I work with my husband. I'm actually typing this in the car while he drives us to work. We've worked together more often than not since we met. We maintain our work personas at work and then don't really talk about work at home. I do have to check myself when he annoys me because our positions require that I review his work and it annoys me when he slacks. But I treat it just like anyone else. It works for us.
They are tossing around the idea of a bonus structure for me that would go into effect I'm January so there is potential to make more. I wouldn't be reporting to DH, he does the firm and business management and some of their criminal defense work which is not the work id be doing.
Forgot to add that if I didn't like working with DH there are other employment options. I'm worried that if I go the university route and 5 years from now I hate it, I may not have as many employment options in my current field.
I worked with H for about a year and it did not bode well for our relationship. I would never do it again.
Personally, I would take the University job. H and I still work for the same company and it makes me incredibly nervous getting all our money from one pot. Sure the company is excelling now but you never know what will happen in the future. I would avoid it at all costs if possible.
50-60 vacation days? That would do it for me right there. That's practically a part time job with full time benefits and pay.
I work with a wife and husband - her father is the company owner so I guess it is more of a family business. They seem to handle it well (although they don't really have a choice since it is the family business).
I don't know. I'd be nervous about putting all our eggs in one basket, for one.
Secondly, while the firm is small, as it grows - how will your relationship be perceived AND your flexibility? You mention it a couple times - will this kind of flexibility be offered to other employees? Or will it only be a perk of being the boss's wife?
I work for a university. From a flexibility/time off stand point - I LOVE it. Absolutely love it. Pay would probably be more elsewhere, but not having the flexibility that I have right now would be a huge detriment.
Forgot to add that if I didn't like working with DH there are other employment options. I'm worried that if I go the university route and 5 years from now I hate it, I may not have as many employment options in my current field.
This was one of the concerns I expressed in your AE posts. That and how much you always seemed to love what you're doing. I'd work for your DH. You're staying in your field and staying practicing. The flexibility would also be key for me. If it doesn't seem to be working out or you don't like it, you can always look for something else down the road.
I'm assuming you won't have any trouble clearing conflicts for him since you've been on the other side?
Well, I think the university job sounds better, but that is because I hated practicing law.
DH and I work together and have for years. It works well for us. Our biggest issue is that we talk way too much about work even when we aren't working. That may be because of our industry. It is the kind of job that consumes your life.
It sounds like you are more excited about the job with your H. So, I think you should go with that one.
I think you have great options, but i would LOVE to work with my H, so that colors my opinion....which is work with him and start immediately!!
The only caution I would take is ensuring there is a policy in place about workplace relationships and that you abided by it, not for your benefit, but for the fairness element for other employees.
Our firm has a very robust policy, but some of the key pieces for spouses are: no direct reporting relationship, no weighin in on performance reviews of one another, relationship must be disclosed to HR, etc. just makes things easier for others.
Personally I would not want to work with DH. We have a wonderful marriage and that's how I want to keep it Working together ( for us at least) could possibly throw a monkey wrench into that and it is something I wouldn't want to happen.
I met my H at work, and worked in the same dept. It was great. I currently work for a CEO and CFO who are married, and there are no issues. I also worked with another writer whose DH was in another dept down the hall. They would meet for lunch and then go their merry way.
So I'm team DH, esp if you have other options in the short- and long-term.
I'm biased because while I love DH, we would not stay married if we worked together, and too much of our conversation would resolve around business.
Would it be possible to take the university job and continue to do some moonlighting at your husband's firm in your area of expertise to keep your skills relevant?
Forgot to add that if I didn't like working with DH there are other employment options. I'm worried that if I go the university route and 5 years from now I hate it, I may not have as many employment options in my current field.
This is why I'd take the job with your husband's firm.
Forgot to add that if I didn't like working with DH there are other employment options. I'm worried that if I go the university route and 5 years from now I hate it, I may not have as many employment options in my current field.
This is why I'd take the job with your husband's firm.
I am here. only concern is putting all of your family's eggs in one basket. but essentially any family with a SAHP is doing the same thing so this would not be a huge concern for me -- I am sure you are MM have a robust emergency fun. GL! Sorry about your company, though.
Forgot to add that if I didn't like working with DH there are other employment options. I'm worried that if I go the university route and 5 years from now I hate it, I may not have as many employment options in my current field.
What does this mean? I guess you're obviously in demand since you had four different options this time around.
As for a trial of the University position, I was thinking more along the lines of giving it a year or so. I was assuming that your H's firm would still take you and your hopefully not too outdated skills at that point if you decided you hated the University job.
