Tell me about deciding to TTC

[spunkarella]

Can you tell me about how you decided it was time to start trying? Or if it just happened, that's fine too.

Logically, this fall seems like a good time. We are 27 and 31, stable jobs with enough leave built up, financial stuff in order, and about to take a big milestone vacation. We know we want 1 to 2 kids someday, but don't have that omgineedasquishybaby feeling. If it happened accidentally, I think we would be shocked but thrilled and secretly relieved that we were spared having to make the decision, lol. I don't have any reason to think I will have trouble TTC, but I know there's always that chance.

Did you wait for the omgiwantababy right.now. feeling?

[ssmjlm]

Honestly for us it was DH's age. I was still a bit on the fence and was debating waiting another 1-2 years, but DH was staring down at 40 and he wanted us to either be pregnant or have a child when he turned 40. I didn't have a good reason why I wanted to wait, so we just went for it.  I'm 9 years younger.

I did talk to my doctor about some stuff before since I only have 1 ovary (other was removed) and we weren't sure if I was a carrier of Tay Sachs.

[hermione]

We were old. I had my daughter at 38. It seemed very now or never and the thought of never made us both sad. I was on the fence leaning towards yes. My husband desperately wanted a baby. Ultimately I decided I wanted to give him one.

Good luck deciding!

[jenn248]

Jul 30, 2014 8:55:40 GMT -5 spunkarella said:

Did you wait for the omgiwantababy right.now. feeling?

If we had waited for that, we never would have had a baby  

When we were first married, we'd decided we wanted to be married for three years before we decided whether we wanted to TTC.  Then when we were drunk one NYE, DH suggested we start trying the following New Year's, so we did.  

Like you, we had plenty of leave, were in a good spot financially, and had done a lot of travel.  Even with all of those elements in place, I am not sure I would have ever felt 100 percent ready - I wasn't convinced I wanted a kid, but I also wasn't convinced that I wouldn't regret it if we didn't have one.  We basically decided we weren't getting any younger (I was 31 and DH was 36 when we started TTC) and that we might as well give it a shot and see what happened.  DD made her appearance almost exactly one year later   

[docholly]

For me, I waited until I qualified for FMLA where I was working. My husband is ten years older so with both ODS and YDS I was in more of a hurry than I would have been had we both been the same age. We started TTC ODS at the beginning of the new year and got pregnant after two cycles. It wasn't necessarily an OMG I want baby now feeling, but we both wanted kids, he wasn't getting any younger, and the stars were aligned with my job. After having ODS, I knew I wanted at least a two year age gap, so we started TTC when ODS was 18 months and got pregnant on the first try. Now, if we go for a third, our main factor will again be H's age. (I don't want to way TOOOO long). And, I want to wait until ODS would be starting elementary school. Right now, we would be TTC anywhere between Fall 2015 and the new year of 2016. We are still undecided though.

[drloretta]

No we did not wait. I was 36 when we got married, DH was 34. He wanted 6 months of "us" time, then we went at it. 3 years and 3 m/c's later, we adopted DD.

[justjen]

Ours was also age related. I was almost 34 when we got married. We waited a little over a year to start trying, and in that time did a big vacation and trained and completed a half marathon. Honestly, I wasn't 100% sure I was ready when we started (I was 35) but DH was beyond ready, and I wanted to leave the possibility for 3 kids open. Which meant it was go time.

[Deleted]

We accidentally got pregnant and then miscarried, then we found out that I would have some complications so we decided to go ahead and TTC again. So, it was kind of a oops that led to a conscious choice. Ideally, I would have liked to be a few years older, I hadn't planned on being a young mom, but it's worked out fine for us. It was a very unemotional thing for us for a while.

If we TTC again, I'd like a September baby so I could max out all my short term disability and FMLA leave but come back to a sparse workload in Dec and then have all my personal time for the new year in January for first year sicknesses. We also saved pretty aggressively during my last pregnancy, and I liked having that cushion while on leave. We also are conscious of daycare costs and would prefer O be 3-4 years old so we could swing an infant cost as well and not want to stab ourselves. 

[nextbigthing]

Both of our ages were big factors for us. I always wanted kids, but I have a very demanding job and DH is in a unstable industry job wise (but we can easily survive on my income if he was laid off). I was staring at 35 and DH is over 40 so I got to a point around this time last year it was now or never.    We've been married almost 9 years, I think most people thought we'd never have kids!  His parents were SO excited when we told them we were pregnant (mine were too, but they knew we were trying) 

It took us about 10 months to get pregnant, I'm 9 weeks along and I'm excited! This may be our only kid, we'll just have to see how it goes.

I don't think you're ever ready to have a baby, but we live below our means, have a good house, my job is super solid, we have savings, retirement, etc. so it seemed like as good a time as any. I figured people have babies every day with less than we have and they make it work.

Good luck to you!!

