We went Kindergarten orientation :(

[AHappierHour]

During the orientation they had they kids go out and play while the teachers talked to the parents. When we went to the playground after I noticed DD playing with a little boy. I asked her joking  are you going to be my little rough girl always playing in the dirt with the boys.  She said no mommy the girls never want to play with me. 

I was not expecting her to say that. I just told her these are all new kids and if you want to play with the girls just walk to them and say hi my name is Dylan can I play with you. But if you feel more comfortable with the boys then play with them. 

This is got me thinking and in preschool she would always talk about her friends and they were boys. She never mentioned girls and now I'm wondering if she had a bad experience and now she is shying away from the girls. 

[eb777888]

IDK, she should play with who she wants, right? I think if she identifies with the boys, that's okay.

When David was 4-ish, he definitely identified with more girl things- dolls & strollers, pink, dress up, bracelet/jewelery stuff. I just embraced what he was interested in.

He's almost six now, and over the last year, he's definitely more into "boy" things. It actually makes me sad, but it is what it is. He still loves pink and babies and bracelets, so that's awesome and I embrace that.

I think she's fine. I'd just let her do what's comfortable.

[mommytutu]

Maybe it's just her personality? I have a soon to be kindergartner too. My daughter is the opposite and is extremely shy around boys. I always encourage her to try and make friends with the boys.

[eb777888]

Wait, do you feel like the girls are rejecting her or she just identifies with boys more? Sorry, maybe I read your OP wrong.

[sofamonkey]

Aww, FWIW I think you handled that very well.

[speckledfrog]

I get those same kinds of fears, too. If she's happy then she's happy, right?

[AHappierHour]

Yes she should play with who she wants. I just wasn't expecting her to say the girls never play with me. She is into girl stuff like barbies, MLP, her favorite color is pink. I just hope she doesn't feel excluded by the girls.

[eb777888]

Aug 22, 2014 23:50:19 GMT -5 AHappierHour said:

Yes she should play with who she wants. I just wasn't expecting her to say the girls never play with me. She is into girl stuff like barbies, MLP, her favorite color is pink. I just hope she doesn't feel excluded by the girls.

 I'm sorry. This would be tough. Let her go through the motions of kindergarten, touch base with her teacher and see how it goes. This is such a delicate age. I totally get your concern because I'd be concerned too, but I'd just let her do her thing, have open conversations with her and just take it how it comes. This age is pretty awesome, they are growing and changing so much, I never know what's coming next. I'm sure she'll find a friend, kindergarten is such a big adjustment but there's sooo many kids in the class/school. They'll adjust. I think this is harder on us than them, lol. :/

[missmaddie]

I think you addressed it well. Here's hoping she finds a nice group of peers she's comfortable with this year either way, which I am sure she will in no time. I am sure it would make my heart hurt a little to hear DS say something like that though. (Hugs).

[auntie]

I'm sorry. It's hard to see your child feel excluded.

It would be great to be all kumbaya and let her play exclusively with the boys, but that can have consequences. IRL, boys and girls often play differently as early as the primary grades. If she's being shunned by her female peers, there is a reason and you need to find that out. Maybe she behaves in a way that can't relate to, maybe they were girls whose moms encourage interaction because they are mom-friends, maybe they're a bunch of little sisters who are more socially adept because of the influence of older sisters, maybe they're just mean girls. Even if her temperment and interests are more in line with boys, she needs to understand the rules of her tribe in order to be successful socially and in the classroom.

Boys often go through a phase in elementary where they marginalize girls, even those who were formerly playmates, in a sexual identiy thing that can start as early as 2nd-3rd grade. DS had a lovely little girl playmate from preschool and kindie who had CAPD and ADHD- her skills made boys "easier" for her because their play is less verbal, more physical and they're more forgiving of gaffes. Around 3rd grade, her male friends ditched her for exclusively boy group interaction most of the time. She had a single male friend through high school and into college, but TBH, he was no where near her equal in terms of brains or personality. I suspect they ended up together because they didn't fit in well with anyone else. She spent a lot of time with her mom and her horse.

Her mom and I have talked about this a lot. Our kids are in college now, her DD actually attends one of the Seven Sisters and still hasn't made a real friend. In retrospect, she wishes now that she'd been more proactive, earlier, about helping her DD find some nice girls to play with. One:one playdates are ideal at this age, you might ask her teacher for the names of nicer girls who might be a good fit. You could also look into something like Girl Scouts to provide a ready-made social group for her.

[speckledfrog]

It's also quite possible that "never" doesn't really mean never.

[EmilieMadison]

I dont think this is something to be sad or concerned about? She is clearly ok making new friends and playing with new children. Boys, girls- I dont think it matters. 

FWIW, almost all of my friends as a young child were boys. My best friend in HS was a boy (and he's still one of my best friends). I related better to them. But I had plenty of girl friends over the years and some amazing girl friends now as an adult. 

[Jalapeñomel]

I always played with the boys as a kid, and, even now, I tend to have more guy friends then girls.

[EmilieMadison]

Aug 23, 2014 11:48:18 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

It's also quite possible that "never" doesn't really mean never.

ABSOLUTELY.
This is definitely something to remember. A 5 year old's perception of "never" could mean "not in the last 7 minutes", or "every day except Tuesday". 

My DS who is 6.5 said this summer that he didnt want to go to his 2nd day of day-camp because "Everyone is so mean to me and wont play with me." It's hard to hear your kid say that but their perception is often very skewed. It turns out that there was ONE kid in my son's group that played with him before lunch but then decided to play with someone else after lunch. My son played with several other kids the whole day, but because he felt slighted by one kid, he felt like the whole world was against him lol! 

[KB]

Would she be interested in something like girl scouts? That may get her more comfortable and odds are she'll be with girls from her school/class. Maybe talk to the moms and see what they have their girls in?

[AHappierHour]

If she is happier and more comfortable with the boys that's fine. I just want her to be happy.

I did sign up to volunteer one day a week in her class so I will be able to see for myself how interacts with her peers. We do a lot of play dates but that's with my friends and the kids have known each other since birth and everyone plays together.

I will sign her up for Girl Scouts too, I think she would love it.

[flex]

Most of my friends in school were boys. I didn't like to play with the neighborhood girls: they were too mean and backstabby.

[mushmouse]

Maybe she means the girls don't want to play the same things she does.