Lawyer Question *Update & new question*

[alexithymia]

Ok, so, STBXH and I have been seperated for almost a year. We had decided to go through with the divorce without lawyers and just do a quickie divorce. The only asset we had between the two of us was the house, (no kids, the cars are in our individual names, no other real assets, etc) and we had decided we would divide out what we got from the sale accordingly.

I even had the divorce paperwork printed out, all that needed to be done was to have it filled out and a few things to be finished with the bathroom remodel he started before he moved out so that the house could market ready. One term to this whole thing was that I said I wanted to house on the market before we filed, because I'm planning to move across the state within the year, and I don't want to be solely responsible for any repairs that may need to be made if potential buyers have an inspector come through. We had previously agreed on all of this, but he just never came over to get the work on the bathroom or any of the other repairs done that he agreed to do, and never even looked at the paperwork.

Well, yesterday he informs me he hired a lawyer. After it had been his idea in the first place to do this without lawyers. He says it's because he 'talked to other guys in his men's group who said they'd gotten screwed over by doing the quickie divorce thing.' Well, great for him. He's been living with his mom for the past year and not paying anything for rent, while I've been paying the entire mortgage and all of the bills- including the Home Depot card from the bathroom remodel- all on my own. I can't afford a lawyer. Not with all of the other things I've been financially responsible for on my own for the past year.

So, now I need to know, am I going to be royally screwed if I don't have a lawyer? He says he's already had his lawyer draw up paperwork. What do I do if they try to serve me paperwork? What if I don't agree to the terms? What if it's all in legal jargon and I don't understand it? I'm just so angry that he went behind my back and did this after we had agreed not to handle it this way.

Sorry, I'm still fuming a little. Let me know if something doesn't make sense.

[berbles]

Get your own lawyer, STAT.

I'm sorry.

[LoveBug]

Wow, that's awful that you were paying everything while he was living rent free. Maybe you can have your future attorney work that into the divorce - for him to give you a larger percentage of the sale to cover all the house bills during the separation.

[WinterIsComing]

Definitely get a lawyer. Since he was going along with the quickie divorce and suddenly changed his mind, I would be worried that he is trying to pull something over on you, hoping you don't know any better. Even if the lawyer doesn't get involved in the negotiations, I think you will feel better in the end knowing that a lawyer with more knowledge than you made sure you weren't getting screwed.

Good luck!

[idahome]

Definitely get a lawyer. Look up your local county bar association and find out if they have any attorneys listed who do scales or reduced fees based on income limitations. Another option would be to contact a law school in your state to see if they have a legal clinic where you could get some assistance.

Honestly, you're already getting screwed if you've been the only one paying on your joint bills (mortgage, utilities, cable, phone, home maintenance, etc.) since you guys separated. I would start gathering my financial information so you're ready for that first appointment with the attorney. Good luck to you!

[berbles]

In addition to what idahome said, if you work for a company, check to see if you have an EAP that includes attorney consultations.

[DirtySouth]

The time to get a lawyer was right after you separated and before you went a year paying the mortgage on your own. Ugh. You need a lawyer. Put it on a credit card if you don't have the cash.

[idahome]

berbles makes a good point about checking with your work EAP. I know my work's EAP includes attorney consultations as a benefit and then a reduction in overall price for officially engaging that attorney. Seriously, good luck to you.

[WinterIsComing]

Jul 28, 2014 19:23:04 GMT -5 idahome said:

berbles makes a good point about checking with your work EAP. I know my work's EAP includes attorney consultations as a benefit and then a reduction in overall price for officially engaging that attorney. Seriously, good luck to you.

I just want to third this suggestion. My work EAP offers a 30 minute free consult and 15% off of services. After I called the hotline, I received a call from a lawyer within a couple hours.

[MyName]

Definitely get your own lawyer. I'm sorry he is being such a shitbag.

[MauMau]

There is no such thing as a quickie divorce. Lawyer up. Sorry.

[alexithymia]

Jul 28, 2014 16:48:56 GMT -5 berbles said:

In addition to what idahome said, if you work for a company, check to see if you have an EAP that includes attorney consultations.

I hadn't even thought of that. I'll have to look up my program and see what it offers. Thanks for this suggestion.

