Why am I only worth only having

[silva]

1 child?


what did I do wrong?



sorry.  Wine induced confession I guess.  

[zoidberg]

Nothing. You did nothing wrong. Life is crappy and random.

[trixiedicksnatch]

You didn't do anything wrong.

I'm sorry.

[pantsparty]

Oh honey Don't believe that for a second. (((silva)))

[SKP82]

*hugs*

[sparkythelawyer]

Not a damn thing. You are fabulous and wonderful, and I am pulling for you to have what you want for your life.

[silva]

I just feel like I did everything right. We waited until we could afford 2 in daycare. M was 3 when we started and now she's 6 and it won't happen. Ever. This is so hard to get over. It creeps up on me.

Fuck

[silva]

Aug 21, 2014 22:40:49 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

i'm sorry friend.

do you think you're going to go for it again?

No. I'm 39 and currently unemployed.  Dh is 43.  It's not a good mix.

[Marle]

Do you need to be worthier to have more than one? Are people with more than one better in any way? No.

So, don't think this at all. Your value is in your mind not in the capacity of reproducing.

[mcmel]

I'm really sorry

[snipsnsnails]

All the (((hugs))) and all the love to you, friend.

[silva]

Aug 21, 2014 22:44:31 GMT -5 Marle said:

Do you need to be worthier to have more than one? Are people with more than one better in any way? No.

So, don't think this at all. Your value is in your mind not in the capacity of reproducing.

I feel like I'm missing something. There's a hole in my heart....2 actually.    I don't feel whole.

[silva]

Aug 21, 2014 22:46:38 GMT -5 peachy said:

It is not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. Hugs.

I feel like I did though.  We waited, I got let go from a great paying job that potentially would have paid for Ivf.  But I didn't fight hard enough as I could and now we are in debt still after taking 3 Iui chances.  I was laid off and now that idea is not happening at all.


every life choice I had had this ver consequence.  I'm drowning in if onlys......

[sawyerthedestroyer]

*hugs*

[MrsPenny]

You did nothing wrong. You're a fantastic mom. Life really isn't fair sometimes and no matter how old we get - it still sucks. I'm sorry, silva.

[sequins]

I'm so sorry. Is there a grant program or a clinical study IVF you can join?

[silva]

Aug 21, 2014 22:38:38 GMT -5 zoidberg said:

Nothing. You did nothing wrong. Life is crappy and random.

Thats the hardest to understand, because I grew up being told otherwise.  

[silva]

Aug 21, 2014 22:55:31 GMT -5 sequins said:

I'm so sorry. Is there a grant program or a clinical study IVF you can join?

No idea.  Thanks for the suggestion.

[bania]

(((Hugs)))

[Deleted]

I'm sorry silva. You are worth everything and IF sucks and I'm so sorry about all the trouble you've had. . I wish I could hug you right now.

[discogranny]

You don't know me from Adam but please know I would hug you so hard and drink a gallon of wine with you while crying into cupcakes. You are a good person in a shitty situation. Do not for a second believe you caused this, you didn't.

[silva]

Aug 21, 2014 23:05:33 GMT -5 Que? said:

Aug 21, 2014 23:01:12 GMT -5 silva said:

Thats the hardest to understand, because I grew up being told otherwise.  

You have to try and get to a place where you know this just isn't true. You are worthy, and your mistakes and flaws are only part of a bigger, better whole.
We all have to own our own choices and accept responsibility, but sometimes you really need to forgive yourself. You need to give yourself a break, now and as childhood silva, for the times when life kicked you in the ass and you didn't deserve it. You are the sum of all these things and you are SO worthy.

This is what I struggle with the most.  I held onto what I thought was right and wrong thinking I would have the life worth having.  Because all of the sudden it's not that way, I regret how I lived my teens and 20s.  I was so fucking shy and cautious knowing that I was sacrificing that for something better.  That something better is not happening!  


Que,  thank you. Truly I'm going to focus on this.  Thank you.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Ohhhh sister, I just want to hug you. I have hD these thoughts too. I still do, honestly. I'm sorry you're so sad right now.

[bronxgirl]

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. IF sucks big hairy donkey balls. It kills me that I'll never have another baby. But you definitely didn't do anything to deserve this. Sometimes bad shit happens, even to the best people.

[shell24]

I'm sorry

[mudslide]

((Hugs)) you didn't do anything wrong.

[awick14]

I agree with all the pp. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!

I know that it is hard not to think of the what ifs, and it's hard no to blame yourself. I blame myself daily for our struggles and I know it's not my fault. It's not my fault that I can't keep a pregnancy, it's not my fault that this keeps happening to me.

Just like it's not your fault that the three IUIs didn't work. It's not your fault that life ends up being this way. Please be kind to yourself and just remember one foot in front of the other.

[Jalapeñomel]

(((Hugs)))

[venice2007]

**hugs**

[Bernadine]

Aw, hon. I think anyone with IF has had these thoughts. Just promise that if you go any further down this hole, you'll talk to a professional- please?