My heart aches and I need a place to put it down UPDATED

[ilovebed]

I just talked with my little brother. I told him I didn't want there to be secrets between us and that I wanted him to know that I know what happened. His version was vastly different from what I heard (admittedly second hand from my older brother). M told me he was driving to work one morning and he just felt like he wanted to kill himself. He said he was ready to just die and he pulled into a church where he had gone to a couple of NA meetings and confessed that he had been using heroin for 4 months and that he needed help. The minister who was there took M into her office and called our parents. M told my parents that he had been using and wanted their help to detox. He then called his girlfriend and met her in person to confess to her what had been going on and after some thinking she said that she loved and supported him. She visited him every day while he was detoxing. He said he feels better than he has in years and is no longer on anti-depressants or sleep aids. I told him I'm afraid that he lacks a support system in case he has a threat of relapse and he basically was like "that's not going to happen to me (obviously). I don't know what I can do to help you and mom and dad know that I'm in a good place and that this will never happen to me again." And I told him a good start would be to attend NA twice a week immediately. Especially since my parents are coming out here for two weeks starting tomorrow. He said he would go and would call and check in every day. We talked about a lot of other stuff and he was pretty open with everything about how he was feeling and how he is feeling now. I know that addicts will say anything they think you want to hear. I don't feel like I need to call my other other Brother and ask him about his side of the story because it doesn't matter. I told M what I wanted to say. M either lied or he didn't. He's either going to stay clean or he isn't.

Thanks for the good vibes. We shall see how things go in the next couple of months

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I just found out that my little brother (M-28) who was working for my old brother's restaurant was fired because my older brother found him shooting up in the bathroom. I knew they had a conflict but thought it had more to do with a personality clash. My other older brother told me. I've been out of the loop on this. I just talked to M this morning for an hour to catch up and he never even mentioned anything!

Apparently it happened 5 weeks ago. My older brother told my parents and my parents made M move in with them to help him detox. Over the last 5 weeks he has been working odd jobs here and there and going to an opioid addiction support group but no therapy or rehab.
 
M has a serious girlfriend who he's been seeing for about a year and she didn't know. He only ever had one day off a week and I guess he could hold it together enough to keep her in the dark. He confessed everything to her before driving her to Austin, TX for her grad school program. He still plans to move there to be with her but I don't know if that's a pipe dream.

I feel really strongly that he needs to be in rehab or seeking serious addictions treatment. Detoxing at home and going to a support group is not enough. If he was shooting up, that means he's been abusing for a long time and needed the new high of shooting up. When I was last in Maryland in May I thought something was wrong with him. I thought he was on something or mentally ill. There was no light in his eyes. My fun-loving, dynamic little brother was just gone. Everyone had been approaching him about their concerns...my mom and other brothers and he denied using anything. My older brother told me that he noticed M's hand was swollen and bruise on several occasions and M made excuses like he fell or closed it in a door. But it was from the needles.

I don't think my parents really understand that detoxing is a small step in recovery. He needs more I think. They are coming out here for two weeks starting on Friday and I told my Mom straight up that I thought he would relapse if left on his own. I wish they would talk him into rehab before they come out.

Anyway, I'm just scared and sad for him. I hope this is something that he will not have to struggle with for the rest of his life but I've seen first hand what heroin will do to a person and it just terrifies me. I think I will call him tomorrow to let him know that I know what happened and that I love and support him and hopes he will consider getting into more serious treatment then a support group. I hope the next time my daughter sees him wont be at his funeral or in jail.

[7costanza]

Oh I am so sorry. I really hope he gets the help he needs soon. I just read an article about how popular heroin is becoming, many people start using it after getting hooked on pills. I'm sending positive vibes to your brother for s successful recovery, and strength for your family.

[alias]

Lots of hugs to you! That is so hard to go through, especially when you're so far away. Sending lots of vibes and good thoughts that this is a wake up call for him and he seeks the help he needs. I know it's cliche, but you can't help someone that doesn't want help. He has to find his own bottom and choose to do whatever it takes. You can't talk him into it if he's not ready.

[ilovebed]

Aug 26, 2014 22:57:54 GMT -5 7costanza said:

Oh I am so sorry. I really hope he gets the help he needs soon. I just read an article about how popular heroin is becoming, many people start using it after getting hooked on pills. I'm sending positive vibes to your brother for s successful recovery, and strength for your family.

