WR: Keeping maiden name or hyphenating: Pros/Cons

[redredwine]

My wedding is coming up next month-yay! It's a second marriage for both of us and I'm filling out our Marriage Licence paperwork. It asked me my intended name after the wedding (state of Hawaii? not sure any other state does this). While I have decided early on, even before I met FI that I was going to keep my maiden name at least, I'm on the fence about hyphenating. He's happy with whatever I decide to do. 
I want to keep my maiden name professionally, as that's the name I've established in my company/field. I also don't want to go through the process of formally changing my name AGAIN...it's SUCH A PITA!!!!!! 
However, I'm not opposed to hyphenating at all. I like the thought of us having that tie together, or being able to be called "Mr and Mrs. HisLastName" and it being accurate and I don't have to correct anyone. 

Is there any advantage to one of the other? Like, does it matter at ALL if we have kids? I think nowdays it really doesn't, but I'm curious from those who have hyphenated vs. kept their maiden name only. 


FWIW-I want to keep my middle name, so I'm not moving my maiden to middle and dropping my middle name. 

[megkat]

I hyphenated my last name and I hate it. I wish I had just kept my maiden, which was what I really wanted to do. I'm constantly having to repeat my name to people, who act like they have never heard of someone having a hyphenated name. And half the time, people just pick one of my last names to use anyway! Mine isn't too long, only four syllables, but still

Now, all of that being said- I hyphenated DD's last name because it was important to me that we have the same last name. So I did choose to saddle my daughter with it!

I think for me, part of my problem was that what I really wanted to do was keep my maiden name- DH really wanted me to take his name, and hyphenation was my attempt at a compromise.

Also I hated the process of changing my name. I actually still have like half of my stuff in my maiden name because I got lazy halfway through changing it.

[redredwine]

Jul 29, 2014 23:06:21 GMT -5 megkat said:

I hyphenated my last name and I hate it. I wish I had just kept my maiden, which was what I really wanted to do. I'm constantly having to repeat my name to people, who act like they have never heard of someone having a hyphenated name. And half the time, people just pick one of my last names to use anyway! Mine isn't too long, only four syllables, but still

Now, all of that being said- I hyphenated DD's last name because it was important to me that we have the same last name. So I did choose to saddle my daughter with it!

I think for me, part of my problem was that what I really wanted to do was keep my maiden name- DH really wanted me to take his name, and hyphenation was my attempt at a compromise.

Also I hated the process of changing my name. I actually still have like half of my stuff in my maiden name because I got lazy halfway through changing it.

I think you just sold me on keeping my maiden name.  

I still get shit in the mail from my EX last name! I'd really not mix a third in there. 
I mostly worry if it's a pain when we have a kid...

[sparkythelawyer]

I hyphenated my name and have absolutely zero regrets. I love it. I knew it was going to be important to my husband that I take his name, I wasn't willing to give up my maiden name, and changing my middle name was not an option (family name on both sides). Also, changing my middle name didn't really feel like a compromise, because who wanders around calling themselves by their middle name?

Changing my name was a paperwork pain in the ass, but I absolutely love my hyphenated name and have zero regrets.

Also, I have no problem being "Mrs. Sparky'shusband" where appropriate.  But it gives me the choice.

[mbcdefg]

Honestly, I would've kept my maiden name if we weren't planning on having kids. My married name flows terribly with what I use as my first name. (It's ok with my legal first name but nobody ever calls me that.)

Hyphenation wasn't an option for me because it would've made my full name ridiculously long and awkward. Plus I didn't want to deal with the hassle of a double last name, since I already use a double first name and people always mess it up.

Depending on how your name flows with both options, I'd just commit fully to taking his last name, or keep your maiden. In my experience, so many families nowadays have different last names that nobody seems to care ... a relative has three different LNs between her and her kids.

[Mrs.Rad888]

I dropped my middle name, and use my maiden name as a middle name, and DH's name as my last name, so Firstname Maiden DHlast. That way I got to keep my maiden name, get to use DH's name, and got to drop my yucky middle name.

