This has been bothering me all day so I hope I can get some good advice from all of you awesome sauce H&fers:) This may be a little long and I apologize :/
I'm working with a personal trainer, I went to her mainly for nutritional help (i'm bad at fueling pre and post CF workouts) and she has given me some great meal plans. She has also insisted on giving me a workout plan. Ok, I went with it even though I was a little nervous because an injury has been plaguing my lower back - in short, my lower back tightens up when I go overboard on running and CrossFitting as a way to protect my healing pelvic stress fracture.
Since I'm injured, the personal trainer wanted me to come to her CrossFit gym to work out with her group. I didn't mind that and agreed. I worked out with her today and lots of things went wrong. Here's a quick recap:
*She wanted to know where my "weightlifting" shoes were. I was wearing my CrossFit shoes and told her that I didn't have weightlifting shoes - she shook her head and gave me a shame on you look. I'm new to CF and shoes are hard to fit my super wide feet - haven't found a good fitting pair yet.
*We were completing dead lifts and that is the move that hurts my back the most. My physical therapist told me to stop as soon as I felt a pinch in my back. I told her this. She replied, "I guess you should listen to your body but you are not lifting enough weight for a dead lift." Shaming me about the weight I was using while I'm injured made me want to scream F off at her:(
* She had us complete a sprint row workout - I wasn't sure about the time she wanted me to sprint at and she said, "Have you ever rowed before?"
She said all of these things to me in front of the entire group I was working out with. I felt embarrassed and thought she was being pretty condescending to me. I want to email her and say something to her but I'm not sure how to go about it.
Post by bluedaisyus on Aug 1, 2014 21:28:49 GMT -5
Tell her to F the hell off and find a new nutritionist.
In all seriousness that's really shitty and I wouldn't be able to have much confidence in her after even one of those things, let alone all of them together. Isn't the point to get you healthy and strong and feeling like the awesome person we all know you are, not to make you feel like crap and risk further injury?
Dear stupid person (or you can use her name), Thank you for the time we have spent together. I am no longer in need of your services. Sincerely, enfuego
Seriously, you're paying her to treat you like shit at this point. You don't owe her anything or any explanation. If she presses for one, I'd say something like "I didn't appreciate you mocking me in front of others for the issues that I'm working through to focus on my recovery and health. I hope in the future you can consider the needs of your clients in a more positive way."
Nope nope nope! No need to pay someone to upset you, and potentially aggravate your current injury or even worse. Tara's letter is perfect. She shouldn't even be asking for an explanation after the way she treated you - she'll know.
Totally anecdotal:
My sister herniated a disk really severely - I don't remember the terms accurately, but she had college soccer career-ending back surgery at 21, and 4 years later is still in chronic pain. There was some previous stress on the area, but she did it going too heavy on a dead lift. So, it is so important to be safe & conservative on such a lift. A professional should appreciate that (even if they don't appreciate the injury factor, shaming is a terrible option).
Ugh nope nope nope. You don't pay her to be a bitch to you, nor are you paying her to fix hour back. You hired her for nutritional advice and she's stepped way over the line here. Find someone else and tell her to fuck the fuck off.
Post by bostonmichelle on Aug 2, 2014 8:07:18 GMT -5
Yep she needs to be gone. Please find someone else for your nutritional needs. I don't like the way she is acting or treating you, she should not be mocking you or judging the amount you lift in front of others. She is not professional. She is probably a good example of why I (and lots of other people) was afraid to do CF or lifting because we will get shamed for not lifting enough. I still don't do CF but I know now from being here long enough that I shouldn't feel silly or shamed that I can only lift x pounds.
I agree. Get rid of her. Unless you do a deadlift with 100% correct form it can be detrimental. As a PT I would recommend staying away from them if you have back pain, even with no weight.
Wow this chick blows. I don't do crossfit or weightlifting but I cannot see how dead lifting is a smart move for someone with a back injury. Fire her ASAP!
I've paid for a month of her services - I like her nutritional plans and they are working. When someone screws up, we can't always tell them to F off. I want to say something about yesterday but to do it in a more professional way.
I've paid for a month of her services - I like her nutritional plans and they are working. When someone screws up, we can't always tell them to F off. I want to say something about yesterday but to do it in a more professional way.
This is why I haven't responded yet. I had a feeling everyone was going to jump straight to firing her.
