Need advice before I cause family drama

[Chib]

I think you should let it go. They probably like the nickname they call their grandchild and it is not something to take personal in my opinion. You call your son what you like and that's what matters. Team H.

[bugandbibs]

I would speak up, and I have. Both of my girls have long names that have common nicknames. They don't go by them.

I would correct them every time, but I don't have a problem being bitchy or assertive.

[Deleted]

Team H. It's not worth it. Soon he'll be old enough to tell them whether he likes it or not himself.

[sarahbear]

Speak up. My mom had that fight with her own mother regarding my brother's name. It took several conversations, but my mom came out the winner. Say something sooner rather than later.

[gelukkig]

I refused to let my son be called by the nickname for his name. No one ever thinks of calling him that now. His name fits him!

[lilybug]

Team you. I would either speak up or ask your H to speak to them about it.

If the kid wants to change nicknames when he's older, that's different. It's not up to the grandparents at all and they seem asshole-y about ignoring your hints and laughing at your DS's correction.

[Deleted]

My name can be shortened, my mom hates the shortened version so she taught me to only respond to my first name. And that if someone didn't use my name I could ignore them So I did from a very young age. And she didn't have to say anything to the person.

[prettyinpink]

You can control it. My brother is Michael. My Mom made it very clear when he was born that Michael was his name, not Mike or Miley, Michael only. That worked until my brother was in high school and started calling himself Mike. Mom was cool with that but our immediate family still only calls him Michael.

[sofamonkey]

Your kid is old enough to correct them, yet you never have told them that it bothers you?  You have only ever dropped hints?  I think the shipped has kind of sailed on that.  Just let your kid do the talking at this point, since that is already happening. 

[textbookcase]

This is kind of off-topic but my MIL has been trying to make "Meemaw" happen for...10 years? I don't think she's realized that it's just not happening.

[shell24]

Aug 1, 2014 23:41:04 GMT -5 @randomcdn said:

My name can be shortened, my mom hates the shortened version so she taught me to only respond to my first name. And that if someone didn't use my name I could ignore them So I did from a very young age. And she didn't have to say anything to the person.

I was going to suggest this

[JayhawkGirl]

DS has a name with a common nn I don't like. Whenever someone says oh do you call him nn I just say nope, he goes by his full name.

On the flip side, I have always gone by my nn, except one uncle who continues to call me and introduce me by my formal name. I hate it and immediately shake hands and say please call me nn. Seriously, if you call out my formal name I won't even register that you're talking to me. I've never gone by it a day in my life.

[eav2c]

Not worth it, sorry. My brother has a NN for my youngest that I'm not a fan of but I appreciate that it's coming from a place of love. I cringe inside when I hear it but it isn't worth the craziness.

Eta: I admit if it was my IL's coming up with the NN it would be a bigger deal to me. I don't know why and that's probably crappy of me.

[Deleted]

Leave it be.

Your kid will keep correcting them.

[game blouses]

Give them a few more "That's not his name" comments before letting it go. Like others said, if your son minds it as much as you do, he'll correct them.

[Deleted]

Aug 2, 2014 0:08:06 GMT -5 pocoyo said:

Well I did teach my son his preferred nickname and told him if they called him something else to correct them which he has done. But yet they continue and it pisses me off. Hearing my SIL use a new nickname for the baby who hasn't been born yet has driven me to edge where I know something must be done.

Tell him to just ignore other name. I think they'll get it faster with no response. And if they say anything, "his name is x, did you call him that? No? We'll try that next time so he knows you're talking to him and not someone else"

same for the baby. 

[VillainV]

I think you either need to say something to them, or decide to let it go. Like actually let it go and decide to not care about it. Seething on the inside while someone does something that bothers you is not the right answer. It sounds like this is what you've been doing for a while. If you can't let it go, then say something in a nice, polite, controlled way. "The baby's name will be Michael, not MJ."

But, at some point, your child is going to decide what nicknames they like and don't like, and it's a distinct possibility that they will decide to go by a nickname other than the one you have chosen for them. You have to be prepared for that possibility. If in 10 or 12 years the baby decides that he wants to be called MJ, then you're really going to have to figure out how to let it go then.

[textbookcase]

Aug 2, 2014 1:01:35 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

Aug 1, 2014 23:53:00 GMT -5 textbookcase said:

This is kind of off-topic but my MIL has been trying to make "Meemaw" happen for...10 years? I don't think she's realized that it's just not happening.

I <3 MeeMaw! lololol

MeeMaw Dick sounds good.

Please seriously force your GKs to call you MeeMaw Dick. Please!

[kristinschmistin]

Aug 1, 2014 23:23:34 GMT -5 pocoyo said:

My DS has told them before "that's not my name my name is ….(my preferred nickname)" and they just laugh but continue to call him what they want.

Ok then that is rude.  If your DS is saying that, they need to respect his wishes.  

I would honestly not say anything about it- I would just call him what I call him, even around them.  He's going to answer to what you call him anyway because you are his parent.  

Then, when baby is DS's age and can speak up for himself, he will do so.  And then they need to respect that.  It's pretty simple.

I used to get pissed when people called me "kris"- I would shut it down and tell them (even at a young age of like four)- "I'm KRISTIN.  I'm a girl, not a boy!"  I would even go so far as to not answer to any other name.  That stopped it.


