Smaller families trend?

[Deleted]

I think a lot of this depends on where you live and who you know. If you are in a HCOL area and all your friends are working professionals, it makes sense there may only be two kids because daycare is so expensive, women can't afford to take the extensive time off associate with US maternity leave (for example, for me, I have to leave enough time between each kid to make sure my maternity leave is paid and that I have enough leave accumulated to cover it, so that plays a part).

My SIL lives in a lower cost of living area and she knows lots of people with 4 or 5 kids. She also knows a lot of people with only one child bc the couple got started a lot later in life (if you went to grad school, etc).

If you are in a really cheap area with really cheap daycare or one parent can afford to SAH for several years, then I think it makes more sense you may see bigger families.

FWIW, I have 3 siblings (so 4 of us) and we were the only ones I knew growing up with that big a family. Most families were just 2 kids, very few were 3 kids.

[frlcb]

Aug 21, 2014 6:46:47 GMT -5 @mrsbecky07 said:

I think a lot of this depends on where you live and who you know. If you are in a HCOL area and all your friends are working professionals, it makes sense there may only be two kids because daycare is so expensive, women can't afford to take the extensive time off associate with US maternity leave (for example, for me, I have to leave enough time between each kid to make sure my maternity leave is paid and that I have enough leave accumulated to cover it, so that plays a part).

My SIL lives in a lower cost of living area and she knows lots of people with 4 or 5 kids. She also knows a lot of people with only one child bc the couple got started a lot later in life (if you went to grad school, etc).

If you are in a really cheap area with really cheap daycare or one parent can afford to SAH for several years, then I think it makes more sense you may see bigger families.

FWIW, I have 3 siblings (so 4 of us) and we were the only ones I knew growing up with that big a family. Most families were just 2 kids, very few were 3 kids.

Actually I think people who have 3 kids in a VHCOL or HCOL city do it as a status symbol. I know there was an article in a London paper a few years ago about how wealthy families were having 4 kids as a way of showing how much money they have.

www.mommyish.com/2014/04/10/third-child-status-symbol-wealthy-new-yorkers/

grist.org/population/2011-03-03-are-rich-americans-having-more-kids/





www.mommyish.com/2014/04/10/third-child-status-symbol-wealthy-new-yorkers/

[Deleted]

frlcb - I was thinking of that point as I started my post but forgot to put it in :-) I definitely think larger familes can be status symbols in HCOL areas but I think that's also only for the wealthier enclaves. a lot of people who may be upper middle class can't afford large families in HCOL, regardless of the status.

[frlcb]

Aug 21, 2014 7:36:10 GMT -5 @mrsbecky07 said:

frlcb - I was thinking of that point as I started my post but forgot to put it in :-) I definitely think larger familes can be status symbols in HCOL areas but I think that's also only for the wealthier enclaves. a lot of people who may be upper middle class can't afford large families in HCOL, regardless of the status.

Oh I totally agree! I think in cities like NYC and London it is definitely a status symbol! But we are upper middle class, and we can't afford 3 and continue our lifestyle the way we live it now.

[lishie]

I can't think of a single friend growing up that had more than one other sibling, with a family of four total.

I actually have a large number of friends with 3+ kids, so at least in my little bubble, I'm seeing larger families than I did growing up

[cayl]

In my area family numbers are all over the place. If I had to guess I would say the most common is 3 kids but I agree that it's starting to trend more towards one or two. In the other post I cited finances as part of the reason for us to be done at two, but in reality that's not fair to say. The truth is that we make enough money to save up and buy a house and have another kid but neither of us are willing to give up the lifestyle that we enjoy. We go out to eat, we take the kids to the zoo, the aquarium, etc., we go on vacations, we have fairly new cars. The people IRL that I know who cite money as a reason are in the same position that we are - they could rearrange finances and change their lifestyles to be able to afford more kids on their current salaries but choose not to.

It's also about practicality for me. I was one of three and there was always an odd man out. My brother was the baby and the only boy and my sister was the classic angsty middle child, so usually my parents focused on them. 5 is harder for traveling, restaurants, rides at amusement parks. That may sound dumb, but it's all stuff I've thought about. And for us specifically, I feel like having a third child would be hard with twins because there is no way the 3rd would have the same bond as them.

