Have any of you WFH at the same time as their DH/SO?

[crashgizmo]

I posted this in another thread, but I've been thinking about it more and more. I currently WFH 4 days a week (contractor) and go into an office (over an hour away) once per week. 

My DH has always worked FT in an office, with an occasional WFH day. He found out last week that his company is going remote in about 6 weeks. I'm happy he won't have the 45 min commute that he used to have, but am also a little bit worried. We moved to a new state last year and basically spend ALL our time together outside of work- weekends, etc. We've made some couples friends, but neither of us have any good friends that we do things with individually. I'm worried we will start to drive each other crazy, and DH also acknowledged that being an issue. We are both pretty independent, and we married later (30's and 40's) so we are also pretty set in our ways. 

So questions for those of you who have both WFH- 

1. What was challenging, what worked well? 
2. Did you try to keep to a schedule? How did you divide up office space, etc? 
3. Did you take breaks together, or separately? 

This will likely be for at around a year, maybe less/more. Any advice is welcomed! 

[mokes]

We do. DH is home 50-75% of the time; me 100% save a few meetings/travel here and there. We have separate work spaces ... I don't think we could work in the same office. I need quiet to concentrate and he's on the phone a lot.

Sometimes I get frustrated when he interrupts me, but I have to remind myself that I used to have co-workers interrupt me all the time.

I pretty much try to keep regular office hours, as does he. We occasionally go out to lunch or eat lunch together.

If you have the ability/space for separate work areas, I'd recommend that.

[saywhatnow]

DH travels a lot but when he doesn't he works out of the house. I work from home 8:30am-5:30pm every day. I use the office and he usually sets up camp on the couch. We pretty much just ignore each other most of the day but will check in with each other about lunch. He very rarely wants to eat at home, I usually do. It has worked out great....we've been doing this for 4 years now.

[IrishBelle]

We don't but it is possible to have your own work spaces so you aren't actually working side by side?

[monsterz]

I currently WFH full time and H WFH 2 days a week. My office is upstairs and his is in the basement. We both keep regular office hours and treat it like we do any other day. We typical IM back and forth instead of walking to the others office. We sometimes have lunch together but that is a rare occurrence.

For me to be successful I keep normal hours where I am at my desk during normal hours - the hours vary based on calls and my schedule but typically 8-5.

[crashgizmo]

Aug 21, 2014 12:20:05 GMT -5 IrishBelle said:

We don't but it is possible to have your own work spaces so you aren't actually working side by side?

For sure- that is one thing we have going for us. We currently have a home office that I am supposed to use, but since I'm home alone most of the time I end up in the kitchen. I guess that will have to stop. We have two spare bedrooms upstairs, one of which could be made into an office, so that is a possibility for DH. 

[ECB]

I would recommend have 2 separate offices. Even if one of those is the dining room table. Give yourselves some true distance and separation during the day.

[msmerymac]

So far, we've only done it in an emergency (like when he stays home due to weather and works from home). I work from home basically full time.

He did have an interview for a job in which he would have been working from home once per week. Currently, the smallest bedroom is my office with my big, awesome desk. The second bedroom is our guest room with his desk/secretary.

If he had been working from home regularly, we were considering splitting it so I would be out of the house on the day he was working from home.

We would accomplish THAT through my shared coworking space. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED if you live near a major city that offers this option and it's at all convenient for you to get there. It will help you with meeting people and networking too, IMO. Then you wouldn't even necessarily have to set up separate offices, just switch off who is working from home vs. the shared space each day.

[crashgizmo]

Thanks ladies! I think I'm also worried because I don't work full time- so I don't really need to be in an office all day. I usually do 4-6 hours of work a day as a consultant, so I like to be able to watch TV, GBCN, do yoga, prep dinner, etc. So I think I was worried that him being home would make me walk on eggshells trying to be quiet. I know this is a first world problem to the extreme.

I really like the idea of coordinating when we will be out of the office. Now I sometimes go to the coffee shop down the street for a few hours, so I could do that more. He will also be in the field sometimes, so I will talk to him about making sure we plan it accordingly. I could also go into my office another day a week- the reason I don't now is the 3hr commute sucked for our dog. But if DH is home that won't be an issue.

Guess I'm just thinking out loud at this point. I appreciate all the thoughts.