[sometimesrunner]

I didn't have the "omg squishy baby!" feeling either. Logically, I knew we wanted 2-3 kids. To leave the door open for three and still have a decent spacing between children, I knew that we should start sooner than later. We had been married for 6 years when we announced we were pg. Some family members honestly thought we decided not to have children. lol

[bowies]

Age and health played a factor for us as well. I was 33 when I married my H last fall and we decided to start trying immediately. Would we have liked to travel more? Sure, but we aren't opposed to traveling with kids. Our finances were solid and we are both comfortable in our careers. Waiting just to wait seemed silly at our ages so we went for it.

[thebreakfastclub]

I didn't get married until 33, started trying at 35, got pregnant at 36. This will be our only baby.

I did not have a huge desire to have a bunch of kids, but I always thought in the back of my mind that I would be a mom to one, 2 tops.

If we had started younger, there may have been a second. But I like how things turned out and have no real desire to start all over again with another.

When I hear your ages, I feel like you have all the time in the world. But that is my perspective as an older mom.

[h]

We were 29 and 30, had been married 5 years, had finished grad school and had stable jobs and finances, and knew we wanted 2-3 kids. We were not baby crazy or obsessed with having a baby right then or anything, but we knew that TTC could take a while, and logically, it seemed like a good time. And we did want a baby--just not in the totally "omg I need a baby NOW" sense.

We conceived easily, and I had our first shortly after I turned 30. We were able to have three kids each spaced 2.5-3 years apart and still finish when I was 35. It worked out well, and I am glad we started trying when we did.

[jessnpaul]

Mine was also age related. Got married at 34 and enjoyed married life for awhile... did a lot of traveling and all that. We started trying right before I turned 37. I wasn't sure we were ready, but I either wanted 0 kids or 2 (I'm a fan of siblings), so it was now or never.

Of course that whole "2 kids" thing has backfired on me because now I'm dealing with secondary infertility, but that's a story for another post ;-)

[spunkarella]

Jul 30, 2014 9:02:05 GMT -5 jenn248 said:

Jul 30, 2014 8:55:40 GMT -5 spunkarella said:

Did you wait for the omgiwantababy right.now. feeling?

If we had waited for that, we never would have had a baby  
  

I think this is what I'm afraid of!

[game blouses]

We started TTC right after we got married, because we wanted kids right away. After a miscarriage and trouble with my periods, it went from omgsquishybaby to I WILL GET PREGNANT. Then we decided try for DS2 when DS1 was one, just in case we had trouble again. We didn't, shockingly.

The nice thing about pregnancy is that you do have nine months to develop the squishy baby!! feeling, if it's not there before.

[curbsideprophet]

We probably never would have had a baby if we had waited for that I need a baby right now feeling. I had pretty much always pictured myself having kids some day, but I did not have an overwhelming need to have one. I did want to be married for a few years before TTC. Before marriage we tentatively said five year. We did end up waiting five years before we started trying. I still did not have that overwhelming need, but we figured we were not getting any younger (early thirties) and might as well try and see what happens.

After DD was born I did have a few thoughts of "what have we done" but we have two now and no regrets.

[Deleted]

We waited until we were financially stable, developed our careers, and traveled a bit. I didn't have that feeling (my H is a little older-34 and did for a while) so we planned until after I was 30. Then it took a little longer than expected-8 months, due to some health issues. At that point, I started to feel like I really wanted a baby NOW. It's like wanting what you might not have.

[Deleted]

If I waited for the fabled "baby fever", we'd never have kids.

We TTC when the idea of having a baby wasn't utterly terrifying and financially we would survive. Same with #2. No regrets at all - it was good enough timing.

[Deleted]

We always wanted kids, and really wanted to TTC when we first got married, but money issues like our new house and DH facing a possible layoff got in the way. I was 23, DH was 29 when we got married. About 2 years later, my mom was dx with cancer and before we knew her prognosis (she is fine, 4.5 years later), I told DH I wanted to start TTC and he was 100% on board. Then we TTC for close to 4 years before getting pregnant, which only happened with fertility treatments. I am 30 and DH is 36. We want at least 1, possibly 2, more children.

I will add that in those 4 years, I went back and forth on whether we were doing the right thing. I felt like if it was so hard to even get pregnant, maybe it wasn't worth it or wasn't meant to be. I even considered discussed separation or divorce from DH, because he wanted children so badly, and I was becoming more and more non-committal by the day. Plus our religion doesn't really look highly upon IF treatments, and that was an internal struggle I had as well. Once we started IF treatments though, I wouldn't have stopped until I had a baby.

[chicago]

I wavered back and forth about kids for years. We had a great life, plenty of expendable income, traveled a lot, saved a lot, etc. Then as I started thinking about it I realized I wanted kids and that I was just waiting for the "ideal time" that would never come.

H and I made a baby bucket list of three places we really wanted to travel to before getting pregnant. Then we threw caution to the wind last summer thinking it might take a while to get pregnant and I wound up conceiving two weeks before we left for our last bucket list trip.

I was scared, H was definitely scared and would have liked a few more years. Most of our friends needed months/years to conceive and we thought we would too.

