mom is making my registry difficult.

[Odonata]

Yes, I went the "hipster" route and did not register at any one specific store.  I registered at encorebaby.com and on there you can put things like "blankets" because I don't care what brand or color, but can also put very specific things like "Britax 2013 B-Agile and B-Safe Travel System, Sandstone".

The point is that people can shop for these things anywhere, not just at one store, and if anyone has stuff to hand-me-down they can give that instead of buying a new thing.

Apparently, as I was told, it is highly inappropriate for me to ask for hand me downs for a shower gift.

So I spent hours making a detailed registry on that site and today my mom says "you HAVE to go to baby's R us or Buy Buy Baby and make a registry there.  No one will know what to do with this thing.  Her argument is that "not everyone is online"  

I know who is coming to my shower and who are in my family - EVERYONE is online.  All the people who don't use computers are dead.  At any rate, she's pissed b/c it's just "not what you do".  She states that she is not going to send out the link to anyone so I had better register somewhere else. 

Now I'm sitting here trying to copy the things on my registry to babies r us b/c they have most of the items I wanted.  However, most of the specific brands I want are marked "not available in stores".  So do I now make more than one registry and search around to see what baby store has what item?  Oh, they can order it online, but that was the damn issue in the first place.

I don't have time to make another registry all over again at a store that may or may not have what I want - so I'll end up buying it on my own anyway.  

But then again, I guess I shouldn't be complaining about making a wish list of stuff for people to buy me.  But I feel it's a huge waste of time just because it's not the way my mother did things in the 1980s.  

Sorry, rant is over. I'm just annoyed.  Am I really that far off base?  It's a list of things we need with some specific brands.  How hard is that?

[FastHands]

I'm with your mom --you are making this difficult. Make it as easy as possible for your guests. Besides, a 3rd party random list of items is just asking for a headache with duplicates etc. that are harder to return if ppl didn't give a gift receipt because there us no store registry to reference.

So yes, make a store registry. Don't get hung up on whether all of your items are available online vs in store.

[anna7602]

A friend of mine recently had one of those generic wish lists set up online. I have to admit that I was kind of annoyed by the general categories. I didn't want to guess what kinds of baby blankets she would want. I ended up buying the very specific items and I noticed that this is pretty much what everyone else did. Up until the day before her shower, the generic things were still listed as "available."

Now, that said, it's none of my freaking business to tell her how to organize her registry, so I didn't say a word. But I do wonder what kinds of gifts she ended up with and whether her Great Aunt Mildred just said screw it and bought her a bunch of baby clothes that aren't her style or something like that.

[shekels1222]

TBH I rarely got anything from my registry at any of my showers when I was pregnant with DS any way. But I'm one of those that always buys off a registry. I know it's a pain in the ass. But make it specific and easy for your guests who do want to buy off your registry.

[Odonata]

I guess it's easier for someone to know what "specific" blanket to get if they are the type of people who want specific things, but on the other hand I don't care what kind of blankets I get. I don't have a style. I think when people have a generic thing listed on the registry, the assumption is that you don't have to guess what kind they want - otherwise, they would have told you what kind they wanted.

There are a few specific things I do want, but they are now divided between the two new registries I am making - one from buy buy baby and the other babies r us because one has it while the other does not.

Also, the registry I had first was not a random list - if you bought the item you clicked "gifted" and it took it off the registry - so no duplicates.

I don't know, I'm not one to get all hung up on things and I'm more stressed that we don't even have a livable nursery (as in no drywall!) yet so I can't get hung up on the color of sheets. I think I'll just make a registry with the specific items I do need and then go back later and thrown on random towels and sheets.

[Brie]

Team mom. Sorry.

[Odonata]

And I guess I'm just annoyed as well b/c she was on my case about not using the bassinet that was "mine" that my grandfather (her father) made me - I just want to start her off in her own crib. That actually turned into a fight.

And somehow when talking about birth I said something about having an epi and she got on my case about that because she "didnt ever have an epi" - WTF mom, you were screaming for one but I was coming too fast, remember? But apparently "there is no reason to have an epidural"

Oh, and when the room does have walls, we are painting it a blue/grey because we plan to sell soon so "girl color" walls won't be as neutral as a nice "mature" blue color (so not baby blue). Well, THAT won't work, obviously. The room MUST be pink.

Tonight was a headache. On top of the "OMG you're NOT having twins?" from the entire restaurant.

This is worse than getting married - so many people up your ass but now hormones are making it worse.

