Would you make your child do piano lessons?

[hopenotlost]

No. I wouldn't want to push my child to do something, because I would be afraid my daughter would be turned off by the idea forever. At 6 1/2 they definitely have interests and disinterests. My two oldest daughters are both in gymnastics. I asked them when they were both 4 if they wanted to try it, and they said yes. Had they said no, I wouldn't have pushed it. I was happy they wanted to, because it was something I never got to do as a kid and would have loved. If at any point they want to stop, then we will stop.

[bryantpark]

My DH is a musician so I may have a slightly different answer. But playing an instrument is something I definitely want to encourage… That said I'm not specific to which instrument they choose. So maybe you could find a class where he gets to sample lots of different things and then he could pick something he likes best? I'm not sure if that exists but maybe that's an option if he doesn't want to play piano. My DD1 is only three but as of right now she will sit and play her guitar alongside DH and she really likes to play with him so maybe he might be more interested in something that you could do together?

[bryantpark]

My DH is a musician so I may have a slightly different answer. But playing an instrument is something I definitely want to encourage… That said I'm not specific to which instrument they choose. So maybe you could find a class where he gets to sample lots of different things and then he could pick something he likes best? I'm not sure if that exists but maybe that's an option if he doesn't want to play piano. My DD1 is only three but as of right now she will sit and play her guitar alongside DH and she really likes to play with him so maybe he might be more interested in something that you could do together?

[IrishBelle]

No I wouldn't. I was in piano lessons and wanted to quit for a long time. I didn't have a choice and went until I was in about 9th grade. I hated practicing. I haven't played a piano since then so a lot of time and money was spent on it for nothing.

I'm a big believer that once my kids start something, they have to finish out the season or semester or whatever but I wouldn't force them to continue with it.

If he is only practicing for 10 minutes 4x per week, is he really gaining anything from the lessons?

[sunnysideup488]

I wouldn't. I play piano, and DD1 likes to make up songs on it. (she doesn't just bang on it) I asked her if she wanted to learn to play, and she said 'I don't have to I already know how'

I don't push them to do anything They don't want to. They both take dance, gymnastics, and swim lessons. DD2 wants to learn to ice skate as well. So we will likely sign her up for that when she turns 3 as well.

I really want them to explore all different activities and hope they find a passion in one of them. If music wasn't one, I wouldn't force them to.

[polarbearfans]

Maybe a different instrument? I know part of choir, we learned how to read music and constantly reviewed it. I already knew how from bad (joined to get out of home ec in middle school)

[rubytue]

I really wish my parents had let me*/made me stick with something. When I was a kid, I did, in order, tap dance, t-ball, soccer, softball, piano, soccer, gymnastics, recorder, jazz dance, softball. Never more than one or two terms. Jack of all trades, master of none. Oh how I wanted to actually be good at something. Also, what I learned from this is that if it doesn't click right away, give up.

* let me is bc as an adult, I learned this was often due to my mother getting into it with the other mothers and quitting me. For example, how dare they expect her to bring oranges to soccer games. Or getting ticked off at the dance studio right before the next session, after we had the shoes and everything.

[mbcdefg]

I would tell the kid to finish out the season/lessons (to teach them that if you commit to something, you should see it through), but if they obviously don't want to do something then I wouldn't force them to keep doing it.

My mom made me play basketball in grammar school even though I didn't like it, and pushed me to play for a year in high school, and all that happened was that I humiliated myself because I was terrible. Today I still have a lot of resentment for being pushed into things that she wanted me to do or that she liked to do and wanted me to enjoy too, rather than just supporting the things I liked. I wanted to stick with Girl Scouts and quit basketball, but she convinced me to do the opposite. I said OK because I was the oldest kid in the family and I was afraid to disobey my parents. I also got confused and frustrated when my parents would ask if I wanted to do something, and I'd say no, and they'd say, "Well, tough, you're doing it anyway." Why bother asking me, then?

I also played softball in college even though I was terrible, and I stuck with it for four years out of simple guilt. I missed out on a lot of stuff I would've rather done - example, I was editor of the newspaper and we won a state award, which was rare because we were a small school and we were competing with the likes of Princeton and Rutgers. But I had to miss the award ceremony because I had a softball game where I didn't even get to play. It's taken me a long time to learn to say NO to things that I don't want to do, and I've only become really comfortable with it in recent years.

But, in the long run, I know what's best and he's too young to decide for himself, right?

It's sticking with me that you said this. I know you're an adult and a parent, and you obviously know more than a 6 year-old does ... but it seems pretty clear that you're pushing him into this because it's something that YOU regret from your own childhood. I get that you want the best for him and that's awesome of you, but are you trying to live vicariously through him, too?

Knowing how to play a piano isn't going to make or break his future - plenty of successful teens and adults have no idea how to play piano. I absolutely agree that a musical background is beneficial, but it won't doom him to failure if he doesn't have one. And he may want to try piano, or another instrument, when he's a little older, if he's given the chance to choose for himself. We were allowed to join the school band starting in fourth grade and we could choose our own instrument - does his school have this program?

