s/o: ADHD non-med help/coping skills?

[lilac05]

I haven't been to the dr yet (for a million reasons excuses), and I'm nursing, so meds aren't an option right now anyway.  

I'm really struggling with most of the symptoms of ADHD right now (tears in my eyes as I read the other post).  I have a lengthy list of things I want/need to get done, but just can't seem to get the ball rolling.  I waste so much time it's embarrassing.  I'm getting really down because I know I'm capable of so much more.  I'm disorganized my house is a mess, and I fear it's starting to affect my kids, too.

I want to take on all kinds of responsibilities and projects at DS's school and my church, but I just know I'll end up dropping yet another ball.  

What have you found that helps, aside from medication?

[my3boyz]

Honesty the most effective thing for me is making lists, with the most important things first. Make the tasks small and manageable so you can get through them quickly without getting distracted. So instead of clean bedroom you would say pick up clothes in bedroom, empty trash, dust bedroom, make bed, vacuum bedroom. All of these tasks are short and manageable and forces you to keep coming back to the list to cross things off. It also keeps you motivated an feeling accomplished.

And know that you might not get it all done because people with ADHD take longer at things. So give yourself enough time. When you work always move your deadline up. If you have 6 days to do something throw it on your calendar for the day before its due and treat that a your actual deadline.

[lilac05]

Aug 22, 2014 14:30:05 GMT -5 frkls said:

www.add.org/ attention deficit disorder association homepage and

additudemag.com are both excellent resources for adults with ADHD

there is also an awesome book called, "you mean i'm not lazy, stupid, or crazy?!" which is old but still awesome

www.amazon.com/You-Mean-Lazy-Stupid-Crazy-ebook/dp/B003719FSW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408735779&sr=8-1&keywords=you+mean+i%27m+not+lazy+stupid+or+crazy

Thank you!  I'll check out those sites.

I've checked that book out from the library before...and in typical ADHD form, never got around to reading it!  (And returned it late, too!)  I'm tired of having all the best intentions and starting and then abandoning things.  (I can't even begin to tell you how many thank you notes I've written, but never sent!)

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

I have to mentally plan out my day when I first wake up. I make lists of EVERYTHING I need to do, detailed. Like "clean kitchen" means nothing to me. If I need to clean the kitchen, I have to list out the steps, or else I'll get distracted, sidetracked, and/or overwhelmed.

If you struggle with staying on task with reading, can you see if anything is available in dvd format? And it's okay if you need to listen to something multiple times and/or take notes.

[mrsukyankee]

I found doing mindfulness work really has helped me a LOT. It's suggested for kids with ADHD/ADD and so I started doing it a few years ago. While the book is for kids, I found that this was the best one for me too: Calm Kids

[circa1978]

Lists.

I really suck at mindfulness but I'm good with lists. I block out my time by the half hour.

[ijack]

I was diagnosed while nursing and it was almost 9 months until I went on meds. For me just being aware was helpful - like I'd leave a cabinet door open and think "i'll shut that later" but then learned I never would, so I'd take the time to shut it. Set little goals. I can't walk into a room and think "I'm going to clean it." I have to have small tasks to accomplish so I don't get overwhelmed. Also having things right in front of me so I don't forget. If I need to remember something I put that thing immediately in my path so I don't look over it or ignore it.

[karmasabiotch]

I just stick to posting on ML and letting my work and home life sort of collapse around my feet.

Really though, I'm interested in the responses.

[Booze Raccoon]

My med manager told me to set a timer to get tasks done. Also, making lists.

[lilac05]

Aug 22, 2014 15:14:27 GMT -5 karmasabiotch said:

I just stick to posting on ML and letting my work and home life sort of collapse around my feet.

This has been my method recently, and it's not working out so well for me!

[spindle92]

The new thing I have been doing lately is putting every damn thing I need to do in my calendar and making my phone alarm go off for every event. Even if I turn the alarm off, it still lists the event in my gmail as a single line item so it acts as a list.
I hate having unopened things in my gmail so I do not open the notice but as soon as I finish it, I send that email to my trash.

I have tried everything under the sun and this seems to be the only thing that is working for now.

[sapphireblue]

Aug 22, 2014 14:33:31 GMT -5 my3boyz said:

Honesty the most effective thing for me is making lists, with the most important things first. Make the tasks small and manageable so you can get through them quickly without getting distracted. So instead of clean bedroom you would say pick up clothes in bedroom, empty trash, dust bedroom, make bed, vacuum bedroom. All of these tasks are short and manageable and forces you to keep coming back to the list to cross things off. It also keeps you motivated an feeling accomplished.

And know that you might not get it all done because people with ADHD take longer at things. So give yourself enough time. When you work always move your deadline up. If you have 6 days to do something throw it on your calendar for the day before its due and treat that a your actual deadline.

