So I'm crazy to even think about this now given I just gave birth last week to my first, but hypothetically, if we were to have a second kid, it would need to be within the next 3 yrs due to our ages. What are the pros and cons of being pg with roughly a 1.5 or 2.5 yr old? Is a 2 or 3 yr old better with a newborn (generally)?
An age gap of less than three years scares me, personally. I've seen it many times, and it's just not something I would want. I have no personal experience and this is just my gut reaction to the idea of kids that close, and the fact that my closest sibling is 6.5 years younger than me definitely influences my perspective.
Post by thebreakfastclub on Jul 31, 2014 13:07:57 GMT -5
I have no experience with this and never will. I turned 3 right before my brother was born, and my mom loved that gap. I was potty trained for a couple of months, could express what I wanted, and helped get her things, could be gentle with the baby, etc. I am sure it was a big help, since my brother ended up being colicky.
My DS is only 17 months, but I still feel like he needs me so much, and I have no idea WTF he wants half the time.
I have a 2 year gap b/w 1&2, and a 3 year gap b/w 2&3. They are both hard and yet, both wonderful! Morning sickness sucked with a non potty trained child. I had to keep a puke bucket next to the changing table. My third pregnancy was still harder in general, having to care for a 3 year old and 5 year old. The older two play together well and have some of the same friends since they are close in age, but my 6 year old and 2.5 year old are by far the sweetest to one another. DS is such a great big brother and has been a huge help. My oldest, not as much as you'd expect with a 5 year difference. Personality has so much to do with it.
I am currently PG with a 2.5yo. There is NO WAY I could have done it with a 1.5yo. Obviously there are people that do, and more power to them b/c they're stronger than me. DS was into *everything* at 1.5yo. Didn't understand consequences, couldn't listen to simple requests, ran away in public. He was a typical 18 month old, nothing out of the ordinary, but I would have LOST MY SHIT if I tried to make it through that stage while PG. Now at 2.5 he'll happily play with toys for long periods, can listen to simple and complex commands, great sleeper, etc. Much more conducive to PG and a newborn. He will be 3 when LO#2 is born.
Mine are 22 mos apart. I don't think it was really any better or worse than any of my friends' situations who have different gaps. It does help that my oldest potty trained right after the baby was born, is generally helpful and is not super active (aka a bolter). Now that they are 1 and almost 3, it's pretty awesome as they mostly entertain each other.
Next time I'm going to shoot for a 3 yr gap, but that's mostly for selfish reasons - I want to enjoy having a last baby with out the neediness of a younger toddler. There is some temptation to get out of the baby phase more quickly, but not enough for me to shoot for 3 under 4
I don't think you can go wrong. Either way I think it'll be fun and challenging
Post by dcrunnergirl52 on Jul 31, 2014 13:18:59 GMT -5
We started TTC when DD and DS1 turned one year old, so we were willing to chance having three kids under 2 years old or when DD and DS1 were about 2 years old. Due to IF issues, we didn't have DS2 until they were closer to 3 years old.
In hindsight, I'm so glad for the 3 year age gap. It meant that they were much more patient and helpful with DS2. They also could walk independently most places for long amounts of time, so we have rarely used our double stroller (or needed a triple stroller). In general, this age gap has been really great.
Post by redpenmama on Jul 31, 2014 13:32:52 GMT -5
Mine are 2.5 years apart. My DD (oldest) was/is difficult and strong willed, and I cannot imagine having a baby to deal with before she turned 2.5. She grew up a lot from 2 to 2.5, so it has been the right gap for us. With an easier toddler (is that such a thing?), I might have been able to swing a 2-year-old and a newborn, but not with her.
Ideally, I'd like our third to be 2.5-3 years younger than DS. The spacing worked for us this time, and that would put DD in kindergarten when the third arrived.
Mine are 22.5 months apart. I really like it, and didn't find being pregnant with a 1.5 year old to be a big issue. She was old enough to "get" that a baby was coming by the third tri, but not old enough to be jealous when he arrived. She adjusted perfectly and loved him from day one. She potty trained when he was 5 months old.
I think everyone will have a different answer on this one based on their experience and their kid. Mine is a very helpful, independent sort of a kid and also was in full time daycare (except for the first 5 weeks of DS life). I know my brother had more difficulties with the same age gap. His son didn't play independently or read books in his room etc and I don't think got the concept that the baby needed to be cared for so he would have to entertain himself for a few minutes. So it was tougher when there was only one parent.