The one question I had is whether or not you still want to work with her. You obviously do. You don't owe her anything. I would just tell her that you feel most comfortable working out on your own, and following the plan your PT is giving you, but you'd still like to consult her for nutrition. If she pushes, and you feel the need to give specifics, I'd be honest & say that you felt she was being unprofessional & not taking your well-being into account. If she felt that the dead lifts you were doing were not beneficial, she should have been able to find an alternative to fit your injury. It's what you are paying her for, and if she can't provide what you need in that area, you will just continue to use her for a nutritional consult.
ETA: If you want to continue to work out with her, I think the above explanation still applies.
ETA2: for the things like "Have you ever rowed before", is there any chance this could be a simple misunderstanding? We can't hear tone. This could be nbd, or totally bitchy. It's all in the delivery. I'm not saying you interpreted it wrong, but is there any chance you're feeling more sensitive than usual? I know I might be if I was dealing with an ongoing injury like this. These are questions none of us can answer, (we can only go off of what you tell us), but maybe a "Maybe I took this the wrong way, but I didn't appreciate when you x,y,z" would be helpful. Just talk to her.
If you want to keep her, then send her the second part of my first response. She needs to know she's doing that. How many others are or will feel the same?
I've paid for a month of her services - I like her nutritional plans and they are working. When someone screws up, we can't always tell them to F off. I want to say something about yesterday but to do it in a more professional way.
This is why I haven't responded yet. I had a feeling everyone was going to jump straight to firing her.
The one question I had is whether or not you still want to work with her. You obviously do. You don't owe her anything. I would just tell her that you feel most comfortable working out on your own, and following the plan your PT is giving you, but you'd still like to consult her for nutrition. If she pushes, and you feel the need to give specifics, I'd be honest & say that you felt she was being unprofessional & not taking your well-being into account. If she felt that the dead lifts you were doing were not beneficial, she should have been able to find an alternative to fit your injury. It's what you are paying her for, and if she can't provide what you need in that area, you will just continue to use her for a nutritional consult.
ETA: If you want to continue to work out with her, I think the above explanation still applies.
ETA2: for the things like "Have you ever rowed before", is there any chance this could be a simple misunderstanding? We can't hear tone. This could be nbd, or totally bitchy. It's all in the delivery. I'm not saying you interpreted it wrong, but is there any chance you're feeling more sensitive than usual? I know I might be if I was dealing with an ongoing injury like this. These are questions none of us can answer, (we can only go off of what you tell us), but maybe a "Maybe I took this the wrong way, but I didn't appreciate when you x,y,z" would be helpful. Just talk to her.
Thank you for this - I'm working on an email. I agree with you that I'm extra sensitive with this injury and I can misinterpret tone.
I hate making others feel like shit when that's what they have done to me, whether is was intended or not.
This is why I haven't responded yet. I had a feeling everyone was going to jump straight to firing her.
The one question I had is whether or not you still want to work with her. You obviously do. You don't owe her anything. I would just tell her that you feel most comfortable working out on your own, and following the plan your PT is giving you, but you'd still like to consult her for nutrition. If she pushes, and you feel the need to give specifics, I'd be honest & say that you felt she was being unprofessional & not taking your well-being into account. If she felt that the dead lifts you were doing were not beneficial, she should have been able to find an alternative to fit your injury. It's what you are paying her for, and if she can't provide what you need in that area, you will just continue to use her for a nutritional consult.
ETA: If you want to continue to work out with her, I think the above explanation still applies.
ETA2: for the things like "Have you ever rowed before", is there any chance this could be a simple misunderstanding? We can't hear tone. This could be nbd, or totally bitchy. It's all in the delivery. I'm not saying you interpreted it wrong, but is there any chance you're feeling more sensitive than usual? I know I might be if I was dealing with an ongoing injury like this. These are questions none of us can answer, (we can only go off of what you tell us), but maybe a "Maybe I took this the wrong way, but I didn't appreciate when you x,y,z" would be helpful. Just talk to her.
Thank you for this - I'm working on an email. I agree with you that I'm extra sensitive with this injury and I can misinterpret tone.
I hate making others feel like shit when that's what they have done to me, whether is was intended or not.
Good luck! I hope she's receptive to your concerns, and that the way she made you feel was unintentional. Hopefully it will just take you pointing it out, to make her rethink how she acted. The way she responds will help you decide if you want to continue with this relationship. Intentional or not, she should express remorse for making her client (or any person) feel that way.
I've paid for a month of her services - I like her nutritional plans and they are working. When someone screws up, we can't always tell them to F off. I want to say something about yesterday but to do it in a more professional way.
Man I think this is such a great point . What you seem to be asking is, "how do I assertively address this problem?" It seems (to me..) you are being oversensitive about #1 and #3.