It seems like you really want to go to your H's firm. I'm a believer in going with your gut and if you think this will work for you guys, go for it. Personally I don't think I could handle mixing my marriage and business but clearly it works for some. The only thing I will add is that I agree with cosmowife that 10-12 weeks of vacation time really does feel like it would be full-time pay for 3/4 or 1/2 time work.
As someone who has a lot of vacation time - just make sure that you are actually able to take it all. I get harrangued for attempting to take my time and it doesn't roll over - its use it or lose it in one year. Or to use it I have to spend weeks working 12 hour days to make up for the lost time in the office because the work load is so high.
I would take the university job in your shoes, but you should do what you feel is right.
Sorry, is your H a partner in his firm? And you'd be an associate? Just clarifying. That would be no deal for me, for a lot of reasons. Both associates, or both partners, I could see that working, but associate and partner, no.
If your role would be more of an of counsel position that might be more workable.
I don't think I would work with DH very well. We are both in high-stress positions and have to take our work home with us a lot of the time already, and working together would make it worse.
That said, you sound really excited about the idea for you, and I don't think there's anything wrong with following your gut. It seems likely that you'd have other options in a year if you hate it (given your 4 options this time).
I sort of work with my DH. We work for the same company and program, and we actually sit very close to each other, but we don't exactly work "together". I think that is what makes it ok. For the most part we give each other space at work and we rarely have to interact on work related matters. We carpool, which is nice, and try not to talk about work at home. It works for us because we have been careful about having boundaries.
Post by hbomdiggity on Aug 21, 2014 9:41:35 GMT -5
If you currently work "on the other side" is working for your H's firm going to cause conflict problems (waivers/ethical screens)?
And would you be Of Counsel?
You want the perks of the university job but the work doesn't seem to interest you at all. Because of that I think I'd go with the firm.
And I'm not sure others understand, but at least at my law school, there is a lot of turnover in this particular dept. it can be very stressful and is not necessarily guaranteed long term.
That said, DH and I have agreed that we could never work together. We have very different work styles. So just make sure you are going in eyes wide open.
Sounds like you have more potential opportunities if you work with your H. If you think you can make it work then go for it. I have known many spouses that have worked together, as long as you abide by whatever rules HR has for workplace relationships you should be fine.
As someone who has a lot of vacation time - just make sure that you are actually able to take it all. I get harrangued for attempting to take my time and it doesn't roll over - its use it or lose it in one year. Or to use it I have to spend weeks working 12 hour days to make up for the lost time in the office because the work load is so high.
excellent point. My DH is suppose to get 7 weeks or something like that a year and he never is able to use it. At his firm the time rolls over to sick time, so if he had a major illness or something he could use it then. But he just gave up three weeks, maybe more, which bugs me because it is essentially taking a pay cut.
I worked with H for about a year and it did not bode well for our relationship. I would never do it again.
Personally, I would take the University job. H and I still work for the same company and it makes me incredibly nervous getting all our money from one pot. Sure the company is excelling now but you never know what will happen in the future. I would avoid it at all costs if possible.
I don't work with DH, but my parents worked together for years...through really great times and really bad ones. I think they would tell you it was good overall - but they worked a lot and became quite successful, so that probably skews their view. But it took a LOT of effort on their part. And when my dad got sick (cancer, major surgeries, hospitalized sick) and my mom had to care for him, it took major effort to keep things going and keep the money coming in - they credit their employees' loyalty for that, but can you and your DH say the same?
Also, I forget if you have kids vegas, but my bros and I always knew what was up with the business, b/c it consumed my parents' life - people always called the house at night, during dinner, on weekends, etc. I never saw my parents argue about anything other than the business - but they argued about it a lot, sometimes quite heatedly. But my mom will always say despite the arguments, they always agreed on major directions/goals and what to do.
I will also say that my parents always had flexibility - if I needed a pick up from school, mom or dad would be there. Sports, activities, etc - they always participated and always had the flexibility to make sure one parent was there at one time or another.
So, in the end, I think it was a positive experience for them, but there are definite drawbacks that you need to be prepared to handle if you go down that route.
I don't think I'd like working with my H, and especially a ditto to Susie.
But as a litigator who enjoys it, I also don't think I personally would like the university job.
If you want to keep your career options open and like practicing, I think you are better off going to your H's firm, and if it works out, then great. If not, you are still in your field and can continue to look for something else.
I think you are right to be concerned about where the university job could lead. So unless you are really ok with not being a practicing attorney ever again, I would not take it.
I learned very early in my relationship with my husband that we don't work together well (in our case we fought every single week when we were lab partners). Somehow we do great as a couple, but I know I would hate working with him. It doesn't seem like you have the same concerns.