(the NN doesn't at all bother me now, but I guess I was just trying to establish myself as an entity lol- I was very direct)

[livinitup]

Sometimes, the whole point of a nick name or a pet name is that it is personal, endearing. It is MEANT to be something different than the real name.

Some people like the nick names family members give their kids. But you have to really like the FAMILY MEMBER who's saying it. You have to like and respect their bond.

I get the vibe that you might struggle with your relationship with your ILs in the "Respect me as the parent" sort of way. Maybe I'm wrong, but the nick names just seems like a symptom. Especially how your DH just shrugged it off.

Fix that and the nick names won't bother you at all.

[nerdicorn]

Aug 1, 2014 23:28:59 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Aug 1, 2014 23:05:53 GMT -5 tators said:

You can totally control it.

I would say something. My name is unique. Nicki could have been used as a nickname and my mom shut that shit down. I go by my full name.

I could have been a Nicki.  I hate Nicki.  I always go by Nicole.  My mother let my extended family call me "Colie" and it's been a lifelong battle to get them to call me by my full name.

Funny, I'm a Nikki and something my friends and stuff (and in law family) notes is that certain members of my family very stubbornly call me Nicole, despite the fact that I never go by that name and haven't my entire life. I hate it when they insist on doing that and constantly correct them. One of my uncles always turns into an asshole and is like "It doesn't say Nikki on your birth certificate!!". Anyway, even if after talking to your ILs, chances are your kid is going to start getting annoyed at them for not using his "real" name. You can encourage it faster by telling him he doesn't have to respond to someone who won't use his proper name, ha.

[karenj]

My brother and his wife named their daughter Kimberly. They made it known she was not Kim. I wasn't offended. She is their daughter. She is now 19 and the only one she let's call her Kim is her boyfriend

Also, my brothers name is Jason. His initials spell Jas. I had an uncle who called him Jas. drove my mother crazy. When Jason was 4 he made it know to said uncle in no uncertain terms that his name was Jason. Uncle never called him Jas again.

[callie]

I would let it go. To me, either you accept your kid going by a nickname or you don't and encourage everyone to call them by their full name. To pick and choose certain nicknames being okay but others not is just too much.

[ECB]

Speak up. It doesn't have to be mean, but be clear about your children's names. They may decide to be jerks and ignore you. On that front, your DH is right. You can't FORCE them. But still - a gentle "that's not the name. We're calling him ___ " is fine. Some people really don't think about it and/or don't get subtle hints.

[bonnie]

I just think it's a little too late to start correcting them with your youngest. You should have been more assertive years ago, not now. If you're lucky your son will keep correcting them and the IL's will stop using their nickname for him or you can use that as a way to open up a conversation with them about how he prefers to be called by the nickname you and H use.

With the unborn child, put your foot down now and don't let this happen again.

[compassrose]

I'd wait until your son corrects them again. And if they do anything other than promise him to go by that name from now on, you get to jump in and say, "we are calling DS by his preferred name, and we need you to respect his wishes and do it too."

[cinnamoncox]

I'd say something. My name is extremely uncommon. I don't know another, I've heard of one or two.

It's not complicated, just different. I've spent my life correcting people trying to nick name me. No. My name is ...

I had to employ the I'll just not answer since you're not calling me by my name you must not be talking to me.
My mom would say my name and people would say "oh is it ... For short?"
And she would always have to say no, her name is ...

A name is a pretty personal thing and to not take the second it takes to learn a name or understand what a parent has chosen for their child is rude. I'm sorry. Grandparents can have cutesie things they refer to the grand kids as but don't try to call my children anything besides what I've said their names are or by what I've introduced them as.

My three have somewhat different names. Son is male version of my name and both dds have uncommon names. But not hard, just not common.

Call them what I introduce them as.

I wish your dh would just say hey guys (mom and dad) we call him ... And that's what he and we like so let's move on!

I don't get the big deal on their end and I don't understand why it's so hard for some people to face that they didn't give birth to the child therefore they don't name them. It's so bizarre to me.

Good luck.

[penelope]

Aug 1, 2014 23:44:06 GMT -5 prettyinpink said:

You can control it. My brother is Michael. My Mom made it very clear when he was born that Michael was his name, not Mike or Miley, Michael only. That worked until my brother was in high school and started calling himself Mike. Mom was cool with that but our immediate family still only calls him Michael.

This is my oldest, except kids (and teachers and coaches too) call him a variation of his last name, and that's how he likes it. One friend's father called him Mikey, but he never answered to it (not out of rudeness, he just didn't recognize it!). He eventually stopped calling him that.

I would say something, but I wouldn't start a fude over it. they do hit an age that you can no longer control it.

[bluetopaz]

My son is William, not Will, Bill or Billy (or Mac or Buddy, lol). I don't think he'd even know to answer to Will, or that he'd recognize it as his 'name'. I'd say to say something, but I think they're doing it on purpose and don't intend to stop for you. Maybe not to be purposefully mean, but they can't pretend they haven't heard your requests, they're just doing what they want. Maybe once your son corrects them enough they'll get a clue.

When W is older, if he decides he wants to go by Will/etc., then that's what we'll call him.  It's his name and his decision.  Til then, I do think that the child's parents have the final say in what the kid is called.
 
My uncle calls W "Big Bill", but since I love him to pieces, it's cute and not annoying.

[hisno1girl]

I rarely call my grandchildren by their given names. it's always some sort of silly variation of their name or a sweet pet name.

Except for "Voldemort". His name is stupid and I refuse to say it. We have a nn for him, always have, always will.