#1 You are going to the CF gym in your CF shoes. Maybe try having a bit more sense of humor as you address the situation: Laugh in her face and just say "Dude these ARE my weightlifting shoes! They work awesome! Next exercise?" And just head off her "shame" comment with a confident comment. You like your shoes so that's that. End of story. It's not like we are arguing about you coming in in Chacos or something :0.
#3. "have you rowed before?" Response: Equally confident, 'No that's why I'm asking the expert on what we're doing here...should I ask someone else? hahaha." She wants to play that game, play back and just laugh it off. Make her answer your question or find the person who can.
The real problem here is #2. I actually would either address #2 in either an email or in person. Clearly, calmly and concisely remind her again that you have a back injury and it's very important to you that you not reinjure it. State you like working out there and working with her, but that you really need to be confident that when you say something hurts SHE as the expert can accommodate that. Ask how she will. Tell her you don't want to feel shamed for an injury that you are working to get over--and then just leave it at that--and let her say her piece about it--so you can get a gauge of what the heck she is thinking.
Sometimes (and I'm not sure if it's her)--people have strange ideas about injuries/injured people. They think they are weak, or malingerers etc...and they forget that injured people are often the ones who push through adversity and have a lot of resilience. She may be pushing too hard and isn't recognizing that you are still working through pain--and thinks some nonsense like "pain is for weaklings" which is so bad, but if it's true--you just have to remind her that that's not YOUR attitude.
I've paid for a month of her services - I like her nutritional plans and they are working. When someone screws up, we can't always tell them to F off. I want to say something about yesterday but to do it in a more professional way.
Man I think this is such a great point . What you seem to be asking is, "how do I assertively address this problem?" It seems (to me..) you are being oversensitive about #1 and #3.
#1 You are going to the CF gym in your CF shoes. Maybe try having a bit more sense of humor as you address the situation: Laugh in her face and just say "Dude these ARE my weightlifting shoes! They work awesome! Next exercise?" And just head off her "shame" comment with a confident comment. You like your shoes so that's that. End of story. It's not like we are arguing about you coming in in Chacos or something :0.
#3. "have you rowed before?" Response: Equally confident, 'No that's why I'm asking the expert on what we're doing here...should I ask someone else? hahaha." She wants to play that game, play back and just laugh it off. Make her answer your question or find the person who can.
The real problem here is #2. I actually would either address #2 in either an email or in person. Clearly, calmly and concisely remind her again that you have a back injury and it's very important to you that you not reinjure it. State you like working out there and working with her, but that you really need to be confident that when you say something hurts SHE as the expert can accommodate that. Ask how she will. Tell her you don't want to feel shamed for an injury that you are working to get over--and then just leave it at that--and let her say her piece about it--so you can get a gauge of what the heck she is thinking.
Sometimes (and I'm not sure if it's her)--people have strange ideas about injuries/injured people. They think they are weak, or malingerers etc...and they forget that injured people are often the ones who push through adversity and have a lot of resilience. She may be pushing too hard and isn't recognizing that you are still working through pain--and thinks some nonsense like "pain is for weaklings" which is so bad, but if it's true--you just have to remind her that that's not YOUR attitude.
Coming to this late, but shaming someone for equipment, ability or effort is not cool. Hopefully you can sort this out with her if you want to continue with her. Good luck.
I've paid for a month of her services - I like her nutritional plans and they are working. When someone screws up, we can't always tell them to F off. I want to say something about yesterday but to do it in a more professional way.
I'm late to this, but I really agree with your take here. Sometimes people act badly because they are stressed, having problems in another area of life, etc. It doesn't excuse the behavior, but I still think it's worth talking through in a professional way if you like her nutrition work. I generally believe in 2nd chances, and I think most situations can benefit from an honest conversation and agreeable plan to move forward.
Clseale & FMLB gave some good suggestions, and it looks like you already emailed her. I hope things go well, and I hope your injuries heal up quickly.
She replied and apologized. I guess I'll wait to see how the workout goes on Tuesday with her. I also had to complain about a protein shake she is having me drink at night - it's made with the Progenex Cocoon powder and coconut oil - super gross!! I'm dry heaving just thinking about choking that gross drink down. I paid $70 bucks for that protein and I hate it!
That's great, that she apologized. I'm just going to say again, though, that you hired her for NUTRITIONAL advice. That she has you doing heavy lifts with your back in a vulnerable position screams to me that she's either disregarding your injury, or not very smart. Please, please be careful.
CF really isn't a viable option for people with chronic back injuries.