[magdala]

DH and I WFH together one day a week. We try to have lunch together if our teleconferences allow it--it doesn't always work. Other breaks are at random. Each of our offices requires specific hours so that is irrelevant. We sometimes have to battle about the music playing in the background because I don't find Nine Inch Nails not disruptive. We each have our own desk and our own pacing walkway. We both will pace while on a teleconference. All of these items had to be negotiated at first but once we worked out the pathways, it has been easy. One must is that we leave the house after work...go shopping, take a walk or go out to dinner. Something outside the house that helps to keep our sanity.

[thumper55]

When we are both working from home, I hardly notice DH. We both carry on independently and don't eat together and are not in the same room. The only time we might butt heads is if we both need to use the same computer.  We are networked at home, but sometimes we both need to use the same application which is installed on the desktop. I prefer to use the desktop for everything I do, because I like to sit at a desk and have a full keyboard and mouse.    DH does most of his work on his laptop though, lying on his belly on the floor, while watching TV.

[bittybomb]

My husband was working from home for my second and third maternity leaves. 

I worked from home for about 2 to 3 weeks before giving birth each time, and then worked from home for a few weeks after having the baby before returning to the office full time.

We were lucky because we each have our own offices, which are on different floors, so we really did not bump into each other at all. 

Sometimes we would take a break together and sometimes not.  I think the fact that it was not always expected that we break together was nice.  No pressure.  For instance, some days I'd want to run errands on my "break" time so I wouldn't have to do it when the stores were crazier.  And other times, it was nice to have a lunch date with husband.

You'll find a balance.  It might take some time, but you'll figure it out.  And if its really not so great, at least its only for a year?

[aurora]

We did it a fair amount while I was on sabbatical,* and from time to time when I'm not. We definitely don't coordinate breaks, except for occasionally going to lunch together. I generally work in the office, while he generally works at the kitchen table. None of it seems like a big deal, probably largely because we both work after hours ~3 night a week and weekends anyway, so we're used to being around each other working over the past 10 years or so.

If you're going to be the one doing more stuff around the house, it seems like it would make the most sense for him to have the office so he can shut the door if he's disturbed.

If it were me, I definitely wouldn't spend another 3 hours in the car to go into the office another day if I didn't have to, just to avoid trying to work around H. I don't find it to be enough of a problem to warrant that.


*ETA - in case this is confusing to people, university sabbaticals don't mean you're on vacation.  I was still working, just closer to 40 hours/week instead of 55-60.

ETA2 - which is why I was around here a lot more often!

[crashgizmo]

Thanks for all the advice- I'll share this with DH as well. I also think a lot of this is me- I need to get out and get more social interactions. I know I feel more fulfilled when I do.

[Deleted]

Aug 21, 2014 12:23:04 GMT -5 monsterz said:

I currently WFH full time and H WFH 2 days a week. My office is upstairs and his is in the basement. We both keep regular office hours and treat it like we do any other day. We typical IM back and forth instead of walking to the others office. We sometimes have lunch together but that is a rare occurrence.

For me to be successful I keep normal hours where I am at my desk during normal hours - the hours vary based on calls and my schedule but typically 8-5.

We do this. I WFH full time, unless I travel, which is generally for a week or two each quarter. I have an office (repurpose a bedroom) that is fully set up for me - conference phone, extra monitor, printer, desk, office supplies, what have you.  I am on the phone A LOT and lead calls A LOT. I do not wear a head-set but shut my office door for most of the day.

DH works in a closet in the family room that has been re-purposed to be a desk (it's a non-walk in closet that we used Elfa shelves to build him  desk space that he faces into). He does not WFH every day - he WFH probably 1 day a week.  He likes to have CNBC on in the background and only makes sporadic calls. DH is a partner in his own business, so his phone calls are with his other partner or clients.

We usually don't see much of each other during the day. In fact, I usually don't see him after breakfast until end of day. We might check in with each other for a break or to rant about something work-related once in a while, but usually we stay in our own areas unless DH needs to use the printer.  

I recommend that if both of you are going to be on the phone, and/or someone is super sensitive to potential noise, that you either agree to shut doors or get headsets or something like that.  If DH is not used to regularly working at home, I also would be pretty clear that you need to remain focused on working. Everyone has "those days" (just like in the office) where things get a little slack.

I usually work between 50-60 hours a week regularly, so I'm a bad one to comment on enforcing work hours. I usually don't take - say an hour or two in the middle of the day to do X - I work a straight block of time. Usually about 7:45am until about 6 or 6:30 am. When I'm done, I'm done. DH will take a lot of breaks throughout the day and sometimes end up, say stopping at 3 PM, taking a break, and then doing more work at 10 PM. 

