Anyone in a dual earner household and have 3+ kids? How do you make it work? What is your childcare situation during the day? What is the age gap between your kids?
The con list of having a 3rd is really long, and the only pro is that we want a 3rd kid. I have no desire to SAH. My net income is enough to cover daycare (even in a center) for 3, some hired help (cleaning person, lawn mowers, occasional babysitters), and commuting costs with about $100 left per month. Plus, the rest of my gross goes to funding my retirement accounts (and 5% employer match), Cadillac health insurance premiums, and FSAs, so if I were to SAH, this stuff would need to come out of DH's income. So unless I'm missing something, it doesn't make financial sense for me to SAH either. I'm just a little concerned that we'll feel too stressed with 3 kids and we'll regret the decision. Although there's always the chance we stop with 2 and regret not having the 3rd we had planned for years... Someone have a magic 8 ball?
I have two and SAH, so take this for what it's worth.
If you have the desire for a third, you will find a way to make it work. I don't know anyone who regrets having an extra child they felt like they wanted, but I do know a lot of people who regret not having another child when they decided to stop for reasons other than they didn't want any more children.
I know nothing about the logistics of having three kids and two working parents, but it sounds like you have all of the tools to make it work well. (The most important being the desire for another child and feeling strongly that you want to keep working and have the financial means to cover most of the biggest stressers/time eaters in a dual working parent household.)
We have three kids with two working parents and to add to that DH is military and gone a lot. We make it work by outsourcing daycare (obviously), lawn care, house cleaning. And we just do it. I mean it's really not that much different to is than having 2 kids. . Sometimes it's stressful, but sometimes having one kid is stressful too.
My first two are almost 3 years apart, the second 2 are 2.5 years apart. We are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with daycare now, my middle kid started kindy today!
We still travel quite a bit and nothing much really changed adding in the third kid, except we pay more in child care. .
I don't remember what else you asked so I will Post and read your post again.
When the third was born my oldest was in kindergarten so she went to school all day and then the after school program while the younger 2 went to a licensed in home daycare with a preschool program. Now my older two are in school all day and go to the after school program and my youngest goes to the same licensed in home daycare with a preschool program (we've used her for 7.5 years now!).
In the summers the school age kids go to the schools summer camp (that's where it gets a little more costly, but it's only a couple months). We cobble together family help for the weeks that no camps are offered.
When the third was born my oldest was in kindergarten so she went to school all day and then the after school program while the younger 2 went to a licensed in home daycare with a preschool program. Now my older two are in school all day and go to the after school program and my youngest goes to the same licensed in home daycare with a preschool program (we've used her for 7.5 years now!).
In the summers the school age kids go to the schools summer camp (that's where it gets a little more costly, but it's only a couple months). We cobble together family help for the weeks that no camps are offered.
Post by whitepicketfence on Aug 20, 2014 13:37:43 GMT -5
We're dual income with 3 kids but I only work PT (my schedule runs Saturday - Tuesday so I have Wednesday - Friday off). I also work 2nd shift so that I can be home with the kids and get them back and forth to school during the day. Our schedules do get more complicated during the school year as DH has class 4 nights a week. My mom comes over to watch the kids for a few hours on the nights where mine and DH's schedules overlap.
Working weekends sucks sometimes but it's worth it for the money. We knew we couldn't afford to have more than 2 kids without me working in some capacity and this job works out great since we don't have to pay for daycare or make other childcare arrangements for before/after school. It's not my ideal job but it's a great stepping stone to other positions within the company whenever I'm ready to go back to a first shift Monday - Friday job once all the kids are in school FT.
Post by dcrunnergirl52 on Aug 20, 2014 13:37:54 GMT -5
Anyone in a dual earner household and have 3+ kids? Yes, DH and I both work full-time and have 3 kids.