I was originally for the university job but you seemed a lot more enthusiastic about the job itself then. The thing that spoke to me most from your post is when you said that you are loving the work you are doing for his firm. I know I really regretted taking a job that was great on paper but for which I did not enjoy the work itself. So now I'm leaning toward working with your H.
However, I'm not a lawyer so I can't comment on how it will affect your career, and others have raised good points about nepotism that you should weigh carefully.
Everyone has great points and how amazing that you have two great options. I think only you know how the atmosphere at the firm could be...will they treat you differently in a positive or negative way since your H is a partner? That would be my main concern. Also, how this might impact your relationship with Mr. V. Some couples do it seamlessly. Others, it doesn't go over at all.
Since you seem happy in your area of law (that doesn't always seem to be the case with other posters), I'd think long and hard about leaving that track. The university option sounds great if you wanted to work in that position indefinitely...but I kind of sense that even though the schedule is amazing, you would rather stick in your current field. GL with your decision!
My husband and I have our own law firm. There are pros and cons. Pro: We work very well together, can cover each other's emergencies, bounce things off of each other, etc. Also, huge flexibility. He's not going to be mad at me when I have to leave early to pick up the kids. Con: We are NEVER off the clock. If we are not at work, we are talking about work. There is no such thing as a day off from work because we inevitably end up talking about work. How can you not? There is no division between work/personal life. But, that might be a funcion of owning your own business only by yourselves. You're situation may be different since there are other partners in addition to your husband.
Thanks everyone. I've thought about it all day and today I decided to accept the job with DHs firm. He is a partner and I'd be an associate but I wouldn't be working for him because he doesn't handle the cases in my area of law. If have my own caseload but I'd also help with their existing issues. I'm nervous but I think I'm doing the right thing. Official Start date is September 15th so I'll be sure to update.
I could probably work with my DH, but I wouldn't want to work for him, not would I want him to work for me. Not saying what anyone else should do, but I think that would be too weird for both of us.
Post by sillygoosegirl on Aug 21, 2014 13:38:39 GMT -5
DH and I work together. We actually have the same role (and sub-role), on the same team, same boss, etc. Mostly, I really love working together, although it can be really difficult to leave work at work, especially since we are both pretty passionate about what we do.
People always ask us how we can stand to be around each other basically 24/7. That's sort of just the kind of couple we are, also, we spent 6 months on a RTW trip where we were barely out of each other's sight for that time (didn't have cell phones and didn't want to lose each other in a scary place). So we already had experience with that and knew it would work before trying to work so closely together. Honestly, I think if we'd tried to work so closely together early our relationship (even a couple years after we were married), it would have been a disaster both for work and our relationship. Now though, we really like it, and it's hard to imagine going back to NOT sharing this part of our lives. We're having a baby in November and we're going to job share the first year with each of us at home half time and at work half time, and we are worried about how much we are going to miss each other. Yes, we are that sappy couple.
The most challenging part of working together for us have been differing experiences. Our first time working for the same company, we were in the same role in different divisions on different product lines. His area was run much better than mine was, and he was a very happier there. Our marriage almost ended over the problems we had there. For the longest time, because he loved the company so much, he refused to consider that the problems I was having at work with an abusive manager could be other than my fault, didn't want me to quit without another job line up (even though we had plenty of money and I was in no shape to job hunt: I'd basically come home from work and cry or drink all evening). I don't think he would have been so hard on me if he hadn't been projecting his good experience with the company onto everything I told him was happening to me there. The second time we worked at the same company, I got hired into a different (lower level) role than DH had, on a different (lower level) team. This was somewhat unexpected, and DH and I have always been either equals, or I've been ahead of him in our careers, so it was very difficult for me to handle being the person assigned stuff that was beneith DH and other members of his team, needing to get special permission to do stuff they were automatically permitted to do without discussion (that I'd always been permitted to do without discussion at my previous job too), etc. That was hard for me to take on a personal level. It would have been hard if I hadn't known anyone there, but my relationship with DH made it all more complex. I was transferred after 7 months (and if I hadn't had the promise of the upcoming transfer, I would have quit sooner), and now that DH and I work as equals, it's much better.
I also worry about whether or not I will ever fully shake the reputation I have as DH's wife. We went on a business trip last week with half our team. A collaborator from another team actually thought I was just tagging along as a spouse and would be working from the hotel room all day and therefore be available for all my regular work. Um, no, I'm going to be out meeting with customers like the rest of my team! And, um, who spends 4 hours on an airplane to spend 4 days in Houston in August at 6 months pregnant FOR FUN? For the most part, I think most people don't think of me that way at this point, but you get a comment like that from one person, and you wonder...