help me word this mil text

[zarapipe]

She and fil want to go to her first day or prek and asked what time she starts so she could be there. She has been in preschool but this is the last year before k and at the public school, so apparently it's a big deal to her, sigh. I don't want them to go. It's going to be crazy, a long drop off and dh and I need to get to work and I really think 4 adults for drop off is redic.

Sooo how does this sound... hey mil, dd needs to be dropped off bt 730 and 8 amd I feel like it's going to be a crazy first day with all the parents and feel it may be best for just dh and I to do drop off. If you'd like you could pick her up with me and go to her dance class that evening?

[countthestars]

I would be a little more firm:

hey mil, dd needs to be dropped off bt 730 and 8 amd I feel like it's going to be a crazy first day with all the parents. and feel it may be best for just  dh and I are going to do drop off, but If you'd like you could pick her up with me and go to her dance class that evening?

Or, have your husband call and tell her

[6fsn]

Keep it simple. "drop off is between 7:30 and 8. The first day is really crazy so we'd like to keep it as simple as possible and just have DH and I go. We'd love if you could join us for pick up and dance though."

Or blame the school. "The first day is really crazy so the school is requesting we keep drop off to no more than 2 adults. How about you join me for pick up and dance?"

I don't mind a lie though.

[Deleted]

I'd just say, "Since we both have to get to work, PreK drop is fast and hectic. It's not worth it and it won't be fun to show up at all. DD would LOVE LOVE it however if you could be at her dance practice later on. I'm thinking we could get ice cream after to celebrate the special first day!"

Add the last part only if you want but my Mom and MIL love that jazz so we do it.

[ssmjlm]

Don't tell her times for drop off or she may invite herself!

Just say it will be too crazy/hectic at drop off, but would love for you to join at dance class so DD can tell you about her day, etc.

[SJ]

"We expect drop-off to be crazy so it won't make sense for you to join. How about you come with us to pick her up after school? Then we can go to her dance class and get ice cream to celebrate"

[sjh722]

I would be firm. Take out all the "I feels". "You know, the first day is crazy and H and I are looking forward to taking her ourselves. Why don't you join us at dance later instead?"

Or I like the white lie about "only 2 adults", but I know that wouldn't work for me because my nieces and nephew are at the same school.

[Ashley&Scott]

Aug 26, 2014 12:35:03 GMT -5 @justdairy said:

I'd just say, "Since we both have to get to work, PreK drop is fast and hectic. It's not worth it and it won't be fun to show up at all. DD would LOVE LOVE it however if you could be at her dance practice later on. I'm thinking we could get ice cream after to celebrate the special first day!"

Add the last part only if you want but my Mom and MIL love that jazz so we do it.

I like this approach.

[hermione]

The first day is always a bit overwhelming so DH and I want to do drop off alone. Are you available that afternoon to come to dance class with us? We plan to stop for a treat afterwards and I'm sure DD would love to tell you all about her first day.

[rbp]

Put your H on it?

[ECB]

I'm coming late to this- but I agree - DON'T tell her the times!!!! Just tell her that it's best if it's just you and DH.

[speckledfrog]

I wouldn't lie about only two adults because telling her that you want it to be just you two will help set the stage for next year when she also wants to go to K drop off.

I agree that keeping it simple (hectic day, just you and DH going) and then inviting her to celebrate with you later would do the trick and help smooth any ruffled feathers.

[ilikedonuts]

Definitely don't give times!

I wouldn't sugarcoat it too much because she needs to learn that she can't just invite herself to things. She's a grandparent not a parent. Maybe I'm mean though lol

[zarapipe]

Thanks guys! Just sent a revised text with no times and some better wording

rbp dh isn't one for confrontation with his parents even though he doesn't want them coming. I don't care to tell them no so I just usually deal with stuff like this otherwise I would see them there.

[Willis Jackson]

Good luck!

I was chatting with my mom's friend and she mentioned calling her grandson's school b/c her daughter wouldn't give her details about his 8th grade graduation. I hope your MIL doesn't pull a similar stunt.

[zarapipe]

No response from my txt yet :/

[vanillacourage]

Honestly...even if she has her feelings hurt a little bit, that is NOT your problem. I'm sure you were nice in your text and she needs to understand that while you'll make every effort to include her in your daughter's life as able, she raised her kids and now you get to raise yours without her being something you need to navigate around. I don't know what's up with this generation of grandparents - they are WONDERFUL in so many ways, I love how much they care about our kids, but there's this entitlement there sometimes that I just don't think used to be a problem. 

[sjh722]

Aug 26, 2014 21:25:28 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

Honestly...even if she has her feelings hurt a little bit, that is NOT your problem. I'm sure you were nice in your text and she needs to understand that while you'll make every effort to include her in your daughter's life as able, she raised her kids and now you get to raise yours without her being something you need to navigate around. I don't know what's up with this generation of grandparents - they are WONDERFUL in so many ways, I love how much they care about our kids, but there's this entitlement there sometimes that I just don't think used to be a problem. 

Seriously. H says he remembers his grandparents stopping at the little league field once or twice a year and hitting all the grand kids' games in one swoop. Now, my ILs never miss a game. They rearrange their schedules to be at everything. MIL carries around a dumb bedazzled cup that says "Johnny's #1 fan". It's like they are reliving their parenting through his sisters kids and it is so weird. I am dreading when activities start and they want to be at every single thing. NO.