[kaylie]

I wish I'd kept my maiden name. My married name sucks.

[thejen626]

Probably not helpful, but I just read your post and thought about introducing you ... "oh and this is my good friend, Erica Mustigan Hyphen Whatabook, she's a photographer!" And it just seems like a mouthful to say all of that. So think about if you'd get upset if someone didn't say it correctly, OR if your random new coworker met your H and said "oh you must be Mr Mustigan" would he be ok with that, or would he get upset?

*names changed to protect the innocent

PS I thought about hyphenating my last name and DH said "you're either a HisLastName or you're not." Lol

[redredwine]

Thanks everyone! @juno, I guess I wonder if its an issuewith school, doctor, etc, since my last nane woukd be different thsn my kids (I'd give our child his last name)

[Deleted]

I kept my maiden name. It's my first name, my mother's maiden name as a middle, and my father's last name. It's so meaningful to me that I can't imagine changing it. And I didn't know who IdahoLakeLady H'sLastName was? So, I kept it. I'm lazy. Also, my H has a super boring last name.

DD has H's last name. Her middle name is in honor of my grandmother. I'm fine with it. It does some times get obnoxious with paperwork, but really, it's so common now that it's no big deal.

[redredwine]

thejen626- part of the reason why my photog biz name is my first/middle name only is EXACTLY that! I'm Erica. If I say my last name to ckients, I dont think they'd even care what my last name was. I wouldn't ever mind bring called Mrs. Hislastname, Mrs. mylastname, Mrs. his-my lastname. I don't think N would mind being Mrs. mylastname... He'd probably make some innappropriate joke about it!
Also, a few coworkers, including my boss, never changed their name, so its not uncommon. Just thinking about it, I should ask her seeing as they have a kid!

Also, my XMIL hyphenated and she was a bitch about people calling her both names. So....makes me want to stick with maiden!

[hippygirl]

I hyphenated my last name the first time I was married and it sucked. I was 8letters-8letters. It was a pain in the ass to write. So I would alternate between the two.

I recently remarried and stayed with my maiden name. My husband's last name is just not for me. It doesn't have the same flow as my maiden name. Maybe someday I'll take his name.

*I have a friend who has been married twice. She uses maiden name married name-new married name. That is a mouthful!

[matildasun]

Jul 30, 2014 0:07:08 GMT -5 redredwine said:

Thanks everyone! @juno, I guess I wonder if its an issuewith school, doctor, etc, since my last nane woukd be different thsn my kids (I'd give our child his last name)

I kept my maiden name, and gave both kids my husband's last name. There has not been a problem so far, but they are still little. They both have my maiden name as a second middle, because I did want them to have it in some way. 

[just]

I'll go there.

Don't hyphenate. Just be your name.

Kids have 2 dads, 2 moms, separated, divorced, non-married. No-one cares anymore.

[mlvmd]

I didn't hyphenate. I just added another last name. My maiden name is two words so now I just have a three word last name. At the job that I had when I married I changed my name for HR purposes but kept everything else the same. When I switched to my current job I go by my DH's name only because my maiden name is very complicated to spell and pronounce. Socially I also go by DH's name only. I like the flexibility of having both names and the confusion isn't really any worse than what I was used to with having a two word maiden name.

[nomad100]

I kept my maiden name and DH sometimes gets called Mr. Nomad. It makes him laugh a bit since when we moved back to my home city he jokingly said he should change his name to mine since my family names is recognizable.

[zarapipe]

I took my husbands last name after saying I never would. I kept my name for about two years and then just decided to do it. You don't have to decide now (unless Hawaii is crazy), so wait and see how you feel in a few months or a few years.

[lasagnasshole]

Jul 30, 2014 0:07:08 GMT -5 redredwine said:

Thanks everyone! @juno, I guess I wonder if its an issuewith school, doctor, etc, since my last nane woukd be different thsn my kids (I'd give our child his last name)

My mom remarried and changed her name when I was in grade school. It was never an issue. With changing family shapes these days, I can't imagine it would matter.