[alexithymia]

UPDATE - I got in touch with my EAP program today. They offer a 30 minute free consultation and 25% off services. I'm so relieved! They took my information and will be getting in touch with me with an attorney referral hopefully within a couple of days. Hopefully this will keep him from trying to screw me over!

[WinterIsComing]

Jul 29, 2014 12:05:36 GMT -5 alexithymia said:

UPDATE - I got in touch with my EAP program today. They offer a 30 minute free consultation and 25% off services. I'm so relieved! They took my information and will be getting in touch with me with an attorney referral hopefully within a couple of days. Hopefully this will keep him from trying to screw me over!

Yay!! This is a great update!

I bet he was hoping you would get an attorney so he could try to get more than his fair share. Having someone in your corner is definitely important!

[MauMau]

Jul 29, 2014 12:05:36 GMT -5 alexithymia said:

UPDATE - I got in touch with my EAP program today. They offer a 30 minute free consultation and 25% off services. I'm so relieved! They took my information and will be getting in touch with me with an attorney referral hopefully within a couple of days. Hopefully this will keep him from trying to screw me over!

Great news!

[alexithymia]

Ok. I got my lawyer referral. I have a meeting with him tomorrow for my free consultation. It feels soon, but if I didn't go tomorrow, I would have had to wait two more weeks, since he's going to be out of the office. So, my question is, what questions should I have prepared to ask? Is there anything i should bring with me? I really have no idea what I'm doing here.

[idahome]

I would tell the attorney exactly what you've told us: separated (legally separated with filed paperwork or did you guys just decide to split up?), show the attorney everything you've paid since you've separated on all bills but especially those related to the home and its maintenance/improvement, and then ask "what do I need to do to get a finalized divorce". The attorney will have an intake/consultation form so that should help. Good luck!

[LoveBug]

Love idahome's suggestions. Also, ask how he would represent you? What options he foresees based on what you share with him, etc. good luck!

[callunafirefly]

I know you said your only asset was the house. Is there any way you contributed personal fiances towards the downpayment? A gift from your parents, savings bonds you had from childhood, savings from before you were married? You may be able to get more back after the sale. There's a formula that explains it...its confusing, but it makes sense. Its called the Brandenburg formula.
You might also ask the lawyer what are the chances of getting back pay for the months you were supporting the house on your own. Can you charge him with abondonment of the property and financial obligations - if you are both on the house, he is still responsible for half the mortgage whether he lives there or not?
I would make him regret his decision to get a lawyer. You're worried about getting screwed....ok buddy I'll show you what screwed looks like. I was being nice, you took this to a new level.

[riverpestie]

Back in 2007, I was in your exact position, the X moved into his parents' house, BUT the only thing different, is that he still paid for half the mortgage until the house sold.
We were going to file ourselves, and then his parents talked him into getting an attorney, so I went through the EAP program at work and I got myself an attorney as well. I made sure that it was in the divorce decree that he continued to pay for half the mortgage until it sold whether the divorce was final or not.

Definitely get an attorney and see if you can do what I did!

Good luck.

[chchchia]

Get. A. Lawyer. NOW.

[alexithymia]

Aug 1, 2014 9:38:14 GMT -5 callunafirefly said:

I know you said your only asset was the house. Is there any way you contributed personal fiances towards the downpayment? A gift from your parents, savings bonds you had from childhood, savings from before you were married? You may be able to get more back after the sale. There's a formula that explains it...its confusing, but it makes sense. Its called the Brandenburg formula.
You might also ask the lawyer what are the chances of getting back pay for the months you were supporting the house on your own. Can you charge him with abondonment of the property and financial obligations - if you are both on the house, he is still responsible for half the mortgage whether he lives there or not?
I would make him regret his decision to get a lawyer. You're worried about getting screwed....ok buddy I'll show you what screwed looks like. I was being nice, you took this to a new level.

This is kind of my sentiment at this point. I wasn't originally planning to come after him for abandonment of financial obligations, but at this point, I really want to. I am meeting witht he lawyer in an hour, so I'll see what he says. The only thing I'm worried about is dragging it along. On the phone the other day, the lawyer said that if we can work it out without a court date, we could be done with it in probably about 30 days. If we had to go to court, we likely won't get a court date for probably 9 months. I really don't want to deal with it that long.

How much is just being able to wash your hands of the whole thing faster worth?