[jeaniebueller]

Aug 26, 2014 21:25:28 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

Honestly...even if she has her feelings hurt a little bit, that is NOT your problem. I'm sure you were nice in your text and she needs to understand that while you'll make every effort to include her in your daughter's life as able, she raised her kids and now you get to raise yours without her being something you need to navigate around. I don't know what's up with this generation of grandparents - they are WONDERFUL in so many ways, I love how much they care about our kids, but there's this entitlement there sometimes that I just don't think used to be a problem. 

Right, yet grandparents of this generation love to be the first ones who complain about our kids being the entitled ones. I hope I can be involved in my grandchildren's lives, but as far as this day to day attending the first day of school and imposing myself on my kids? Nope. They need to get over themselves and let their kids parent their children.

[Deleted]

Aug 27, 2014 7:39:35 GMT -5 sjh722 said:

Aug 26, 2014 21:25:28 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

Honestly...even if she has her feelings hurt a little bit, that is NOT your problem. I'm sure you were nice in your text and she needs to understand that while you'll make every effort to include her in your daughter's life as able, she raised her kids and now you get to raise yours without her being something you need to navigate around. I don't know what's up with this generation of grandparents - they are WONDERFUL in so many ways, I love how much they care about our kids, but there's this entitlement there sometimes that I just don't think used to be a problem. 

Seriously. H says he remembers his grandparents stopping at the little league field once or twice a year and hitting all the grand kids' games in one swoop. Now, my ILs never miss a game. They rearrange their schedules to be at everything. MIL carries around a dumb bedazzled cup that says "Johnny's #1 fan". It's like they are reliving their parenting through his sisters kids and it is so weird. I am dreading when activities start and they want to be at every single thing. NO.

OMG. Just no..ha. At the school I work in I see grandparents like this all the time.  
I count myself lucky my own parents are great because they're 2 hours away. They're helpful and supportive but they both still have day jobs and a ton of stuff to do in their own lives, so they're rarely down my throat. 
My MIL I will hand it to her. She loves to babysit and always wants the kids, but she hates kid activities and a homebody. She doesn't show unless directly invited or asked. She appears at like one event per season per kid. Which still keeps her busy, but at least she's not all wrapped up in it. 

[redheadk]

Aug 26, 2014 21:25:28 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

Honestly...even if she has her feelings hurt a little bit, that is NOT your problem. I'm sure you were nice in your text and she needs to understand that while you'll make every effort to include her in your daughter's life as able, she raised her kids and now you get to raise yours without her being something you need to navigate around. I don't know what's up with this generation of grandparents - they are WONDERFUL in so many ways, I love how much they care about our kids, but there's this entitlement there sometimes that I just don't think used to be a problem. 

I completely agree with this and I also think that it's really terrible that they are making the day about them and not about what will make the day easiest on the child. Having grandparents come will turn it into a major production, making it overwhelming for a child. Mom &/or dad should go to make sure child is settled and comfortable in a new environment then go. I hate this trend of making it all "we are parading to the school to DROP YOU OFF, OMG, THIS IS SUCH A BIG DEAL."

[barefootcontessa]

maybe their interest will fade somewhat as you have more kids and they have more grandkids. my ILs and parents were all over my first kid and somewhat my second (first grandkids) but then their interest faded out by the time my third son was born.

[humpforfree]

Aug 26, 2014 21:25:28 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

Honestly...even if she has her feelings hurt a little bit, that is NOT your problem. I'm sure you were nice in your text and she needs to understand that while you'll make every effort to include her in your daughter's life as able, she raised her kids and now you get to raise yours without her being something you need to navigate around. I don't know what's up with this generation of grandparents - they are WONDERFUL in so many ways, I love how much they care about our kids, but there's this entitlement there sometimes that I just don't think used to be a problem. 

This is my mil word for word. It perfectly sums up what I've been feeling and why I am so irritated with her since L was born. She even told my friends in church the other day that they see the baby more than she has! 1- um, no they haven't and 2- WHY DOES IT MATTER. Ugh. L and I are sharing a beach house with her and BIL & SIL next week. I'm starting to dread it/her behavior. It makes me want to spend even less time with her.

[oliviapope]

Aug 27, 2014 9:17:33 GMT -5 @callmefia said:

Aug 27, 2014 8:33:46 GMT -5 barefootcontessa said:

maybe their interest will fade somewhat as you have more kids and they have more grandkids. my ILs and parents were all over my first kid and somewhat my second (first grandkids) but then their interest faded out by the time my third son was born.

I think you are onto something with the general grandparent population. They don't have as many grand kids and so they focus all their attention on less kids.

I totally agree! Also, it seems there is more grandparent competition (especially with social media). My friend was fighting her mom being in the delivery room, and her mom kept saying "well so and so was in there with her daughter..." It is so strange to see grandparents who make it about them rather than the child.

[ilikedonuts]

Aug 27, 2014 9:17:33 GMT -5 @callmefia said:

Aug 27, 2014 8:33:46 GMT -5 barefootcontessa said:

maybe their interest will fade somewhat as you have more kids and they have more grandkids. my ILs and parents were all over my first kid and somewhat my second (first grandkids) but then their interest faded out by the time my third son was born.

I think you are onto something with the general grandparent population. They don't have as many grand kids and so they focus all their attention on less kids.

So I'm extra screwed because DH is an only child