Post by dragonfly08 on Jul 31, 2014 13:38:05 GMT -5
My girls are just shy of 3 years apart, and it worked great for us.
#1 was old enough to be potty trained, sleep well at night, go without a stroller (yay to no double!) and be fairly independent, but still young enough that she wanted to help out and play with the baby so they've grown up as friends (or as friendly as sisters can be!). The only downside I can think of is that she also wasn't napping anymore by the time her sister was born so that was tough on occasion...if I really needed a break I threw on a video for her and it usually worked.
Post by galaxy8227 on Jul 31, 2014 13:38:40 GMT -5
DS and DD are 2 years 4 months apart and the age difference has been great. We transitioned him to a toddler bed right around when the baby came. We are working on potty training now but we hadn't started when DD came.
I've liked the age difference so far. DS loves his sister and he's been so great with helping me with her. He's self sufficient in that he doesn't need me 24/7 but still needs help with most stuff like snacks and getting changed.
My daughter was a month shy of turning 2.5 when her brother was born. I really like it so far. She was old enough to sort of get the idea of being a big sister and being mommy's helper. They are also close enough in age to like the same things like TV shows and toys. They play well together now that they are 4.5 and 2-ish.
I grew up almost 4 years older than my brother. My husband is 5 years older than his brother and both of us felt we were too far apart from our siblings. Different maturity levels and interests sort of kept a wedge between being truly close. Now I'm 34 and my brother is 30 and we're born strangers.....barely see him even though he lives 10 miles from me. We have no common interests.
We have a 3 year gap and it's generally pretty great. DS1 was out of diapers and out of the crib before DS2 came and he was pretty self-sufficient in general. He has always adored DS2 and was always great with him, especially as a newborn. He's been very helpful.
The downside would be that 3 is a hard age. I always joked (um sort of) that if I was not pregnant before DS1 was 3, I may have been OAD. The thought of having to go through 3-4s twice is not very appealing sometimes, lol. And also that you have to re-start the whole "living your life in three hour blocks of time" thing after being off that for a while. It could set you back on other things like vacations, etc.
This. DS1 turned 3 the month after DS2 was born. It has been a fantastic gap for us, but I will say that DS1 has always been pretty go with the flow, so I'm not sure how much it would have mattered with him.
Post by Willis Jackson on Jul 31, 2014 13:46:23 GMT -5
I think it depends on the personality of the older child.
DS was 2.5 when DD was born. DD is almost 3 and I'm due with #3 in a few weeks. My 3rd pregnancy has been much, much easier than my second and I think it's partly because DD is a smidge older, but mostly b/c she's way less physically wild than DS was. DS was a runner so I basically spent my entire pregnancy and DD's first 6mo chasing after him as he tried to run into traffic, and carrying him out of places kicking and screaming. I've had to do that twice TOTAL with DD.
DD, at 3, has a much better grasp on what it means that we're having a baby, but that might be because DS gets it and talks about it in a way that makes sense to her. DS, at 2.5, didn't have any idea what was going on until the baby was actually born (and then he was obsessed).
My gap was 2 years and 9 months. DS2 was born right as DS1 was turing into a little devil! I would not try to have a new born and potty train at the same time. Ideally, I'd prefer them both in diapers. Luckily (lol) DS trained very late at 3.5 so I didn't need to worry about that. I would say that physically, it would be much more difficult to have a younger child towards the end of pregnancy. By the end, I could barely give DS1 a bath. I couldn't really pick him up. But he was old enough that he didn't need that much physical help.
Pros to a shorter age gap: You get the pg./newborn/sleep deprivation stages over with more quickly. They might be more likely to be friends/play together growing up. Right now I'm giving DD a bath and I can hear the boys playing some make believe game downstairs.
Cons: It sucks being heavily pg. with a toddler running around. Two in diapers is gross/more expensive. It's harder for a younger child to understand the change than an older one (otoh, a younger one won't have memories of being an older child so might hold on to less resentment?).
My kids are 21 and 25 months apart in age. Going from 1-2 was nbd but adding #3 really knocked me on my butt for a while. But little by little it's been getting easier and going forward, I LOVE the idea of my kids being close in age so that they'll be able to have the same experiences and have similar memories of growing up together. I'm five years older than my brother and we've always had a pretty distant relationship.
