It's not *necessarily* something to be worried about, because he could have been serious about someone without having lived with her for whatever reason. When I was younger I probably wouldn't see a problem with it at all. As I get older, though, I think it invites some questions. I know a few 35-year-old guys who have never been engaged or married and never lived with a woman, and I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. I think it depends on the person, but I also think that it's something worth asking a few questions about.
ETA: To clarify, I'll share some details about each of the 5 guys:
The first is a grade-A abusive bastard who lives with mommy; the second is a really nice guy, but extremely shy and lives with mommy; the third is extremely nerdy/dorky/computer and video game geek (not necessarily bad things, just saying); the fourth has a good job and his own house but is a bit of an arrogant asshole; and the fifth is a recovering alcoholic. These are the only single, never-engaged, never-married, never lived with a woman 35yo guys I know.
When I met H he fit this description but was 34. My mom asked what was wrong with him and if he was on drugs or something. Lol. He's just not the easiest person to deal with. But neither am I and we're perfect for each other.
It's not *necessarily* something to be worried about, because he could have been serious about someone without having lived with her for whatever reason. When I was younger I probably wouldn't see a problem with it at all. As I get older, though, I think it invites some questions. I know a few 35-year-old guys who have never been engaged or married and never lived with a woman, and I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. I think it depends on the person, but I also think that it's something worth asking a few questions about.
My exH was 35 when we met. He'd had serious relationships, but was never married, engaged or lived with a woman. While we weren't meant to be, it wasn't because of his past relationships. Or lack of living with a woman.
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Jul 28, 2014 13:09:04 GMT -5
I guess it would depend on the circumstances around it? Like the other have said, if he had been in a serious relationship but it just hadn't progressed to living together for whatever reasons, that would be more "normal" to me than someone who was sort of a serial one-and-done dater.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
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35?Jul 28, 2014 13:09:30 GMT -5lookingup likes this
I don't really think it's that odd. My cousin was 33 when she first started living with someone for the first time. It's not necessarily about commitment, but about finding the right person. I think it's worth asking questions about, but I also believe far too many people move in together when they shouldn't.
Post by WinterIsComing on Jul 28, 2014 13:12:07 GMT -5
Hmm, I do think it's odd but I would be less concerned about living together and more interested if he had serious, long term relationships. I think a person could have a serious, long-term relationship where they just never moved in together. If the person at 35 had never had a serious relationship, that would probably be a huge red flag for me.
Yes... but it also seems like he's not very serious about dating you and doting on you!!
I think the concern for me is - if he's 35 and hasn't ever been serious with someone, he's probably pretty set in his ways and may not know how to be in a serious relationship the way that I'd like to be in a serious relationship.
He dotes on me...it's the dating that is an issue. LOL
Dude no just no with MG. He basically told you he was cool hanging out with you because there isn't anyone else out there right now. Don't be the person he just settles for in the meantime. You deserve WAY better than that.
Post by Wanderista on Jul 28, 2014 13:32:27 GMT -5
I wouldn't rule a guy out just for falling into this demographic. I'd rule him out for other factors that might lead to him being in this demographic but if I really liked him and there weren't other problems, it would not be a dealbreaker for me. I'd be more weirded out by a 35 yr old virgin; that would automatically raise my eyebrows more. I guess his reasoning/personality/character would be the decisive factors for me in whether I'd date a guy like that (the guy who hasn't dated seriously, not the virgin lol).
I'll also say that I know of some places where it's not hard to find guys like that. In some parts of Europe, the trend can run much later for some people to want to settle down especially in cities.
Not at all. I know plenty of 35+ people (both men and women) who have never married or cohabited. Most of them have very high standards, a strong focus on their careers, and/or a nomadic expat history.
I also know the guy who wishes he'd been married or settled before 40 but hasn't found anyone. For a reason.
I'm much more skeptical of the guys who are looking for the commitment compared to the guys who just haven't found the right person if the right time.
Post by glitzyglow on Jul 28, 2014 17:18:50 GMT -5
My coworker is 35 and she hasn't been engaged or married. She was in a relationship for a few years that fizzled out and she hasn't met anyone who she clicks with since.
Post by jellymankelly on Jul 28, 2014 17:34:14 GMT -5
My current boyfriend is 43 and has never been engaged or married. I think at 35 he lived with someone, but it took him a LONG time to grow up, so he was more interested in doing his own thing up until the past few years, so he had never really let any relationship get to that point.
This was the main reason I ignored him the first time he tried to contact me online. In my mind back then, 40 and never married meant something's wrong. It wasn't, and he's great, but if I had met him at 35 when he was still out acting like a 22 year old, something definitely would have been!
What bullygirl979 said. I have found that men who are this age and never had a serious commitment tend to have a reason behind that. I'm pretty open minded though so it's not like i would write someone off because of it.
Living together is not a relationship "step" for everybody. So, no, I wouldn't think anything about a 35 yo man who hadn't been engaged or married and had never lived with someone as long as he had long-term serious relationships under his belt.
I would probably be more leery of a guy that age who had multiple failed marriages/engagements/living together situations that one who hadn't had any. I know several guys who fall in this category and while some are perhaps...off, others are perfectly normal guys who don't want to rush things and end up divorced within a few years.
Living together is not a relationship "step" for everybody. So, no, I wouldn't think anything about a 35 yo man who hadn't been engaged or married and had never lived with someone as long as he had long-term serious relationships under his belt.