[estrellita]

Ugh, sorry your mom is being a pain. I hope mine doesn't get like that. I can see both sides of the registry thing though. As a gift buyer, I think I'd prefer something in the middle. So instead of "blankets" it would be "purple blankets" or "jungle themed blankets" or something. Gives a little freedom, but still some direction. I don't know, maybe that's just me. I just would feel bad buying something I thought was totally cute and the parents hate it or it completely clashes with any theme they have going on. But at the same time, sometimes it's hard to pick a specific type/brand when it's not a big deal to you.

[centralsquare]

It seems like you've got a lot more going on with your mom than just the registry. How were things with her before you were pg?

If this is new, I'd try talking with her. If this is typical of your relationship, set boundaries where appropriate, and let the rest go.

[FastHands]

I'm sure you're a lovely person, but good lord your posts can be EXHAUSTING. Yeah, your mom may disagree with some of your nursery/furniture plans, but that's irrelevant. She is spot-on about the registry. If you don't care what kind of blankets, then just pick anything. Go to the store and scan wwwhatever. You make it sound like such a burden -- but why make your guests shop and pick out stuff when even you can't be bothered?

I get not loving the process, I do. I hated it. But when people are offering to shower you with gifts, you make their lives as easy as you can. Because as a shower GUEST, I don't want to shop for your kid. I'm happy for you, but I hate baby stores. Let me click "add to cart" and "checkout" and be done with it.

[Odonata]

Jul 31, 2014 21:29:44 GMT -5 RexManningDay said:

Lol at you "not getting hung up on things." Sorry, that is not how you present yourself here.

That said - I'd keep your original registry and then just give your mom the link the the BRU registry you made too. People will just do what they want to do regardless, it seems like.

Oh, by things I mean items, stuff, physical things. I don't care about those. Like for my wedding I didn't care about bridesmaids or color themes. I actually wanted to elope. Drove my mom nuts around that time, too. H and I watched cartoons until I had to go get dressed for the ceremony, which took me all of 5 min. 

But i do get hung up on things like issues with people so get what you're saying. 

[centralsquare]

FastHands nails it re: registry. Make this as easy as you can for the people giving you gifts. End of story.

[jewel]

I get it, because I don't feel particularly attached to most of the things on my registry. I wanted towels, a bath seat, toys, crib sheets, etc. However, as a shopper and guest, that's really annoying. Most people either want to buy something that you specifically chose, or they don't care what you want and have their own ideas.

Make a registry with a bunch of crap you think you might need. Maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't. Exchange anything you don't like for another version. Or, stick with your original idea and tell your mom that's your only list. If it's that important to you then just let her be upset. I think you're making this much harder than it needs to be.

[Odonata]

Jul 31, 2014 21:34:10 GMT -5 centralsquare said:

It seems like you've got a lot more going on with your mom than just the registry. How were things with her before you were pg?

If this is new, I'd try talking with her. If this is typical of your relationship, set boundaries where appropriate, and let the rest go.

It's new but she's driving me nuts. All this was tonight and I guess I got ragey about the registry since I decided to sit and work on it.  But the again she was clutching pearls at my wedding too because I didn't do things in a traditional way so ,maybe not so new?  At least I know she'll get over it. 

[centralsquare]

Hey -- if you legit don't care what you get, ask your mom to pick things out for you. Tell her you love her taste, and would she decorate your nursery/pick out blanket colors/etx.

This seems like a big win. She gets to be overly involved, you give her the gift of really asking for/needing her advice, and your registry gets filled out. Win-win.

[Odonata]

Jul 31, 2014 21:43:22 GMT -5 FastHands said:

I'm sure you're a lovely person, but good lord your posts can be EXHAUSTING. Yeah, your mom may disagree with some of your nursery/furniture plans, but that's irrelevant. She is spot-on about the registry. If you don't care what kind of blankets, then just pick anything. Go to the store and scan wwwhatever. You make it sound like such a burden -- but why make your guests shop and pick out stuff when even you can't be bothered?

I get not loving the process, I do. I hated it. But when people are offering to shower you with gifts, you make their lives as easy as you can. Because as a shower GUEST, I don't want to shop for your kid. I'm happy for you, but I hate baby stores. Let me click "add to cart" and "checkout" and be done with it.

Sorry, I wasn't arguing with you. I got what you said the first time but was just saying that there are people out there that see things differently. 

[Odonata]

Jul 31, 2014 21:48:34 GMT -5 centralsquare said:

Hey -- if you legit don't care what you get, ask your mom to pick things out for you. Tell her you love her taste, and would she decorate your nursery/pick out blanket colors/etx.

This seems like a big win. She gets to be overly involved, you give her the gift of really asking for/needing her advice, and your registry gets filled out. Win-win.

Shit, that's not a bad idea.  

But really, the only general things on the registry were blankets, sheets, and towels. 90% of it WAS specific but it just wasn't from a specific store. I spent days making it and so what is really bothering me is that I have to make it all over again. I thought it was checked off my to do list a month ago!