I was never interested in hyphenating. You get all the hassle of changing your name but with the added hassle of knowing people will forever screw it up on legal documents and whatnot. It seems like the worst of both worlds to me. (And if you want to get technical and Emily Post about it, you still wouldn't be Mr. and Mrs. Hislast. You'd be Mr. Hislast and Ms. Herlast-Hislast.)

[sunnysideup488]

I took H's name, but professionally I still go by my XH's last name (except for payroll). people know me as that, and it's a pain in the ass to have to email the entire company 'this is my new email, cause my last name changed'

I was just going to keep my name, but DH was offended that I didn't want his last name. It's not that I didn't want it. It's a pain to change.

[Deleted]

Professionally, I use both non-hyphenated. My DL is hyphenated bc the dmv couldn't do it any other way. My SS card, bank accounts and CCs are all in my maiden name.

[raangoli]

I changed my last name but I continue to use my maiden name professionally/at work. I suppose if I ever got a new job, I would have to figure out what to do, but at that point I might as well switch over since it's a new start.

[L]

There's no right answer - just go with whatever feels right to you. I was waffling a bit on this right after we were married and tried them all out for size in the first few weeks. But ultimately the option I chose for myself (hyphenation) just felt more like me in the end.

[ssmjlm]

I made my maiden name my middle name and took DH's name. I wavered back and forth about changing my name, but I'm glad I did. I was young enough at the time that it didn't affect me professionally.

[ECB]

I changed my name and am happy with it.

on the front of hyphenating - I have a friend who did back in high school. It was about taking on her dad's name, actually. Nothing to do with marriage. By the time she got married, she could not WAIT to take her DHs name. She hated the hyphenated name. "My last name is Smith hyphen JOnes"... "How do you spell hyphen?". So she started saying "dash" and would get the same response.

This is just one example.

On the flip side, I have a couple friend who either never changed their name OR got remarried and took their DHs name and in turn don't have the same name as their kids. No one seems to have any problems with it.

[orangeblossom]

For the professional reason alone, I wouldn't change it and just keep your maiden name. I would not want to reestablish myself with a new professional name at this point in my career.

You an always go by your husband's name socially.

[L]

Jul 30, 2014 7:08:57 GMT -5 @littlemoxie said:

3. I had to show a birth certificate to put him and a marriage cert for DH on my benefits at work.

FWIW, H's company required this for benefits regardless of what your names are - I would not consider this a pro/con to changing your name.

[livinitup]

It took me 5 years to change my last name in any official way. I put DH's last name on my business card and email signature but didn't change it at Social Security or the bank. Did that for a few years. I traveled under my maiden name. Had a credit card with my married last name. My license needed renewing so, I changed my last name on my license. Finally. I still had my passport in my maiden name. So, I had to remember to use my married last name for booking flights but if I forgot, used my old passport. I've now crossed over to married name at Social Security.

Maybe you just need some time to practice using the hyphenated name without making it official? As long as you pay your taxes and don't use a name change to commit fraud, you're not doing anything immoral or illegal.   

[spunkarella]

I got married right out of college and don't have kids, so I can't really speak to the work and kids related aspects.

But I kept my maiden name as a second middle and changed my last name to DH's. I have always gone by my middle name and didn't want to drop anything. I haven't found it to be confusing for anyone and I'm really happy with my decision.

Let's say my name is Susan Elizabeth Smith Jones. I go by Elizabeth Jones in most situations. My driver's license, SS card, and passport show all four names.

[dragonfly08]

I wanted to keep using my maiden name professionally, but wanted DHs last name socially. So I ended up with First Middle Maiden Married. No hyphen...combining two longer (9 letters in mine, 8 in DHs), ethnic last names both of which start with the same letter, would have been a nightmare in so many ways.

FWIW, my SIL has had a different last name from her son for most of his life (she divorced and went back to her maiden name when he was about a year old, he's about to turn 15) and she's said it's never been a problem.

[scout8]

I kept my maiden name. For work reasons, I wanted to keep my maiden name. I didn't want to go by two names, so I kept maiden personally as well.

I am happy with my decision.