[crashgizmo]

Aug 21, 2014 16:50:24 GMT -5 @songforyou said:

I WFH 4 days a week and have Fridays off, although I usually still work at least an hour or two (or the rare full day, when swamped) on Fridays and my husband WFH on T, W and F, but that is changing to everyday in a few weeks.

Challenging - my husband is loud as hell and when I have calls scheduled, I have to remind him to close the door in case he gets a call.  Not a big deal, but it is the most challenging part.

We keep different schedules.  We both start at 9, but I always finish earlier than him. 
I work in the actual home office downstairs and he works upstairs in a spare bedroom.  We are planning to move and perhaps downsize soon, but I am concerned we may not be able to downsize as much as he would like because we need two offices for sure.

Usually, we will snack and/or have lunch at the same time but not always together.  One person makes it and brings it to the other if that person is busy.  Otherwise, we'll eat together.  We also pop in a few times a day.  We were used to speaking throughout the day when we worked in our old offices though, usually on gchat or on the phone, so we're just keeping that going.  I have friends who don't speak to their husbands much during work hours--if we had been that way, maybe we wouldn't pop in on one another now.

This was super helpful- my DH is the same way on calls, he's loud and paces around the house. Right now I'm thinking the upstairs room would work best for him- it's really big and he can pace around. But we are also likely moving to a smaller place in a year, which is why I feel like I may need to go work FT in an office after that. 

[Deleted]

We don't but if possible I would set up to different work spaces. That way you can go in your office, he can go in his and you can ignore each other for 8 hours.

[crashgizmo]

Aug 21, 2014 17:13:23 GMT -5 @songforyou said:

Don't be ready to throw in the towel so quickly!  This is the second thing you've said that makes me think you think it may not work.  It's actually kind of fun, it just takes a minute to get into the rhythm.  I don't think our lives have ever had as much flexibility as we do right now, it's very freeing.  I do agree that a smaller place makes it even trickier, but you never know what you may see that makes it feasible (bonus room, attic, shed...for awhile I was stuck on recreating this armoire office I saw on Pinterest, if it comes to that and we find the perfect house without enough space for two offices, that may still be an option).

You're right- I'm less than optimistic I love my DH but he has a stressful job and sometimes I'd rather he leave it at the office. And, me working from home is not the norm for my field, so I will end up back in an office setting at some point. 

Good point about it being freeing- I didn't really think about that angle. We both have very flexible schedules as it is, so it could be nice to take advantage of that. 

Thanks!

[M]

We both WFH but it's for our own business. He has his desk, I have my desk. He has his drawer of messy junk and I have my nice and neatly organized file cabinets. His drives me nuts so I don't look in his drawer and he is NOT allowed in my drawers unless he puts stuff back EXACTLY as I had it. We're no different than co-workers when it's work hours. We share notes and get each others opinions/help on things. If I'm busy then I just tell him to leave me alone (and vice versa). If we need to be on the phone, then the other one is quiet.

When he's away on business, it gets lonely at home with only the dogs to talk to. We are also different than most couples because we actually enjoy each others company and like being around each other all the time. It's also nice to just get up during the middle of the afternoon and go for a drive together when we are stressed out or just want to enjoy the sun shine, then come back and finish up our work.

I think it'll just take some getting use to. Once you get into a routine then you'll enjoy it more.

[pantsparty]

We both work from home, and both of us travel occasionally (H more than me).

It's critical to have your own space. Before we moved to a house with 2 offices, I would take my laptop and go work downstairs on the dining room table. It's nice to have an ACTUAL OFFICE, too, because what would annoy the everliving crap out of me is when my H would come down and sit on the couch right behind me, just hanging out.

We just go about our day for the most part. We don't "take breaks" together or anything like that. Sometimes we decide to get lunch together, but for the most part, we make our own lunches and he might watch TV while I read.

I think it works because we respect each other's space. I definitely need a lot of space and if there are multiple weeks where we're together ALL THE TIME, it starts to drive me a little crazy. In which case I find myself leaving the house more often to run on errands or the like

[sweetptater]

H and I both work from home, but he's in sales so he's typically on the road for most of the days. I work in my home office and when he has an office day, he's either on the couch or in the basement. Since he's only home 1, possibly 2 days a week, we usually go to lunch.

Cons - It's hard for me to focus when he's on the phone (or snoring on the couch). My office is a converted dining room, so I don't have a door. Also, I'm full-time WFH whereas he can typically finish any time he wants. This means that about once a week he tries to convince me to cut out early and go to happy hour or something like that. Hard to resist.