Anyone 1 and done?

[laurao]

We have one beautiful, healthy DD, but have since suffered two miscarriages. Tonight, we had the conversation about maybe just having DD- there are definitely huge financial benefits, but I'm on the fence. For those who only wanted/are having one, what factors played into your decision?

[andthentherewere10]

We are. My husband's age is our primary deciding factor. It sucks because we both want more kids. I feel for you. Sorry for your losses.

[Jalapeñomel]

We could easily be one and done, especially since the thought of having to pay for two in daycare makes me cry. We haven't made up our minds yet though.

[hermione]

A lot of things. One being our age. I'll be 40 this year, DH is 41. Finances - we can just do more for her as an only child, a lot more. Pregnancy was difficult for me - gestational diabetes, pregnancy induced carpal tunnel, my eyesight went to hell, morning sickness until 20 weeks, etc.

I worried that as an only child she would be alone when we die but honestly, we're close with my siblings and she's already growing up with her cousins. I have dear friends with children of similar ages. We'll work hard to make sure we cultivate her friendships to be ongoing. Basically, she won't be alone even when we're gone.

While I would love a second child, I'm now adopting the attitude of, why mess with perfection?

[ECB]

One and done. Went through 5 years of IF treatments and 5 IVFs and 4 FETs. I was 38 when I finally got PG and had DS. Those are large factors. Also, DHs job. He drastically changed careers around the time I got PG and his salary and schedule had a huge effect on our lives too.

Sometimes I question the choice. A lot in fact. But it is what it is (sorry to those who hate that phrase!).

So, OAD here.

[bronxgirl]

We are, but not by choice. Although emotionally I am very upset about that, from a rational perspective we are much better off financially and logistically with one, although despite that I wish I could have another. I'm sorry about your losses.

[sporklemotion]

We almost certainly are, though I think we occasionally entertain fantasies that we're not. While my and DD's ages are the main reasons (I am 42 and DD is only 8 months, so we would have to start yesterday and the newborn days are still imprinted in our minds), finances are also a factor. We would probably have to get a bigger house, bigger cars, etc. We may end up moving to a town with better schools, which is $$$$ and we may not be able to afford this with two kids, since we would need more space.

[thebreakfastclub]

I am OAD. I had an easy pregnancy and newborn that led me to think I might want a second for awhile. H never wanted another.

But the reality is that I don't want to try to meet the needs of more than one child. I do not have the patience or interest in having young children for several years.

[kittycatlove]

Main reason is my age. I had DS just before I turned 42. I'm 45 now so we're definitely OAD. I sometimes am sad about it, but we really have a great thing going so I try to focus on all the positives of only having one.

[everafter07]

99.9% OAD.

Age factors in somewhat, money more so. Plus, I'm not sure I have the patience for two, definitely not two under two. I work at home a lot and I need nap times to get stuff done. If we had two, it wouldn't be til DD was 4 or so, and by then, I'd be getting close to AMA. We don't feel the pull to have two at all, and DD has lots of cousins her age that she sees often. I'm an only (mom miscarried after me and didn't want more) and didn't have any issues with it!

[redheadbaker]

We are one and done due to finances and our ages. I'm also considered high risk due to my health history and previous loss.

[rex]

i am too introverted for more.

one child is cheaper and allows us more freedom.

plus, i simply have no desire for any more children. L is pretty awesome, so she's enough for me

[Jalapeñomel]

I must say that I would love to be pregnant again, but I'm still just not sure having another is a good idea.

I do worry about the "taking care of affairs" when we get old and decrepit. But I'm not really close to my brother, and there really is no guarantee that they would get along or be close.

And we are so far from most of our friends and all of our family, so I do worry about him being lonely and isolated from family.

[caramia17]

We are OAD. My H is 6 years older than I, and I am in my late 30s.

We feel like one we are well-equipped for one child wrt patience, time, and $$$, but we worry that we would feel stretched with more than that.

Plus Caramini is so awesome, such a great sleeper, and an easy baby, I would never get that lucky again!

[drloretta]

Finances and age are our big drivers. There is no way we can afford another adoption for at least another year or 2. At that point I'll be pushing 50, so another infant is out for us.

[shellbear09]

Still on the fence but we might be. I had 3 losses before dd so I worry and I don't want to go through that again. That plus age and finances it is just hard to justify trying again.

Plus I really feel happy with dd and she is my everything. If I only have her I still so grateful and could never be sad about that.

[mellie35]

We are 1 and done. I just had DD 6 months ago and I turned 40 a week before she was born. DH is 43. Financially, I do not think we can afford more than one. I hated being pregnant and as much as I love my daughter, it has been really hard. I feel like I am giving her everything I have and there is nothing left for another child. And because of my age, I do not have the luxury of waiting to see if my feelings change. As someone else said, we also got so lucky and she is such a good, healthy, happy baby! Why mess with perfection?

DH is actually getting a vasectomy in a couple of weeks.

[wavepool]

Jul 31, 2014 20:38:26 GMT -5 TamiTaylor said:

Football seasons may make is OAD, but I don't want to be.

Okay, I swear I don't follow you around to quote you, but I can relate to so many things you say!
If we have another, it won't be for a few years and it cannot be during football season. End of track season with an added on summer would work, so if we try, it will be just for a few months. I cannot have a newborn and a toddler while he is in the depths of coaching. I know many people have partners who work all the time and are basically on their own because of that, but I don't think I could do it.

