I need some help - eating disorders related

[justdance]

Hi everyone. You all seem pretty helpful, and I could really use some advice here. I'm sorry this is so long, but I really just need to get it off my chest.

My entire family struggles with weight issues, and I am currently in therapy to deal with my own issues regarding weight and body image. I am currently obese, but I am trying to learn to love myself for who I am. My mother also had issues with regards to weight and body image while she was growing up (my grandmother was severely obese), and so my mother has a very negative view on overweight people. This is important later.

I have a step-sister (we will call her D) who is almost 12. D and my step-dad have been a part of the family for 8 years, so I have known her since she was 3. Her father (my step-dad) and her birth mother have a really difficult relationship and barely communicate, and when they do communicate all they seem to do is fight. D's father sees her two nights a week and every other weekend. About 5 months ago D and her mother went to the pediatrician for a wellness check-up, and the doctor told D that she was overweight and needed to lose weight. Over the past 4 months (and definitely over the past 2) I have seen huge changes in her weight. She has lost over 25 pounds putting her at roughly 85 pounds right now. I got married about two weeks ago, and I was extremely concerned about her eating habits and her weight at the wedding (wedding was at a hotel and was kind of a weekend affair so we had a few meals and evenings together). Over the course of that weekend she rarely ate in front of people (claimed she had already eaten in the hotel room), complained of having tummy troubles, and said she was feeling constipated. I expressed my concerns to my mother and my step-dad. They brushed it off and said they would keep an eye on D, but in their opinion she's much healthier now that she is not overweight anymore.

I spoke to my mother yesterday on the phone, and apparently in the past week D has hardly eaten, is having trouble urinating and defecating, and went with her mom to the doctor to talk about these issues. The doctor said that her body is not absorbing the nutrients it needs to continue to survive, so parts of her body are shutting down (?). I'm not sure if he officially gave her the label of anorexia, but with her not eating, having trouble urinating and defecating, and having an extremely negative view about her weight and body (she claimed she would rather be dead than be fat), I feel like it's safe to say that she is anorexic. She claims she has not thrown up anything she has eaten (apparently she has a friend who is bulimic, so she knows what that is), she is just refusing to eat or drink anything and is obsessing about her weight, food intake, and exercise. She claims she likes the way she looks and refuses to "go to the doctor and have tubes put in her to make her fat".

My mom and step-dad are finally taking this seriously, but D lives with her mother full-time and only sees her step-dad a few days a week at most. Her mother is a piece of work and is putting all of the blame on step-dad (it's all his fault that his daughter is not eating, step-dad has mental illness - schizophrenia in the family so it's his fault D is messed up, blah blah blah). I'm worried that D's mom is not taking this seriously and is not getting her the help she needs. And I feel completely lost at to what to do about it. At most I know I could probably make a CPS call on D's mother and claim medical neglect, but what else can I do? I sent a great article about anorexia to my mom and step-dad, and my H (who is a social worker) has offered to get referrals and set up appointments with therapists in their area. What else can I do? Any tips or suggestions on how to show D that I am there for support if she needs me (albeit I currently live 2 and 1/2 hours away from my mom, step-dad, and D)?

TL;DR: My step-sister (D) is almost 12 and we think she is anorexic. I'm concerned her mother isn't taking this seriously, and I feel like there's not much I can do. Tips/advice/hugs?


ETA: PDQ. Thanks.

[wrathofkuus]

Is this a situation that CPS could investigate? I mean, that might be a wake-up call for her mom.

[justdance]

Aug 22, 2014 0:27:08 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Is this a situation that CPS could investigate? I mean, that might be a wake-up call for her mom.

I'm wondering that, and I'm really leaning towards calling; however, my mom told me to give them a little more time to see if they can convince D to do outpatient (I'm assuming group therapy) services. There's a group she can go to beginning on Sept. 2, but that's the first day of school, and D is concerned about people questioning where she was all day by missing the first day of school. Obviously my mom really doesn't want me to call, but I will if I have to.

[TC]

This is anecdotal but nothing helped my recovery like the Health At Every Size movement. Maybe see if there is a HAES affiliated physician, dietitian, or psychologist in her area? www.haescommunity.org/search_registry.php

Best wishes to your family.

[trixiedicksnatch]

I hope that you can find a way to reach out to her without alienating her.

Perhaps her dad can talk to the school counselor?

[justdance]

TC Thank you, I will take a look at that.

trixiedicksnatch That's a good idea. I can bring that up to step-dad when I talk to him next. I'm not sure how D would feel about that, though. I'm afraid she would think he was going behind her back since it seems like she doesn't want anyone to know.

[trixiedicksnatch]

Aug 22, 2014 0:56:08 GMT -5 justdance said:

TC Thank you, I will take a look at that.

trixiedicksnatch That's a good idea. I can bring that up to step-dad when I talk to him next. I'm not sure how D would feel about that, though. I'm afraid she would think he was going behind her back since it seems like she doesn't want anyone to know.

She is a child and she needs protection more than privacy at this point. I'm sure she will get angry but early intervention could literally save her life.

[justdance]

Aug 22, 2014 0:59:10 GMT -5 trixiedicksnatch said:

Aug 22, 2014 0:56:08 GMT -5 justdance said:

TC Thank you, I will take a look at that.

trixiedicksnatch That's a good idea. I can bring that up to step-dad when I talk to him next. I'm not sure how D would feel about that, though. I'm afraid she would think he was going behind her back since it seems like she doesn't want anyone to know.

She is a child and she needs protection more than privacy at this point. I'm sure she will get angry but early intervention could literally save her life.

Very good point. I agree. Thank you for reminding me of that.

[trixiedicksnatch]

You're welcome

I truly hope your family or someone can get through to her. Ed in young girls breaks my heart.