Now that she's here I wouldn't change it for anything. I miss some aspects of our DINK lifestyle, but I love my daughter with my entire being (sorry for being so dramatic. It's hard to describe.) I wouldn't trade her back for any amount of vacations or bags of money - she's the coolest person I know.

Now thinking about #2 scares the shit out of me too, but I also know we want at least one more. I think having kids, if you think you at least want them, is one of those things you just have to dive into. Unfortunately you don't get to try it out, even if you keep your friend/family member's kid(s) for weeks at a time at your house. I feel much different about my kid than I do other people's.

[heygrey]

We knew we wanted kids someday and had recently discussed "now-ish" being a good time to take that a step further, but everytime we had the "are we using a condom tonight?" question, one of us would chicken out and we'd push it off one more month. Then one night we got drunk and now we have a 5 month old despite my initial freak out, I'm really glad it happened that way. I tend to be a bit obsessive and emotional at times so I imagine actively ttc would have made me crazy. If we waited for the "omgineedababyrightthissecondsqueeeeee" I doubt we ever would have gotten there.

[Deleted]

We were both meh on kids; Married 6 years, in our late 30's Then DH's uncle passed away suddenly and we went to stay with his Aunt for a couple of days and thought OMG she has no kids and is all by herself.

That was around July, and we had a vacation in August and we figured we'd pull the goalie right after vacation

[Willis Jackson]

I've had baby fever since I was about 15, lol. We just had to wait until we were ready financially. We were both 27 when DS was born.

[rbp]

H had serious baby fever. I honestly never had that "must have baby" instinct, so sometimes now, the week of my due date, I'm still all "WTF have I done?" I just don't easily have emotional responses to things--I was completely stone-faced at our wedding. LOL

I was not willing to get pg while in grad school. Then I got a sweet job and still wasn't ready. We made a deal that we would start trying at the end of my first year of teaching, so we pulled the goalie in May of last year. I didn't really do the TTC stuff (I halfheartedly tried to chart but wasn't really on top of it). After a few months I bought some Wondfo ovulation predictors. I think it was the first month I used them that I got pg. Coincidence? 

We were 30 and 31 when we started TTC, 31 and 32 now. We want two kids. Basically we just thought logically and decided that last year was a good time to start trying. I realize this is not how most people go about TTC. 

ETA: We had been married for almost seven years when we started TTC. Even my mom had quit asking when we were going to have kids. 

[ilikedonuts]

Once our friends had their first baby (ETA: I'm 5+ years younger then DH and all his friends), it kind of kicked my baby fever into gear. I was surprised that it happened as early as it it did (I was only 24). I had DD1 at 25 and DD2 at 27.

I have plenty of friends though (in their late 20s and early 30s) that are waiting for a while because they have a lot of things they want to do and see as a married couple before having kids.

I think unless age (or a known fertility issue) is a factor, don't feel like you need to rush it if you are unsure.

[mlt]

Several of my friends have done the stop-using-BC-and-see-what-happens approach. To me that is basically TTC but they disagree. I think it helped them make the leap to trying though when they were on the fence. I can't do anything halfway so when we started I took my temp and monitored ovulation, ha. But I can see how the casual approach would work for some.

[purplecow0206]

For us, I don't think we ever had the OMGBABYTIME!!!! feeling. When we got married, we knew we'd have children at some point, but we had a lot of stuff going on that needed to get through before we started TTC.

I was 33 when we started and we'd been married for almost 4 years. We had the space, I was in a job that I could take a full 12 weeks off for maternity leave and all the things we wanted to line up before we started trying were taken care of. There were no more excuses, lol.

Honestly, though, we just felt as ready as we were going to be.

[dulcemariamar]

I waited until I got the "I have to have baby now" feeling. However, it came pretty much after we did a lot of things on our bucket list like grad school and traveling. Plus, a lot of friends and fa,ily were starting to have kids so that was a big factor.

Deciding on a second is harder because ignorance is bliss.

If you are not so sure, you can wait a bit more and see if the feeling comes.

[sillygoosegirl]

We were kind of where you are for quite a long while and kept saying we'd TTC any day now. But when I was still in my 20s, I guess it was hard to convince myself that I should be worried about my fertility. We ended up taking 4 trips that we thought were the "last big trip before TTC". When I hit 30, I started to get a little worried about my age... Not super worried, but started to feel like we should have a reason to wait, rather than feeling like we should have a reason to get going. For a brief time there, there was some instability in my job (not a financial issue, but I did want a job worth going back to after maternity leave). We finally pulled the trigger at 31, still without ever having had that omgineedababy feeling. Honestly, I don't think I'm that kind of person... I think I could have waited a long them and never had that feeling come.

We ended up getting pregnant on the first try (I literally found out 2 weeks after we started trying that I was 4 weeks pregnant). I did expect to be excited, but ended up only feeling terrified at first. I'm now 25 weeks pregnant, and still more scared than excited. Part of me thinks there must be something wrong with me for this... But then part of me thinks this is largely because I like older children much more than babies. And there are plenty of reasons to be scared to babies, if what people tell me is true.