Sent from my SPH-L710 using proboards

[pinkdutchtulips]

age, finances and a lack of local family support played into the OAD decision.

[kangaroo11]

DH's age (40), tons of morning sickness and difficult pregnancy, hard infant stage, ease of having only one...

Yeah, there are lots of things that play into it. We've not shut the door 100% on another, but the further we get into this, the easier things are and the less I want to go backward.

[Deleted]

Age (mine and DH's) and dd's several medical issues make me nervous for 2. It's still not easy but as dd gets older, it's gotten easier so we're most likely OAD.

[laurao]

Thank you for the replies, it helps to feel like we are not alone.

One huge factor for us is DD has zero cousins, and we have no family where we live (we both have one sibling, but one doesn't appear to be having children at all and the other isn't in a relationship so it certainly won't be soon, if ever).

Financially, it certainly makes more sense to just have one, and emotionally I'm not sure I can handle another loss. We are still "young" (early thirties), so we do have time- but I don't really want kids super spaced apart. We have thrown out the idea of adoption as well, but we don't know.

[leonard131]

Age and have always said one and done. The newborn phase was rough and we like the life we have and can have as he get older with only having one kid.

[catsarecute]

Age and finances are a huge factor. It also took 4 years to get pregnant with DD. We had 6 failed IUI's. The fact that I got pregnant without medical intervention still baffles me. I don't really want to go through the pain of dealing with month after month of failed attempts to get pregnant again. Those 4 years were some of the hardest of my life and I don't care to repeat it. We feel pretty lucky to have our daughter.

I hope whatever decision you guys make, you will have peace with it. It can't be easy making that decision. I'm sorry for your losses.

[arch01]

DH is firmly OAD, I have been wanting another for a few months now. Financially and logistically, we'll probably stay OAD. 2 in DC would be a challenge-there are certain things we are not willing to give up in order to have another kid-primarily contributing to DS' college, funding retirement, and being able to take a vacation a year-that would be a stretch if we had #2.

D-day comes in about 2 years when I have to have my IUD replaced. A lot can change in that time. We'll see.

[changedname]

Aug 1, 2014 11:14:02 GMT -5 catsarecute said:

Age and finances are a huge factor. It also took 4 years to get pregnant with DD. We had 6 failed IUI's. The fact that I got pregnant without medical intervention still baffles me. I don't really want to go through the pain of dealing with month after month of failed attempts to get pregnant again. Those 4 years were some of the hardest of my life and I don't care to repeat it. We feel pretty lucky to have our daughter.

I hope whatever decision you guys make, you will have peace with it. It can't be easy making that decision. I'm sorry for your losses.

This is similar to us. I got pregnant on the 4th iui which was a converted ivf as I had a poor response to the drugs. I can't go through IF again. I'm also 35 so that plays into it. We are in the midst of talks about mqybe just trying without BC and seeing what happens. I just don't know if I can face the newborn stage again.

[lmb5109]

My health issue and age is the main reason we will probably be OAD. If we do have another, I won't be able to get pregnant for at least a year if I can I get off these meds and by that time I'll be 37.5. Having another baby will not be good for my disease, it'll put me from moderate to severe and I really hated being sick while DD was little. Having a toddler and a newborn and being sick will put DH over the edge taking care of the 3 of us.

We always thought we'd have two kids and I do get pretty sad over it from time to time but DH isn't close to his siblings and my sibling lives in a different state so we are trying to get DD into programs besides daycare so she'll make friends that way. We have a few kids in the neighborhood that are onlies and they are always having sleep overs and are very busy kids. They have said they are happy being an only child because it's quiet at home after being so busy with school and other programs.

I also just keep thinking that we will be able to pay for DD's college, her wedding, and give her things that we weren't able to have since we had siblings (I'm looking into buying her a whole life insurance policy in the fear that she has a disease like me and has a hard time getting insured). I'm happy that we will be able to start her off in life without debt and hopefully a better education than we had since we had to pay for school and at 36, still paying for. 

[catsarecute]

Aug 1, 2014 11:34:26 GMT -5 changedname said:

Aug 1, 2014 11:14:02 GMT -5 catsarecute said:

Age and finances are a huge factor. It also took 4 years to get pregnant with DD. We had 6 failed IUI's. The fact that I got pregnant without medical intervention still baffles me. I don't really want to go through the pain of dealing with month after month of failed attempts to get pregnant again. Those 4 years were some of the hardest of my life and I don't care to repeat it. We feel pretty lucky to have our daughter.

I hope whatever decision you guys make, you will have peace with it. It can't be easy making that decision. I'm sorry for your losses.

This is similar to us. I got pregnant on the 4th iui which was a converted ivf as I had a poor response to the drugs. I can't go through IF again. I'm also 35 so that plays into it. We are in the midst of talks about mqybe just trying without BC and seeing what happens. I just don't know if I can face the newborn stage again.

Ditto. Our baby wasn't a horribly difficult newborn but between my c/s and postpartum emotions, I just don't know if I can put myself through it. I actually questioned why anyone has more than one kid. Isn't going through it once enough?!

[laurao]

@lmb, we seem to be in a similar boat. Financially we could certainly do far more with just one child, both for ourselves and for them.

[jade]

DH is firmly in the OAD camp. He feels like DS is enough work as it is and having just one fits into our lifestyle better. I always thought I wanted two, but am coming around to the idea of just DS.