Getting on the same page financially?

[Deleted]

My DH lets me handle all the $. The only down side is if something happens to me, he will be in the dark. He knows where our $$ is but that's about it.

[bryantpark]

How bad is your debt? Is he overspending at all? If he's not if just roll with it too.

[bostonmichelle]

My DH just has me deal with all the $$ issues. He knows our budget more or less and just sticks with it. As long as everything gets paid on time he doesn't care nor notice. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know any logins or anything to our accounts. We seem to be on the same page on the big picture stuff at least but he doesn't care as much about the day to day stuff as I do. I just roll with it and figure he could be a lot worse.

[lys]

David Bach's book Smart Couples Finish Rich is an excellent book for getting on the same page. You should read and do the exercises in the first few chapters together - It helps you understand each other's emotional relationship with money, values and goals. With that information, you can set up a financial plan that works for you both.

I am somewhat confused by your financial status.
DH - thinks you are poor and have no money. Needs boots but won't buy them
You - "we have savings"
You don't want to change current lifestyle
You have debt and admit to overspending
Will take until Dec 2017 to pay off debt with new budget.

So he knows you have savings, but he also knows you have substantial debt.

You need to track ALL of your income and ALL of your spending --down to the dollar . Then together make decisions.
Be open to making some lifestyle changes

You BOTH need to make some changes.

[ewall]

I did it on my own for a few years and H eventually came around. Now he's so much about the budget that it's kinda annoying. I don't know what changed for him. It could have been maturity, maybe when he started making decent money, or maybe something clicked when he really latched on to our budgeting software.

My husband will never buy new shoes. Order an identical pair off the internet and call it a day.

[mrshandy]

Aug 22, 2014 8:51:51 GMT -5 lys said:

David Bach's book Smart Couples Finish Rich is an excellent book for getting on the same page. You should read and do the exercises in the first few chapters together - It helps you understand each other's emotional relationship with money, values and goals. With that information, you can set up a financial plan that works for you both.

I am somewhat confused by your financial status.
DH - thinks you are poor and have no money. Needs boots but won't buy them
You - "we have savings"
You don't want to change current lifestyle
You have debt and admit to overspending
Will take until Dec 2017 to pay off debt with new budget.

So he knows you have savings, but he also knows you have substantial debt.

You need to track ALL of your income and ALL of your spending --down to the dollar . Then together make decisions.
Be open to making some lifestyle changes

You BOTH need to make some changes.

Great advice. Reading the book together is a really great way to learn about money and open conversations about money.

Another thing is maybe watching the Suze Orman show together. You can learn a lot and also allow you guys to discuss money.

Seriously though, your H's attitude would annoy me. You guys should be a team in this. This is your financial future and it's important. You shouldn't have the burden of managing the finances on your own. You're married and you should be able to work together on this so you can BOTH be successful in the future and achieve your goals.

[monsterz]

H let's me handle it all. I keep him updated on where we are and if we need to cut back spending. He has access to our accounts but I don't think he logs in or checks the balances frequently.

[ohyouknow]

I agree with the others about letting him be in the dark. We've been doing it that way for over a decade and it works just fine. I do everything - he doesn't care. I wrote down all our passwords and accounts and insurance, and they are in a file in our safe in case I die before him.

DH will listen to me talk about money and nod, but I can tell that he is thinking about something else entirely, lol.

[juliabug]

I mostly manage the finances in our home, too. When we didn't have as much disposable income, I would give DH cash. He's never been a big spender and will consult with me if there is something he wants, so now that we have more income we both use the CC for everything and I pay it off each month. He has no idea how much our mortgage payment is, how much I spend for groceries or how much we pay for electricity.

Twice a year, I do the "state of our union" address. I put all of the numbers into the spreadsheet to see exactly what our assets and debts are and DH and I talk about our short and long term financial goals together.

[aurora]

Honestly, you sound pretty conflicted about the whole thing, and it sounds like you may be sending mixed messages to H. You have 6-figures of debt but no mortgage - if that's all credit card and car debt, that's pretty bad, but if it's 95% student loans it's a different story. Assuming it's consumer debt, it sounds like he's more stressed about it than he lets on if he refuses to buy the boots. I would work on trying to make sure you're sending consistent messages about how you feel about your financial picture first.

[mrsfarmer]

I read your other post about owing your federal taxes yet this year. Perhaps your DH is worried what will happen if some of these items don't get paid? I can see trying to pay off the IRS as a priority. Your other post also states you only have $1300 in savings. I think you need to seriously look at this budget yourself and set priorities to payoff.

[expatpumpkin]

Can you tell us more about the 6 figure debt you currently have?

[badgergrl]

I agree that we need to know what this 6 figure of debt is to give good advice. Student loans? Consumer debt? Medical debt?

[tacom]

I just thumbed through your old budget post when you mentioned six figure debt in here. honestly, I agree with @songforyou that it's probably better for your husband to not be too involved in the finances if he thinks that a $1,300 e-fund = rolling in it* with $100k in consumer debt.

however, even if you continue to manage the finances (which I think you should), I don't think it's a bad idea to try to open his eyes as to how much debt you're actually dealing with here (what is the opportunity cost? what other things could you be doing with your lives? what are your values as individuals and a couple and does your spending align with those values?) and also why you got there. it looks like cars make up almost half of your debt and wanting to finance a motorcycle immediately after you're dug yourselves out of this hole tells me that he really doesn't get it. that has to be super frustrating to deal with.

*I don't know if I interpreted his reaction correctly

[badgergrl]

Given that debt load I would go to an all cash system, eliminate all or almost all fun money, cut out any extras (candle, smart phones, vacations, etc) and try to sell unneeded things (like the timeshare). I would also consider downgrading your cars to eliminate that debt.

I think I remember you posting you wanted to buy a house. You can't save a 20% down payment with all this debt. I wonder if dh isn't taking this debt seriously since neither of you have had the tough conversation of adjusting your lifestyle based on this debt.

You need to set financial goals together. For example, I would say this is the order I would want to deal with
1. Pay off ALL consumer debt
2. Get retirement accounts full funded (so 1.5x income by 35)
3. Get a fully funded E fund (6 months of living expenses)
4. Save for down payment for house (20%)
5. Save for any needed house projects
6. Get savings for kids college funds, if applicable
7. Save for cash purchase of new cars or motorcycles

So show him that list and explain with your current lifestyle the debt won't be paid until 2017. The calculate how long each of these other things will take with your current lifestyle and put a year estimate near it. If that is important to him, that will show him the importance of cutting your currently lifestyle and shedding things you frankly can't afford (cars and the timeshare).

[tacom]

Awesome update. Good luck!