How do you make it work? Our jobs allow us pretty good flexibility, DH and I are a 100% team, lowered expectations, we love chaos, and help from his family sometimes (especially if the kids are sick..MIL will take them, which has let us preserve our PTO).
What is your childcare situation during the day? DD and DS1 go to preschool full time 4-5 days/week (we pay for 5 days/week but sometimes MIL takes them one day just b/c she likes to). DS2 goes to an in-home DC 4 days/week and goes to MIL's house 1/day week). Starting in the fall, he'll be at the preschool 5 days/week but will probably still sometimes go to MIL's house.
What is the age gap between your kids 30 seconds between DD and DS1 and 2y10m between them and DS2.
Having a third has definitely added an element of chaos to our life, although it's starting to get better. Before we had #3, we used to marvel at how easy having one baby is when one of our twins was at daycare and the other was home sick or something. Now that we have 3 kids, we marvel at how easy it is when we just have 2 kids with us...it's like a vacation. So, it's all about your perspective and lowering your expectations. If you really want a third kid, thrive on chaos, and have already come to terms with the fact that your life as you knew it before kids is gone (b/c it's even worse when #3 arrives), then I say go for it.
Post by lurknomore on Aug 20, 2014 13:44:44 GMT -5
We have been in this land for the last 2 months. Not going to lie...It is really hard. Like you, we wanted a third and SAH wasn't an option (mostly because I couldn't cut it as a SAHM!) My kids are 6, 3 and 5 mo. DD1 is in 1st grade. She does a combination of before/after school care and we share a few days with a neighbor of after school care. DD2 and DD3 are in daycare (DD3 started yesterday after DH was home with her for the rest of the summer). Because she's in preschool now (at the daycare) a nanny didn't make sense...we'd still be paying for preschool somewhere. It's hard having kids going in different directions all the time. DH and I both have jobs that require us to work at home, largely after bedtime. DD3 still isn't sleeping through the night. Hell, DD2 doesn't sleep through the night and crawls into our bed nearly every night. We're learning to function with a little less sleep. We're learning to be more efficient with things. BUT...those things have actually made us function as a family better. There is less TV time. We go for more walks at night, since suddenly we're finding extra time. We're working on getting stuff ready the night before, so that mornings aren't as chaotic. That seems to be finding us extra time at work, so there is less nighttime work needing to be done. I wouldn't change any of it for anything. We knew that it wouldn't be easy and we knew there would be sacrifices. But I love having three and would do it all over again, even knowing how rough it would be.
Post by whitepicketfence on Aug 20, 2014 13:47:21 GMT -5
Oh, and 3 kids will be stressful any way you look at it. If you really want a third, I'd take a hard look at your finances, both of your career paths, and figure out what your options are.
In our case, when we made the decision to have 3+ kids, it was my career that we decided to put on the back burner. We knew we couldn't both work and pay for childcare for that many. I did have to SAH for a few years and now I'm working in a fairly entry level position making less than I was (if you look at what it breaks down to per hour) when I was working FT. I took a huge step back career wise in order to find a job that would be more flexible/have better hours than a standard 8-5 position. I am looking at moving to FT now since we're thinking about a 4th child, but it will still be in the same dept I'm in now and will still have crappy night/weekend hours.
Thanks, this is really helpful (and keep responses coming if you have them!).
I'll just respond to some of the points so far: I wouldn't say we thrive on chaos, but we have lowered our expectations and are much more comfortable with chaos, lol. We have very much embraced that our pre-kid life is gone. We do dream of the day when our kids are old enough to get up on Saturday, get themselves a bowl of cereal, and watch cartoons for an hour, but I'm confident we'll get there someday.
Unfortunately we both have traditional schedules, but mine is flexible to an extent (can choose start/end times) so I can switch my hours to cover before school care, which saves a decent amount of money when the kids get to K. Part time work for me doesn't make sense - the pay cut I would take is way more than the savings on daycare costs. I'd only do this if I was really losing my mind trying to keep up with non-work stuff. I think we've figured out what to outsource and how to simplify everything else, so I don't think I'll need a PT schedule.
