Each day is a new beginning. Hang in there! Sometimes life can feel like you are watching your hair grow - you can't see it happening -but time passes and you soon you need a haircut. Change can be that way - hard to see, until time has a chance to do it's thing - and then looking back you can see the changes. See a professional, get some hugs from your friend and keep on truckin girl! Each person is a unique piece in the puzzle of life. We have our own contribution to make and without that lost piece - the picture cannot be completed. You are part of this puzzle of life - be you -and shine on - your place in the puzzle with present itself in time.
I just woke up from a nap on my besties couch. We are now binge watching HIMYM.
Already, I feel better. I'm still crying periodically and don't want to be alone. But I'm glad I'm here. Ironically, I was here (in Vegas) the same time last year before I moved to LA for work. I have such a great friend!!
I made a list today of people, in SD, who I can go to for support. I'm going to make more of an effort to see them regularly. Instead of always inviting the bf to events I'll invite these people. He can't be my everything, not that's what I want it's just happened. He's a transplant as well and has a handful of friends that we hang with regularly. I on the other hand have 1 friend. Womp, Womp.
I have a long road ahead. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm proud of myself for reaching out. Small step but worth.
Thank you again!! I really can't express how much it means to me.
Financial stress + unemployment is the worst. I was one of those people that had everything all together. Then I was laid off and we know that long term we can't afford our house. I was depressed and had to go to therapy. I felt so unwanted after being rejected by 5+ jobs I interviewed for in person. I'm starting to turn a corner and feel better- you will to. Go to the doctor, and also, exercise has helped me.
It is definitely beyond a bad day or bad mood. SD.
@blissoff
I'm glad you're surrounding yourself with helpful people. Please please please go to ER at the first hint of those thoughts. They can return so quickly and take over. Take care.
I will definitely not downplay. I know I need help and in order to get it I need to be 100% honest.
I'm not worried about insurance, more just wasting the time at the ER. There's more pressing problems / people than me.
And I realize that is part of my problems.
But I get to see my niece this weekend and that's pretty much the only thing I'm holding on to.
@blissoff I have been in your shoes with very negative, almost suicidal thoughts and also felt there were bigger medical problems than mine. PLEASE realize this stuff is important and so are you. Go to the ER ASAP if you have more rough times. They are there to help you.
I know in the past I have been rough with you but please feel free to pm me if you need someone to talk to. I am online a lot.
Definitely take care of yourself. Unemployment takes a horrible toll on the psyche of even the strongest people. You can and will get through this, don't be afraid to ask for help. Feel free to pm me too.
Post by katlizabeth on Aug 27, 2014 6:37:29 GMT -5
I'm glad you've been checking in here regularly. Again, just a lurker, but I feel like I know you from my lurking, and I'm rooting for you. Take care of yourself, and really...you are worth it.
Post by cinnamoncox on Aug 27, 2014 7:53:46 GMT -5
@blissoff
Glad to read the update. My screen name is from a show. Trailer park boys. Ever see it? If laughter is the best medicine then I think you should get on netflix and binge watch the show. It's hysterical for real. Good luck and keep us posted
I'm driving back to SD today to drive to slc with my brother then fly back Monday.
I discovered today that I filed out my claim form wrong so I still haven't received unemployment for the last 2 weeks.
Thankfully, a family friend sent me unexpected (unprompted) money to cover me for September.
My friend last night said something I completely agree with.... I need to recharge with people who love me. I need to be with people who see me as I am and not how I'm seeing myself.
I'm chain smoking during this drive. Which is terrible but it's keeping me occupied.
I hate having to rely on the (Slow) state to survive. I just feel like another statistic.
I'm glad I do have some financial support... But it does suck having to rely on others. I'm a grown ass woman, I should be able to do it on my own.
Also, does anyone know if I can apply for medical online? I looked and it told me to call a # but my phone is dropping the call.
Do I apply for covered CA and then they tell me medical? I'm not sure and going to be on the road for the next few hours.
Any input is helpful.
Tagging alleinesein - you seem to know about CA info
I made it safely to slc.... After pulling over and sleeping for an hour in the car. Ha.
But, I'm at my sisters and will be surprising by niece when she gets home.
Each moment I spend with a friend I feel a little better. Spending 11 hours with my brother was amazing. He was upset I didn't come to him sooner and insists on getting our Sunday dinners back. Him and my sister live 45 mins away on base, yet we never see each other.
It means a lot that he's there. Sometimes when you're so down you forget how many people care. I'm not 100% and I'm still crying daily. But, I'm starting to feel a tiny bit stronger.
Thanks again!! The support over the last few days is awesome.
Okay..... Medi-cal takes about 45 days to process. I called the SD mental health # and was referred to 2 wellness centers.
One, that is 5 mins away, only takes one time screening then refers you to another location for on going treatment.
The other location, about 25 mins from me, does the initial screening + continued one on one therapy there.
Both have sliding scales for no insurance + payment options.
I'm planning on going to the further one first thing Tuesday morning because I'd prefer to stick with one center vs being passed around place to place.
Quite honestly my mental health is more important. If a future employer has an issue with a medical standing appointment than they aren't the right place for me.
I've never had an issue with work not allowing me to come in an hour later once a week or taking an extended lunch.
Also, I'm really glad this hasn't turned into a typical bliss thread. The unexpected support means so much.
We can fight like cats and dogs over the most random things but most of us take suicidal thoughts seriously, and none of us want you to hurt yourself.
I'm glad you're seeing some paths for moving forward to get help. Make sure that at least several trusted friends and/or family members really know what you've been going through (as in, don't try to sanitize your feelings when you talk to them about it).
I've been very honest with my friends and family how I'm feeling.
I have half a dozen people texting me daily. I always thought sharing wouldn't help and people would tell me to get over it.... But my friends / family have been depressed in some way or another and can relate + give me support and encouragement.
I'm at 5.5 today. After my beautiful hike with my friend and having a plan to place.