I don't think it's a bad thing or speaks ill of your parenting if you say, "I know I told you one more year, but if you really don't want to do it then you don't have to. Music can be a lot of fun and very helpful in life, though, so maybe you'd like to try again with piano next year, or try another instrument?"

[cajunmom]

I wouldn't force it, no way. You've exposed him to it. He's had plenty of time to try it. He doesn't like it, and doesn't want to continue. I wouldn't make him. It isn't as if you've already signed him up and paid a bunch of money for the upcoming year.

ETA: I have always had slight regret that I never learned an instrument (all three of my sisters did). However, none of them even use what they learned. None of them play now. I would like for my kids to learn but only if it's something they show an interest in. DD1 is starting 6th grade and has joined the band, so she'll learn something now. DD2 is 8 and likes to sing...maybe she'll chose to try band or choir later on. It's their choice. I do tell them that they have to finish the season/semester/whatever that they're already in.

[msmerymac]

Yes. I feel having a variety of activities - so sports AND music - is important. I also think that at age 6, parents can have a big influence on what activities you do. Piano is one of the easier instruments to learn. I took piano lessons from 1st through 6th grade. It was sometimes a struggle to get me to practice, but you know what? I can read music. It's one of those things that's best to learn when you're young.

[ladyk]

I would make him stick to it. Music is important and if you said another year, you should stick to it. He's of the age where as soon as something gets hard and boring, he'll quit. He needs to learn to follow through.

Quick question though: How many activities does he do during a semester? I feel overwhelmed just looking at his schedule.

[fbf2006]

I probably would make my son stick with it. I personally believe that at this age and even a little older, the parents get to decide many of the activities kids get involved in.

[callie]

No, not at the age.

[Marmee]

Probably not. I'd give him a year or 2 break & let him choose the instrument.

DD1 took violin from 4-5yrs old & liked it ok but practicing was a huge problem & she didn't love it. I decided to take a break when her teacher moved. And then we just waited & waited...and righ around turning 8yrs old she expressed interest in guitar. For Christmas she got one from Santa. She started taking private guitar & voice lessons. That was 1.5yrs ago & she's absolutely obsessed. I never have to make her practice, she's gotten really good. She's taught herself quite a bit of piano as well & can play everything on both. So waiting until she was ready & picked it out herself made a huge difference.

I did convince DD2 that she wanted to play piano..lol. She was 6 when she started with private lessons (same teacher as DD2). She resisted a little the first year but now she practices all the time without being reminded & loves it.

DD3 just turned 5 & has wanted to play drums for 2yrs...we got her a drum kit last year but I won't put her in lessons until closer to 8yrs. I think it's so cute, they'll have a little band and really encourage each other & play together.

[VillainV]

I think forcing him to do another year of piano might actually make him DISLIKE music instead of foster the love and appreciation for it, like you're hoping for. I agree with seeing if he can try a variety of instruments, or ask him what other instrument he might rather try. Consider choir or some kind of band lesson that will let him try different instruments. Does his school district have band or orchestra? If so, you might be able to table music lessons until he's older (like middle school).

I agree that kids should continue lessons for the term if a commitment has been made. But if he clearly doesn't want to do piano lessons, then making him do it won't accomplish anything except making him hate the piano and resent you for forcing him to do it.

[ESF]

I think it really depends? I think one activity that is more "educational" than "fun" is important. So if he's not overscheduled, and he's grumbling about it because he's rather watch TV or play with his friends when there's plenty of time for that already? Meh, I'd be inclined to make them stick with it, at least a little longer, because there is a value in piano lessons beyond just learning how to play the piano.

Actually hated it - that's something different. Then it's just a matter of finding a better activity.

[sjh722]

I really hope that DD and our future kids are interested in music of some kind, and I think piano is a great starting point. I have played since I was 6 and am glad my mom made me stick with it a few times when I wanted to quit (like, "I am never going to be able to play with two hands at once!" type sobbing.)

My mom's "rule" was that you had to stick with piano lessons through book 4, then it was up to you whether you quit or kept going. There were 4 of us, and I don't think my parents had a ton of disposable income, so piano lessons were what they could afford. We were all interested in music, and I stuck with piano through high school, my younger siblings did band/choir, and one brother and sister took 7-8 years of lessons. The other brother made it to book 4 and decided he'd had enough, but at least he was to the point of proficiency where you decide you'd rather do something else, not just that you're frustrated.

So no, I won't force them to do anything, but if they're interested and want to start and mostly enjoy it but are wishy-washy about practicing at home, I am not afraid to enforce sticking with it.

[lime]

Jul 31, 2014 12:04:24 GMT -5 VillainV said:

I think forcing him to do another year of piano might actually make him DISLIKE music instead of foster the love and appreciation for it, like you're hoping for.  

This was the result when my parents forced me to take piano. 

Don't do this to your kid.  

[lime]

Why are you not OK with him having a 30 minute study hall?

Since he likes art, maybe he could focus on drawing during that time.

[dirtyred]

If he hates it, I wouldn't make him do it at his age.  You can always revisit in a year or so.

One summer, my mother gave me the park's sport-class catalog and asked me if there was anything I wanted to take.  I picked archery.  She signed me up for golf, saying how it would help me make social connections when I was older, etc.  I hated every minute of it and never picked up a golf club after class ended.