I think we'll be on edge the first year (pumping and BFing and bottle washing is the pits!) but I hope that if we go for it, we'll be happier in the long run. I expected the "it's crazy" responses, but I'm glad to hear that you all feel that it's worth the crazy.
Post by quickstepstar on Aug 20, 2014 14:30:08 GMT -5
We have 3. It is easier, because 2 older ones are twins, so they do a lot of the same stuff. We both work full time, DH also has a loooooooong commute (just under 2 hours one way.
How do you make it work? - My work is pretty flexible, I can work from home. DH has a bunch of vacation days when it is his turn.
What is your childcare situation during the day? - We have done nanny full time, combo of after school care + daycare, and daycare + sitter after school. For next school year (starting Monday), we will have the nanny 8 hours: 7-9am, and 1-7pm. The nanny will be able to do middle of the day too if there is a school break or something. The nanny will take kids to activities. A&A are in full day 1st grade 9-3:20, K is in pre-school M-F 8:30-2pm.
What is the age gap between your kids? - A&A are 50 min apart, and K is 3 years and 1.5 months younger.
3 kids and 2 working parents here. I'm not going to lie...it's tough! DS1 started kindergarten while I was home on ML with DS3. I actually think him being in school made life harder, not easier. With daycare, you drop them off and pick them up. Easy! With school, there are either a zillion programs (before/after school care, extended day for half day kindergarten, etc.), and don't even get me started on all the half days and teacher in-service days, snow days/delays, vacations, etc.!!!
Our evenings were made 25% more complicated by DS3 (nursing, bottles, early bedtime), and 100% more complicated by school. Now we have 2 drop offs and pickups (soon to be 3 when DS2 starts pre-k), and DS1 is doing sports, which makes evenings even more crazy!
But even with all that, I'm so happy we have 3! Much like people are promoted to the point of incompetence, I think families have kids to the point of chaos. We've reached our chaos limit, but I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have 3 friends who have 3 kids and in some form or fashion, both parents work.
Couple 1: Kids are 5 and younger. The DH is in real estate and is able to work his schedule so that he's home during the day a lot and can handle drop offs and pick ups. He's really partially a SAHD when it really comes down to it.
Couple 2: Kids are 5, 6 and 8. Dad works busy/ long hours job. Mom is a teacher. So she's usually home in the afternoon and has the summers off. For them, this is huge because of the expense of camp over the summer.
Couple 3: Kids are now 8, 10 and 12. Both are attorney's. When the kids were really young, her aunt actually lived with them and was basically their live -in nanny. Once she moved out a few years ago, my friend (who works for the SSA) was able to shift her hours so that she was home in the afternoons and could pick the kids up/ go to sports stuff, etc. She also had a good network of friends with kids in the same age range, so she could use them to help out w/ getting to practices, etc.
Couple 3 moved so we REALLY don't see them much. I'll say this - of all my friends with kids, Couple 1 and 2 - we see them the least. They are SO busy with the kids. It's 2 people to juggle 3 other peoples schedules. So - they just don't have much free time at all. And what time they do make, it has to be very carefully orchestrated!
I only work part time, all three go to an in home/center daycare where my oldest also catches the bus to school. This makes my pick up and drop off routine super easy for work days. I love working part time. I get a few SAH days a week and still get to get out and feel like I'm an adult/make a little money/have a reason to buy nicer clothes. ;-)
Going from 2 to 3 was honestly an easy transition. I've enjoyed this baby's baby stage a lot!! I wish he would stop growing and stay at this stage!
Post by turtlegirl on Aug 20, 2014 15:41:26 GMT -5
Anyone in a dual earner household and have 3+ kids? We only have 2 kids right now, but are TTC#3
How do you make it work? I have no idea yet with 3. But we live about 15 minutes away from both my parents and the IL's and they help us out a ton!