I thought he was on pills when I saw him in May but he told me he was just going through a really stressful time and was taking anti anxiety medication and and ambien to help him sleep and it was making him feel off. He apparently abruptly stopped taking the ambien and it caused him to have a seizure. It's such a mess. He's had a really horrible couple of years. It doesn't surprise me at all that he self medicated. But shooting heroin!? That's so serious and awful. I never thought it could happen to him.

He's like such a light in everyone's life. He's definitely on the wild and impulsive side...not at all like me. But he's just the life of the party, has friends everywhere, has always been so successful in his jobs and just really enjoyed life to it's fullest. It breaks my heart to know that he was suffering.

[MrsPotatohead]

Oh I'm so sorry I hope you're able to help talk to them so they can all get the support they need (wondering if your parents should start going to some kind of support group to help with any denial and/or to prepare for the road ahead).

[kwpnjumper55]

I"m sorry, I hope he is able to get the help that he needs to recover. Heroin is so horrible and I've heard difficult to break a habit from.

[tacocat]

I's so sorry. I hope he gets the help he needs. Addiction is so terrible.

[fiddles]

I agree with you. He needs extensive rehab. Unfortunately this isn't something your parents can fix on their own. I hope your brother realizes he needs help and gets it. I'm so sorry your family is going through this.

from my phone yo!

[Deleted]

I don't have anything new to add but more love, t & p for your family <3

[Deleted]

I don't have anything else to add other than lots of hugs and love.

I'm so sorry ilovebed.

[madDawg228]

My heart goes out to you and your family (hug) (hug2)

[monsterz]

Addictions are tough, I hope your brother and your family get the help they need. Huge hugs to you all.

[mkate710]

So many hugs. I hope your brother is able to get the help he so badly needs. I know this has to be so hard to deal with from across the country. We're here if you need anything.

[InBetweenDays]

I am so sorry that your little brother has to deal with such a terrible addiction and you have to see him go through this. My thoughts are with all of you.

[georgeharrison]

So sorry ilovebed. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[larzhope]

I'm so sorry! hugs to you and your family.

[ilovebed]

I'm going to call him today. But I don't know what to say yet. I think I will first let him know that I know. And I want to support him. I'm going to tell him that even though he feels great now, the chances are statistically against him that he will relapse because he hasn't doing anything other than detox and that simply isn't enough. I'm going to tell him that it's important that he do what he needs to so to get healthy so he can be a part of my life and of Emmys life (rather than saying "you can't visit is until we trust that you are clean"). And I'm also going to say that right now the family is rallied around him and supporting him but if/when he relapses we are going to be less as less willing to trust an support him. I am also going to say that of he really loves Ann and wants to marry her and have a family with her, he needs to make a plan now and developed the coping mechanisms necessary to face all of the inevitable challenges he will face in his life. What happens if Ann leaves him? What happens of he losses a job or hates his job? What happens if he suffers a terrible loss or trauma? He will turn back to the only coping mechanism he knows which is drugs. No doubt about it.

[llh0211]

I'm so sorry, ilovebed. Lots of hugs. I think all you can do, is be supportive, and let him know you love him. Sadly, I have been where you are. One of my younger brothers has struggled with addiction for most of his life, including heroin. He's been clean the last three years or so, but it's definitely put a huge rift in our relationship. I hope he gets the help he needs.

[alias]

Sounds good ilovebed, good luck!

[FrozenSunshine]

*hugs* thinking of you and your family. I think your idea of reaching out and supporting him is great. The more support he has, the better.

[shevacc]

I'm so sorry ilovebed. Sending really big hugs! I hope he's able to listen and get the help he needs now with all your family's support.

[MrsPotatohead]

oh I really hope things work out for him!

[Deleted]

I really hope that everything works out for him. He's lucky to have a big sister who cares so much.

*hugs*

[Tiff]

Wow I'm so sorry for you and your family to be going through this. There is something similar happening with my family right now and I'm having a hard time understanding a lot of it.

I worked in a drug and alcohol treatment center for a while and saw some crazy stuff...things that opened my eyes about not just addiction but what people would do and give up for it.

Fingers crossed your brother continues to be strong and seek help that's available. Having a sponsor and attending meetings really does make a difference.

[ilovebed]

We have been texting and talking everyday for the past three days. It's so nice to have my brother back. I hope he sticks around