(TL;DL - Widow trying to get back into dating but had an upsetting dream about my husband last night.)
I’m a long-time dirty lurker. Long enough that I don’t have to ask what a BEC is.
So, I’m trying to start over. My husband died suddenly three years ago from a heart problem. I had no idea of the extent to which he wasn’t taking care of himself. I should have.
We were older when we got married; I was happy to have waited for the right person and happy to have found him. We were together about five years total.
I haven’t had many relationships so while I was lonely, being alone again wasn’t particularly difficult for me. I also had some serious health problems of my own and family issues to deal with during this time. My point is, it took forever but I’m finally ready to try dating again. I’m sort of attracted to someone at my gym and I also signed up for online dating last night. I met my husband online so I know it’s very possible to meet someone nice that way. I was being totally breezy, going into it just looking for a little fun.
But this morning I’m crying. I had an extremely vivid dream last night (that’s not unusual for me). But in the dream, my husband came home (the reason he was gone so long made sense within the dream.) We cried and talked and tried to figure out the best way to tell our family and friends. I showed him all the changes I’d made to the house and he told me his plans for a different line of work. He said he heard about the memorial plaque I’d had made. Seriously, this dream was insanely detailed and totally amazing.
Then I woke up. Someone once told me that when you dream about a deceased person it means they are making contact with you. I’m pretty sure my husband wouldn’t want me to be alone at this point so my subconscious is obviously doing a number on me. Guys, I haven’t dreamed about him in three years, why the hell am I now? Why do I have to make everything harder on myself?
I just had to get this out. I’m so upset and I don’t know what to do about it except feel the feelings, which totally sucks. I’m a very private person so I don’t particularly want to talk about this to anyone in IRL.
Thanks everyone. Just typing all that out made me feel a bit better and the virtual hugs are very much appreciated. And thanks Sou, your post made me smile.
Post by starburst604 on Aug 23, 2014 10:02:14 GMT -5
I'm sorry for your loss! I got teary reading it. I too met my H when we were older and feel so lucky we found each other, I can't imagine losing him.
I've often had loved ones who have passed "visit" me in my dreams. I'm sure you know that your husband would want you to find happiness once again and would encourage you to do so.
I am so sorry, I teared up reading that too. I think a lot of times our subconscious does do a number on us, like you said. All of this is on your mind so it makes sense it would manifest as a dream like that. I can only imagine that your husband would have wanted you to be happy rather than lonely. ((hugs))
Thanks again for all of the responses -- and on a Saturday yet! I'm feeling less teary as the day goes on.
starburst: I've never had dreams about people that passed on. This is a dream that I would've loved about 2 years ago. I did go to a medium out of curiosity about 18 months ago and found it sort of comforting even though I didn't buy into all of it.
pandora and moonlight: I am trying to see this dream as a positive, encouraging thing and not the self-induced mind-fuck it feels like. I'll get there, I guess. Just probably not today.
Huge, huge hugs for you. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm a firm believer that dreaming of a deceased loved one is his or her way of visiting you. While I've never lost a spouse, I lost my father, stepfather and grandmother. 2 of them were very recent. He is showing you that he is there for you. He sees what you've done and is supportive. He loves you and is now like a guardian angel. Remember that.
Thank you, blueyes. I'm sorry for your losses, too. That's a lot to deal with.
Thank you. One is never "prepared" for these things. I still cry, but try to remember the good memories. My mother is twice a widow--Once at age 35 (my dad --I was only 5) and once at age 61( my stepdad), so I can understand where you are coming from.
I've had the reunion dreams periodically since a few weeks after my first H died. He is away after an absence and we both cry and then we slow dance. We talk about our lives. They are qualitatively different from any other dream I've had. They used to FREAK me out, but now they're bittersweet and every one is a gift. I think of them as visits. Just wanted you to know you're not alone.