[idahome]

I totally understand just wanting to be done with him alexithymia, but there's no way in hell that I'd hurry this process along if it meant I was getting screwed financially. Absolutely not. I do hope you filed legal separation papers almost a year ago because if not that's definitely another thing I'd add to my list of questions. You don't have to be hateful and stick him with "all the things" but you deserve better treatment than what you've received to this point. Report back after your consult.

[MauMau]

30 days is very unlikely. Especially since your ex just got a lawyer to "protect" himself. I don't think it's realistic to have it done that quickly.

I'm starting month 5 of trying to divorce my ex. He's making it very difficult and we don't even have property to consider.

My advice is to take it one day at a time. Do it right not fast.

[WinterIsComing]

Aug 1, 2014 10:40:30 GMT -5 idahome said:

I totally understand just wanting to be done with him alexithymia, but there's no way in hell that I'd hurry this process along if it meant I was getting screwed financially. Absolutely not. I do hope you filed legal separation papers almost a year ago because if not that's definitely another thing I'd add to my list of questions. You don't have to be hateful and stick him with "all the things" but you deserve better treatment than what you've received to this point. Report back after your consult.

I definitely agree with this. Divorce is a really crappy process so I understand the want to get it over with as soon as possible but you will be better in the long run if you make sure you protect yourself financially. You need to make sure you come out of this crappy situation in the best place possible to help your new life going forward - look out for you not for him.

[WinterIsComing]

Jul 31, 2014 17:34:43 GMT -5 alexithymia said:

Ok. I got my lawyer referral. I have a meeting with him tomorrow for my free consultation. It feels soon, but if I didn't go tomorrow, I would have had to wait two more weeks, since he's going to be out of the office. So, my question is, what questions should I have prepared to ask? Is there anything i should bring with me? I really have no idea what I'm doing here.

How did it go alexithymia??

[alexithymia]

Aug 1, 2014 21:24:36 GMT -5 WinterIsComing said:

Jul 31, 2014 17:34:43 GMT -5 alexithymia said:

Ok. I got my lawyer referral. I have a meeting with him tomorrow for my free consultation. It feels soon, but if I didn't go tomorrow, I would have had to wait two more weeks, since he's going to be out of the office. So, my question is, what questions should I have prepared to ask? Is there anything i should bring with me? I really have no idea what I'm doing here.

How did it go alexithymia??

It went alright. He said he didn't see any  huge complications with the situation. He found out that my ex had already filed the paperwork with the courthouse, so at least I didn't have to pay the filing fee. But he wants a $1500 retainer fee, which I won't have until next week. And he'll be at Sturgis at that point. So nothing can get moving until a couple of weeks from now.

And he's one of those people who constantly are making that throat clearing noise. I'm going to have to get over how much that annoys me...

[idahome]

alexithymia: you do know you can consult with another attorney, right? I would assume your EAP has an agreement with other attorneys in your area that might work out better for you. Perhaps you could get a consult with another attorney early this coming week and hold off on paying the retainer fee? You don't want wait, I know that, but I've always thought you should be comfortable with your attorney. If the throat clearing thing annoys you now I can only imagine how much worse it's going to get if this divorce isn't as fast and smooth as your potential attorney says.

[polarbearfans]

Ask for another lawyer. I did not care for the lawyer who I was given when my dad died (3 sessions covered by life insurance), and I was able to get a different lawyer with the first session not counting.

Good luck! Protect yourself. Push for a larger portion since you have paying on the house yourself this past year. Personally I would try to get the whole thing and anything else I could.

[WinterIsComing]

Aug 3, 2014 8:49:36 GMT -5 idahome said:

alexithymia: you do know you can consult with another attorney, right? I would assume your EAP has an agreement with other attorneys in your area that might work out better for you. Perhaps you could get a consult with another attorney early this coming week and hold off on paying the retainer fee? You don't want wait, I know that, but I've always thought you should be comfortable with your attorney. If the throat clearing thing annoys you now I can only imagine how much worse it's going to get if this divorce isn't as fast and smooth as your potential attorney says.

If you aren't 100% comfortable with the lawyer at this stage then I would suggest you find someone else. It's important that you like and trust your lawyer. It sounds like your ex may drag this out and may be a pain to deal with so the last thing you also want is to have a lawyer you don't love.

I didn't really like my attorney and wish I had found someone else. My divorce has been really easy but I have still been frustrated dealing with him.