What is your childcare situation during the day? I only go into the office 3-4 days a week. My mom watches the boys 2-3 days a week and my MIL watches them 1 day a week. The only reason why I'm able to work is because we have free childcare. My mom used to have an in-home daycare center at our house when I was younger and LOVES kids and is great with them. She's obsessed with being a grandma. My MIL is retired, but pretty busy with activities, sports, travel, etc. But she offered 1 day a week of childcare when I was pregnant with DS1. For both set of grandparents these are the only grandchildren right now and they are definitely enjoying spoiling their only grandsons. LOL.
What is the age gap between your kids? The boys are 20 months apart and we are hoping for a 2.75-3 year age gap between #2 and 3.
How do you make it work? We both work full-time, but our job allows us to take time off as needed. Our days are busy and we stick to a schedule. My H doesn't drive so drop offs and pick ups are on me. A lot of the work/care fell on me when they were younger, but now that they're older, my H does baths/supervises their baths while I cook dinner.
What is your childcare situation during the day? My older two are in elementary school and my youngest will be starting preschool next week and she will be enrolled in after school care.
What is the age gap between your kids? The gap between the oldest and middle child is not quite three years, and the gap between the middle and youngest is 2 years.
I'm a lawyer. All the women I know who have three have a nanny who drives and is trusted to do drop offs and pick ups at activities.
ETA: Hit send too soon. I know several women at my firm who have three kids (or more!) and two have said they only had their last child after finding a nanny who was truly a part of the family. Kind of has made me think.
We have 3. I work part time, but the 3 days I work are full days.
They are 2.5y apart and 3y. Dd1 was in kinder when dd2 was born, so I've never had 3 in daycare and I've never had 2 in diapers. So in terms of daycare, having 3 is just like having 2.
This summer we had a babysitter for all 3, and that was a great choice for us, the kids really liked having so much time to chill at home.
Anyone in a dual earner household and have 3+ kids? yes, triplets almost 3 yrs old How do you make it work? nanny! She really helps us out-does the kids laundry, sometimes cooks dinner for us. Totally worth it. What is your childcare situation during the day? nanny and preschool-she takes/picks up though What is the age gap between your kids? same age so probably not too helpful
Post by fortmyersbride on Aug 20, 2014 17:22:19 GMT -5
We don't have 3 yet, but will come January. There will be approx a 3 yr age gap between each. I sat DH down last year to have a frank discussion about the fact that we will always need nanny or au pair care until at least our oldest is driving. He had been making comments about how we wouldn't need childcare once they were in school. We both however leave for work before 6 and have inflexible jobs (can't stay home with sick kids and can't take school holidays off). I wasn't willing to entertain a third until we had that worked out.
We outsource a lot- lawncare, housecleaning, and nanny. Our nanny takes the kids to appts and activities, animals to the vet, will grocery shop if I ask, and does the laundry. She also comes to work unless she is so sick she can't drive. DS was vomiting when she came to work last week and she didn't even flinch. I am fully convinced that having such reliable childcare is the only reason this will work.
We have 3 kids and both work full time. I'm a lawyer and h is a sen.ior mana.ger of a data analyst group for a heal.the ca.re company.
We have a 26 mo son and twin girls that are 5mos. As far as childcare goes, my mom is now watching them all at our home starting next month when I go back to work. We are paying her about what we would pay a nanny. Next fall J will start preschool a few days a week.
We had planned on 2 to 3 kids but obviously a bit more spread out. My job is flexible so that helps. I have a lot of flexibility in my schedule and can choose my hours.
I know several dual income families with 3 plus kids. If you want a third don't let that be a deterrent.
Post by barefootcontessa on Aug 20, 2014 19:49:38 GMT -5
I SAH but I wanted to say that you might want to think about how things will work when they are older. Right now I have three school age kids and it is a lot of effort getting them to their activities. They each do one sport and piano so we are not talking an unusual amount of after-school stuff.