Yup, me too. I've always made a lot of lists. But like you, I break it down. So instead of writing "do laundry" I write put laundry in washer, move laundry to dryer, bring laundry up from basement and put away as three separate steps. Seems ridiculous but it helps me to break it down and also I think it gives me more of a sense of accomplishment to be able to cross things off my list.

[pooh8402]

Wow, I can relate to so many things on this thread. I never thought I had ADD but DH has been saying lately he thinks I do. I took his Ritalin a couple times and it made a huge difference for me.

The only thing I can stay on task with is reading, and even then, only if the subject interests me.

[adhdfashion]

Lists for everything. Timer set for each item on list. White noise to keep my mind occupied. I like TV. Sometimes music. Book on tape. White noise is crucial for me to stay on task. It gets easier over time. Build a routine.

[lilac05]

Aug 22, 2014 16:15:24 GMT -5 frkls said:

Aug 22, 2014 14:33:32 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

there are also people whose job title is "ADHD Coach."  they teach coping skills and life management stuff.  my mom does it as part of her counseling practice.  maybe you could find somebody who could get you through until you can get some meds.  

mainly, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be kind to yourself.   all that stuff you've heard said about you all your life: lazy, flighty, flakey, etc. are not you.  they are the disorder.  changing your own self-talk is, i believe, the absolute first step.  you are not a flake.  you are not irresponsible.  you not undependable. you are not forgetful.  that is like saying that a guy who can't read a sign without his glasses is illiterate, or that a guy who is immobile without a wheelchair is lazy.  you are perfectly capable, you just need the tools. 

Thank you so much for this.  I KNOW it's not who I am, just how my brain works.  I know I am capable of anything...I just have to figure out what it takes to make me actually DO it...and continue doing it!  I can come up with a lot of things that would help, and do them...for a few days.  I have a hard time sticking to anything.  My first plan of attack is to go back to making lists (I also break everything down, and sometimes include things like shower and things I have already done!).  I'm going to make a list every night & share it with H, then review it with him the next night.  He won't be rewarding/scolding me, but I think it'll help hold me accountable.  Being accountable to myself hasn't been enough in the past.

I'll look into the ADHD Coach thing.  I'd be surprised if there is anyone close to me, but you never know.

Thank you again to all who have shared.  It was a thread on this board about a year ago that made me realize I wasn't those things listed above...that all of my "quirks" and shortfalls are likely all pieces of the same ADHD puzzle.  I had a newborn at the time, but now I'm out of that fog and need to do a little (lot) work on myself.

[tacocat]

I put everything in a paper planner, my phone doesn't work for me. Like others, I do things in stages because the whole project is overwhelming.

I was really nervous going back to school without medication but I have learned coping tips that have helped. I try to keep my study area clean and organized and let myself take small breaks to do whatever (Internet, clean, get coffee) but limit them until certain points.

Oh and exercise really helps. Me focus for longer sessions.

And in true me style it took like 4 sessions to write this post.

[auntie]

Aug 22, 2014 14:23:18 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

I haven't been to the dr yet (for a million reasons excuses), and I'm nursing, so meds aren't an option right now anyway.  


That's not reason enough to not seek a dx from a professional. FWIW, there are non-stimulant meds, neurofeedback options and talk therapy that can help. 

I'm really struggling with most of the symptoms of ADHD right now (tears in my eyes as I read the other post).  I have a lengthy list of things I want/need to get done, but just can't seem to get the ball rolling.  I waste so much time it's embarrassing.  I'm getting really down because I know I'm capable of so much more.  I'm disorganized my house is a mess, and I fear it's starting to affect my kids, too.


The way you express what you're feeling here suggests it could be more than ADHD or perhaps ADHD and some low level depression/anxiety. Best to see a professional and let them decide.

I want to take on all kinds of responsibilities and projects at DS's school and my church, but I just know I'll end up dropping yet another ball.  

What have you found that helps, aside from medication?

I don't have ADHD, but I live with an adult son who has it and was raised by a mother who has it. My mother is currently unmedicated; she relies a lot on lists- a "graphic organizer" if you will. She also rises early to get a head start on her most pressing obligations- if she has bills due, she does them as soon as she has had her first cup of coffee. Tv and her laptop stay off until she's completed her "must-dos". My mother trends towards hyperactivity, so she actually gets a lot done- but she expends more energy doing it than I would.

For DS, the single biggest impact comes from medication. It just does. He takes Adderall and an SSRI for anxiety. DS trends towards inattention and impulsivity, he has a lot of trouble initiating movement towards tasks. He also keeps a master calendar of where he needs to be each day, what he needs to accomplish daily. He's a full time college junior and works part time, so his days are pretty full.

For housekeeping- a task I personally find onerous- a lot of my friends like this site-


www.flylady.net/

I have a couple adult friends w/ADHD who found her methods life changing. I don't like being told what to do, so I don't subscribe 100% but I do like a lot of what she suggests especially around clutter control which is a trigger for me.

Good luck. I hope you can find a way to help yourself feel better.