[FastHands]

Jul 31, 2014 21:48:34 GMT -5 centralsquare said:

Hey -- if you legit don't care what you get, ask your mom to pick things out for you. Tell her you love her taste, and would she decorate your nursery/pick out blanket colors/etx.

This seems like a big win. She gets to be overly involved, you give her the gift of really asking for/needing her advice, and your registry gets filled out. Win-win.

You, my friend, are fucking BRILLIANT. Why didn't I think of this?! Lol.

[Deleted]

Is your mom hosting your shower? If not give your preferred list to the host will include in the invite and your mom can suck it.

[centralsquare]

Jul 31, 2014 22:11:52 GMT -5 @kcpokergal said:

Is your mom hosting your shower? If not give your preferred list to the host will include in the invite and your mom can suck it.

Gah!!! No!!!!

:::clutches pearls and slowly backs away::::

[nextbigthing]

Jul 31, 2014 22:18:22 GMT -5 centralsquare said:

Jul 31, 2014 22:11:52 GMT -5 @kcpokergal said:

Is your mom hosting your shower? If not give your preferred list to the host will include in the invite and your mom can suck it.

Gah!!! No!!!!

:::clutches pearls and slowly backs away::::

??

You generally do include registry info in shower invites

[zarapipe]

Can I just add- amazon registry's are great. In your bed, in your pajamas, 20 minutes and your done.

[ringstrue]

I can understand the path you went down originally. For my first I ended up making a small amazon registry along with my BRU registry to add the nursery set items I wanted and a few odd ball items. It worked well cuz many family members would rather just shop online anyway.

So long as there is a mix of order-able items and instore items to choose from it doesn't matter if they all have both as an option.

For generic stuff, I'd just register for the BRU basic brand version that was still quality but cheapest. If people go off-registry you can always return the BRU version you don't wanna keep.

[ringstrue]

Oh and I would suggest to go more specific than just "blankets". A receiving blanket for swaddling is totally different than say- a quilt the baby will hang out in the living room on, or a blanket to keep them warm in the car in February. You don't wanna end up with 5+ cold weather blankets and then need to go buy receiving blankets, for example.

[sjh722]

Jul 31, 2014 21:55:12 GMT -5 Odonata said:

Jul 31, 2014 21:48:34 GMT -5 centralsquare said:

Hey -- if you legit don't care what you get, ask your mom to pick things out for you. Tell her you love her taste, and would she decorate your nursery/pick out blanket colors/etx.

This seems like a big win. She gets to be overly involved, you give her the gift of really asking for/needing her advice, and your registry gets filled out. Win-win.

Shit, that's not a bad idea.  

But really, the only general things on the registry were blankets, sheets, and towels. 90% of it WAS specific but it just wasn't from a specific store. I spent days making it and so what is really bothering me is that I have to make it all over again. I thought it was checked off my to do list a month ago!

FYI, even specific items vary from store to store. Target, BBB, and BRU all get their own patterns/colors of a lot of stuff like swaddle blankets, car seats, pnp, etc. I would be really peeved to have to google or go to several stores thinking, "ok, they want the britax b-safe in sandstone. WTF can't I find sandstone???"

If you have the items all picked out, it shouldn't take long to bring that list in and scan what you want.

[Deleted]

Jul 31, 2014 22:18:22 GMT -5 centralsquare said:

Jul 31, 2014 22:11:52 GMT -5 @kcpokergal said:

Is your mom hosting your shower? If not give your preferred list to the host will include in the invite and your mom can suck it.

Gah!!! No!!!!

:::clutches pearls and slowly backs away::::

What? Hosts always include registries with showers. It's a shower that's the point. Never with wedding invitations.

Moms shouldn't throw showers, but I'm not going to hate on someone who doesn't have another friend or family member step up.

So basically--Mom should have nothing to do with this decision.

[CajunShrimp]

Baby showers always include registries. The whole point behind the shower is to shower the mom with gifts. It isn't a wedding invitation.

[mrssandro]

Team Mom

Lots of people like to wait to the last minute to get a gift. So much easier to go to a local store and pick up the gifts then ordering online.

[centralsquare]

No. Sorry. Still tacky. Registry info is never included.

[mrssandro]

Aug 1, 2014 6:35:26 GMT -5 zarapipe said:

Can I just add- amazon registry's are great. In your bed, in your pajamas, 20 minutes and your done.

TRUTH! OMG..that is the only place I have something set up. I am probably not getting a shower since nobody has offered anyways..(2nd baby and all) But after the baby comes I will just buy everything off the registry and it will arrive at my doorstep in 2 business days.