[Deleted]

It may just be what you notice based on your "antenna" but I feel like I am noticing a trend toward bigger families these days. When I was at my parents' recently, I kept noticing families with three, four, and even five children. I was kind of enviously watching them to see his they do it, lol.

[Deleted]

Aug 21, 2014 7:33:44 GMT -5 frlcb said:

Aug 21, 2014 6:46:47 GMT -5 @mrsbecky07 said:

I think a lot of this depends on where you live and who you know. If you are in a HCOL area and all your friends are working professionals, it makes sense there may only be two kids because daycare is so expensive, women can't afford to take the extensive time off associate with US maternity leave (for example, for me, I have to leave enough time between each kid to make sure my maternity leave is paid and that I have enough leave accumulated to cover it, so that plays a part).

My SIL lives in a lower cost of living area and she knows lots of people with 4 or 5 kids. She also knows a lot of people with only one child bc the couple got started a lot later in life (if you went to grad school, etc).

If you are in a really cheap area with really cheap daycare or one parent can afford to SAH for several years, then I think it makes more sense you may see bigger families.

FWIW, I have 3 siblings (so 4 of us) and we were the only ones I knew growing up with that big a family. Most families were just 2 kids, very few were 3 kids.

Actually I think people who have 3 kids in a VHCOL or HCOL city do it as a status symbol. I know there was an article in a London paper a few years ago about how wealthy families were having 4 kids as a way of showing how much money they have.

www.mommyish.com/2014/04/10/third-child-status-symbol-wealthy-new-yorkers/

grist.org/population/2011-03-03-are-rich-americans-having-more-kids/





www.mommyish.com/2014/04/10/third-child-status-symbol-wealthy-new-yorkers/

I know it's a "thing" to say this but I think it's kind of silly. I think they are people who just want to have more kids and happen to have the money to make it happen. I highly doubt they are doing it to make themselves look rich or something.

I agree with the PPs who mentioned a rising standard of living as a factor that keeps families smaller. Personally I'd love to have another but one of the main factors preventing me from launching a campaign to convince DH is that our house only has four bedrooms so we'd have to move so each kid can have their own room (which I feel is important for preteens to teens). However, my H has put so much sweat equity into our house that he point blank refuses to move. I can't say I really blame him on that. If I had been smarter/more forward thinking about it, we would have bought a house with five or six bedrooms in the first place.

[Deleted]

I grew up in a poor rural area. Big families weren't uncommon. Still aren't.

Of my BFFs growing up they varied. 1 of each, 4,3,2 and 1 kid. And I am from a family of 3 kids.

My friends now are mostly having 2. BFF is having 3rd.

[sillygoosegirl]

When I was a kid, most of my friends were from families with 2 kids, just a few had 1 or 3, and one had 4. The only family I know of who had fewer kids than they wanted, it was for medical reasons (she had a really bad m/c, almost died, and had an emergency hysterectomy). Though maybe, I just didn't hear about others because I was a kid.

Now, it seems like there is a lot more variability: lots of my friends have none and plan to stay that way, several have 4, and lots are in between. For all that people complain about judgement for small and large families, I think there's a lot LESS judgement now than there used to be, and it seems like people are more free to examine and persue what they want now.

I also want to point out that world wide, income and female education have a huge impact on fertility rates. As income and female education go up, people have fewer children. I'd always assumed this was because most people (or at least most women) actually WANT fewer kids. Or at least that they want other things more.

[Susie]

I used to think I wanted 3 or 4. Then I realized how fuckingforever it's taking to pay off our law school SLs, and what a huge piece of our financial picture they still are. We can't KOKO with them, and do daycare x3-4 kids (whether concurrently or not). I also came to realize what 3-4 maternity leaves would mean for my career, and I really can't do that. We're planning on 2 as a result.

Growing up I knew two families with 7 kids, and my best friend was one of 5 kids. Times they are a changing. I really do think SLs have a lot to do with it; it's really difficult to get started in life, support yourself and a family, maybe buy a house, when you start so far in the hole. That kind of financial pinch at the very beginning of adulthood is something previous generations didn't face. When you're dealing with huge SLs and the wife is the breadwinner, that also makes maternity leaves really financially complicated.