We have three kids and both work full time. My schedule is variable each week, but DH's schedule is much more flexible. Our kids are each ~2.5 years apart. The younger two go to a daycare center close to our house. DS1 goes to school as well as before- and after-school care during the school year and to a day program during the summer; each of these are about a mile from our house. I bring the younger two to daycare every day. I also bring DS1 to his locale on T-W-Th (I start earlier on M and F). DH brings DS1 on M and F. We leave the house between 7 and 7:30 most days. DH and I share pick-up duties depending on the day. On days I work longer he always makes sure he's done early enough to pick up all the kids. It's a bit chaotic getting out the door some mornings. It really helps that DS1 and DS2 can get themselves ready (get dressed, brush their teeth, etc.). I try hard to be super organized the night before to help decrease stress in the morning. Honestly, the hardest part for us is the double location drop offs and pick ups. But this would still be a problem if we didn't have a third child.
Even more food for thought. Thank you all very much.
We currently have the option of only 1 drop-off for all kids. We are in the same school district as our daycare and they can be bused directly from daycare to go to K+ (or we pay for full-day K there and start busing at 1st grade). We don't anticipate staying in our school district when DS gets to middle school unless something changes significantly in the next 10 years. Anyway, this is part of the reason we think it might be ok to stay at a center vs committing to a nanny. We will have to run numbers and figure out what we want to do and what makes the most sense.
I do have some family in the area that can help with activities if needed, and has been willing to be backup care in a pinch although I have yet to be so stuck as to actually ask for help. I'm guessing the flexibility we do have in our schedules would be enough to manage activities, although I'm sure we'll be busy all the time!
We are already very good at prepping everything the night before and our mornings are honestly the easiest part of our day.
I think we'll be on edge the first year (pumping and BFing and bottle washing is the pits!) but I hope that if we go for it, we'll be happier in the long run. I expected the "it's crazy" responses, but I'm glad to hear that you all feel that it's worth the crazy.
We have 3 (6, 4 & 2) and we both work full time. I have to say that the first year with three was very hard for us, all three were in daycare and as you noted, having to deal with the infant/baby stage and trying to get into a good routine that worked took some time. But, after the first year, it got so much easier, and especially now that DD3 is 2.5 and can really interact and play with her sisters and is much more independent. While going through the first year was tough and a lot of "What were we thinking," was thrown out, we really couldn't be happier with having our three girls.
Budgeting and money wise we still need to work on, but like you, our insurance is through me, and me working was just better for our family financially as well as my job is flexible in that I can work from home if needed, am close to home and daycare, etc. Once DD1 started school, it also helped a lot.
Anyone in a dual earner household and have 3+ kids? How do you make it work? What is your childcare situation during the day? What is the age gap between your kids?
The con list of having a 3rd is really long, and the only pro is that we want a 3rd kid. I have no desire to SAH. My net income is enough to cover daycare (even in a center) for 3, some hired help (cleaning person, lawn mowers, occasional babysitters), and commuting costs with about $100 left per month. Plus, the rest of my gross goes to funding my retirement accounts (and 5% employer match), Cadillac health insurance premiums, and FSAs, so if I were to SAH, this stuff would need to come out of DH's income. So unless I'm missing something, it doesn't make financial sense for me to SAH either. I'm just a little concerned that we'll feel too stressed with 3 kids and we'll regret the decision. Although there's always the chance we stop with 2 and regret not having the 3rd we had planned for years... Someone have a magic 8 ball?
I am almost in this group, as babe #3 is coming in less than 4 weeks.
So we are trying to figure out how to make it work. DD1 started kindergarten this year so we only have 2 in daycare. The age gap is 2.5-3 between each of them. DD2 is in an in home daycare. Baby boy will join in December.
It appears its going to take a lot of coordination lol since we have kids going in different directions. But I'm so excited for a new baby.