Post by ilikedonuts on Jul 31, 2014 15:07:24 GMT -5
My kids are exactly 2 years (well and a day!) apart. I have had no issues with this spacing. As DD1 approaches 3, she has become a lot harder to handle. I'm glad that I haven't had to deal with her right now while hugely pregnant and the thought of dealing with her while having a newborn does not sound appealing.
Post by turtlegirl on Jul 31, 2014 15:09:04 GMT -5
My boys are 20 months. It was hard in the beginning, but now it's awesome! And it was just the sleep deprivation while dealing with a crazy almost 2 year old that was rough. But I actually preferred having 2 in diapers at first since dealing with nursing a newborn and a newly potty trained toddler sounds like hell.
As much as I love their closeness in age, I couldn't do 3 that close together. We are TTC now and hope for #3 to be just under 3 years apart.
Post by nonsenseabound on Jul 31, 2014 15:11:38 GMT -5
I had my DS exactly (to the day) three years after DD. DD was great at three years old. She was able to communicate her needs, she was potty trained, and she was helpful. The best thing I did was create a clean area for her sippy, snacks and misc items she would want when I was nursing. I set them all up and she could grab the herself.
At two, she was still good but needed a lot more attention and supervision. At three, she was able to engage in self play for periods of time which helped immensely.
My boys are 2 years, 8 months apart. I don't know any age is exactly easy, but I love the age difference.
We frequently hang out with another family where the babies are one week apart, but her boys are only two years apart. I think, at least for our families, the bigger gap makes a huge difference! I'm exhausted just watching her, but she makes it work well & doesn't complain (except when random people tell her she has her hands full!).
Enjoy your new baby and don't worry about this question right now. So much of it depends on #1's temperament...plus, you can plan whatever you want, but we know how often those plans get changed!
I second the advice to just wait and see how you feel. DS took quite a while to sttn with any sort of consistency and I was not ready to ttc until now. Other people go for it regardless.
We TTC when the idea of being pregnant wasn't terrifying. My kids are 2y3m apart. It's fine. Being pregnant was fine. I think spacing is one of those hard now or hard later choices; close together is more work up front, farther apart is more work spread out. Now that we're through DD's first year, I'm a total fan of their spacing and glad we did it that way. The end of pregnancy/first few months were pretty rough.
There's a 22 mo gap between my boys. I'm old, and my husband is older, so this is what we had to do so we could have two. I can't speak to a 3+ year gap, but here are my thoughts on a <2 year gap....
pregnancy with a very active toddler was incredibly hard. DS1 didn't sleep all that well, and I have rough pregnancies, so it was a very long 40 weeks. Then, having a newborn with a not-quite-two year old was even harder. The first 6 months with both were probably the hardest of my life. That said, they're 4.5 years and 2.5 years old now, and best of friends. They play together so well (well, when they're not fighting), have all the same interests, and generally adore each other. I hope the hardest part is behind me and we can reap the rewards of having them close in age. But, I'm not going to sugar coat it. It was so, so hard
eta: it totally does depend on the personality of the kids though. DS1 is a very sensitive, ACTIVE kid. And a runner. I couldn't let him out of my sight for a second or he'd run into traffic (and did once). He wasn't potty trained until 2.5 years, so we had 2 in diapers for about 8 months.
So many variables! But for me, the pregnancy part would not have mattered for 2 vs 3 yrs. But a 2 year age gap in the kids would have possibly killed me, lol. DD1 has always been a ..shall we say spirited child...and years 2-3 were quite a challenge behaviorally. I would not have wanted to deal with that with a baby as well. Our gap ended up being 3.5 yrs, and it was great. DD1 was potty trained, in a big bed, paci-weaned by then, (all somewhat stressful transitions for us..esp potty training). She was a million times easier to deal with once she could communicate effectively with me.
That being said...depends on individual personalities, difficulty of pregnancy, etc.
Post by dutchgirl678 on Jul 31, 2014 16:33:30 GMT -5
3 years was perfect for us. The oldest was potty trained and she loved to help with diapers and wipes. And now they are 6 and 3 and they love to play together and read books together. I was 38 when I had #2 and it was the most normal, laid-back pregnancy ever. So I am not sure what your age will be in 3 years but I felt the whole pressure of having kids before 35 was a bit overblown.