[writingwithheld]

I used to teach piano lessons to kids your DS's age. I can say for certain that if he is truly not interested that he will not progress very far. A lot of people say it is easier the younger you start, but the difference between 5 and 10 isn't very big IMO. If you decide to wait until 5th grade to start music (whether he can choose piano and take study hall or returns to strings), I honestly don't think it would affect his long term achievement on the instrument. 10 minutes of practice a few times a week at 5 doesn't add up much, but a 10 year old has a longer attention span and can learn what he would of in those five years in 1-2 years.

However, your OP made it sound like he did like it and now he says he doesn't like it after violin lessons. Is he maybe remembering that he didn't like violin and forgetting that he did like piano? This would tempt me to see if I could do a trail lesson somewhere, even if it isn't at the same studio. He might "remember" liking it. I wouldn't want to force him for an entire semester in case it makes him not like it even more, making him more resistant when 5th grade rolls around.

[nonsenseabound]

Jul 31, 2014 13:23:55 GMT -5 @amydm said:

Ok, to answer some of your questions:

He is a really good artist, and art is his favorite special at school. Music is his least favorite. I hate running kids around to things in the evenings. I grew up with no money, so I never did any activities until high school, so I am used to just staying in after school. My kids go to bed at 7:30 on school nights, too so the night just gets away from us when we have activities.
I also could just do one more semester of piano and see how it goes. Sept-beginning of December. I have to decide today because I have to turn in our papers at our last summer lesson this evening.

Honestly if my kid's favorite activity was drawing I would find an art class to fill in instead of music. Art teaches creativity, fine tunes motor skills, can in decision making, etc etc.

I agree that I would not let a kid quit midsession, but I would want to encourage the areas they truly love instead of forcing my activity upon him/her.

[quickstepstar]

DD1&2 do violin & cello. They don't know quitting is an option Honestly though, I would say that if he is only practicing for 10 min 4x per week, he probably hasn't progressed much, and that might be why he is not interested. I think since you said that he has to do another year, I would make him do another year, and perhaps make him practice a bit more? (Not that every kid should practice this much, but my DD1 plays violin for about an hour 6x per week, and DD2 plays cello for 45 min 6x per week. They have significantly progressed and they are excited about it.)

ETA: DD1&2 will be 6 in September.

[pinkdutchtulips]

no

I don't believe in making kids so anything. dd is doing girl scouts bc she likes making new friends and there's the whole doing things and making things aspect she totally digs.

[lime]

So you weren't really asking for opinions or other's expertise (such as the music teacher) in this situation?

[ckinla]

No. I grew up doing piano and clarinet lessons. I hated practicing so I would always skip my (in school) lessons - it was a waste of money! I wish I played piano NOW, but when I was a kid I hated it and being forced to do it would seriously have pissed me off. My mom let me quit when I wanted to with piano, with clarinet I had to finish out the school year since I had made a commitment (I was in band).

[thatgirl2478]

This may be unpopular, but I think 6 is really too young for most "lessons" except maybe swim lessons since that's more of a safety thing. In my school you couldn't start band until 4th grade, I joined in 5th when it was my own decision, and didn't regret it at all. I only quit band after 3 years of college band because I was in the 'recreational' band versus the band for music majors and I felt condescended to a LOT and disrespected frequently. I took years of piano lessons only to quit a few years in because it's was my parents who pushed me to do it (it was initially my idea, but I ended up hating it after about 4 yrs).

So, if you have to push him to do it, hold off on it for a few more years. Maybe he'll be more interested in the idea later.

[stealthmom]

Absolutely not.


Here's the thing, if YOU want to be able to read music YOU take music lessons.  (and who ever said you have to learn an instrument to learn how to read music?  That's silly.)

It annoys the crap out of me when children become the vehicle by which parents live out their dreams.  Allow your child to be who he is and wants to be.  Your job is to help him become the best him not the best mini-wannabe you.  Yes, you're the parent and sometimes kids need nudging.  But nudge them in what they're already interested in, not what you failed at (or whatever) when you were a child. 

[Deleted]

Well I don't know about you but I can't really "force" my 6 yo to do stuff like that that he doesn't want to. I can bribe him, cajole him, threaten him, etc. and it'll work for a little while but it's only going to go so far. Plus you have to pick your battles. Is this really what you want to spend your currency with him on? Maybe it is, in which case go for it, but I reserve my big guns for school, lol.

FWIW, my son does take piano lessons and seems to like them but we don't push it. He practices when he wants to but at this stage it's only ten minutes here or there. His piano teacher is great though and really understands his age group and how to work with them. But there's no way that I'd be able to push him to do more. I honestly don't get how "Tiger Moms" are able to do what they do. It wouldn't work here.

[niq]

If he doesn't like it I would not push it. Does he like to sing? Maybe singing in a kids choir would be lower intensity, and also a chance to socialize?

I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to get kids interested in music, but I didn't learn to read music until 4th grade, which seems normal for when schools start instrument programs or choirs where you learn to read music and not just rote memorization. DS has some time