[simpsongal]

Lots of interesting feedback y'all! Being a lawyer in the DC area probably skews my perspective a bit. I grew up in lower mcol area where women sah.

[fortnightlily]

I grew up in the wealthy 'burbs of the DC area. Most families had two kids. Some one, less but occasional three or four. Even the more affluent families where the mom was a SAHM or worked part-time mostly stuck to 2 kids.

We may well be OAD, but the only way we'd have more than 2 is if the second is twins (a risk in and of itself that is part of why we may be OAD). Most of my friends don't have kids yet, but other peers, coworkers, etc. so far seem to have 1 or 2.

[elcjet]

For us, I think it's a mixture of being working parents with the cost of daycare......starting later in life (30) so not wanting to spend an entire decade pushing out kids.......and really, wanting to get back to the life we had BEFORE they came. Traveling, camping, hiking, etc.....things that are infinitely easier without an under 2 tagging along.

I didn't grow up with too many friends that had big families.....it's strange, but a ton of my friends were only children with older parents. I guess that's who I attract!

[leonard131]

I have seend some of the articles about this recently and it kind of surprised me because I feel like we know a lot of people who want 3 or more.

I grew up with one sibling. My parents wanted another but decided not too after they had me (not sure what that says). I was talking with my mom about it and she said she was glad they didn't have three looking back because we wouldn't have done some of the traveling we did, wouldn't been able to have some of the other things we did, college wouldn't have been as easy to pay for, etc. Some of this would have been due to money and some would have just been due just the logistics of 3 kids.

For me even the thought of 2 would mean our lives would be so different due to cost and just pure logistics of school, activities, events, etc.

[anna7602]

Aug 20, 2014 16:11:50 GMT -5 @barefootbarista said:

I'm done at two because I don't think I can handle 3. I don't want to be pregnant again, and talking 3 little kids out in public gives me hives. Not to mention juggling schools, activities, homework, etc.

this. i really like leaving the house regularly and occasionally on my own terms. I also very much like being able to leave the kids with DH and go out with friends, take solo trips, etc. This would not fly if we had 3-4 kids.

[h]

Aug 21, 2014 11:09:07 GMT -5 @cookiemonster03 said:

Aug 21, 2014 8:17:59 GMT -5 cayl said:

 And for us specifically, I feel like having a third child would be hard with twins because there is no way the 3rd would have the same bond as them.

This worries me too. I'm semi-secretly hoping we can have 4 instead of 3, even though it's financially insane.

My BFF has triplets and a fourth and is now considering a fifth for this reason.

[Deleted]

We have 4 and do not intend to stop at 4. We live in a smallish LCOL area and I am able to stay home. We also have a huge family and many offers to help because our kids are some of the only young ones, most of the family is 9 years and up. I would never be able to afford 4 kids under different circumstances and feel very fortunate because at one time we were not sure I would ever be able to conceive.<script type="text/javascript" src="safari-extension://com.ebay.safari.myebaymanager-QYHMMGCMJR/ea4caa8f/background/helpers/prefilterHelper.js"></script>

[simpsongal]

Aug 21, 2014 11:10:30 GMT -5 h said:

Aug 21, 2014 11:09:07 GMT -5 @cookiemonster03 said:

This worries me too. I'm semi-secretly hoping we can have 4 instead of 3, even though it's financially insane.

My BFF has triplets and a fourth and is now considering a fifth for this reason.

depends on the gender. I have a twin bro and he was super tight with our older brother (they picked on me).

[cayl]

Aug 21, 2014 11:09:07 GMT -5 @cookiemonster03 said:

Aug 21, 2014 8:17:59 GMT -5 cayl said:

 And for us specifically, I feel like having a third child would be hard with twins because there is no way the 3rd would have the same bond as them.

This worries me too. I'm semi-secretly hoping we can have 4 instead of 3, even though it's financially insane.

I feel like we would have to do the same.  My nephew is just a few months older and when the three of them are together (multiple times a week) he's the odd man out.  They're not mean to him and they play together, but it's different.  And I can tell his feelings get hurt that they gravitate towards each other.  I would hate to see that with an actual sibling and I feel like we would have to have two more, and one right after the other.  Mine are ID girls, so maybe with fraternal twins (especially b/g twins) it's different, I don't know.