel you about the drama seeking family members.
Post by curbsideprophet on Jul 27, 2014 21:38:52 GMT -5
Everyone sounds like they are overreacting. If she wants to come in a day early to sit in her hotel, have at it. If she has the time i can sort of understand wanting to spread out the travel days a bit. However I would not expect you to change your plans just because she is coming in early. How is she getting from the airport to her hotel?
Does your brother have a wife or kids? I think saving your vacation is completely reasonable and a fairly common thing to do.
Yikes, family is so nuts sometimes. I'm sorry you're dealing with added stress I hope they come to their senses and apologize for being assholes before the shower comes around!
Ugh sorry! My sister did something similar when they were planning a shower for me. She's a SAHM and basically gives them all a bad name and can't understand why a working mother and father can't spare more vacation time for a baby shower(sprinkle) when baby #2 is on the horizon.
If she and BIL want her to come a day early and do nothing then that's up to them. You've said your piece and that's all you can do.